I lay flat against Johannes’s chest. Resting my chin on my arms, at a distance where his breath directly touched me, I carefully examined his still unfamiliar features. His deeply sunken black eyelashes were so docile, making the fierce flames of last night seem colorless, that my gaze carefully counting each one felt like the rowdy mischief of some ruffian, to the point of being apologetic. A man sleeping beside me with such stillness. Unfamiliar yet familiar…

My strange lover.

A faint smile came involuntarily. Idris. At that time, I didn’t know the exact name of that face. I only vaguely guessed, based on the anecdotes I had overheard as clues, that this face might be the ‘owner of old memories’.

This person, however, was clearly my Johannes. I was easily confident. Even after becoming a completely unfamiliar face, he responded to even my smallest call with a passionate gesture, not missing a single one.

Johannes.

……

Johannes.

……

Johannes.

My person who was silently affectionate and pitiful.

“…Hello?”

I softly greeted the eyes that suddenly opened. At that moment when his gaze, still gently unfocused as if wandering in a dream, gradually found and fixed on me. I was still burying my face, my cheeks completely flushed. I don’t know how fiercely my heart was pounding, even though morning greetings exchanged at the pillow with eyes still hazy from sleep had become no different from daily routine.

It was a sensation that was difficult to fully explain with just one or two shallow sentiments. A shallow but clear tension. An embarrassment that wouldn’t have been surprising even if I had immediately stuck my head in a mouse hole. A tenderness welling up from deep inside.

Relief.

Yet, we’re still together.

The morning after tenderly exploring each other’s intimate flaws with a stranger, bewitched by ominous sorcery overnight, might not a maiden’s heart feel like this when fully facing the face of the foreigner she played with fire for the first time? My heart skips a beat. As if I’ve encountered my first love, given by fate, in an improper state.

“……”

Whether knowing this ticklish feeling inside or not. Johannes still had a dazed gaze. He continued to stare at me slowly, as if touching me, still in a half-beast state having lost his language. However, the arm coming under my lying belly seemed so natural, like flowing water, that it didn’t appear to have any hesitation at all.

“Why?”

I asked as I turned over, led by him. Johannes gently took my wrist, then lowered his face deeply and brought his forehead close to my eyes. The forehead that had now come down to just below my chin slowly began to rub against my neck. As if worried that my skin might be hurt by his thick, sharp nails, his grip on my wrist was deliberately curved gently.

“What… You want me to pet you?”

Johannes, who had settled under my chin, nodded his head slightly. Having just realized the meaning of this intimate gesture, I couldn’t help but smile a little.

“…Throwing a tantrum as soon as you open your eyes. How shameless. You dare to act spoiled with me while having a face like a complete stranger…. Hey, don’t you have any awareness that this situation is a bit strange?”

“……”

“Aren’t you jealous of your face?”

It was a playful question. Johannes somehow looked puzzled. Pretending to be surprised by that reaction, I teased him again.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what face you have right now?”

Johannes only stared at me like a faithful warhorse, his lightly closed lips saying nothing. I let out a short breath. The dragon’s eyes, shining with an innocent light like a child oblivious to the world, seemed to capture the image of that day a few years ago, so it came familiar and was unbearably lovable. In the end, I stroked his hair as Johannes wished.

“You’re just like… when we first met.”

I whispered softly.

That is, the night when I, who had received old man Indridason’s portrait, ended up breaking a sarcophagus. That night….

That night when all the spires of Fort Gustavus seemed filled with the howling of a huge evil spirit. That night when I stood alone again in front of his empty bedroom. The night when my fingertips touching the door trembled like aspen leaves. The night I finally pulled open the door. The night I faced you again, lying collapsed in the center of the completely destroyed bedroom, in a strange form as if housing six beasts in one body. In those days, I….

Even though I feared everything surrounding me like a weapon, feeling like I would die of suffocation at the slightest passing shadow.

Now, my past self seemed like a relic weathered by long years, stranger than the man before my eyes. So Johannes’s unfamiliar face was rather familiar to me. Yes. Even on that harsh night, you clung to these eyes, this body, like now, like a complete child, like a gentle lover….

Although that night, unlike now, you had the face of my brother.

“How are you like this?”

Suddenly raising a new question, I thrust my face forward. At that momentum, Johannes’s head tilted slightly.

“You, your changing appearance is different every time, isn’t it? There’s no consistency.”

“……”

“At first you changed as if having a seizure…. Then sometimes you were torn. And other times you grew as if breaking apart, burning the insides of those watching… This time you changed so effortlessly as if soaked in rainwater. Moreover, you show such a face. Although it’s a bit unfair to you, I can’t help but find it fascinating.”

