As If I've Never Loved (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 11
In the quiet room, Eloise’s pen nib, laden with jet-black ink, glided over the faded paper.
“If we’d never known each other from the start, it wouldn’t have bothered me at all.”
After all, no one would fault a noble scion from a renowned capital aristocratic house for showing discourtesy to the second daughter of a commoner family.
It would have been different had she been a noble lady.
“…But we were once affectionate childhood friends.
Even if we suddenly became strangers without warning or reason, I thought the time we spent together must have meant something special to him as well.”
In truth, it wasn’t hard to guess that Ansel Blaine likely had his own reasons.
Every family has its own hidden stories—look at the Baileys themselves; how much more so must it be for a prestigious noble house?
It would have been nice to hear an explanation for why he abruptly distanced himself, but Eloise figured he probably didn’t wish to reveal his reasons.
Part of the reason she accepted it was because she herself wasn’t in a position to blame his silence outright.
After all, she could have easily gone to Ansel and asked him directly. Instead, she chose to hide behind various excuses.
“Perhaps it feels awkward because, even after reappearing like this, he pretends not to know about what happened back then? We all used to laugh together as children, but only two of us promised each other forever—maybe he’s troubled by how the one left behind feels.
Or maybe I was never anything more than a means for him to get closer to my sister from the very beginning?
Even if that’s true… well, it wouldn’t be surprising.”
The steady motion of her pen gradually slowed.
Eloise’s usually composed lips had already slackened, trembling faintly.
Suddenly, she recalled the icy, piercing gaze he’d fixed upon her, and her eyes instinctively stung—as if by habit.
No matter how deeply she inhaled the musty scent of old paper to calm herself, her racing heart refused to settle.
“To be honest… I just wanted to ask him outright—why he suddenly pushed us away and why he treats me so coldly now.
Everything about it is incomprehensible. At this point, I don’t even know whether it’s him who’s strange or me.”
This was the first time she’d ever scribbled such words into her beloved diary.
Eloise dropped her pen as if tossing it away and let out a sigh that sounded more like a breath of exhaustion. Her trembling hands covered her face.
‘If only I loved my sister a little less, I would’ve confronted him directly.’
But unfortunately, Eloise loved her only sister far too much. That was precisely why she couldn’t afford to ruin anything—
neither this marriage nor her sister’s happiness, which would naturally settle into place if only time were allowed to pass.
Nothing must ever tarnish Sarah’s reputation—not even the tiniest blemish. As the younger sister who understood Sarah’s burdens better than anyone, Eloise knew this all too well.
It was already painful enough to hear whispers calling this union “beneath her station”; if further scandal erupted, the wounds would fall squarely on Sarah’s shoulders.
And if that scandal were caused by her own actions, Eloise feared she might collapse beneath the weight of guilt.
“When will these feelings finally settle?”
Staying by her sister’s side while carrying such painful emotions felt like deception—no different from lying to herself.
Why did it have to be him she fell for?
After the wedding, once she saw her sister standing proudly as his wife, would she truly be able to accept it all then?
‘Adapt. I have no intention of changing my mind.’
Adapt. He’d said it so casually, as if it meant nothing. His cold voice had cut through her like a blade.
His sharp gaze pinned her in place, leaving no room to flee.
Whenever she stood before that man, Eloise inevitably felt powerless.
No matter how clumsily she resisted, nothing ever changed. Every time she faced him, overwhelming thoughts crashed over her like a tidal wave, leaving her helplessly shattered.
Could she ever grow accustomed to these feelings? Would she really become indifferent to the fact that he would one day be her sister’s husband? Would his cold gaze cease to wound her someday?
“I wish time would pass faster….”
Her tangled emotions spilled out as a deep, heavy sigh. The approaching wedding felt impossibly distant.
[This is the timeline separator]Afterward, Ansel continued visiting the Bailey household as if nothing were amiss.
Whether Eloise’s heart ached or not, he seemed determined to fulfill his duties as a devoted fiancé. His dedication no longer surprised her.
One fortunate thing was that she’d grown quite skilled at avoiding him naturally.
In other words, she’d become rather adept at slipping away whenever Mrs. Hurst or Sarah opened the door.
Yet the problem remained that she occasionally had to receive this awkward guest herself.
If he happened to arrive while she was near the entrance, she couldn’t simply ignore his knock and run away.
She was already anxious that her family might have noticed her avoidance of Ansel; openly pretending not to recognize him would surely seem suspicious.
Thus, she had to act naturally. Preserving the household’s peace was more important than merely avoiding him.
Of course, facing Ansel Blaine never grew easier, no matter how many times it happened.
The thought that she might never grow accustomed to him—even after becoming family through Sarah’s marriage—sometimes struck fear into her heart. At least, thankfully, they’d never again been left alone together as they had that day.
Ansel’s visits always followed the same pattern.
When Eloise opened the door, she kept her eyes lowered, gave a slight curtsy, and said, “I’ll go fetch my sister.” He would simply nod in reply.
If she hurried upstairs before he could speak to her, summoned Sarah, and sent her down, she could soon be alone again.
And in that empty room, Eloise would stand dazed for a long while, her fingertips and toes tingling numbly.
“It’s fine now—he’ll leave soon, just like always.”
Yet even as she felt relieved, the absurdity of this unnatural routine sometimes made her let out a hollow, helpless laugh.
Anyway, nothing eventful had occurred since that day. It had been a relatively peaceful time, in its own way.
