#13
It was long.
Long, and lengthy.
Fearing the guards outside might hear and rush in, I had to hold my breath and endure. Each time I suffered silently with clenched teeth from excessive fear, the shocking breaths I couldn’t release seemed to set my airways on fire. I bit down on coal in my mouth.
The devil that first sat me on its thigh later laid me flat on the floor. It panted incessantly. It whispered incessantly. Its movements, examining every inch of my body as if studying its own palm lines, eventually twisting me somehow. Me, responding to it.
More painful than my own vile and wretched flesh, which I could not escape unless I died right then, was the devil’s inch-long tongue.
Johannes. Johannes. Without a doubt, ah, it was Johannes.
Was it you? My insides churned violently. Was it really you? Each of its words was a sharpened filleting knife. What? Were you overcome with lust that day? Did you know everything about me? So you deceived me? You embraced me? It flayed my flesh and scraped my bones. It was hell.
It absolutely, absolutely should not have been you!
It was a time of hell.
Fierce hellfire, karmic flames. Thrusting my living body into the lapping furnace, setting it aflame, burning it, pulling it out again, pounding my limbs with the iron hammer of Mara, the billion-ton tongue, tempering them.
You’re a man too, but can you resolve that in such an, such an insane way. Madman. Irredeemable sinner under heaven. Beast deserving to be torn limb from limb and killed! Ah, Johannes! How could we come to this! How could you do this to me now!
No. It could not be called Johannes. The devil I summoned with these hands from the start. The violence that struck me, none other than the hammer of these hands that shattered the stone coffin. Hence the anguish of my heart being torn apart vein by vein, that pain.
It was such a time.
The devil’s black hair swayed before my eyes. With its thick lead-like arms propping up both sides of my head, it was slowly crushing me to death with its gaze.
It was disgusting. The touch that occasionally kneaded me roughly, fully exposed with my mere rag of a nightgown torn open. Its sweat drops falling beneath my eyes, flowing down my cheeks as if they were my own, like my tears. The devil. It was disgusting.
It was so very long.
It really seemed it would continue through the whole night. At last, on the verge of collapse, my jaw began to tremble uncontrollably. My tightly clenched lips started to part. By then, I simply wanted to live.
The voice I had barely, barely suppressed, like a lifeline that would be extinguished if released, began to leak out. With a jumble of all sorts of emotions surging forth boundlessly, I was truly on the verge of losing consciousness then. I want to live.
“Jo, Johannes… Jo, han. Please, please st, stop. Stop… Johannes… I, I was wrong…”
“……”
“Ho, horrible, ugh, Johannes… Jo… You’re, not, like this…”
“…Ah!”
The devil’s shoulder, which had been moving violently, suddenly staggered. Even the arm supporting its upper body buckled, causing one of its shoulders to tilt and slump down by my head, shifting greatly. And after letting out a long groan that scratched up from its lower abdomen, when it barely managed to face me again.
Then I saw it. The eyes.
No longer a dragon’s, but icy blue eyes like a northern snow lake. What was revealed for an instant soon changed back. No way. No way.
“…Jo, han.”
“Kuh, kuhuuugh…”
The devil suddenly spread its wings. A cold wind blew. As if it had been tensing its whole body, once spread, the wings remained fully extended for a long while as it began to convulse throughout its body. As if about to vomit something any moment but trying desperately to hold it in, it frantically gulped down breaths, and I felt it tense its limbs as the devil collapsed on top of me, unable to control its own body.
Indeed. That appearance was exactly like Johannes when he had seizures.
The devil clung on tenaciously. With the sudden movement, my whole body lurched up then sank down. But there was not even the slightest room to pay attention to that.
“Ah, hik. Jo, han. Johannes. Johannes.”
Not knowing what had happened, I called out to Johannes with aching desperation. With Johannes right before me, I called only for the Johannes who was not there.
