Lady Devil - Chapter 147

147.

After Griselda left his room after her arbitrary declaration, Johannes wandered. In his current state, he felt he could not handle meeting his sister again. He could not guarantee that his reason would remain intact from the moment of reunion until the final farewell. It was an evil that could erupt at any time. After agonizing as if driven to the edge of a cliff, the conclusion he reached was, again, escape.

He was not unaware of its futility. However, unable to endure it right now, he left the tower without any preparation. This time I will truly leave, I will depart. Let me go. Please. Please. Heedless of his inner screams, the cruel chains cut off Johannes’ consciousness the moment he crossed the moat. Thus when he opened his eyes again. It was the middle of his bedroom. Ah.

Ah….

Johannes’ pupils were empty as he lay sprawled in the middle of the bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Though the failure was expected, it was as if his heart could not bear it and shattered, leaving no thoughts in his mind. After lying motionless for a while, he got up groggily and prepared for the ‘next thing’. This process was always smooth, as usual.

Prepare a suitable weapon. Visit the rear tower’s animal shed and catch the first bird that catches his eye alive. Return to the bedroom and slash his own carotid artery. And sometime later….

Again, open eyes.

Empty time repeats. Johannes blankly got up and sat cross-legged in the pool of blood. For a moment, he stared out the window to his left, listening to the faint chirping of birds. Through the high gray square of empty space, a breeze was blowing. The wind that traced along the window frame and brushed his cheek was damp. It had the weight of impending rain. As if unable to bear that weight, Johannes’ gaze flowed downward.

With sunken eyes, Johannes stretched out only his arms and pulled the birdcage at his feet into his embrace, opening it. He reached in with one hand and grasped the bird as it tried to avoid him. With his other clean hand, he held up the weapon and snapped the struggling bird’s neck as if slitting its throat.

A cracking bone sound, familiar to his ears. The warm blood of the small, young creature stains his equally small hand. A few white feathers flutter and fall. The delicate flapping of wings quickly dies down. He did not even inwardly apologize for this sight. Because there was no longer even a small ripple in his heart.

Guilt was a luxury emotion. This killing was to explain the pool of blood around him anyway. Anyway, all this is for my sake. If I were to ask for forgiveness, it would only add to your resentment. You… hate me all you want.

I will kill you, and kill you again and again.

A year ago. Shortly after the conversation with the duke, in the midst of uncleared confusion, after agonizing for days and weeks not knowing what to do, he suddenly recalled the first attempt he made in desperation. What should I do with myself? What about my sister? What if I really die this time? No, what if I don’t really die this time either? After the second, third, and fourth attempts made after a day’s struggle, there was no more hesitation. When left alone. The moment he felt the impulse, he acted on it and ended it.

And like this time, he got up again every time.

Each time he rose, his heart grew emptier by a span.

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