But Eloise overlooked one thing: while these encounters repeated, her heart was slowly breaking apart, crumbling piece by piece.
That was precisely why Sarah had caught her crying.
“Eloise, are you…?”
At the sudden voice, Eloise froze, curling in on herself.
She’d been caught a few times by Mrs. Hurst, but this was exactly the sight she never wanted Sarah to see.
Dizzy with panic, Eloise hastily wiped her tears with her sleeve and stood up.
“It’s just a cold, Sister. I’ve caught a cold….”
“A cold?”
Sarah repeated, puzzled. Her bright blue eyes shimmered with concern.
“Yeah.”
Only then did Eloise realize how utterly nonsensical her excuse sounded.
Even as a rushed fabrication, claiming to cry in secret over a cold… especially in the peak of summer, no less.
“I should go wash my face.”
Eloise forced a bright smile despite her reddened eyes and stood up briskly, leaving the room. It was clearly an escape.
She knew it might look odd, but in her current state, fleeing was the only sensible option—she couldn’t possibly carry on a calm conversation with Sarah.
‘…Sorry, Sally.’
In the early afternoon, lazy sunlight stretched long like melting cheese, warming the house.
The old wooden staircase, soaked in the afternoon’s gentle rays, gleamed softly.
“Elsie, don’t feed the ducks! I’ve already fed them.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
At Mrs. Hurst’s reminder while mending fabric near the stairs, Eloise obediently replied and immediately headed for the front door.
She’d never intended to go wash her face in the first place.
Truthfully, what Eloise needed to cleanse wasn’t her tear-streaked face but the tangled thoughts swirling in her mind.
“Wow…”
Stepping outside, a cascade of blessed light poured over her head.
It was an exceptionally bright day. Eloise briefly considered letting the ducks out but shook her head.
‘When my mind is crowded, it’s better to…’
Take a quiet walk, apparently.
Eloise raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun and looked up at the vivid blue sky.
Her pale amber eyelashes fluttered gently under the pleasant glare.
Stretching slowly, Eloise set off with a relaxed expression. It was the kind of day where even sobbing fits would dry quickly in the sun.
Summer in Mayberry was a season too lively for boredom.
The lush green landscape, brimming with sparkling freshness, swelled her heart with joy.
With every step, her love for this season grew as vivid as deepening greenery.
It felt good—to walk silently in the soft breeze for so long, even if it meant straying farther than intended.
“Look at me, losing my head again.”
Yet she herself couldn’t explain why her feet had carried her toward Fairmont House.
Confronted by the dense forest, Eloise halted, seized by an inexplicable feeling.
What on earth had made her come this way? As if desperate to run into him by chance…?
“Sigh… I don’t even know myself.”
The woods stretching between Mayberry and Longfield served as a shortcut to Earl Huntington’s estate.
It was also where the Bailey sisters had spent much of their childhood.
How many times had they gotten lost in these woods? Once, they’d even dozed off deep in the forest, throwing peaceful Mayberry into complete chaos.
Naturally, this place held countless memories.
‘Wait, Eloise. You’re hurt.’
‘I’m fine… Mother will heal me.’
‘Climb on my back. I’ll take you home.’
Crossing through these woods would soon reveal the grand silhouette of Fairmont House.
Though it felt strangely depressing to realize she’d come here out of habit, Eloise had no intention of getting any closer to him.
Her legs simply ached too much to head straight home—she’d walked quite far without rest.
‘So staying here a bit longer isn’t because I want to see him. Absolutely not.’
With an oddly solemn expression, Eloise trudged to the shade of a nearby oak and plopped down.
As if on cue, a sigh of relief escaped her.
“The weather’s lovely, the breeze is sweet, and there’s no one around.”
Eloise closed her eyes, listening to the rustle of leaves in the wind, and murmured softly.
Leaning against the tree felt surprisingly comfortable. Just as she thought, “Alright, now I can cry in peace”—
a voice cut through the air as if on cue.
“Eloise.”
Male lead first thought she played hard to get, only to realize she
really disliked him
Short intro:
What she can’t stand the most is the streets full of effeminate men, especially that so-called top beauty whom she avoids at all costs.
Shen Yaoxing looks at Jiang Mingyue, who keeps approaching her with coy shyness.
Shen Yaoxing: Bro, don’t be like this, I’m really about to throw up!
She fears nothing in heaven or earth, except for him getting close to her.
*
At first he thought she was just using the trick of feigning indifference to attract his attention. Later, he learned that she truly despised him.
This dealt a heavy blow to Jiang Mingyue, and he vowed to make her, like everyone else, fall at his feet in worship!
***
Synopsis:
Before transmigrating, Shen Yaoxing only wanted to find a reliable man to spend her life with. Who knew that after transmigrating, she would become a reliable woman herself…
A forced misandrist, highly skilled, and reliable female lead
vs.
An initially aloof and arrogant, later morbid, obsessed male lead
_____
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Chapter Comments (1)
Inline Comments (53)
Archibald’s face, when she looked down at him, was faintly flushed for some reas
He likes her! I had my dubts, but not now.
Let’s see how the story develops.
“And I’d prefer it if we didn’t see each other after the wedding.”
What a fucking asshole Ansel is!! 😬🤣 How could Eloise have feelings for him?
Since childhood, Bianca had never hesitated to openly declare what she wanted.
That’s ok… But she’s soooo annoying and desperate 😒🤨
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Where is the 100 and 101 chapters 💔💔💔😭😭😭 why it is not here