#22
My inflated lungs felt like they would burst at any moment. A tense silence. I pulled Johannes’ chin to my chest. Embracing his hair, I kissed him as he desired. Through the slightly parted gap, Johannes’ tongue entered without hesitation.
At some point, his fingertips came down and hurriedly fumbled behind my bent knee, lifting up my nightgown. It rose up, pushing against my bare back under the nightgown. Johannes busily stroked along my spine, which no one, not even I, had properly touched before.
I felt dizzy. There was woefully insufficient air to breathe. Though that touch alone felt like it would make me burst, his other hand slipped down abruptly.
He gently rubbed back and forth against the intimately touching skin. Ah, that slippery sensation. At that moment, I could fully feel how flushed I was.
Without even realizing it, my waist tensed and my upper body suddenly arched backward. I lifted my face up close. A chilling thrill burned my spine. But Johannes didn’t give even a moment’s pause.
Still lifting his head to observe my expression, on the other hand, he began to part my body, deeply, deeply.
Pushing inside. My whole body trembled violently. It was a shudder of my sensitive insides being scratched.
“Johannes. Wait, wa-wait…”
“…Shh…”
“Hnngh…”
“No… They’ll hear outside, Giovinetta…”
Johannes buried his nose in my chest, breathing heavily with difficulty. His forehead tilted diagonally outward, and I bit my chest over the thin nightgown.
The nightgown was instantly soaked through. Without much movement, as if tasting, Johannes was biting me like that. The stimulation, indiscriminate above and below, was so intense I felt I might lose my mind. Johannes’ name escaped mixed with moans like a seizure.
“Jo-han-nes… Johannes…”
“…Mm.”
“Jo-han-nes, ah, Johannes. So goo-”
“…d…”
I really can’t take it.
It stung. His voice stung. The sensation of his fingers that had been caressing inside slipping out hastily stung.
And only then, finally, the devil’s form began to wither. The skin gradually regained its color, the wings scattered to dust, and the nails receded. Whether he knew this or not, Johannes abruptly stood up as if the pain that had been raging enough to grab a person had never existed.
Immediately his arms came down, and my burning body was lifted into the air. Like some sack, I was carelessly slung over one of Johannes’ shoulders.
His footsteps walking briskly toward the bed were rough. I was dazed by his unprecedented roughness. My chest, boiled.
Johannes laid me down on the bed.
Grabbing the hem of my nightgown and pulling it up from bottom to top in a single motion, the undressing was complete. Unable to think of removing his own clothes, Johannes thoughtlessly positioned himself at my lower half and pushed my inner knees upward.
My eyes felt so hot I thought I might die. Having spread myself open, Johannes’ breathing was ragged.
Johannes lowered himself as he was, pressing against my body. Ah, his gaze then. As if enchanted, as if breathless, as if nothing else could be seen, that gaze that didn’t leave where we were touching. It was like flames. Perhaps that was Johannes’ final struggle.
And haah… A long sigh like resignation.
Johannes began to rub himself against me. Slowly, thoroughly, he moved back and forth, grinding.
I felt like I would faint. The direct stimulation on my skin was stimulating enough, but the fact that it was Johannes was more stimulating than anything else. And his gaze. That gaze that now seemed to see nothing else, leaving no trace of reason.
My insides plummeted. Something incomparable to fingers shallowly penetrated my flesh.
“Wait! Jo-Johannes!”
I found myself stopping him without realizing. Even though I had brought this on myself, I couldn’t help it. Is it not a situation where it would be stranger to not be afraid?
I was standing on the edge of a cliff. One step away from falling. The void still cruelly out of reach, I could see Johannes lying in my grave at the bottom of the cliff. Completely out of his mind, he was frantically pouring black soil onto his body.
Little by little, he came in, parting me.
“Wait. Wai- Johannes, Joha-”
“…Just a little… Just a little.”
He whispered lowly, panting.
“…Ngh…”
“Giovinetta. I won’t, hah, I won’t go deep…”
“Ah, uh, uh…”
“…Giovinetta…”
He entered again. He ravaged me like that several times. Johannes’ eyes were red. Uncontained moans burst forth.
Both I and Johannes suffered for a long time. Short movements continued without pause.
“What should I do, Giovinetta, I can’t hold back. Can’t hold-”
“Jo-Johannes. Uungh…”
“Giovi-netta. Ah.”
“…More… Johannes…”
“……”
At that unequivocal permission, Johannes’ movements stopped for a moment. But it was only for an instant. It must have been like a revelation. Giovinetta. Johannes murmured. The next moment, he covered me, forcefully pushing my knees up to my shoulders.
At the same time, something enormous penetrated deeply as if to stir up my insides completely. My chest was pressed by his weight, choking me. Johannes buried his face in my neck and moaned as if he were dying. Slowly, he pulled out.
And he thrust his body back in as if to pierce through to the top of my head. The foreign sensation filling my abdomen was tearfully sensual. And so we, breaking through the final taboo, crossed over.
There was no more hesitation, no more patience. Not even the despair that had driven us, each secretly.
Call my name. Giovinetta. Cry for me. Quietly. So no one else can hear. So only I can hear. Please cry, Giovinetta. Giovinetta. Johannes whispered frantically, bringing his lips to my ear.
I moaned in fragments, my arms wrapped around his neck. As if offering up a soul too dirty to be redeemed.
Johannes.
Johannes.
Johannes.
***
“……”
“……”
A long breath.
The arm wrapped around my shoulder was heavy. Oddly enough, I found that weight quite lovely. When I turned my body slightly to lie on my side, the arm lost its balance and fell, draping across my neck. Even that was lovely.