Covering the Johannes I absolutely did not know with only numb hatred, I cried out with all my non-existent strength gathered in my throat for the Johannes like wet rays of light. The certainty that only this would keep me alive was welling up like a wail. That. Though I had desperately lowered my voice, it was a cry with all my might.
“Kuh, kheok, heuok.”
“Johannes. Johannes.”
As I tried to raise my body while the devil was disoriented, it forcefully pinned down my shoulders with a thud. Though the back of my head hit the floor, I couldn’t even feel the pain.
The devil gritted its teeth and, as if making a last struggle, furrowed its brow enough to change its expression, and roughly lifted its lower body. That merciless foreign sensation. It seemed like only persistent malice, determined to somehow bring a complete end.
“Ah, please. Please. Johannes. Johannes. Johannes. Jo, han.”
By then, Johannes’ name poured out like a freshly burst downpour. And then, with a whoosh.
The devil’s wings scattered into ash. As the devil’s lead-colored skin burned like charcoal and fell away, pale skin began to be revealed. Starting from the tips of its horns, the black color of its hair began to fall off in thick dust and regain its original color. Then came the voice.
“Kuh, uugh… Ugh.”
That groan. That sorrowful groan. So utterly different from the devil’s, that voice that was just like clear ice even though rough as if scraped with sandpaper.
The devil’s face, which had been buried in my chest, suddenly lifted. Our desperate gazes intertwined urgently. Ah, that. The unmistakable, absolutely no one else’s unmistakable eyes of Johannes, his face.
A look of complete shock spread across Johannes’ face. The moment I confirmed his expression, the struggle that had been mere endurance suddenly ignited, and without realizing it, I clenched my fists, gripping pieces of the nightgown. Johannes. Johannes. Johannes. My cracked voice could no longer call out his name aloud. And just then, of all times.
His lower body thrust upward.
My waist, matching his movement, suddenly pushed up inside.
I don’t know. Perhaps it was the aftermath of the very last remaining movement. But with Johannes’ gaze fixed on my eyes.
The movement, continued. Once.
“Ah.”
Once more.
“Jo… han.”
His grip on my shoulders tightened.
And once again.
“Jo, han.”
My body shook. Johannes could not take his eyes off me even once. He looked just like someone frozen in an instant with eyes wide open. As if he couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, as if he couldn’t help but see. Desperately, almost clinging to my eyes looking up at him, piercing.
“Johannes.”
“…Ah, heuut.”
Johannes closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. His brow furrowed miserably. His body trembled violently. It was a trembling as if he would drop dead at any moment, on the verge of madness. His forehead fell onto my neck.
Keoheok, heok, like a drowned person revived from underwater, he exhaled a breath as if exposing his entire lungs. His face rose again, and his tightly closed eyelids painfully opened like a freshly torn wound.
“…Ha. Haah…”
The gaze that instantly scanned my face was like a scream. His groan was like tears.
“I, nette…”
“Eu… han…”
That voice that thoroughly examined me. That poured out all the tragedies of every grave in the world.
“Inette. Ah, Inette.”
He called my name.
***
I remember that time with my skin. I remember with my ears.
The weight pressing down on my body leapt up and vanished. At the same time, I felt Johannes slip out from below. So urgent was he that I heard the sound of running as if tearing the carpet. And the sensation of fabric suddenly covering my body as he leapt onto me, and arms that instantly lifted my completely limp body as if I wasn’t even there. I remember the uncontrollable trembling.
Perhaps Johannes adjusted his hold on me once, cradling my head against his chest. My floating head struck hard leather with a thud. He may have run, practically, to the bathroom. My body shook a lot, and ah, how his heart was pounding near my temples. Inette, wake up. Inette. My name murmured by my ear.
The sensation of the floor. The grain of the wooden bathtub touching the back of my head. I lifted my thousand-pound eyelids. I was leaning outside the bathtub, wrapped in a blanket. Johannes sat close like a guilty child, naked. His hasty palms cradling my face that kept tilting to the side were anxious.
