There Is No Paradise Where I Ran Away To (14 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 5
Again, it’s raining.
After the Duke of Beitnes came to Rodinia, it had been sunny for a few days following the rain—but now rain falls once more. Of all days, it had to rain on the day I’d finally decided to go out.
Since this outing wasn’t merely a stroll, I was utterly dismayed—but seeing that the raindrops weren’t heavy, I could only console myself that it could have been worse.
“Are you just going to do embroidery again today, Miss?”
Vivian’s daily life consisted only of embroidery, writing letters, or reading them. Sophie, who always stayed by Vivian’s side, must have been unbearably bored. Already, dusting off ornaments that had not a speck of dust on them was the only way to ease the tedium of her day.
“No. I thought I might go down to the village for a bit later.”
At this change in Vivian’s routine, Sophie straightened her back, eyes brightening with excitement.
“Really? Why the village? And look—it’s raining! Oh, but you did say you enjoyed walks on rainy days, didn’t you?”
Her expression clearly assumed she’d be accompanying Vivian to the village. Vivian defused the situation with a deliberately apologetic smile.
“I’ve finished the embroidery, so I need to sell it. I’ll go alone again today—could you handle other tasks for me?”
“What? You’re going by yourself? I’ll come with you. If I let you go alone again, His Grace will…”
Vivian, who had been stroking her finished piece—adorned with vividly embroidered flowers—with evident pride, suddenly froze.
There was no room in this conversation for the Duke of Beitnes. His abrupt mention made Vivian shrink inwardly and left Sophie awkwardly flustered.
“It’s raining, and it’ll get dark soon. It’s unsafe—I’ll accompany you.”
Ever since that first meal, he had become unbearably uncomfortable to be around. That day, the Duke had refused to release his grip on her jaw until he heard a properly obedient reply. After returning to her room, Vivian cried so bitterly over the humiliation inflicted by the Duke that Sophie broke into a cold sweat.
Mr. Shepherd lied to me. My assessment of him—that he had much to teach me—was completely mistaken. The people of Newway could never love someone who so casually insulted my family and forced a lady to eat by grabbing her face.
Since then, every mealtime brought repeated struggles with nausea from his constant demands to eat, and if she so much as neglected to move her utensils promptly, she’d draw the Duke’s full, piercing attention.
She was endlessly grateful to the Duke of Beitnes—but equally, endlessly resentful. His ability to make such irreconcilable emotions coexist within her was truly formidable.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll walk to the village alone.”
“What? You’ll walk all the way to the village? Why?”
“Huh? Well… because my legs are the only means I have to get there.”
“Why not just take a carriage?”
“I don’t have a carriage. I’m used to walking to the village—it’s fine.”
While Sophie stood there worrying, Vivian took out her finished embroidery and neatly folded it. As she gathered her shawl from the hook and the umbrella leaning beside the fireplace, Sophie visibly stepped into her path.
“You’re leaving now?”
“Yes. If I leave now, I should be back before dinner. His Grace dislikes it if I skip meals.”
Since he’d once grabbed her jaw for eating too slowly, she wondered—if she skipped the meal entirely this time, might he grab her by the hair instead?
Judging from the Duke’s attitude—somewhere between hostility and goodwill—she thought that was a real possibility.
“Oh, right! Then I’ll go ask His Grace myself.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll ask His Grace to lend us a carriage. That way, you can travel safely and won’t even tire your legs.”
“Oh, no. Really, it’s fine. I can just walk.”
“I’ll go ask him anyway—just wait a moment.”
Before Vivian could stop her, Sophie had already hurried off. Vivian, who had just been imagining the Duke grabbing her by the hair, felt an icy shiver run down her spine.
She decided to leave the mansion before Sophie returned. But the moment she hurried through the lobby and stepped outside, she realized the world was not on her side.
[This is the timeline separator]“Miss Ebelline said she’s going to the village—to sell her embroidery.”
He’d had to stay temporarily in the capital due to business. Just as he was about to board his carriage to depart Rodinia, Sophie came rushing toward him, breathlessly reciting Miss Ebelline’s entire itinerary.
Edwin looked up at the rain-filled sky. Doubting whether anyone could seriously intend to go out in this weather, his eyes met Vivian’s—just as she was tucking a few strands of golden hair fluttering in the wind behind her ear. Her ashen-gray eyes widened as though she’d been caught fleeing.
“Oh! Miss—you’ve already come out?”
“…Yeah.”
Vivian’s voice was so soft it nearly vanished into the sound of falling rain.
“I have errands in the village, so I’ll go ahead now. I’ll see you at dinner, Your Grace.”
Unaware that Edwin would be away from the estate for a while, Vivian clearly and deliberately made her dinner plans. Just as she dipped her head slightly and opened her umbrella to pass by Edwin—
Loic blocked Vivian’s path, and her storm-cloud eyes instantly flicked back to Edwin. With a faint smile, he gave a subtle nod—an elegant gesture clearly instructing her to board the carriage. Just as she was about to refuse, she recalled what had happened a few days prior and clamped her mouth shut.
