148.

Johannes, who had not even realized he was staring with his eyes wide open as he concentrated all his nerves on his ears, suddenly inhaled. Mother had been called by Father. He sprang up like a coiled spring.

His breathing immediately became rough. He exhaled as if spewing out water. It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck a cold, stiffening corpse. What should I do now? He swept his gaze around as if looking for a pursuer. Though there was no obstruction, he felt as if his ankle was caught in a trap. In the end, only anxious reason ran like a black arrowhead within his tightly stiffened body. I. If his overzealous nurse suddenly brought his still innocent sister. I.

I… am.

“If only you die, everything will flow correctly.”

Johannes’ spine stiffened. The rough inhale was swallowed up instantly under his wide-open pupils. His usually composed eyes were glistening with a vivid killing intent. Suicide was the only option. Even if it was a choice worse than what he already had.

He could not simply let go like his ‘past’ self. He steeled his resolve, recalling the numerous self-harm attempts he had waged like wars and failed over the past year. Ah, this time he would succeed. Definitely.

He habitually searched for his quiver. Scanning the inner room with just his gaze, he found the quiver carelessly propped up next to the chest piled high with toys. Without delay, he strode over, knelt down smoothly, pulled out an arrow, and immediately pressed the arrowhead to his throat.

He knew the pain would not last long unless he made a mistake. But even his determined hand was trembling uncontrollably. Despite his numerous experiences, even his pale nape and shoulders shook helplessly. He did not know how pathetic he could become, and he had no strength left to discern what he was afraid of now. He just swallowed dryly.

The sharp metal tip pressed as if to pierce his tender skin. From the single point where the tip dug into his skin, a red… bead-like drop of blood…

Gathered.

***

“Did… Xavier take away the waterproof cover?”

Giovinetta’s voice was heard.

“I had dressed him in nice clothes after so long.”

“……”

“That child’s methods of tormenting me are so diverse…. Don’t you think?”

“……”

That voice seeking agreement sounded as if it had been thoroughly beaten by heavy rain. The sound of footsteps approaching, splashing through muddy water, seemed utterly frightened as it waited for his response.

“It was… a joke.”

“……”

“Cold, isn’t it?”

“……”

“The rain… is pouring like a waterfall…. Your wounds will fester…. You’ll fall ill again at this rate….”

“……”

“Sh-should I… ask Xavier? To let you in for today?”

Idris raised his gaze slightly. Now, here was the iron cage next to the slaughterhouse, and he had been leaning against the bars of the somewhat larger cage with his legs stretched out for who knows how long. Now, he was older than before. No longer filthy, nor stark naked. The empty dish that had held his dinner was now filled with rainwater. It was a chilly night.

The downpour pouring through the bars continuously beat his entire body. His bangs, neatly trimmed under Giovinetta’s care just days ago for the holiday, as beautifully adorned as a riding horse, were already soaked from the rain that had been falling since early evening, now covering down to below his eyes. As a result, even his vision was chaotic.

He faced her through such cumbersome hair. Beyond the pitch-black iron bars, a white mist was rising like frothy foam over the girl’s slender shoulders. Her golden hair, which had shone so brightly during the day, now clung to her waist like withered water weeds.

“…Say something, Idris.”

Idris felt the tremor at the end of her voice. Gazing at the night’s puddle-like scene with a displeased look, Idris reluctantly parted his lips.

“You….”

“……”

“……”

“You…?”

“……”

“I’m waiting…. Speak.”

Giovinetta urged from within the rain. The gaze of the girl, who persistently peered at him while soaking her entire body in the unprecedented midnight downpour, seemed to push against his back. Idris estimated her intentions without moving. What did she hope for, coming all the way here today?

This child, pretending to be sorrowful, presumably came to apologize for ‘that incident’ earlier today. To be honest, his lowly mind was daringly twisted. For that reason, it took quite some effort to soothe his heart, which was murmuring like the surrounding rain sound, and to ask about her well-being as usual.

“You… Why. All the way here.”

“……”

“So drenched like that….”

“Because I feel sorry for you.”

“……”

“It’s… a punishment falling on me.”

“……”

Indeed. His guess was not wrong.

Giovinetta, who had been anxiously rolling her eyes, quietly bent down and grasped the bars. She crouched down, sliding on the rainwater. She sat down right next to Idris like that. The small warmth that was her was heating up the night that was like foam of coldness. The scent of rain spread from her thin, slender body.

Thump, Idris’ heart pounded. However, Idris deliberately ignored his undeniable heartbeat. Because the anger accumulated throughout the day overshadowed his fickle emotions even more.

