146.

The sound of flesh being torn echoed with a slap. It was the sound of him striking Griselda’s cheek. It was an unrestrained slap, done reflexively, and Griselda’s gaze, which had almost turned half a circle, snapped back like a spring. Ah… oh dear…. Sighs of regret spread in murmurs among the mouths gathered at the training ground. Meanwhile.

“I told you… to get out of the way….”

Johannes was trembling like an aspen tree, unable to control his anger. Though Griselda was the one suddenly struck, he was the one gasping for breath with a shocked expression, as if he had been hit instead. Focus was finally returning to his pupils, which had been as dull as those of a corpse until now. At last, he clearly recognized Griselda’s gaze.

The whites of the woman’s eyes staring at her young master’s face as if to bore through it. They were glistening with extreme anger. However, as a subordinate, she couldn’t even make a brief plea. This… is….

His heart tightened once again, with a different meaning than before.

Quickly, a series of events began to connect in Johannes’ mind, fitting together like puzzle pieces. Today. He had come out to train as usual. As usual, he had nocked an arrow, and in that moment lost his senses, then startled by his brother’s touch, he had broken the bowstring. Ah, so that’s why there was a wou… nd on his cheek….

Wound.

Johannes instantly raised a hand to cover the wound. Again, that. That is, those bright red threads might crawl out from under his skin. Even though he already ‘knew from experience’ that it wouldn’t react to such a ‘shallow scratch’, intense anxiety raced through him.

Johannes could barely see anything. Just that this appearance must not be shown. That if it were seen, it would be the end. He felt like he was going crazy, as if the gazes rushing in from all directions were cutting into every bit of his flesh. Unable to control his breathing, he unconsciously took a step back. That simple action was done with such force that it was actually more surprising he didn’t fall backwards. And that one step was the beginning.

He ran away.

One more step back. Two more steps. Again. And again. At some point he turned and dashed all the way to his bedroom. What was the point of coming to his senses? There was absolutely nothing he could salvage.

Arriving at the entrance to his bedroom nearly falling forward, he closed the door with a bang loud enough to ensure not even an ant could intrude, then immediately tried to slide the bolt. But his fingertips trembled so much that he failed to do so.

He threw the lock to the floor. Yet he still couldn’t calm down at all. In the end, he paced around the entire inner chamber, panting as if by habit. Griselda’s fiery gaze seemed to persistently follow his back even now. No, it’s certain. He can feel it without even having to look. Ah, even Winfrid’s teary gaze, afraid in anticipation.

I said to get your hands off.

To be honest, he had only shouted once. But for his brother, it had been that much of a shock, revealing the difference in power they held even through such an insignificant incident. His entire back, his entire shoulders felt unbearable. Damn it. What have I… What have I done….

Belated guilt crept up the nape of his neck. Ah, but today’s outburst was merely child’s play. Compared to the delusions he had vividly imagined about his sister, it was nothing more than a child’s prank.

I… find you disgusting.

Ah, I’m going crazy with disgust at every memory that contains you.

Your hair in my memories. Your lips. Your neck. Your chest and waist. Stomach. If possible, I want to tear apart even the scent you hold. I want to pull out your hot entrails and devour them all. You, come into my arms. You should cry. With your naked body, you should sob loudly in my arms, you should cry desperately while swallowing my wet tongue…. You. Where are you now, ah…! You! Damn it. Me… leaving me. Ah, you. My woman. My, woman. My. Woman. My woman. My….

His back suddenly froze.

His composed face fell in an instant. Johannes covered his face in despair.

It had been a year since his wrist was cut by his mother’s hand in the duke and duchess’s bedroom. The precarious back of the boy who hadn’t been able to sleep soundly for even a day since then touched the wall, staggering. He slid down just like that.

He curled up as if clutching his stomach and gasped for breath. The familiar nausea and pain were twisting each vertebra of his spine. Johannes now knew the nature of this pain. This pain. It was the ‘labor pains’ of the cruel ‘thing’ lurking in his flesh, convulsing and breaking its shell.

My sister. You.

Giovinetta, in order to possess you.

Johannes shuddered as he recalled the image of his desire that repeatedly took over his mind whenever he let his guard down for even a moment, like today. Seeing that image, he could hardly call himself sane by any means.

How many times over the past year had he… done unspeakable things to… his sister… in that cruel image. How desperately… and beautifully his sister had been mercilessly torn apart in that ruthless scene.

You… madman.

…….

…….

…….

“Hey, you….”

“……”

“Don’t live like a dog, try living as my knight.”

“……”

“Even now, try living… like a human being.”

“……”

“Live on.”

“……”

***

Johannes sat blankly in a chair in his bedroom, looking out the window. The twilight that had suddenly arrived was desolate. No. What was desolate was his soul. His colorless gaze fell below the windowsill.

