If You Wish For My Death (6 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 3
And she met Asar, killed him, and committed suicide.
Even afterward, the past repeated itself.
Every time she died and opened her eyes, she kept returning to the age of sixteen, continually meeting and killing Asar.
She stabbed him with scissors, struck him with a water bottle until he bled, lured him to a pond under the pretense of a walk and drowned him by shoving his face underwater, pushed him down the stairs to his death, pretended to accept his proposal only to follow and kill him on his way home, and even hired mercenaries—those willing to do anything for money—to secretly kidnap, torture, and murder him.
She never hesitated to slash that beautiful face of his.
She killed him again and again, endlessly. She met and murdered him more times than she could count.
Sometimes, she even reverted unconsciously and killed him without thinking. Blinded by the satisfaction of revenge, killing Asar felt like the very purpose of her life. Though she knew it was murder, it didn’t faze her at all.
She had killed Asar countless times—so many times she could no longer count. She tormented him with burning hatred, replaying his crimes over and over in her mind.
She soothed her rage by watching his face as he died. She couldn’t even remember how many times she had killed him—it felt like she’d done it until she grew sick of it.
When the black fury that had scorched her heart finally subsided, she suddenly wondered, “What’s the point of all this?” And she grew utterly weary of it.
“I never want to meet him again.”
So the next time she opened her eyes and saw him once more, she didn’t kill him. Looking at his falsely gentle smile, she felt absolutely nothing. Instead, she politely declined his proposal.
“I no longer love Your Highness. Therefore, I must decline your proposal.”
Asar was bewildered by her indifference, but her resolve remained firm. Afterward, she had a deep conversation with her father.
“You desperately wished to marry His Highness Prince Roel before. You refused to eat and did nothing but cry. May I ask why you’ve suddenly changed your mind?”
“Father, I was too young. I was blinded by love and acted immaturely. What happiness could I possibly find marrying someone who doesn’t love me? I no longer wish to force my feelings upon him—or have any connection with him at all. It’s not because I’m disappointed or hurt. I just truly want to be happy now.”
“Veronica, my dear daughter. One day, you’ll surely meet someone who loves you sincerely.”
“Yes, Father.”
Her father embraced her and gently patted her back.
Held in his warm, familiar arms, she realized she hadn’t yet shared the joy of being reunited with her resurrected father.
Only then did Veronica truly feel the peace and happiness of her father being alive again. She resolved never to bring him misfortune again.
After that, she lived an ordinary life. It felt long since she’d even thought of the word “ordinary,” yet it was a perfectly good life.
At eighteen, she met a man at a social ball and developed genuine feelings with him.
Because of her past betrayal in love, she couldn’t fully trust or love anyone—but he told her it was alright.
Right then and there, they exchanged engagement rings. She began taking lessons as a bride, eagerly awaiting the day she’d marry him.
Though the lessons were tedious, even that felt pleasant to her.
Veronica hadn’t felt this calm in so long—so long that she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d lived like this.
Thus, Veronica, now grown into a refined lady, prepared for her wedding.
Though it was a somewhat late marriage, past the usual age, it felt appropriate considering how long she and her fiancé had been together.
The families exchanged portraits and discussed wedding arrangements, dowries, and property division in case of divorce.
She had a beautiful wedding gown made. Standing before it, she whispered childhood memories with her father. She thought happiness was all that remained ahead of her.
But the day before the wedding, imperial soldiers stormed their estate and dragged her father away—accused of assassinating His Imperial Majesty the Emperor.
The future she thought had ended once again loomed before her.
The soldiers ransacked the entire mansion, arresting every servant. Her wedding gown lay cruelly trampled beneath their boots.
The maid who worked in their estate had falsely accused her father, presenting a forged letter as evidence.
She also gave false testimony, claiming he had plotted rebellion to seize imperial power.
Their assets were confiscated, their house destroyed, and the marriage canceled. Her fiancé abandoned her. Everyone left her.
At first, she didn’t understand what had gone wrong. She simply returned to age sixteen again and expelled the maid, ignoring her desperate pleas for forgiveness.
She thought everything would be fine now—but this time, a servant falsely accused her father of organizing rebels and fabricated evidence.
She went back again and banished that servant—but then came the cook, the head servant, the coachman, and yet another maid.
And others too—each one stole her father’s letters and gave false testimony, bringing ruin upon their house.
No matter how many times she returned to the past, the ending remained the same. As though each traitor was stepping in to play her role for her.
“Why, why, why won’t it ever change!”
Why was it always the same? Why wouldn’t anything change?
Even though she had rejected Asar’s proposal and cut all ties with him, her father was still falsely accused and beheaded each time, and their house was destroyed.
Asar ascended the imperial throne, and she was left utterly alone.
It was always the same. The details might differ, but the ending never changed.
Around that time, she lost her mind completely.
She tried everything to save her father and prevent their house’s downfall. Even replacing all estate staff didn’t help—traitors kept appearing.
She sought help from influential people and begged for their aid, but they too were beheaded like her father.
She even suggested abandoning her father and their estate to live far away.
Her father readily agreed to her desperate plea.
Though the further they went, the worse their living conditions became, it was still acceptable.
Yet even there, her father was arrested under the same false accusation of organizing rebels—despite the great distance.
Her efforts failed every single time. No matter what she did, the future remained unchanged.
She had to witness her father’s head fall at her feet hundreds of times.
