To You, Whom I Shouldn't Love (24 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 1
The dream always began the same way. A man with black hair and blue eyes knelt on one knee before Riena, gazing up at her.
It was as if he were swearing a knight’s oath to a lady.
Yet unlike a true knightly vow, the corners of his eyes were red, as though he might burst into tears at any moment.
There was no trace of solemnity in his pledge—only an overwhelming, agonizing sorrow etched into his face.
It was already the fifth time she’d had this dream since her father, Count Daik, had died two months ago. Just like replaying a video captured by a memory-recording magical artifact, the dream unfolded identically each time.
〈I can no longer simply leave you be.〉
Once again in this dream, the man pleaded with Riena. Though she did not know him at all, he treated her as if he knew her intimately—perhaps even more so.
Riena wanted to ask: Who are you? Why do you look at me with such desperate sorrow? Why do you beg me like this?
But no sound came out. She tried to move her lips to speak, yet, as always, her vocal cords remained mute—like the voiceless mermaid princess, only her lips fluttered silently.
Why? Why couldn’t she act as she wished, even within a dream?
As she wrestled with that question, straining to produce even a single sound, the man opened his mouth once more.
〈So you’re saying no again?〉
His voice, as if forcing out each word with great difficulty, sounded pitiful. Though it was merely a simple question, speaking it clearly cost him tremendous effort.
The man, easily a head taller than Riena and twice her size, struggled even to draw a proper breath—likely crushed beneath the weight of despair.
Though Riena couldn’t identify who he was, strangely, she felt his emotions with piercing clarity.
Despair, frustration, regret, sorrow, and pain—every negative feeling churned within his heart.
Her own heart trembled in response, and tears threatened to spill.
〈If you so desire, I am ready at any moment to abandon everything I have.〉
He was unquestionably a stranger. Yet each time, Riena longed to reply to those words:
You don’t need to do that for me. Forget someone like me and walk your own path.
But again, her feelings remained trapped inside, never reaching her lips—she failed once more to deliver those words.
As if he had somehow heard her unspoken thoughts, the man continued.
〈Without you, my life holds no meaning. If I can have only you, even at the cost of everything else, I would be content.〉
No, please don’t. Don’t cast away all your wealth and honor for someone as worthless as me. You’re far too good for someone like me.
Though she knew nothing about him, Riena silently murmured those words inwardly.
〈So please, Lady Riena.〉
He took her hand and pressed his lips to the back of it. As his sleeve slid up, her arms were revealed—covered in bruises and wounds. Instinctively, Riena tried to tug her sleeve down to hide them, but he was a beat quicker.
Gently, with his thumb, he caressed the edges of a wound just beginning to heal. Plop. Plop. His tears, unable to be held back any longer, fell sorrowfully onto her injuries.
It was strange—though clearly a dream, every sensation felt vividly real: the warmth of his lips against her hand, his ragged breath, and the cold touch of his tears upon her wounds.
As if this weren’t a dream at all, but reality itself.
〈Just say the words—’I will leave with you’—and that is all I ask.〉
I can’t do that. I’ll only ruin your life.
〈If you refuse me again this time, I’ll abduct you if I must.〉
Please don’t. Please.
Her unfinished plea vanished like a burst bubble.
She had to say it. Even if they couldn’t be together, she needed to beg him not to cry because of her.
What expression would he wear if she said those words?
But there was no way for her to know. The moment that thought arose, everything before her eyes went dark.
As always, the dream ended, leaving only unanswered questions behind.
[This is the timeline separator]Hot tears streamed down her temples the instant she opened her eyes. Realizing she’d had the dream again, Riena stared at the familiar ceiling and tried to steady her breathing.
Yet no matter how deeply she inhaled or how hard she bit her lip, her turbulent emotions refused to settle.
All because of a man she’d only seen in dreams—a man whose name, status, or even existence she couldn’t confirm.
Yet despite knowing this reaction was irrational, every time she dreamed of him, Riena wept as if she’d lost something precious.