“You were upset…. Earlier. During the day….”

Giovinetta, who had been anxiously watching Idris as if about to cling to him at any moment, whispered more uneasily than before.

…Now, you call that speaking? For a moment, he almost blurted out in anger. But Idris did not forget his place. He was merely livestock used by this child. He held his tongue to the best of his ability. His gaze, suppressing internal conflict, sank between his legs. The daytime incident was something he did not want to recall if possible. Then, hesitantly, Giovinetta’s hand, which had come through the bars, carefully touched one of his thighs as if gathering courage. Twitching, twitching, touching and separating repeatedly, barely. Overlapping.

“I’m… sorry. For mocking you so much, tor-menting you… and even laughing with that guy….”

“……”

“……”

“You….”

“Yes.”

“You don’t usually… laugh in front of anyone but me….”

“…Was that what bothered you the most?”

“……”

“…It’s not like I purposely chose people. I just didn’t laugh because there was nothing and no reason to laugh, you know that.”

“I do laugh a lot in front of you though,” Giovinetta added with a weak smile. Only then did Idris fully turn his head to gaze at the girl.

“Boys are such strange and petty creatures. Because I don’t smile at them, they treat me like the cruelest woman in history, yet they still worship me like some goddess,” said the girl, gently shaking her noble chin, who now sat beside the shabby boy with a thoroughly soaked appearance, barely holding back the corners of her beautiful eyes. Could a rain-soaked flower be so miserable? Just wetting her own neck. Idris’ heart ached.

“Today you either laughed on purpose or it was genuinely amusing.”

“……”

“…What did they do to you on the eve again….”

“Mmm. Nothing. Nothing at all.”

Giovinetta shook her head in one breath. The smile that seemed to have barely peeked through was washed away in an instant with that single head shake, and now all that remained was her anxious wet eyes, just like before. Idris deliberately avoided her gaze.

“So you took it out on me today, didn’t you?”

“No.”

At just one rebuke, the delicate gaze looking at him shattered. In that moment, Giovinetta looked like someone who had swallowed dozens of needles at once. A girl, hopelessly young, filled with pain deep in her throat, unable to even let out a groan.

“No….”

“……”

“Please, don’t misunderstand. Taking it out on you…?”

“My guess is correct, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely not.”

Giovinetta swallowed her breath as if about to cry and moved closer to the bars. Idris saw this clearly but could not control his twisted mind. He didn’t know how long he had endured this girl whose attitude differed so clearly between day and night, as if she were changing masks. By now he was sick of her capriciousness.

“You enjoyed it.”

“No. No…. Please believe me….”

“You laughed as if to show me.”

“No….”

“No. That’s exactly how it looked. Truly, you… seemed to be enjoying it.”

“……”

“……”

“Believe me, Idris. I had… no choice. This time, really, really, there was a reason. Watching over you… was too painful for me….”

“……”

“It seems our relationship hasn’t been too bad lately, so Xavier’s gang has been tormenting you more than before, haven’t they? I’m sorry. There was… no other way. Because I care for you too much, I was trying to protect you in my own way. You know how naive a woman I am….”

“……”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how heartbroken you must have been. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. For me….”

“So….”

“……”

“You did that to me in front of that guy?”

“……”

“Did you really have to… go that far? Did you have to step in yourself? Did you have to make me… look like that… and show it to your peers to feel at ease…?”

“How far do I have to apologize?”

But as always.

Whenever her heart was troubled, the girl quickly picked up the fragments of her shattered gaze. Even that was merely a glass mask, but she pretended to be a mature woman, somehow covering her trembling lips. Giovinetta’s lips, which had been gazing at Idris with such rain-drenched, gloomy eyes, parted again at some point.

“Why… do you blame me so much…?”

“……”

“When you know full well… that I’m someone who can humble my pride without hesitation when it’s just the two of us. When you’re not unaware of my daily feelings of walking on a bed of needles.”

“……”

“How can you… be like this…?”

“……”

Giovinetta’s gaze dropped abruptly. Her graceful forehead buried between her knees. Silently. Her shoulders were shaking. Idris gazed at that sight. Only the sound of rain getting wet lingered distantly between the two. Idris, who had been silent for a while, blocked by the girl’s fragile side that she only revealed in front of him each night, spoke in a heavily suppressed voice.

“Look here.”

“……”

“Even now… I’ll do it instead.”

“……”

“I can do it. Isn’t that… what you want from me?”

“……”

“You asked me to become… your knight.”