173.

Johannes could not continue speaking. His throat was choked up uncontrollably. The emotion that could neither be vomited nor swallowed pierced to his bones. In the end, the silence that filled between them was like ruins left after a disaster. No. The silence may have spread not outside but inside Johannes. He simply could not hear any noise.

“What a fuss.”

Johannes felt a hand settling on his palanquin. He could not see Inette’s expression. It seemed he had lowered his head without realizing. His sister’s hand gently stroked his head, then tapped him as if knocking. Johannes raised his head with difficulty. A gaze that was simply clear, not at all different from usual, touched his retina very lightly.

“There’s no one who takes a deeper interest in your every move than me, yet you say such amusing things.”

This is what she said, looking at him with round eyes and smiling crookedly. Ah, this…

Heartless, indifferent girl.

As he painfully made a sound of inhaling instead of a sweet curse, somehow his eyes and nape were turning red. She is one of a kind. Yes. She is unparalleled in being insensitive and cold. However, his sister who treated him, who was as dark and heavy as the underworld every day, more easily than a handful of feathers, was rather his only breath. At the same time, yearning for his sister’s wall that was unlikely to crumble, now he felt like bursting into tears.

“…It’s only amusing to you.”

The momentum with which he had been trying to devour his sister whole until now was gone without a trace. Just a boy with unrequited love fever rising uncontrollably in his heart, pressing his lips tightly with a damp face to receive every piece of his sister’s gaze, every gesture.

In truth, he wanted to shout and rebuke her impatiently. That her ‘interest’ was always only half right and that was the problem for him. Could she not see him differently, could she not take away his anxiety forever. Johannes could neither shout nor plead. Because the answer that would come back was now clear in his ears.

‘How could I with a brother?’

You would ask, in quite a bewildered tone, because you are you.

“Still, I won’t tease you anymore, so stop being angry now.”

Inette, who had been staring at him with narrowed eyes, covered his cheek with one hand. Johannes’ eyelashes trembled slightly. His sensitive eyelids sank almost halfway, as if hiding in her palm. Johannes even turned his head to bury his skin. The sensation of Inette’s narrow long middle finger touching his earlobe and gently pushing up was painfully sweet to the point of dizziness.

“…I wasn’t angry or anything.”

“Your expression says otherwise?”

Inette asked mockingly. Johannes shook his head while still sunk in her palm.

“I’m just pathetic. I always feel like I’m being played in your hands.”

“My goodness. You only realized that now?”

“It’s not like that…”

“So do you dislike me for it?”

Inette’s head tilted close to his forehead.

“Did you dislike it?”

She asks again without giving time to answer, as if in such a hurry. Johannes’ gaze finally rose to Inette. After staring at his sister with clear eyes without a word, he brought his face close to her nose. Just before their fine hairs touched, he flinched and lowered his gaze as if falling away. He covered Inette’s hand on his cheek with his own.

“No.”

“……”

“How could I dislike it.”

Inette smiled brightly. It was overwhelming to contain the bursting feeling in his chest. Why.

Why on earth can’t I be satisfied with this much warmth? Why am I so desperate, unable to break through this gentle air? Wishing for more contact, to the point of breaking. Is it because I’m evil after all?

Is unrequited love always like this?

“…You, why don’t you guard against me even as much as father’s black leopard. Shouldn’t you be at least a little afraid of me?”

The voice he let out instead of his true feelings gave the impression of having swallowed a sigh. His expression, unable to even meet his sister’s gaze, looked almost like a sinner deep in thought.

“You’ve said that occasionally before. Why should I avoid and distance myself from you?”

“Just now, wasn’t I at all strange? If you had been watching me closely, you should have noticed right away.”

“You were strange.”

“And you weren’t scared of me like that?”

“Even if you were strange… what’s there to be scared of? I already know how much you cherish me.”

“…What?”

The blood drained from his face at once. Johannes, whose heart had suddenly sunk, raised his eyes. As their eyes met that way, Inette smiled gently.

“Don’t you always prioritize me? Compared to the depth of the ‘brotherly love’ you bestow, mine is shallower than a puddle. And this isn’t faith. It’s knowing from having watched you all this time. That’s why I’m not afraid. People don’t feel fear towards things they already know, right?”

Johannes blurred his gaze, feeling both relief and a strange sense of suffocation. As if having been alone in his delusion for a long time, once he hit a wall, he seemed to have completely lost the confidence to show his feelings again. He felt nauseous, as if his stomach had suddenly turned.

“…I think I know you, but then I don’t.”

