As If I've Never Loved (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 5
“……Ansel?”
Calling out that name had been a mistake. One might say it was an accident caused by her drowsiness not yet fully gone.
All the countless guesses she’d formed before opening the door had already vanished without a trace.
Eloise felt this bewildering situation was like a dream.
And rightly so—because this was a scene she’d seen again and again in her dreams.
‘Can a dream become reality?’
No. She’d never heard such a tale outside of fairy books. And she was no longer a child who believed in fairy tales.
Then the man spoke.
“I apologize for coming so early.”
His tone was crisp and dry, as though addressing a stranger.
His slightly hoarse voice sounded lower and deeper than she remembered—surely from having traveled a long distance from the capital, worn out as he must be.
He didn’t appear to have come from Longfield.
Yet his posture, standing straight with his silk hat tucked neatly at his waist, was impeccably upright.
The cashmere coat draped over his broad shoulders reflected the bluish dawn light, revealing a frame both firm and graceful, and Eloise’s gaze followed its smooth lines like flowing water.
At the end of her line of sight were exquisite shoes, surely crafted by a master artisan.
The well-polished leather gleamed like a mirror.
From head to toe, he was elegance itself—utterly flawless.
Completely unlike herself, who had just woken up and stood there in a nightgown.
“……Ah.”
At the vague sense of embarrassment, reality suddenly sharpened before her eyes. As Eloise froze in confusion, the man spoke again.
“I’ve come to see your father. If it’s not too much trouble, would you please inform him?”
His deep, resonant voice flowed into her ears and pooled gently near her heart.
That tingling sensation made Eloise’s face flush instantly. Without thinking of a reply, she belatedly curtsied.
Ansel gave a slight nod in return, but Eloise had already darted inside, too quick for him to see.
“Dad! Dad!”
Like an eager puppy, Eloise dashed up the stairs so fast she had no time to calm her pounding heart, and pounded frantically on her parents’ bedroom door.
She knew her mother would be shocked by such behavior—but she couldn’t help it.
Because Ansel Blaine was standing right now in the Baileys’ foyer!
Even thinking about it again, it felt unbelievable. She couldn’t even begin to guess why he’d come—or why so suddenly……
“Eloise! What’s all this commotion at dawn? Honestly……”
Mrs. Bailey opened the door, somewhat irritably, wearing a nightcap encircled by fluffy ruffles.
Behind her, Eloise could see her father shuffling sleepily forward, yawning widely. But Eloise had no time to wait.
“The Earl Huntington’s grandson is here.”
“Hmm…… He came a bit earlier this year, I see. But Elsie, did you really need to tell us right now……”
“He’s downstairs right now! He said he came to see Dad!”
“……”
At those words, Mr. Bailey stopped mid-yawn, his expression freezing. His wife looked just as dumbfounded.
“Sir Ansel came to see me? At this hour? Why?”
“I—I don’t know. But it seems important.”
After all, it wasn’t as if they were close enough for him to visit over trivial matters.
Yet she couldn’t imagine what important matter there could possibly be between Ansel Blaine and her father.
Whatever it was, getting her father downstairs immediately was the priority. She couldn’t leave such a noble gentleman waiting in the foyer forever.
“Darling! Hurry, get dressed!”
“Ah, all right, dear!”
Mr. Bailey quickly threw on an indoor jacket and stepped out of the room.
It wouldn’t do at all to keep the Earl’s grandson waiting.
His wife tugged his sleeve to stop him and carefully smoothed his tousled, nest-like blond hair.
“……Thank you, my love.”
Forcing an awkward smile to hide his nerves, Mr. Bailey hurried downstairs.
Not long after, she heard the sounds of him greeting their distinguished guest and guiding him to the study.
By the time the study door closed with a firm click, Sarah had woken up too, and Mrs. Hurst seemed to be up as well—the kitchen downstairs was already bustling.
“He surely didn’t come to swindle my husband, of all people. He’s an honorable cadet at the Royal Military Academy, after all. Right, girls?”
Her two daughters couldn’t answer confidently.
The honorable cadet who’d received a knighthood from the royal family felt worlds away from the boy they’d once known.
So all they could do was exchange questioning glances.
[This is the timeline separator]The sisters sat side by side on the bed, waiting for their father’s summons.
Eloise suddenly regretted having grown up. If only she were a bit younger, she could have eavesdropped outside the study door and heard everything.
“Sister, why do you think he came to see Dad?”
“I don’t know……”
Sarah, lost in thought, started to answer but fell silent. No favorable explanation seemed to come to mind, no matter how hard she tried.
“You said he looked unwell?”
“Yeah. He didn’t seem angry, but…… somehow cold, Sister.”
“…….”
