If You Wish For My Death (6 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 1
I was betrayed in love.
It was the first and last love of my life. I believed it was fate. I thought I was born solely to meet him, and that marrying him and bearing his children would be my only happiness. I never doubted for a second that he would make me happy.
Veronica first saw him when she was fifteen. At fifteen, she had more than she lacked—a time of abundance. On that tender day, when even a once-naïve girl had matured enough to timidly reveal a budding beauty, she met him.
Perhaps this is what they mean by an unforgettable moment in life.
I can still vividly recall the very instant I first saw him—how lush the path lined with snowball tree blossoms was, how warm the air that enveloped us felt, how beautifully the colorful anemones swayed among the fresh grass, and how dazzling you looked standing amidst it all.
The moment his lifted eyelashes revealed those blue eyes meeting mine, I felt a violent shock surge through my entire body. My hands and feet trembled, and my heart pounded so fiercely it felt as though it would burst through my skin. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before—an indescribable moment.
“I’ve lived my whole life just to meet you.”
I think I even blurted out something so embarrassingly bold. Because when he heard those words, he looked startled, his cheeks slightly flushed, and gave a shy smile.
That day, after exchanging introductions, Veronica returned to the ducal mansion and wrote a letter—naturally, addressed to him.
[To His Highness Prince Asar Roel Diasta,]Why did a single, contentless line make my hands tremble so?
After that, we exchanged a few letters. The flower he sent me—I dried it and treasured it carefully in a box. How many times did I smile, seeing his neat handwriting so much like him? How elated I felt over even the smallest blossom he gave me.
I believed he must have felt the same shock I did that day. Our letters were always filled with longing for one another and promises of our next meeting. I counted the days until I could see him again. Completely intoxicated by this sudden emotion, Veronica was utterly swept away.
Time passed, and finally, we met for the second time. It was fate that brought Veronica to see him at the reading gathering hosted by Her Imperial Majesty the Empress. No—it couldn’t possibly be anything but fate. Even the gods must have used chance itself to bring us together.
I couldn’t control my emotions the moment I saw him. It didn’t matter to me that he limped slightly on his left leg or that his gentle disposition caused him poor treatment.
Veronica couldn’t help herself and said,
“Don’t make me wait. I already know we share the same feelings. So please, don’t be shy—propose to me.”
“Miss Hardness…”
He smiled shyly, just as he had during our first meeting. His sky-blue eyes lowered, unable to meet mine directly. Veronica gazed at her beloved, enchanted by his shyness. And after what felt like an eternity of waiting, his soft voice finally spoke.
“To be honest, I’m surprised. I never expected to hear such words from you, Miss Hardness.”
“Oh dear. Surely you don’t mean to say you were unaware of my feelings?”
That would be disappointing—though in truth, I wasn’t disappointed at all. I was overjoyed that I would finally receive his proposal. Though asking first hurt my pride, it was fine—because it was him. Perhaps my impatience showed, because he chuckled briefly as he watched me.
“Unexpectedly, you have a rather cute side—quite unlike what the rumors say.”
“Rumors are just rumors. Spreading idle gossip is a luxury among nobles, after all.”
“Miss Hardness. I deeply appreciate your feelings, but here, even love must be weighed against gains.”
“I understand. Please don’t worry, Your Highness Prince Asar. I am the only daughter of the renowned Hardness family, and the sole legitimate heir who will one day inherit the entire estate. I can certainly be of great support to you.”
She was useful. Her confidence was evident in the proud lift of her chin.
“You only need to choose me, Your Highness.”
But she never imagined he would crush that confidence so cruelly.
“My answer is… I’m sorry, Miss Hardness.”
“That’s a lie!”
She was stunned—this reply was utterly beyond anything she’d imagined.
Yet he smiled apologetically and truly meant to reject her. Veronica couldn’t accept it. Without caring for decorum, she ran after him as he walked away. Though someone tried to stop her, she ignored their pleas and kept her eyes fixed only on him, shouting for him not to hide his true feelings.
