Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 5
Ian Camell Axen Febenheim.
He was the son of the fourth empress, the one least favored in the past. Within the power struggles among the princes, his position had always been the lowest.
Despite possessing genius-level swordsmanship and an extraordinary mind, he pretended to be ignorant and weak, living quietly and inconspicuously just to avoid attention.
When his father the emperor’s health deteriorated, the princes eagerly plunged into political battles to seize the throne.
Naturally, he became the first to be trampled underfoot.
Weeds that get in the way must be pulled before they grow too tall. At the age of thirteen, Ian was handed over as if sold to a slave trader.
That was the gravest mistake made by those blinded by power.
Eight years later.
The boy who once had neither strength, backing, nor boldness returned, carving his path through blood.
His eyes, having trudged through filth even in distant foreign lands, were no longer those of the naive boy from eight years prior.
Ian knew well the extent of his own power and how to wield it skillfully. He created opportunities by knowing precisely when to retreat and when to press forward, advancing step by step.
⌜I’ve truly missed you, my dear brothers.⌟
One by one, his brothers’ heads fell. Upon a sea of blood, the throne was restored, and he placed upon his brow the stained imperial crown he had earned himself. His return ended in a flawless feast of predation.
It had been a slaughter long prepared. Yet he did not rule by force alone—his talent for forging loyal followers was equally exceptional.
‘Whenever one confronted His Majesty’s sincerity, there was never any other recourse.’
During the long journey back to the imperial palace, men lined up to follow him with their very lives. Even Dion Cedric, now his chief advisor, had been won over during that journey.
If Ian ever pointed a blade at him, Dion would tremble yet willingly offer his neck, convinced there must be good reason for it.
That remained unchanged even now, five years after Ian ascended the throne.
Aware of this himself, Dion carefully asked, trying to stay composed.
“Do you mean… travel? If you wish for rest, I shall prepare the villa in Zerden City.”
“No. Somewhere much farther.”
“Then perhaps the coastal Doha region…”
“I’m going to the Empire of Instantia. Right now.”
The Eastern Empire of Instantia was a nation distant both geographically and diplomatically.
After the late emperor—who had aggressively expanded territory—stepped down, a peace treaty disguised as diplomatic negotiations had been signed, and that was the extent of relations.
The small kingdoms caught between them were simply grateful for the rough strait dividing the two continents. That strait served as an unspoken agreement: whether in trade or formal relations, matters crossing continents should never run too deep.
Yet now, he wanted to go there.
‘Two bombs in a row is really too much!’
From the moment the first bomb dropped, Dion had secretly been jotting down his list titled “(Annoying) His Imperial Majesty’s Whims.” The second bomb reduced it to scrap paper.
This couldn’t be brushed off as a joke. Their emperor, utterly devoid of flexibility, never uttered idle words.
Dion sighed deeply inwardly but barely managed to accept the order.
“I shall hasten preparations as much as possible, but gathering tribute and assembling an envoy will require considerable time.”
“Then we’ll go quietly—without anyone knowing. With Eden here, we can cross the strait without even touching the water.”
“…Did I hear that wrong?”
“A chief advisor to the ruler of a nation being this slow? I mean to travel incognito.”
Dion’s face, which had merely turned sallow before, now paled to a pitiful blue.
Last time, His Majesty had demanded the entire map of northern Instantia—had he buried a treasure chest there or something?
The realm had only just passed through a chaotic period and stabilized. Such recklessness was unacceptable.
“Your Majesty, please reconsider. If discovered, it could threaten not only your dignity but also ripple through Rihalt.”
“How stuffy. Can’t I even take a vacation? Besides, as long as you keep your mouth shut, it’ll be harder to get caught.”
Dion tried to retort, but Ian rose to his feet, clearly forbidding further argument.
“Consider it settled for departure tonight. I’ll take my leave now. Heidi will handle my duties, so there’s no need to worry.”
He slung his coat over one shoulder and strode briskly toward the door.
Just then, Heidi slipped quietly through the door and smoothly added,
“Exactly, Dion. Don’t worry—just go pack your things. Haven’t I often acted as regent whenever my brother was on campaign? It’s not the first time; what’s the big deal? I was quite a capable ruler, you know.”
“That was out of necessity! What if something unexpected happens and your return is delayed longer than planned!”
“This is necessary too. Anyway, I’ll have plenty of ways to pass the time, so don’t fret. You worry too much.”
“Precisely because you’re so utterly careless! How can I not worry!”
Dion cried out in distress, but his plea was lightly dismissed. Ian passed by Heidi and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“I’ll do my best to return within three months.”
“Why so soon? Thirty years wouldn’t be a problem.”
