If You Want To Possess Me (9 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 3
With what state of mind had she returned home?
Sitting before her vanity, Kisa quietly gazed into the mirror. Her bright golden hair, inherited from her mother, and her blue eyes, passed down from her father—everything appeared as usual.
Yet the face of Kisa Bansfeldt, once hailed as the flower of high society and admired for her radiant beauty, looked utterly exhausted today. Her skin lacked its usual luster, and dark shadows lingered beneath her eyes.
It was only natural. Kisa hadn’t slept a wink all last night. After what had happened, how could she possibly rest peacefully?
“My lady, how long will you keep staring off like this?”
At that moment, a middle-aged woman entered Kisa’s room carrying a washbasin. She was Kisa’s nanny, who had cared for her since she was a newborn.
“Nanny, what brings you here? Is Marsha unwell?”
It was usually the maid Marsha’s duty to bring Kisa her wash water.
“No, my lady. I happened to be coming to see you anyway, so I just took the basin from Marsha on my way.”
“Is this about what happened yesterday?”
“Yes. From what Marsha told me, you went to Euphie Street last night? Whatever possessed you to go there? If the Count hears of it, you might get into trouble.”
Kisa lowered her eyes, recalling her father’s stern and aloof face.
“Does Father know?”
“No. Fortunately, he had a late business meeting yesterday and didn’t return until very late.”
The nanny set the washbasin atop the vanity and gently brushed back Kisa’s hair.
“Now, tell me honestly—why on earth did you go to a place you’ve never set foot in before? And so late at night, too.”
Kisa understood. Though the nanny genuinely cherished her, she was also a loyal servant of House Bansfeldt.
If the nanny found out, the Count would surely learn of it too. Kisa wasn’t ready to tell her father what had happened yesterday.
“It’s nothing serious.”
Knowing the nanny would press further if she left it at that, Kisa quickly added a plausible excuse.
“I wanted to meet Daniel.”
“Young Master Daniel?”
Marquis Lowens, Daniel’s father, shared a long-standing, close friendship with Count Bansfeldt—so close, in fact, that they had even arranged an engagement between their children.
As children, the two had frequently visited each other’s homes accompanied by their fathers, so the nanny regarded Daniel with relative fondness.
“Yes. I haven’t seen Daniel in quite a while. At yesterday’s tea party, someone mentioned our engagement, and suddenly I missed him terribly.”
Just uttering Daniel’s name made her heart ache, recalling everything that had transpired the night before.
But she had no choice—she needed to deceive the nanny. An unconvincing excuse would immediately raise suspicion from someone who knew her so well.
“Hmm, I see. Come to think of it, I’ve heard young noblemen like Master Daniel enjoy places like that.”
Thankfully, the nanny seemed to believe Kisa’s excuse. After all, Kisa had rarely ever lied to her.
“Still, it wasn’t proper behavior. What if something had happened while you went there without escorts?”
“I’m sorry. I was in a hurry.”
Perhaps Kisa’s haggard appearance stirred the nanny’s sympathy, for her tone softened.
“Well… I suppose it’s all Master Daniel’s fault. What’s so urgent that he treats his own fiancée so coldly? He’s been away studying abroad and hasn’t seen you for ages.”
“…Exactly. He really is awful.”
“That’s what I say. He used to have his charming moments as a child, but now that he’s grown up…”
Just then, the nanny, who had been grumbling about Daniel, suddenly gasped.
“So you never actually met him? That’s why you look so miserable?”
Gratefully, the nanny had already supplied a reason for Kisa’s poor condition, so she simply nodded in agreement.
“Yes. I waited at the teahouse he often visits, just in case—but I suppose last night wasn’t one of his usual days, so we didn’t meet.”
“Honestly! If he has time to sip tea, he could at least show his face to you once in a while. But that’s beside the point. This once, I’ll let it pass—but never again behave as you did last night.”
“Why?”
“Pardon?”
“Why must I not?”
“W-Well…”
Taken aback by Kisa’s unexpected response, the nanny stammered. Even Kisa herself was surprised by her own question. Why? Normally, she would have obediently nodded to the nanny’s instructions.
“Never mind. It was a silly question. Of course one shouldn’t go to such places carelessly.”
Relieved by Kisa’s retraction, the nanny urged her gently.
“Exactly. Now hurry and wash up. It’s almost time to leave. Remember, you’re to attend Duchess Darrion’s piano recital today.”
“Right.”
Kisa splashed warm water on her face and dried it with the towel the nanny offered. Once she finished, the nanny picked up the basin again and turned to leave.
“Wait.”
On impulse, Kisa reached out and caught her arm without realizing.
“What is it, my lady?”
“…Am I… not very clever?”
“Clever?”
“Yes. You’ve known me since I was little—what do you think?”
“Why ask that all of a sudden?”
“I just wondered. Lately, I keep losing at bridge. Maybe my mind isn’t working as well as it should?”
“My lady, really—it’s just a card game.”
The nanny chuckled good-naturedly, showing no sign of serious concern.