“…han…”
“Inette. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“…was…”
“Aah.”
“…so difficult…”
“Was it? Was it very difficult? Of course. It couldn’t have been otherwise. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Johannes understood and answered my voice, so hoarse I could barely hear it myself. The clumsiness of brushing back my hair that had fallen forward in a messy tangle behind my ear. As if he thought each strand would crumble at his touch, so anxious.
He soon began earnestly caressing my cheek. The heat from his hand seemed to transfer like red paint. My mind at ease from his urgent voice that didn’t know what to do, I ended up closing my eyes again. My eyes stung all over from extreme fatigue.
“Inette, try opening your eyes for now.”
“……”
“Let’s see if you’re hurt anywhere. Okay? And we need to wash your body.”
“……”
“Open your eyes, please.”
“……”
“Inette. I.”
“……”
“…I…. Damn it… damn it. Inette. Ah, Inette. Right now I… don’t have the courage to look at you. So please.”
“……”
“Inette.”
His voice, muffled even to my ears, had already been distant for a while. My lips simply would not part. I absolutely could not answer him.
“Inette.”
“…I’m… tire…”
“I’m sorry. But you can’t fall asleep now. Inette.”
“…Johan…”
“Inette. Open your eyes.”
“……”
“Please. We need to check your body, and wash you right away. Because it’s dirty, so… Ah, I… What have I done… Open your eyes a bit. Okay? Please let’s wash, Inette.”
“……”
“Inette. Can you hear me?”
I ask.
How many people have you met?
How many people have you met, and how many conversations have you had?
Was it a long conversation? Was it enjoyable?
In my life, I haven’t had many conversations. For someone like me who needed permission even to step outside, sincere dialogue was like a legend. I conversed with walls.
Walls. Real walls. Walls of status. Indifference.
Those expressionless walls were my only conversation partners.
And so that night, when Johannes returned to being Johannes. Ah, I felt as if I had met someone who would listen to my voice again after a thousand years.
Male lead is a clingy little husband
One-line summary: The male lead is initially an arrogant, noble, love-deprived brat, later a cute, clingy, scheming little jealous one.
Introduction:
One day, Lu Yuner’s soul transmigrates into a female-dominant world. She enters the Imperial Academy and takes up the position of a doctoral instructor, teaching classes and grading schoolwork.
One day, she encounters the young prince Su Qingwan secretly skipping class from the male academy.
As a result, Su Qingwan is punished.
From then on, Su Qingwan sees Lu Yuner as a “thorn in his side”.
But before long, this “thorn” becomes the person he cherishes most, and he goes to great lengths to win Lu Yuner’s affection.
Mini scene 1:
One day, the sun is high in the sky but Su Qingwan still hasn’t gotten up for class.
Servant Xiaoyuan: “Young prince, it’s time for class. You’ll be late otherwise.”
Su Qingwan says arrogantly: “I’m not going. I am the esteemed prince, my status is so noble, why should I suffer this hardship? Besides, isn’t learning all this just to please women? Hmph, they’re not worthy!”
Mini scene 2:
After Su Qingwan falls for someone, he completely changes. He no longer skips class and diligently learns how to be a good husband and father. But he discovers that Sister Yuner is always surrounded by admirers.
Drunk and overcome with jealousy one day, he clings to Lu Yuner, crying beautifully like a pear blossom in the rain.
Su Qingwan: “Qingwan likes Sister Yuner.”
Lu Yuner: “Young prince, you’re drunk.”
Su Qingwan: “Qingwan isn’t drunk. Qingwan likes Sister Yuner, likes you so much, likes you to bits…” Before he can finish, Lu Yuner’s eyes flash with emotion and she leans in closer.
[Reading Guide]
1. The female lead is gentle, gracious, humble and polite but not weak. The male lead is initially an arrogant, noble, love-deprived brat, later a cute, clingy, scheming little jealous one.
2. 1v1, a bit torturous in the beginning but definitely sweet later on.
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