Just then, a commotion suddenly broke out downstairs. The two women exchanged startled looks just as the sound of a departing carriage reached them.
“Huh? He’s leaving already……?”
“Sarah!”
Before Eloise could finish her sentence, the door burst open. Mrs. Hurst’s already flushed cheeks were even redder from rushing up the stairs.
“Mr. Bailey is calling for you.”
At those words, two pairs of bright blue eyes widened in unison.
“Go on downstairs quickly, dear.”
“……Yes, ma’am.”
Sarah took a short breath, then rose with perfect composure. Her neck, revealed beneath her elegantly coiled hair, was strikingly beautiful.
Eloise, staring blankly, noticed her sister’s hand tremble slightly as she checked for stray strands at the nape of her neck.
In an instant, Eloise was left alone in the room, feeling strangely unsettled.
The shock and flutter she’d felt upon suddenly seeing Ansel still lingered at her fingertips, as if it had all just happened.
For some reason, he’d asked to see her father—and having met him, her father had immediately summoned only the eldest daughter.
Only the eldest……
“What on earth……?”
Several guesses crossed her mind, but none of them made sense. She’d just have to wait for Sarah to return and explain everything.
To calm her racing curiosity, Eloise sat at her desk.
With the solemnity of performing a secret ritual, she took out a key and opened an old jewelry box embossed with acanthus leaves.
Soon, with a soft click, her humble treasures were revealed.
A wood pigeon’s feather, her grandmother’s ring, smooth pebbles and seashells……
Carefully parting these small, precious items, she picked up a diary bound in deep brown leather.
When she opened the faded pages to find an empty spot, the scent of aged paper wafted up.
Breathing it in deeply, her heart gradually settled. She’d made the right choice, after all.
“Goodness, I’m days behind.”
She hadn’t written in her diary at all lately—she’d felt too unsettled.
She couldn’t just scribble her unsorted feelings into this cherished diary. But maybe that was precisely why her heart had been in such turmoil all this time.
Above all, there was something she absolutely had to write now.
By the time that thought struck her, Eloise’s hand was already unscrewing the inkwell.
‘It was a reunion after years. We probably haven’t spoken in eight years?’
Of course, he’d been terribly aloof—even though dewy dawn mist still clung to his shoulders.
Not only that—his calm, emotionless eyes and voice made it perfectly clear his visit had nothing to do with Eloise Bailey.
But Eloise wasn’t so childish as to be hurt by something so obvious.
‘I woke up early today because of the sound of rain, and absentmindedly thought of him in that quiet dawn.
Yes. For quite a while.
Then, unexpectedly, a visitor arrived—when everyone else was still asleep.
Would you believe me if I told you that when I opened the door, Sir Ansel was standing right in front of me?’
“So this…… is because I didn’t want today’s feelings to fade away.”
After a brief hesitation, the nib of her pen resumed its swift movement across the paper.
“Yes. That’s all.”
‘You might not believe me, and I wouldn’t blame you—I wouldn’t have believed it myself. But to avoid being mistaken for a liar, I’ll write it down in a bit more detail.
When I opened the door, I smelled wet earth and roses—definitely the scent of Mayberry, but blended with something wonderfully refined.
At first bergamot, then a hint of rosemary……
You probably already know whose fragrance this was.
His eyes were very light and translucent.
Exactly as I remembered—and I was truly moved. I never thought I’d see them again.
You can’t imagine how perfectly he stood before me. Sadly, I lack the words to describe it properly. But I’ll say this—I’d sometimes wondered if my memory had idealized him over the years……
But the Sir Ansel before my eyes was several times more beautiful than I remembered.’
Just as she finished writing that, the door suddenly opened.
Eloise, who hadn’t heard a sound, jolted in surprise—and a drop of black ink fell from her pen.
“……Oops.”
She needed to close her diary before Sarah saw it, but the ink was already spreading in a perfect circle.
Flustered, Eloise looked back and forth between her diary and Sarah.
“Sister, did Dad……”
“I have to get married!”
“What?”
Sarah stepped forward and tightly grasped her sister’s hand—as if it were her only hope.
Her finely shaped lips uttered the unbelievable words.
“Elsie…… He proposed to me.”
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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Chapter Comments (1)
Inline Comments (53)
Archibald’s face, when she looked down at him, was faintly flushed for some reas
He likes her! I had my dubts, but not now.
Let’s see how the story develops.
“And I’d prefer it if we didn’t see each other after the wedding.”
What a fucking asshole Ansel is!! 😬🤣 How could Eloise have feelings for him?
Since childhood, Bianca had never hesitated to openly declare what she wanted.
That’s ok… But she’s soooo annoying and desperate 😒🤨
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Where is the 100 and 101 chapters 💔💔💔😭😭😭 why it is not here