The duty of obedience: eat when told to eat, ride when told to ride.
It was all so trivial—yet obedience was demanded nonetheless.
Resolve your heart, but set aside your worries.
Taking her father’s advice deeply to heart, she found herself pushed into the carriage. Her slightly damp umbrella was promptly taken by Loic.
Once the carriage door closed, the sound of rain outside faded. Unlike Vivian, whose tension was palpable, Edwin’s blue eyes openly and unashamedly swept over her.
Embarrassed, Vivian awkwardly turned her gaze toward the window. But then Edwin reached out and pulled the drawstring of her tieback, depriving her even of the solace of watching the rainy landscape. All she could do now was look directly at him.
“…Who is that gentleman who always follows you around, Your Grace?”
She addressed him gently, as though the incident from a few days ago had never happened, her dignity carefully preserved in her polite smile. Though the ride would last no more than fifteen minutes, she couldn’t bear the silence. She had to break the awkward air with conversation.
“Does Loic appear so refined to you, Miss Ebelline, that he seems like a true gentleman?”
“Well… I suppose…”
“Be careful. That gentleman who seems so refined to you is actually extremely skilled with both guns and swords.”
“….”
“And with many other things as well.”
Vivian took a deep breath, swallowed hard, looked away—and then tried to glance out the window again. But realizing the curtain blocked her view, her eyes rolled back to Edwin once more.
“Oh, right! The 700,000 mori… Did you check on that?”
Uncomfortable with the silence, Vivian kept searching for things to say. On the night she’d cried in front of him at the dinner table, she’d brought him a trunk containing 700,000 mori.
Or rather—should she even say she’d “brought” it?
When she’d opened her door at the sound of knocking, there’d been no one there—only a trunk sitting alone in the hallway. Only after confirming it contained 700,000 mori did she realize who had left it.
“Well?”
His short reply made Vivian’s eyes go wide.
“I visited you recently… I left the money and went back…”
“I’ve never seen it. Neither you nor the money.”
She heard her heart plummet with an audible thud. From her otherwise pitiful expression, only her plump lips moved uncertainly.
Her posture—spine perfectly straight—was exactly as it had been fourteen years ago. In that alone, she resembled a princess now just as she had then.
“D-Did you really not see it? I left the money right outside your door—a brown trunk with 700,000 mori inside.”
“Are you lying now too?”
“No! Of course not! I definitely left the trunk full of money right there.”
Her teary eyes glistened. Though she seemed on the verge of tears at the horrifying thought of losing borrowed money, she was, surprisingly, holding firm.
Why was she trying so hard? Why not just cry?
He watched her silently, as though waiting for her tears to fall—but in the end, none came.
“You really didn’t see it? Ah… I should’ve checked myself, but it was so late—I didn’t want to disturb you…”
“Then why come knocking so late at night?”
“Well…”
Her expression clearly said she’d rather die than admit she’d been so busy crying in her room after dinner that she’d forgotten all about it.
Vivian couldn’t keep her hands—folded demurely in her lap—still. Seeing her so flustered, he decided it was time to end the teasing.
“I received it.”
“What?”
“I said I received the money.”
“…Were you joking?”
“Did it seem like a joke?”
Vivian hesitated, then shook her head while avoiding his gaze. Her expression showed relief that it had been a joke—but no trace of resentment. That very lack of resentment spoke volumes about what that money truly meant to her.
The rain continued to fall. The carriage was filled with damp, heavy air, through which a faint floral scent lingered.
A carriage. Rain. And Vivian Ebelline.
Everything aligned perfectly—as it had fourteen years ago. The only difference now was that the girl before him was no longer a plump-cheeked child, but a thin, unremarkable lady.
“…Anyway, thank you—for so many things. For lending money to my mother, waiving the interest, and not pressing charges against her.”
Edwin stretched out his legs. Vivian, noticing his shoes drawing closer, quickly pulled her own dirty footwear inward to avoid touching the toe of his polished shoe.
“And thank you for assigning that child to stay next to my room.”
Having so much to thank him for, Vivian once again checked carefully to ensure her eyes wouldn’t accidentally meet his. Then, subtly shifting her hips, she made more room for him to stretch his legs comfortably.
“It’ll take some time, but I will repay the debt. If my mother returns soon, I can repay it quickly—but until then, I’ll keep paying it off bit by bit.”
“How? By selling that embroidery?”
Edwin’s gentle voice carried a fleeting glint of a sharpened blade. Startled, Vivian widened her eyes momentarily before composing her expression.
“But Theo sells my embroidery well. Today, I was planning to stop by the dressmaker’s to buy a gift for Miss Windler. And… I should probably get something for you too, Your Grace—do you need anything?”
Dressmaker. Tailor. Friend. Theo Evans.
As her thoughts narrowed, the word “friend”—spoken so carelessly just now—brought her attention back to the red lips before her.
“A gift?”
Edwin’s low chuckle made Vivian’s cheeks flush hotly. A heavy silence settled between them, broken only by the sound of heavy raindrops striking the carriage roof.