“……”

“What’s the reason?”

“……”

“Hm? Can you tell me?”

Johannes remained silent. Only his gaze staring at me was straight, almost innocent.

“Shall we… run away?”

The last words mixed with a smile were actually a joke.

It was because I found it amusing, remembering the past days when I crouched alone in all kinds of fears, my head full of thoughts on how to somehow escape the crisis, with the powerless Johannes lying at my feet. We had such a hard time back then. It was a joke I could casually make as we shared those memories. But then.

“…It’s okay to hate me as much as you want.”

Surprisingly, Johannes whispered to me.

Since he hadn’t uttered even a short word other than rough breathing after taking on the complete appearance of a demon, I was startled and opened my eyes wide. His hand grabbed below my waist.

I grasped the head of my lover burrowing in. I caressed his eyes that were burying himself lower, deeper, more slowly. A small laugh burst out. Really, you never seem to get tired… How can I not hate you and endure when you’re like this? As I unconsciously panted and rolled my eyes, Johannes gently flashed a mischievous eye smile. That look was just like a naughty boy.

“You don’t have to deny it. That too… is one of your aspects that I love endlessly.”

However, the breath whispering so above my forehead was trembling just like mine. Because it was sweet to hear but incomprehensible, I raised my already disheveled gaze to look at him. Johannes, deeply gazing into my puzzled eyes, whispered again.

“We will… be fine no matter what.”

“……”

“So don’t worry about anything.”

“……”

“Never hate yourself again….”

“……”

“Okay? Johannes.”

…Ah.

It was then that I unknowingly let out a fierce breath. I belatedly realized. That he was repeating my words from last night verbatim. Just like that night when I endlessly feared and hesitated lying under the heated demon.

“Demon, I don’t want to marry that man. Please stop this.”

Johannes gently licked my ear. I buried him in this embrace.

Kretzman. I still can’t explain exactly the reason for the tears that burst out at that moment. Just, there was a sudden realization….

Your face.

Your appearance.

Your childlike gestures.

I, now I understand. You were a soul that purifies any impurity. For that reason, you couldn’t even have your own language, and couldn’t convey even short meanings without imitating me. Ah, that’s… what it was. You were neither the ‘knight of the past’ nor ‘Valdemar’s successor’. A vessel that fully contained all those arduous memories. Just an ancient body that has cherished me without missing a single moment. A beast that only stared endlessly at the back of my heels while I, busy just surviving, looked only to distant places.

Always. Always. The key to revealing your true self was my call. Even on that night long ago when you were barely called by name, you couldn’t even take off your brother’s face. You were my pitiful… pitiful beast that had tried so hard to hide yourself. Ah, aah… What to do? I didn’t know…. I really didn’t know….

You were my poor demon….

“Johannes.”

“……”

“Johan, nes.”

“……”

“No… modifier is, needed.”

“……”

“You, are… you are, simply my love. You, know? You understand?”

“……”

“You are my, Johannes. Mine. Mine. My, person. My….”

It seems I shed tears until my vision blurred completely, while my whole body shook pushed by Johannes’s movements. Johannes kept nodding his head obediently, continuously caressing me as I clung to his neck. At some point he moaned shortly like a cry. His face that exhaled a rough breath suddenly burrowed into the side of my ear. Wings huge enough to cover the entire ceiling flapped wide….

“…You are, simply my love.”

Johannes’s whisper painfully filled my ear. In my arms holding him tighter than ever, he turned to ashes. His bronze skin scattered in the red light, and his horns split from the roots as if in a spiral, slowly. But without pain or suffering.

Before I knew it, brilliant golden hair fluttered before my eyes. My brother’s blue eyes gazing at me were completely wet. His head collapsed into my arms.

“…Don’t forgive me, Inette.”

****

Kretzman.

Of course, I regret my choice that day. That I should have provoked him as originally planned. That I should have provoked him and drawn out all the seeds of sorrow and anxiety. The mistress who interfered with us. That woman too was actually your guidance that deserved to be cursed, not any help from fate. I shouldn’t have been fooled…. In fact, there’s no time in my past life that I don’t regret.

But I still want to ask.

Do you still think your ‘claim’ is right even now?

Kretzman. Despite the fiery regret, I dare to assert. I will assert. You were wrong. You were wrong. The one who was wrong is you. I was not wrong. I was not wrong. I was not wrong. I was, not….

Are you reading?

I was not wrong.

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