The long red gash on his cheek was slowly healing. Though still not a normal recovery rate, it was at least not so fast as to be treated as monstrous. Just a slightly better regeneration than others, no different from usual. Of course, there was no sign of the red threads he had worried about. The pain in his body that felt like his spine was being twisted and blood vessels pulled out had long since subsided. His mind was unbelievably clear. It was the silence of ruins.

“You should treat it.”

There was a faint sound of the entrance opening and closing, and the one who approached was Griselda. Johannes slowly turned his head to look at the woman. The tall woman’s dry left cheek was redder than usual. Johannes lowered his head.

“It must have hurt.”

“……”

“I’m sorry. I….”

Johannes’ gaze, which had been softly flowing out his voice, flowed down just as much as his voice. He couldn’t explain in detail that he hadn’t been in his right mind. Not only might it raise unnecessary suspicion, but he knew that no matter how he apologized now, it would only be an excuse. His troubled blue eyes closed behind his eyelids.

“…I’ve done you a great wrong.”

“……”

“If you wish, I’ll compensate you in any way. And, never again….”

But he couldn’t continue the rest of his words.

He couldn’t fully promise in his current state. He could hurt Griselda again at any time. In addition, the countless vows he might make in the future would lose their weight. Isn’t trust once broken difficult to recover?

“You are the heir to the fortress. You don’t need to feel guilty towards me.”

Griselda, who had been standing silently, slowly opened the medicine bottle. Her eyes, which had been as hard as plaster when she entered, now seemed somewhat softened. Johannes let out a barely audible sigh. It wasn’t anything like relief. Just shallow resignation.

“Just believe that you’ll apologize to your brother. I hear you scolded him harshly. He seemed very startled.”

Griselda said emphatically. Johannes nodded readily.

“Yes. I’ll go to the infirmary right away.”

“And apply this medicine….”

A well-ground poultice was thinly applied to Johannes’ cheek. Even if it’s cumbersome, you should keep it on to prevent scarring, Griselda added uncharacteristically. Then at some point her eyes sank.

“I know you’ve been lonely lately.”

“…What do you mean.”

“Yes. It’s already been a year since you’ve seen the young lady.”

“…Don’t jump to conclusions. This has nothing to do with her.”

“So you don’t miss her?”

Don’t I miss her? Johannes couldn’t help but smile bitterly. Wouldn’t it be fortunate if the emotion he harbored was merely longing? It had been a year spent wishing for death ever since the duchess cut his wrist.

He had tried hanging himself. He had tried slitting his wrists. He had jumped from the tower, and even tried running away aimlessly outside the fortress. All failed. At some point he would lose consciousness, and thoroughly wake up. When he opened his eyes, he was here, in his bedroom.

As if neither death nor escape had ever been allowed to him.

It was after that. When memories he thought were nightmares or hallucinations began to fill his mind as vivid past events. For the past year, Johannes hadn’t had a single night of sound sleep.

Because whenever he let go of his consciousness, those emotions inevitably rushed in like a flood. The scene that momentarily took over him remained like bloodstains even after he came to his senses. Too intense to bear.

And so, in fact, he was on the verge of going mad.

How could you harbor such feelings? How could a person… think of committing such atrocities against their own sister? How could you have the heart to harm that fragile child in such a way? Are you really her brother if you do that? Are you truly….

Human?

“…The young lady seems to be in great pain too.”

“……”

“She seems to miss her brother terribly.”

“……”

“She’s grown much more mature in a year.”

“……”

“She’s grown taller.”

“……”

“And… recently, the duchess has been leaving the inner chambers frequently.”

“For what reason?”

Johannes asked out of courtesy. Griselda stood up, putting away the medicine bottle.

“She must fulfill her duties as a wife too. What else can be done when she’s a woman of unsound mind?”

While freely disparaging her mistress’s mental state, she spoke so roundaboutly about the duke visiting his wife nightly. Griselda, who seemed to be quietly sighing through her closed lips, suddenly composed her expression. Then, pretending to be nonchalant, she brought up….

“So the next time she leaves the chambers, I’ll bring the young lady here.”

“…What?”

Johannes couldn’t help but raise his head. He immediately met Griselda’s calm gaze.

“Why… why do such a dangerous thing?”

“It’s not dangerous. Whatever I do, it all stems from the duchess’s karma. It’s… the result she brought upon herself. The duchess will understand too.”

“…No, I….”

“So don’t worry about me.”

Griselda shook her head quite firmly, seeming to have thoroughly misunderstood Johannes’ meaning. Johannes could only open his eyes wide, unable to even open his mouth. He couldn’t explain that the person in danger was not her, but his sister, nor could he explain his own condition.

What excuse could he make?

“Rest.”

While Johannes was unable to speak, Griselda, having finished her role, left the bedroom. Heat gradually rose to Johannes’ skin as he sat frozen. He couldn’t shout to Griselda that it couldn’t be done, that she mustn’t bring her to him now. No, ‘couldn’t’? Can he truly assert that?

No.