“I’m sorry.”
His sorrowful expression drew more attention than his words. Was it because of the onlookers? Was he worried they’d mock her? Or perhaps he couldn’t bear to see her hurt—he turned and left. Veronica had to return to her mansion in tears.
She wrote another letter that day, but he never replied. She waited for months. She attended Her Imperial Majesty’s reading gatherings repeatedly, hoping to see him, but he always avoided her. Even when they happened to pass each other, he evaded her so thoroughly she never got a chance to speak.
Finally, Veronica went to her father, weeping, and pleaded with him. She confessed she’d fallen in love and wished to marry him. Her father was greatly troubled by her words. Perhaps thinking it was just childish whim, he held her shoulders and gently urged her to calm down and reconsider.
But Veronica, blinded by love, shook off her father’s hands and threw a tantrum. Like a child, she collapsed onto the floor, rolling around and insisting she wanted to marry him. Shamelessly, she clung to the idea of their marriage.
“It’s absolutely out of the question! Give it up!”
“Father!”
His refusal was firm, and Veronica spent her days in tears. She lost her appetite, starved herself until she grew thin, and eventually fell ill with a persistent fever. One day, while confined to bed, she again begged her father, who was tending to her:
“I wish to marry His Highness Prince Asar Roel.”
Though feverish and delirious, her tearful plea moved her father, Harry, who finally relented. He immediately went to His Imperial Majesty the Emperor and made a heartfelt appeal.
A few days later, he came to see her. The man she loved most—the sole happiness in her life—smiled shyly, just as he had when they first met, and said,
“I’ve surrendered, Miss Hardness.”
We became engaged right then and there. It was the finest gift imaginable for my sixteenth birthday.
After that, happiness followed in endless succession. Asar often came to visit her. Each time, Veronica wore the finest dresses and jewels, presenting herself in the most beautiful way possible to welcome him. They shared many simple conversations. Though ordinary moments, simply being together with him brought immense joy. Every street they walked felt soft beneath her feet, and even the smallest talk left her unable to contain her laughter.
Veronica waited only for the day she could marry him. She longed to hold the wedding immediately, but since he asked her to wait a little longer as he wasn’t ready yet, she held back. In the meantime, she devoted herself to bridal lessons. This transformation—from someone who had always hated formal instruction—was driven purely by love.
Years passed. Girls her age had already married and borne children, yet she still waited for their wedding day. Throughout all that time, her love remained solely for him. Her friends sighed at her blind devotion, but Veronica truly didn’t mind.
Yet patience was never a joyful thing.
“Asar, shouldn’t we just go ahead and hold the wedding?”
Thinking of the married couple she’d met that afternoon, she felt slightly restless that day. She gently asked Asar, who looked unusually distant.
He turned his head and stared at her intently.
“Veronica.”
“Yes. My Asar.”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course, Your Highness. I love you deeply—more than you could possibly imagine. Enough to do anything for you.”
“Veronica. My Veronica. Would you truly do anything for me?”
“Of course! For the one I love, I would do anything.”
She thought he would be pleased by those words—and indeed, he smiled.
“I want to fix this rotting imperial court once and for all.”
Only then did she understand what he truly wanted. Veronica was moved. So this was why he’d delayed their marriage all this time. She was overjoyed to assist in his noble cause.
“How may I aid you, then?”
His request was surprisingly trivial—just to steal a letter addressed to his father.
Veronica did exactly as he asked, stealing her father’s letter and handing it over. She brought him unread books from her father’s study and even carried off mysterious objects. Whatever he wanted, she fetched for him.
She believed it was all for the man she loved. Perhaps she was intoxicated by the idea of being a woman who braved danger and sacrifice for love—and never realized it was wrong.
One day, soldiers stormed the mansion and took her father away. He was accused of secretly gathering rebels and masterminding the Emperor’s assassination.
It was an unimaginable reality. Her family had been a line of knights who’d sworn eternal loyalty to the imperial throne.