“Don’t worry. You’re more than clever enough. Your etiquette tutor, your writing tutor, your dance instructor, your music teacher—they all praised you endlessly.”
“But I don’t know much about history or philosophy. I never even studied them.”
“Pardon? Why would my lady need such things?”
“…Never mind.”
Kisa gave an awkward smile and resumed preparing to go out.
Even while listening to Duchess Darrion’s unremarkable performance, Kisa’s thoughts were elsewhere. After mechanically clapping along with the others a few times, she realized all the pieces had already concluded.
“Thank you, everyone. In particular, I’d like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to my husband, whose unwavering support—both moral and material—has kept me from giving up piano all these years.”
Standing on the stage, Duchess Darrion spoke expansively of her husband, clearly convinced of her marital bliss.
“Oh, by the way—I just remembered. In honor of Reading Month, the Royal Library, where my husband serves as director, will be hosting a reading promotion event. Should any of you find the time, please consider stopping by.”
Kisa reflected on Duchess Darrion and the other noble couples present. Most aristocrats entered loveless marriages—how many of them could truly call themselves happy?
Back in the carriage returning to Bansfeldt Estate, Kisa suddenly felt stifled. Oddly enough, the home where she’d grown up now filled her with reluctance.
Just then, a building passed by outside the window. On impulse, Kisa opened the window and instructed the coachman to change their destination.
Soon after, she stepped into the Royal Library. Marsha, troubled once again by her mistress’s unscheduled detour, looked thoroughly uneasy—but Kisa had her justification.
She was merely honoring Duchess Darrion’s personal request. Moreover, it had been Count Bansfeldt himself who’d sent his daughter to the recital earlier, precisely to curry favor with the Duchess.
With such reasoning, he surely wouldn’t object.
“You may use Reading Room 8.”
When Kisa told the librarian she intended to read before heading back, he assigned her to Room 8—a quiet, noble-exclusive reading room.
Unless one sought an extremely rare volume, books were meant to be purchased by nobles. Even when borrowing from the library, they usually took the books home rather than read on-site.
Kisa settled at a sunlit table and opened the book she’d fetched from the central reading area. “Bartism”—a volume explaining the philosophical theory proposed by the thinker Bart.
“Didn’t you just ask where you were stupid? Then let me ask you one thing, Kisa—what do you think of Bartism?”
Closing her eyes, she could still hear Daniel’s words from last night echoing in her ears.
What right did such trivial nonsense have to crush a person’s dignity so utterly? Such worthless drivel.
Muttering under her breath, Kisa stared at the rows of black letters on the page.
Time passed. The sky, still blue when she’d entered the library, had turned crimson and then deepened into dusk.
Hhh… Kisa barely suppressed a sob threatening to escape through her clenched teeth.
Yet she couldn’t hold back her tears entirely; a few drops slid down her cheeks, speckling the pages beneath.
She quickly wiped the tears from the book and continued reading through her blurred vision. Countless words swirled in her mind, but hardly any made full sense to her.
“I don’t understand. No matter how many times I reread it, I just can’t grasp it.” Finally, confirming she was alone in Reading Room 8, Kisa began to weep openly.
Truthfully, what wounded her heart yesterday wasn’t merely Daniel’s betrayal—perhaps even more so was the gnawing fear that he might be right: that she really was foolish.
She wanted to deny it, but couldn’t. She had no solid grounds to claim she wasn’t dim-witted.
It felt unjust—why must she bear this pain? After all, Daniel was clearly the one at fault.
Yet this book, which she couldn’t even comprehend for a single page, filled her with shame.
If only she hadn’t been content with the narrow education provided by her father and nanny—if only she’d pursued knowledge beyond that—would things have turned out differently?
Might she then have answered Daniel’s question effortlessly and declared, “It’s not you who rejects me—it’s I who rejects you”?
Sadly, that remained an impossible fantasy. To Daniel and that woman, she was nothing but a dull and burdensome presence.
Overwhelmed by this bitter truth, she wept without restraint—when suddenly:
“Why are you crying?”
A voice she shouldn’t have heard reached her ears. Kisa whipped around toward its source.
“Oh—did I startle you? I’m sorry.”
A man stood leaning against a bookshelf.
“I’ve never seen anyone cry while reading about Bartism, so I couldn’t help but speak up.”
He smiled faintly, his eyes slightly crinkled at the corners.
Male lead says he’s pregnant — and it’s female lead’s child
Something seems a bit off about this world.
Wang Zhao thought as she watched a pregnant man walking towards her…
Intro
Female lead finds herself in a world where the men who possess the ability to bear children.
As she navigates this unfamiliar reality, she is caught off guard by the sudden appearance of her boyfriend, who reveals that he is pregnant.
Is this truly her boyfriend?
Why can’t she recall any details about their time together?
She begins to doubt whether the child her boyfriend is carrying is even hers.
Is there a hidden reason behind her amnesia, or could it be a side effect of her sudden arrival in this strange new world?
Just when it seems the protagonist’s life couldn’t become any more entangled, her ex-boyfriend makes an unexpected appearance, raising questions about the protagonist’s past.
__________
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