The sense of loss was as profound as when she’d lost her father, Count Daik, two months prior—almost as if she’d watched someone dear to her depart.
She couldn’t explain why. She only knew this had happened each time she awoke from the recurring dream since her father’s passing.
If only she understood why the man wore such a sorrowful expression.
No—if only he were a real person. Why must he exist only within her dreams?
If he were someone she could never meet, he shouldn’t look at her with such burning intensity. He shouldn’t plead with such desperate longing.
Today, too, Riena buried her face in her blankets and wept silently.
Even she didn’t know where these emotions came from. She only knew that the fact she could never meet him filled her with sorrow.
[This is the timeline separator]“Lady Daik is so obedient—it’s quite pleasant. My late wife had such a sharp temper that I could never grow fond of her.”
The brown-haired man, Viscount Rotman, licked his lips as he scanned Riena from head to toe. Clearly, he had no idea she was staying silent only because she wished to avoid engaging with him.
Until her father’s death, Riena had been, in the words of her stepsister Bianca, a “tomboy” who recklessly galloped across fields on horseback.
The description “obedient” had never suited her. Yet she endured this humiliation solely to avoid disgracing her late father, Count Daik.
Her father, a knight who valued honor above all, had always taught her: never tolerate injustice, but never recklessly harm others.
No matter how distasteful or rude Viscount Rotman’s words were, he was still a guest of House Daik. As a member of the family, it would be improper for her to lash out at a visitor.
Yet interpreting her silence as permission, Viscount Rotman began crossing boundaries more and more.
“But I wish you’d changed into something else instead of wearing that dress.”
He clicked his tongue, eyeing her attire.
She currently wore a black dress that covered her from neck to wrists and ankles—leaving absolutely nothing exposed. It was mourning attire, worn in honor of her father.
Riena glanced briefly at her own clothes and replied calmly,
“My father passed away not long ago. As his child, it’s only right that I fulfill my duty.”
Her tone was as matter-of-fact as stating that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
Yet considering that Countess Daik, her daughter Bianca, and Riena’s half-brother Aaron were all dressed in bright, elaborate garments, her words carried bitter irony.
Thus, while seemingly a rebuke toward Viscount Rotman, her remark was also a quiet condemnation of her own family.
Viscount Rotman, apparently feeling slighted, turned red and then pale. With his freckled nose, his face now resembled a withered strawberry.
“I, too, deeply regret Count Daik’s passing. But hasn’t it already been two months since the funeral? Everyone else has long removed their mourning clothes—wouldn’t wearing yours alone make the entire manor feel even more gloomy?”
In the Empire, the customary period for wearing mourning attire was roughly a month—though not legally mandated, it was widely accepted social practice.
The moment that month passed, the rest of House Daik immediately began donning lavish garments. Unlike Riena, who remained steeped in grief, they seemed scarcely troubled by the Count’s death.
Regardless, wearing mourning attire beyond a month was by no means improper. In fact, in the Empire, it was widely believed that the deeper one’s love for a departed family member, the longer one should wear mourning clothes—making Riena’s conduct worthy of praise as filial devotion.
Indeed, it was said that the late Emperor wore mourning attire for an entire year after losing the Empress, whom he’d loved deeply. By that standard, two months was brief.
Yet for him to scold her in such a lecturing tone—she inwardly sneered before speaking again.
“Well, I suppose Mother simply didn’t love Father very deeply.”
This time, Countess Daik’s face flushed crimson. Riena merely shrugged at her as if to say, “What’s wrong?” and took a spoonful of the lemon sorbet served for dessert.
Though the sorbet was so tart it should have made her eyes shut involuntarily, her mouth tasted nothing but bitterness.
When male lead is the homewrecker
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
I’ve read the novel below twice already. Girls, I’m highly recommending it to you!
The female lead? Not a good person.
The second male lead? Not a good person.
The male lead? Willingly plays the third party, breaking up the female and second male lead’s relationship despite all the warnings from his friends—so yeah, he’s definitely not a good person either.