The slightly damp bangs swept to the side, the long eyelash shadows faintly cast below the line of tightly closed eyelids, the unkind eyes. Johannes’ face, deeply asleep with no trace of the blue eyes that had shaken me, was right there within reach of my forehead.
Your body must be tired, but I who suffered under you to death am no better, yet you fall asleep first like this? I couldn’t help but grumble. So Johannes…
That inhuman, monstrous man. Even after we first joined bodies, he did it again and again.
From the second time, he pounced in earnest, and until then I enjoyed it too. Johannes had to cover my mouth once or twice, so I needn’t elaborate further.
Do you want to get caught? Be quiet. Covering half my face firmly with his large hand, Johannes laughed playfully even as he panted, hah, hah. Feeling something rising up my waist, I felt like I might cry, so I licked and bit the inside of that palm.
If Johannes’ gaze as he looked at me like that seemed ecstatic, is that my arrogance? I feel like I’m going crazy… Johannes made a completely scratched sound.
But I, who was originally weak and had been feverish all day, began to rapidly lose strength from the third time onwards. Towards the end, just lying still and receiving was more than enough. I was utterly exhausted.
He finished a fourth time, practically doing it alone against such a body, and still seeming unsatisfied, he touched me a few times before saying “Just stay lying face down, this isn’t even really doing it” and briefly did it once more. So it was five times in total.
Bad man.
Only then did Johannes seem satisfied, as if years of pent-up feelings had been released, giving an annoying half-smile before falling asleep in the blink of an eye.
The night left alone was upsetting. I pulled at a few strands of his thoroughly disheveled hair, idly stroked his side and poked him, but he showed no signs of waking.
How deeply he had fallen asleep. How could he be so carefree all alone like this day after day? Without much worry of waking him, I snuggled into his broad embrace. Then I laughed a little.
The arm that wrapped around me even unconsciously, as if carved into his bones. The faint “Mmm…” of sleepy grumbling that didn’t suit him at all was delightfully endearing. Come to think of it, he must be busy during the day with things I don’t know about, and the seizures must have been difficult for him every night.
Seizures.
I got up from the bed groggily.
The bedding was a little damp. Of course, the situation was much better than the blood-soaked bedding of the wedding night, but it was still wet enough that it would normally have reeked of blood. It was strange.
It wasn’t frightening. It wasn’t even dirty or unpleasant. That day, I didn’t smell the metallic scent that usually wafted on sweltering summer days, or when tossing and turning with a high fever that soaked the bedding.
It was complicated. The terror of my vision going dark and my mind suddenly emptying. At the time, I thought it was the fear deeply etched into my bones from lying awake all night next to someone dying, spewing blood.
But that day, I had a different thought.
Perhaps, more than my ex-husband’s death, I was more afraid and disgusted by the moment I had to endure that man. Perhaps what I had thought was the smell of blood until then was actually the smell of a man’s sweat and semen.
The sweat that dripped from Johannes’ jaw onto my cheek was rather sensual. His saliva mixing with mine was rather like life-giving water reviving a dead soul. Even what Johannes poured into my belly was wholly welcome. Thus Johannes’ scent was paradoxically hot yet refreshing, and merely.
It was fatal for us.
His back, wet at the well. I recalled Johannes’ back I saw that summer day. His back that made even the children’s innocent water spray shine brilliantly came to mind.
And the shoulders that supported me. I recalled Johannes’ shoulders I saw in the wardrobe earlier that day. His shoulders buried in my coffin, consumed by dark shadows, etched with long rays of light like scars.
Often light is beautiful in bright places. A flash of radiance encountered in endless darkness is merely cruel. A moment’s joy with no future is just the prelude to a beautiful funeral march.
So…
I carefully got up, afraid of waking Johannes. I put on a dry nightgown. I quietly left the room. With guards surprised by a widow’s sudden outing trailing behind, I headed to the inner palace.
The underground was still damp and gloomy. But I was no longer afraid. It just hurt and hurt. Because it hurt so much, I simply knelt down beside the stone coffin with such a terribly painful heart.
I looked inside the dusty coffin. Looking down at the dried wings, I pleaded. There, I did as you wished. As you wished, we stabbed each other with eyes closed, tore out our entrails, and buried everything. So now please listen to me.
I was wrong. It was all my fault.
I’ll take back everything I wished for. I’ll act like it never happened. I’m willing to get married now. Not just to that old man, but to anyone else. Whether it’s a 10-year-old boy, an incompetent knight who frequents the arena, or a lord as stupid as a donkey who’s nothing but skin and bones.
I don’t care what kind of lowly man from wherever. Now I want to get married. If it can’t be undone, listen a bit more. If you want, even if I die and fall, become disabled in an accident, suffer a filthy disease, disappear somewhere else, whatever happens, so, so please.
Let Johannes go. Please let him go. Let that poor man no longer be entangled with me. Let that shining person no longer be bound to someone like me. One person bearing this curse-like thing is enough! I’ll beg like this. I’ll kneel and beg you with all my heart. Please let him go.
Johannes… Please let him go.
My Step-brother Is Obsessed With Me (Female-dominant)
A gentle female protagonist vs pitiful in the early stage, and a sick male protagonist in the later stage
Cheng Songer transmigrated into the body of a vicious cannon fodder female supporting character with the same name as her in a female-dominant novel.
In the original story, the cannon fodder female supporting character was inhumane, committing domestic violence, gambling excessively, being lustful, and even wanting to sell her stepbrother to a brothel for money.
As luck would have it, she just happened to transmigrate at this time.
Seeing Cheng Qingzhi biting his lip, enduring the tears in his eyes, looking pitiful, her heart softened.
She stuffed the money back into the Madam’s hand and reached out to him.
“Brother, come home with me.”