Heidi swatted his hand away, grinned brightly, and perched herself on the edge of the desk. Her fingers tapped the corners as if claiming the seat as her own—an impudent gesture brimming with confidence.
“So this seat is mine now? Ugh, so gloomy. Brother, your taste and mine really don’t match at all. Since I’ll probably sit here for at least thirty years, I’ll start by changing this desk.”
There was only one person in the room wearing a miserable frown.
The poor advisor pressed his throbbing temples. Seeing how perfectly those two schemed together, they must have planned this a long time ago.
Ian had already left the room. Dion let out a heavy, choked sigh.
Heidi approached, handed him his coat, and patted his back—less a gesture of comfort, more a clear nudge to leave.
“Your Highness…”
Dion gazed at her pitifully like a rain-soaked puppy, but Heidi firmly shook her head.
In the end, he let himself be pushed toward the door and asked,
“Your Highness, be honest—why are you going? Is it about Belzebuth…?”
“That’s part of it. And a few other things.”
“But why didn’t you give me any warning until now!”
“Because I knew you’d jump around like a grasshopper with its eyes rolled back. You know now before we leave—that’s enough, isn’t it? At least I didn’t leave you behind.”
Dion looked somewhat hurt but quickly acquiesced.
“I won’t question further since it’s already decided… but what exactly do you mean by ‘a few other things’?”
“Well… technically, by my standards, Belzebuth counts as the ‘other thing,’ but explaining everything would be too long and tiresome. Let’s just say there’s someone I need to find.”
“Who on earth could possibly require a journey all the way to the Eastern Empire…”
Heidi stopped abruptly at the doorway. When Dion turned to her in confusion, she shoved him firmly out the door.
“There’s just this thing—my brother denies it, but I’m absolutely certain.”
“Wha—what thing?”
Dion wobbled, struggling to regain balance with his legs tangled. In the meantime, Heidi stepped out herself and pulled the double doors shut behind them.
She turned with a short hum and smirked.
“What do you think someone who’s thought of only one person for over ten years would do?”
.
.
.
At the hour when all were asleep, secret movement stirred behind the imperial palace.
Instead of gleaming armor, a shadowy group disguised as commoners hurriedly moved under the dim light of a single lantern. They were the elite knights accompanying Ian on his journey.
Heidi arrived, dragging Dion like luggage, and joined them. She gave a brief wave toward Ian, who was already mounted.
“Have a good trip. If things go south, don’t bother coming back.”
“That feels suspiciously like leaving a fish in a cat’s care.”
“As you well know, I’m rather perfect in every way. No matter how you look at it, the throne suits me best.”
“You’re dragging out the prelude. Just spit it out—what do you really want to say?”
The smile that had lingered at Heidi’s lips stretched into a sly, drawn-out frown.
“So, if you don’t want to lose it, make sure you find your first love and come back.”
“I’ve told you countless times—it’s just about repaying a debt.”
“But why do I feel like you’re going to find a lover, not a benefactor?”
Ian also curved his lips in response to Heidi’s teasing. An invisible tension crackled between them. Watching from a distance, Dion’s face only grew more hollow.
“You must be awfully worried about your dear brother embarking on such a long journey. Should I take it to mean you’ve no desire to get your precious Helios back?”
“Are you joking?”
“I’ve never really wanted the throne—it’s just exhausting. At this rate, I might as well abandon the world entirely and never return.”
Heidi, having just suffered yet another defeat today, pouted.
“Fine, fine. My only brother makes one little joke, and you get so petty.”
Still grumbling, she double-checked the saddle knots. When she gently patted Helios’s flank, the horse let out a pleased, rumbling snort.
Heidi took the reins and handed them to Ian.
“Anyway, whether repaying a debt or chasing love—just make sure you find what you’re looking for. I know better than anyone that not a single second of your climb to this point was wasted…”
Her expression mingled strange anticipation, worry, and a hint of restlessness.
Ian turned his head away and murmured, as if reminding himself,
“Don’t worry. I’ll find her—without fail.”
With that reply, Ian spurred his horse. The black figures gradually faded into the distance, accompanied by the rhythmic clop of hooves.
Once the city lights dimmed and the party entered the open wilderness, Ian looked up at the sky.
A pitch-black night, without even a single point of dim light. The night he’d been forced to part from her had been exactly like this.
‘Helena. I’m finally coming to you.’
Three weeks before she declared divorce in Evergale, secret ripples had already begun stirring across the sea in the Western Continent.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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Who cares? 😒 That mf deserves a lot of pain 😒😒😡😡
EXACTLY! She’s with someone else …now you aint shit
Me too 😒 she should have kicked his balls and cut them 🤔