Veronica immediately went to find Asar.
“Asar, please clear up this misunderstanding! My father, Duke Harry Hardness, would never conspire to assassinate His Imperial Majesty! He never planned any rebellion! You know better than anyone how faithfully he served this court and how valiantly he fought for the empire on the battlefield! Someone has framed him!”
“Veronica.”
A cold voice—one she’d never heard from him before—reached her. Those blue eyes she once adored now held an unnerving stillness.
It lasted only a moment. In the blink of an eye, he returned to his gentle smile and grasped her shoulders. But overwhelmed by the chaos of the moment, she failed to notice that fleeting shift.
“I’ll request a private audience with His Majesty.”
“Asar, please… my father…”
“Everything will be fine.”
He pulled her into an embrace meant to soothe her. Yet, wrapped in his warm arms, Veronica inexplicably trembled from head to toe.
But the news she awaited never came—and her father’s execution was soon decreed. Beheading. They announced evidence proving he’d formed a rebel faction and masterminded the Emperor’s assassination. The items looked familiar—how could she forget? They were the very things she’d personally delivered to Asar.
Was this the despair of having the ground vanish beneath your feet?
The family’s property and lands were confiscated, their private soldiers taken away, and guards were assigned to watch over her. She tried to see Asar but couldn’t. Even arranging an “accidental” encounter proved impossible. She pleaded for help from acquaintances, but each one turned her away. Meaningless days passed, and the execution date drew near.
The tall, cruel scaffold stood unveiled before her. Harry Hardness—the empire’s hero, a great general, now branded as the ringleader of rebellion against the Emperor—drew a massive crowd, as befit his former fame.
Harry Hardness was dragged before the scaffold. The celebrated hero had vanished, leaving behind only the appearance of a condemned criminal.
“Father!!”
Veronica pushed through the crowd and ran toward the scaffold, but soldiers intercepted her midway. She shouted at them,
“How dare you block my path! Do you know who I am?”
The soldiers sneered. She struggled forward, shoving aside the spears barring her way. “Father! Father!” Her eyes were fixed solely on him. Tears welled—no, they were already streaming down her face.
Her vision blurred. It seemed her father saw her, too.
In that instant, chaos erupted.
Her father, Harry, charged toward Veronica. Screams tore through the crowd. Seizing the chance, Veronica shoved the soldiers aside and rushed to him.
“Father!”
She beamed brightly as he ran toward her.
“Veronica… my child.”
His voice sounded distant. A faint smile graced his exhausted face. “Father… Father…” Veronica wept, lost in this dreamlike moment.
“Always live with dignity, my daughter Veronica.”
That was the end.
Her father’s head fell before her eyes. Blood spurted like a fountain, drenching Veronica completely. His headless body collapsed limply to the ground.
“Aaah—”
Asar stood right before her. Blood dripped from the tip of the sword in his hand. His pale face and platinum hair were stained crimson.
“Why…?”
…Why would you do this? Veronica couldn’t finish the sentence. She stared blankly up at the man she’d once loved.
“You promised… you’d help me.”
“And you believed that?”
“You said… you loved me…”
“When did I ever say that?”
Asar chuckled softly. Then he cupped her cheek with his hand. The touch, once so tender, now felt icy. Blood from his hand dripped onto her—her father’s blood.
“Veronica. I never loved you, nor did I ever promise to help you. I met you solely to remove Duke Hardness—an eyesore on my path to becoming Emperor. You provided me the perfect opportunity, and for that, I am grateful.”
“…”
“But love? Did you truly believe that after carelessly meddling in someone’s life, you’d be loved in return? What grand delusions you have.”
His hand pulled away dismissively, and the sword that had just beheaded her father was now pointed at her throat. The intent to strike was palpable.
“Veronica Hardness.”
The man she had devoted everything to loving—wearing that very smile she’d once adored—whispered gently,
“You were simply deceived by me.”