Splattered with his blood, she trembled uncontrollably. There was no way she could stay sane.
She returned to the past countless times—so many she couldn’t count—and eventually, she began returning even when she didn’t want to.
She no longer wished to live. But no matter her will, whenever she died, she awoke again at age sixteen. So she threw herself out the window many times immediately upon returning.
In the end, Veronica never truly died.
She hanged herself, stabbed herself with sharp objects, jumped from great heights, drowned herself, and even suffered horrific accidents that twisted her body—but no matter the method, she always woke up again in her sixteen-year-old bedroom.
Only then did she realize this endless cycle was a curse.
She opened her eyes and looked down at her bony hands through tangled hair.
Her rough, dirt-covered hands—calloused from self-reliance in distant lands—were now inexplicably clean again.
In those faraway places, they had lived self-sufficiently, as she’d been poisoned in a previous timeline.
With only a few servants, they had to help each other.
Sweating felt uncomfortable, and manual labor—something she’d never done before—was exhausting, but it hadn’t been unpleasant. Now, none of that existed anymore.
“Why must I endure this?”
She’d never once wondered why she kept returning to age sixteen—why she always went back to the moment Asar proposed.
She wanted to end this curse—but had no idea how. How could she find a way when she didn’t even understand how this had begun?
Then, Veronica finally realized the truth.
The moment she saw Asar standing proudly, hands stained with her father’s blood, she understood.
The fourth prince—once ignored by everyone—had ascended the throne.
He claimed he had personally executed the emperor to cleanse the corrupt imperial court. He was heralded as hope emerging from the empire’s path to ruin. He was their savior.
People began praising him like fanatics.
They declared it was divine destiny, that the gods had chosen him as emperor, and sang that he was beloved by the heavens.
Ah yes—the gods… they didn’t desire your death.
They didn’t wish for you to be unhappy.
Only then did she understand: this wasn’t divine providence. It was a chance granted by the gods—because you were loved by them—to forgive, to release that hatred, and begin a new life.
But she had killed him—thus incurring divine wrath.
“Aha… ahahaha… ahahahahaha!”
Once again left utterly alone, Veronica clutched her stomach and laughed uncontrollably. Her twisted expression made it impossible to tell whether she was laughing or crying.
Her laughter quickly faded, leaving only a chilling silence.
Veronica covered her face with both hands, dragging her fingertips across her skin. She thought of Asar.
She regretted every moment she’d spent with him.
She wanted to tear every memory of him to shreds. She etched that carefully suppressed hatred deep into her heart again.
She stared blankly as blood seeped from the wounds she’d torn into her own flesh.
“You’ve finally pushed me into hell.”
She took up a sword and walked outside. She ambushed the coronation procession and drew her blade. Of course, she never even came close to Asar before being seized.
The soldiers, shocked at recognizing her face, dragged her away. She was imprisoned in the underground dungeon of the imperial palace. That was the end.
Now, opening her eyes once more, she faced yet another unbearable return to age sixteen—she didn’t even know how many times this had happened.
After being dressed by maids who announced a visitor, she headed to the reception room.
There stood Asar. The all-too-familiar scene unfolded before her eyes once again.
“Miss Hardness. I wish to propose to you.”
Asar bowed and respectfully kissed the back of her hand. Veronica looked at him coldly, then finally spoke.
“Your Highness Prince Asar Roel Diasta.”
“Yes, Miss Hardness.”
“I’m sorry, but I no longer love Your Highness.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I have someone else I admire.”
Asar’s eyes widened in shock at her sudden declaration.
Veronica shook off his hand, turned away, and walked toward the man who had been silently observing from a distance.
Startled by her sudden approach, the man dropped his crossed arms and straightened up.
His previously displeased expression softened into one of bewilderment. Veronica stopped before him and took in his face.
The Emperor’s illegitimate son. The empire’s fifth prince. But the way she knew him was this:
Asar’s half-brother. The younger brother he cherished most.
“Your Highness Prince Cassian Teron Diasta.”
Veronica extended her hand to Cassian.
“Would you do me the honor of proposing to me?”
Male lead says he’s pregnant — and it’s female lead’s child
Something seems a bit off about this world.
Wang Zhao thought as she watched a pregnant man walking towards her…
Intro
Female lead finds herself in a world where the men who possess the ability to bear children.
As she navigates this unfamiliar reality, she is caught off guard by the sudden appearance of her boyfriend, who reveals that he is pregnant.
Is this truly her boyfriend?
Why can’t she recall any details about their time together?
She begins to doubt whether the child her boyfriend is carrying is even hers.
Is there a hidden reason behind her amnesia, or could it be a side effect of her sudden arrival in this strange new world?
Just when it seems the protagonist’s life couldn’t become any more entangled, her ex-boyfriend makes an unexpected appearance, raising questions about the protagonist’s past.
__________
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this chapter was extremely sad. I like the fact that the author keep emphasizing on her past life, like not to let go her trauma. I i have read many fast pace regression novels when as soon as fmc finds love everything else just goes really fast and nothing else matters almost as if forgetting the revenge which was suppose to be the priority, so far loving this novel i hope they don’t ruin it.
I can totally understand the fmc she don’t want fake friends cause she already has a experience where she thought someone was her friend but they where only using her for her status. I mean its always hard to trust people when u been betrayed badly. I can totally understand her having trust issues.
she must be thinking something really romantic is going on between them. If only she knew what her favorite is scheming in that head of hers.