Basically, nobody in this novel is simple-minded or without scheming.
The female lead starts off as the male lead’s secretary, but don’t worry—later on, she takes over the company while the male lead steps back to support her. He won’t steal her spotlight, overshadow her, or dull her shine.
I love novels where men are out here snatching wigs, tearing each other down, and going to war just to win the female lead’s affection. And this is exactly that kind of novel. Most of Hai Dai Ran’s works have this dynamic. You’ll see the male characters’ emotions being pushed to the absolute extreme.
There’s even a scene where the second male lead exposes the male lead online for being a homewrecker. The brotherhood immediately gangs up on him, dragging him through the mud. I find it compelling —it completely flips reality on its head, where usually, women are the ones fighting over a man and getting torn apart by the sisterhood.
For me, female leads in the novels I read should only struggle in their careers, not in love. But if the brainless romantics in the story are all men? I have zero complaints.
I’ve pretty much read all of Hai Dai Ran’s novels and even translated all of them—her works are just my thing. I’ll slowly upload everything here. One day, when my website is official, I hope I can invite her to join as one of the star authors.
Here’s the story synopsis:
One-line summary: She is his lifelong obsession, to the point where he was willing to be a third wheel, scorned by society, just to wedge his way into her relationship with her fiancé.
Cold-hearted and indifferent female lead + Scheming and subservient CEO male lead
Intro 1:
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
With blood trickling from his clenched fist, Rong Xiu gazed at the woman before him, his eyes clouded with anguish. Hidden in the wardrobe, he had witnessed Fan Xia – the woman he desperately loved – in an intimate embrace with her fiancé. Yet his heart still yearned for her, defying all reason.
Fan Xia, the elegant and composed assistant, carried something mysterious in her eyes whenever she looked at her fiancé, Wen Lan Sheng. Strange occurrences began to surface – secret meetings with the young Gu Jin Yi, an unexplained withdrawal of 5,000 yuan… Then suddenly, her fiancé’s sister, Wen Jing, violently attacked her.
In this matriarchal society, Rong Xiu had risen to become the chairman of a powerful healthcare conglomerate, breaking through gender prejudices. But for the first time, he willingly stepped into the shadows as the other man, disregarding his friends’ warnings to become her secret lover.
Because he had discovered the truth – Fan Xia wasn’t the pure angel everyone believed her to be. And perhaps, he was the only one capable of helping her execute her mysterious plan…
Intro 2:
Rong Xiu’s biggest regret in life was missing out on Fan Xia.
He secretly loved Fan Xia for 7 years.
Watched her go public with her boyfriend.
Watched her kiss her boyfriend at their wedding.
Until that man blissfully nestled in Fan Xia’s arms, obtaining everything he could only dream of.
The crazy jealousy stripped away his hidden secret love, layer by layer, burning like wildfire.
Fan Xia, how can I have you!
【Reading and Trigger Warning Guide】
1. Female dominant, male submissive, male pregnancy
2. Male lead schemes his way to the top, male competition
_____
Please help me, I want to bring you the best possible things.
If you find any chapter or novel with poor translation and editing quality, let me know by commenting directly under that novel or chapter. I will retranslate it as soon as possible.
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Chapter Comments (2)
Inline Comments (6)
It was a command.
I kinda like this bossy Cassel huh 😌😌🤔🤔🤔 even his shy side
“Taking a walk in the rain at this hour of night? Do you have any idea what kind
Fuck that pedophile freak!!! 😡😡😒😒 I hope the step mother suffers 😡
“Why should I care about that, Joanna?”
Nah this is foul. Joanna’s a commoner this is the only way for her to survive. I don’t blame her. Pretty classist sentiment this is.
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I still don’t get how the countess has this much power when she’s not even blood related. Like I get she’s the elder but then when riena turns of age shouldn’t she be the proxy head or smth?? Idk I feel like that’s more plausible.
Wat happened to the other guy—raol or smth??? Wasn’t as going to go to him first?