Inette spoke as if brightening up at Johannes’ groan as he lowered his head without realizing.

“Really? That’s good then.”

“How is that good.”

“Do you need to know me in detail? Your heart alone is enough for you. Because you’re someone who can be that way. So please act as your heart leads you, young master.”

“…Do you mean it?”

Johannes asked, doubting his own ears.

“I mean it.”

Inette simply nodded. Cold sweat began to form in Johannes’ hands as he stared at Inette with suspicious eyes. He had an impossible, truly unbelievable premonition. Could it be that this arrogant girl who claims to have fully grasped me has even completely seen through my long delusion and is now willing to let me loose? To come at her as he’s wished all along. That she would rein him in as much as she liked, just like today. She was looking down at him with confidence.

No way. That can’t be….

“The scary, strange one isn’t you but father’s black leopard. With its disgustingly dark body, creeping around on just its shadow even in broad daylight. Its claws and fangs were hideous too. Like a monster…. Though it probably wasn’t even a threat to you….”

As Johannes’ eyes and ears were going blind. Inette shook herself as if recalling that day from before. Then she wrapped her arms around her own shoulders. With her eyes narrowed, as if glaring at something no longer in this world, she continued speaking.

“I was glad it died by father’s hand before it could even touch me.”

The faint breath she exhaled after holding it for a moment had turned to ice, but that coldness didn’t even reach Johannes’ ears.

“Yet for you to tell me to treat you like that beast…. I should match the tune to where it’s played. You’re father’s one and only successor, aren’t you? Someone who doesn’t need to hide anything even standing naked on the brightest spire. Ah. Come to think of it, that scar didn’t remain on your arm either. Amaz-”

“Stay the night.”

He blurted out without time to consider. He even reached out to grab Inette’s wrist. It came out purely unconsciously. Inette, her eyes flashing open, sighed deeply at the ceiling and shook her head.

“Here we go again. That’s not possible. You should make possible requests. I ‘that’….”

“……”

“You know…. You know too.”

Inette’s other hand settled on Johannes’ hand. Johannes grabbed the wrist slipping out of his grasp again. Without any big movements, he just applied force.

“What am I supposed to do if I feel the urge in the middle of the night….”

“…I’ll break that for you, so.”

“How would you do that? With your bare hands?”

“……”

“Are you a monster?”

His sister joked with a smile.

That’s right.

Johannes swallowed dryly. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to try so hard to hide the body swallowing its own skin. Even being thoroughly exposed under her gaze could be used as a pretext to let her take complete superiority. After all, it’s what he’s wanted all along, to live solely as her servant. Ah, whatever. Rather….

“Johan. But you, for a while now….”

As he was lost in thought alone, suddenly, his sister’s face came close to the tip of his nose. Eyes narrowed as if observing, staring at him from right in front of him.

“In your eyes… something….”

“Ah.”

Johannes jerked back as if jumping. Then he immediately lowered his head deeply. He had just remembered the membrane that had covered his eye sockets long ago. The newly grown membrane felt so natural, as if it had always been a part of him. Thump thump, thump thump. The violent beating of his startled heart was deafeningly loud in his own eardrums. Unlike his resolve, anxiety still struck like a knife.

“I’m… in pain.”

Propping himself up with one hand behind his back, he covered his eyes with his other hand and blurted out whatever came to mind. Inette, rather surprised, crawled towards him on her knees.

“In pain?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“My whole body…”

“Oh my. Could you have caught a cold? Let me see.”

“Well… I’m not sure. Maybe that’s it.”

As Johannes evaded vaguely, Inette searched and felt around his forehead and between his collars. Johannes turned his head somewhat restlessly. He didn’t have the confidence to look.

“I thought so. You’ve been shivering and your forehead is all wet, and your nape is completely hot. I knew something was off.”

“For someone who claims to care about me… how could you not know I was sick.”

“Well, that’s because I just thought you were lonely to the point of going a bit crazy for a moment. If I had known this was a cold, would I have been joking around all this time? What do you take your sister for?”

“……”

Johannes closed his mouth. As expected… you did know. Cold sweat threatened to pour down at her brazen attitude. As expected… this girl had seen through Johannes completely. With just the sense of her soul, she was clearly gazing at him. It’s just that she hasn’t yet learned its name, so even though she’s seen it clearly with her own eyes, she hasn’t realized its true nature. Ah….

I can tell you, Inette.

So that you… don’t feel repulsed. Before you can even feel it. Carefully, with all my devotion.

I can.

For the first time this night, a feasible possibility appeared.