In that moment, she realized: she had played a part in her own father’s death.
Not long after, news spread that the incompetent Emperor had been eliminated and Prince Asar Roel Diasta had ascended the throne—a prince who’d never even been considered in the succession line.
Simultaneously, the story of the Hardness family became known. Rumors claimed Duke Hardness had formed a rebel army to seize imperial power but failed and was beheaded. Though people debated the truth of these rumors, the body of the alleged mastermind—headless—was displayed in the center of the square. Duke Hardness’s honor was forever tarnished, and his daughter was scorned as a traitor who’d betrayed her own father to survive.
Daughter of a rebel. A filial traitor. A woman driven mad by love. She bore every crude accusation and sank into despair—because while her father was executed and her house destroyed, she alone survived. She should have been punished, but supposedly owed her life to the new Emperor’s mercy—or so they claimed.
Mercy? This… was mercy?
“Ahahahahahahaha!”
She found the situation utterly hilarious. How could she not laugh? Her laughter spilled over the walls, yet she couldn’t stop.
How much lower must she fall? She had believed he loved her. She’d thought the way he looked at her, the way his eyes held her, must mirror her own feelings. Regret crystallized into tears. She was betrayed in love. This was the result of a love she’d been certain was fate.
When she had longed for their meeting, he had dreamed of their parting. When she whispered her love to him, he wove lies into truths and whispered back. When she clung to him in happiness, he had to suppress the urge to push her away.
From the start, there had been no love between us.
To him, she was merely one of many means to gain power. Perhaps it was a painfully ordinary tale.
Alone, Veronica stood in the ruins of her mansion. She didn’t know how many days had passed since that day. Her senses were numb, her mind hazy. Watching ants crawl across the filthy floor, she raised her hand—and with the dagger in it, plunged it into her own neck. It was a fitting end for the daughter of a traitor, a filial disgrace, a woman mad with love.
As her blood drained and her consciousness flickered, she reflected on the past. She relived her regrets. She recalled the man she’d once loved with all her heart and soul. And she prayed fervently:
If I could go back… if I were given just one more chance…
My beloved Asar.
‘This time, I’ll surely kill you myself.’
Thus, Veronica died.
And when she opened her eyes, she was lying in bed. Wrapped in softness, she couldn’t comprehend the situation at first. Her hands—once dirty and grimy—were now clean and unblemished. Neither her face nor clothes bore a single stain. In fact, her face seemed slightly younger than before.
Still dazed, she was suddenly led away by maids who rushed in and dressed her up. In the drawing room she was taken to immediately afterward, she saw him—the man who had betrayed her, falsely accused her father, and destroyed her entire house. The man she had once loved.
“His Highness Prince Asar Roel Diasta.”
“Miss Veronica Hardness.”
The moment she saw his gentle, kind smile, elation surged within her. Veronica ran toward the man who welcomed her—and then strangled that loathsome face with her bare hands.
When male lead is the homewrecker
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
I’ve read the novel below twice already. Girls, I’m highly recommending it to you!
The female lead? Not a good person.
The second male lead? Not a good person.
The male lead? Willingly plays the third party, breaking up the female and second male lead’s relationship despite all the warnings from his friends—so yeah, he’s definitely not a good person either.
Basically, nobody in this novel is simple-minded or without scheming.
The female lead starts off as the male lead’s secretary, but don’t worry—later on, she takes over the company while the male lead steps back to support her. He won’t steal her spotlight, overshadow her, or dull her shine.
I love novels where men are out here snatching wigs, tearing each other down, and going to war just to win the female lead’s affection. And this is exactly that kind of novel. Most of Hai Dai Ran’s works have this dynamic. You’ll see the male characters’ emotions being pushed to the absolute extreme.
There’s even a scene where the second male lead exposes the male lead online for being a homewrecker. The brotherhood immediately gangs up on him, dragging him through the mud. I find it compelling —it completely flips reality on its head, where usually, women are the ones fighting over a man and getting torn apart by the sisterhood.