Seeing her fair cheeks turn crimson, he suddenly felt a sharp urge to make her cry—perhaps because the rain had grown louder, or perhaps because of the careless promise she’d just made without even considering her own circumstances.
“You want to give me a gift?”
“I did, but if you don’t need anything…”
“Before asking, you should at least understand what I want most, Miss Ebelline.”
Vivian’s lost eyes reluctantly settled back on Edwin.
“It would’ve been easier to choose a gift, then.”
“I’m sorry. I haven’t met you often enough to know.”
“No. You do know.”
“What?”
“You know exactly what I want most, Miss Ebelline. You simply haven’t realized it yet—it’s part of our promise.”
Vivian tried to recall her time with Edwin. Though they’d exchanged few words, she remembered clearly—aside from signing the promissory note, they’d made no other promises.
“Miss Ebelline, with your good memory—think carefully about what promise we made.”
Edwin’s tossed pebble sent ripples across the surface.
Indeed, that familiar feeling she’d had upon seeing him—perhaps it hadn’t been mistaken after all.
Edwin Beitnes.
Yet no matter how hard she tried, the name was entirely unfamiliar. As far as she knew, it had no connection to her family whatsoever.
“It was raining that day, too, and we were alone in the carriage.”
Rain. Carriage. Alone.
Her ashen eyes retraced memories, following the hint he’d just given.
“All the way to the harbor, you couldn’t take your eyes off me—and I never let you out of my sight either. Why?”
When her gaze finally met his eyes, a remarkably vivid memory flashed through her mind.
“I must etch Ebelline’s face into my eyes, my bones, my heart.”
The blue eyes that had haunted her memories were slowly becoming clearer. That ambiguous gaze—hovering between hostility and kindness, tormenting her—was now stepping firmly into reality.
“You promised you’d regret it, Vivian.”
As the memory sharpened—everything except the blue eyes having been blurred until now—Vivian’s plump lips parted slightly in realization.
On a spring day drizzling with rain, a boy had burst into the carriage along with the cold air. Covered head to toe in mud, his face barely recognizable, he’d begged and pleaded—begged for his life.
‘Beg. Plead for your life. Beg.’
And that was the only condition he’d demanded before letting her sign the promissory note.
“Could it be… you’re that boy from back then…?”
Sayer Raven.
The boy’s face and this man’s overlapped perfectly in her mind. Only now could she finally explain the true identity of the man before her—and the strange sense of hostility she’d felt all along.
“That boy from back then?”
Vivian’s face turned deathly pale. Her heavy lips struggled for a long time before finally forming the name she dreaded to speak.
“Sayer… Raven—could it really be you? The Sayer who hid in my carriage fourteen years ago…?”
“Why that look? You begged me to live—but now your eyes seem to wish I’d died instead.”
His lightly risen smile sent a cold shiver down her spine.
If the man before her wasn’t Edwin Beitnes, but Sayer Raven—the boy she’d once taken all the way to the harbor—then all the puzzling pieces suddenly fell effortlessly into place.
If everything that had led her here was part of the Duke’s deliberate plan—
He’d deliberately approached them, lent a huge sum to her unreliable mother, and then seized their mansion.
If his so-called mercy was in fact bait—
He’d cornered her, with nowhere left to go, by thrusting her mother’s promissory note at her, forcing her to repay the interest and thus trapping her in this estate.
“…Did you know everything all along? Was your approach deliberate? Lending money to my mother, buying the mansion… making me sign that promissory note—was it all calculated?”
“When someone goes to such trouble, you should consider whether you might’ve done something wrong yourself, Miss Ebelline.”
“But why would you do something like that…?”
“Why? Are you really asking me why, Miss Ebelline?”
Even as he spoke of the events from fourteen years ago, he maintained unwavering dignity and grace. His voice remained clean and upright, without the slightest flaw.
Unable to gauge what emotions lay hidden behind his coldly sarcastic expression, she felt fear—not from knowing what would happen next, but from not being able to imagine it at all.
But Vivian, accustomed to expecting the worst, tried her hardest to put distance between them—yet she was trapped inside a moving carriage.
Thus, she remained confined within reach—within his range of threat.
“There was another promise between us, wasn’t there?”
She had no choice. To escape him, Vivian threw herself toward the carriage door. All she could think was that she had to get away from this man—by any means necessary.
But in an instant, a large hand seized her throat and yanked her back, sending her body flailing wildly before she collapsed onto the floor.
“Ugh!”
Contrary to the rough strength gripping her neck, his blue eyes looked down at her calmly—cold, piercing, and utterly merciless.
“And it seems today might be the day for that, Miss Ebelline.”
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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Chapter Comments (1)
“He would die at the hands of the man he’d once spared, without ever finding his missing father or seeing his mother again, who’d promised to return.
+He surrendered his body to fading consciousness.”
It’s “She” in this part, not he.
Inline Comments (1)
Revenge against Ebelline, who had sent his family to the executioner’s block. An
But she wasn’t involved in the death of his parents.
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Blairwoods
Oh god, what the heck with him?!!! If he wanted to hate, it wasn’t her!!! Feel bad for fl