For me, female leads in the novels I read should only struggle in their careers, not in love. But if the brainless romantics in the story are all men? I have zero complaints.
I’ve pretty much read all of Hai Dai Ran’s novels and even translated all of them—her works are just my thing. I’ll slowly upload everything here. One day, when my website is official, I hope I can invite her to join as one of the star authors.
Here’s the story synopsis:
One-line summary: She is his lifelong obsession, to the point where he was willing to be a third wheel, scorned by society, just to wedge his way into her relationship with her fiancé.
Cold-hearted and indifferent female lead + Scheming and subservient CEO male lead
Intro 1:
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
With blood trickling from his clenched fist, Rong Xiu gazed at the woman before him, his eyes clouded with anguish. Hidden in the wardrobe, he had witnessed Fan Xia – the woman he desperately loved – in an intimate embrace with her fiancé. Yet his heart still yearned for her, defying all reason.
Fan Xia, the elegant and composed assistant, carried something mysterious in her eyes whenever she looked at her fiancé, Wen Lan Sheng. Strange occurrences began to surface – secret meetings with the young Gu Jin Yi, an unexplained withdrawal of 5,000 yuan… Then suddenly, her fiancé’s sister, Wen Jing, violently attacked her.
In this matriarchal society, Rong Xiu had risen to become the chairman of a powerful healthcare conglomerate, breaking through gender prejudices. But for the first time, he willingly stepped into the shadows as the other man, disregarding his friends’ warnings to become her secret lover.
Because he had discovered the truth – Fan Xia wasn’t the pure angel everyone believed her to be. And perhaps, he was the only one capable of helping her execute her mysterious plan…
Intro 2:
Rong Xiu’s biggest regret in life was missing out on Fan Xia.
He secretly loved Fan Xia for 7 years.
Watched her go public with her boyfriend.
Watched her kiss her boyfriend at their wedding.
Until that man blissfully nestled in Fan Xia’s arms, obtaining everything he could only dream of.
The crazy jealousy stripped away his hidden secret love, layer by layer, burning like wildfire.
Fan Xia, how can I have you!
【Reading and Trigger Warning Guide】
1. Female dominant, male submissive, male pregnancy
2. Male lead schemes his way to the top, male competition
_____
Please help me, I want to bring you the best possible things.
If you find any chapter or novel with poor translation and editing quality, let me know by commenting directly under that novel or chapter. I will retranslate it as soon as possible.
[Touch the gear icon in the bottom right corner of the screen to move to the next chapter if you want.]
MANGA DISCUSSION
1 Comment
QUOTES (1)
- Most Quoted
- Newest
- Top Voted
Chapter Comments (10)
She is a complete moron but I appreciate her straight-forwardness 🤣
this chapter was extremely sad. I like the fact that the author keep emphasizing on her past life, like not to let go her trauma. I i have read many fast pace regression novels when as soon as fmc finds love everything else just goes really fast and nothing else matters almost as if forgetting the revenge which was suppose to be the priority, so far loving this novel i hope they don’t ruin it.
I can totally understand the fmc she don’t want fake friends cause she already has a experience where she thought someone was her friend but they where only using her for her status. I mean its always hard to trust people when u been betrayed badly. I can totally understand her having trust issues.
Inline Comments (249)
A voice beside him whispered, “Smile, Your Highness.”
istg i love her seriously. I am all here for there banter😂😂😂
“I came because I missed my beloved. Please understand.”
its more like i hate you and then she says something and then he is like i hate you more now. Love the fact how patient she is to achieve her goal. The countless love confession without any meaning🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Good thing you’re not tired of me yet.”
love her seriously, her character arc is great. she is a bada** character.😎😎
YOUR COMMENT
2. Inline comments are now available. Tap the end of any line in a chapter to share your thoughts instantly.
Log in to comment.
Nadia imam
this chapter is so game of thrones coded. like Sansa, joffery and ned. i kinda like it.