Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 13
Before my eyes, wave after wave surged forward, boiling like foam before crashing down.
I couldn’t possibly leave my body in Pretarita, so I chose this beach in Ptooah instead. This land was barren enough already; I couldn’t burden its hardworking, good-hearted people with something so unsightly.
Besides, that vast expanse of ocean surely had room enough to embrace my solitary frame. The rolling seawater would carry me anywhere—without asking anything in return.
Yet even without such reasons, I still felt I would have ended up here someday.
Deep within, instinct screamed: go to the sea.
“I’ve seen enough.”
Helena brushed the sand off her clothes and stood up.
Almost simultaneously, a child walking from the opposite direction began running toward her.
Reaching her, the child caught his breath and beamed brightly.
“Seriously—huff—you really are my older sister!”
“……?”
“You’re Helen, right? You moved away when I was either seven or eight. Back when we both lived in Pretarita.”
The boy seemed genuinely thrilled to see her. His innocent face gave no hint of deceit.
Helena quickly sifted through her memories. His face was indeed familiar, yet no clear image surfaced.
“How old are you now?”
“Twelve. Don’t you recognize me?”
Between the child and herself lay a gap far wider than their years. The repeated cycles of regression had blurred the time before her marriage beyond recognition.
Moreover, Eric once mentioned she’d once argued with Matilda and slammed her head hard against a table.
Helena absentmindedly rubbed her forehead beneath her hair. A scar about the width of a pinky finger could still be felt.
Even after becoming an adult, that scar had gradually stolen away memories. Most were from childhood—luckily, at least she hadn’t turned into a complete fool.
“……Older sister?”
Except for situations like this.
The boy’s wide, clear eyes staring up at her made her feel inexplicably guilty each time he blinked.
Helena reluctantly feigned recognition.
“Oh… were you from the house next door?”
“No.”
“……The one in front?”
“The one behind.”
“Then… you must be Theo. No, Peter…? Peter?”
“Theo’s my older brother. I’m Paul.”
“…Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Nothing she’d guessed had been right. With nothing else to say, she blurted out a random question.
“Did you move back here?”
“No. I came here because a handsome man in Pretarita gave me gold coins to properly hold Theo’s funeral. I’d just met with the undertaker to set the date and was on my way back.”
“I see… Your brother would’ve appreciated that.”
Someone generous must have made a charitable gesture. If only she’d arrived a little sooner, maybe she could’ve received something too.
Just as the awkward silence threatened to stretch further, Paul turned toward the harbor.
In the distance, an old man was shouting something.
“Oh! Grandfather’s calling me. I’ll stay right where we used to live, so you can visit anytime, older sister!”
Paul waved hurriedly and ran off.
Helena kept waving until he shrank into a tiny dot, then finally turned away.
“Well… I doubt we’ll ever meet again.”
Brilliant sunlight shattered dazzlingly atop the crashing waves.
“I had nothing—no possessions, no family, nowhere to return to—so I was about to end it all.”
As if calling out to her.
Helena quietly inhaled within the calm before the storm. The sea drew even closer.
If the scent of death smelled like the ocean, then she rather liked it. Even with her end so near, she felt utterly calm.
She only wished this death would be her final one. She never wanted to wake again in Eugene’s bed.
If she were sent back once more, she’d press the muzzle right against her own temple—even if it were right before his eyes—and pull the trigger again and again until nothing of her remained.
Once her soul wore away completely, she’d never have to see him again.
“…Eugene.”
Helena let his name linger once more on her tongue. He was like a dam that overflowed no matter how hard she tried to hold it back. His image washed over her together with the sound of the waves.
⌜Helena. I’ll always be by your side.⌟
It had always been a world where she stood alone, endlessly.
Now even the side of the one man who alone had ever told her he loved her and held her close was lost to her—it seemed this was how it would end after all.
“If only this life had been one where I gave up on you… maybe the ending would’ve been kinder.”
But unchanging repetition drove one mad. Waiting without hope only brought exhaustion.
In the end, unfulfilled longing made her give up—not on Eugene, but on herself.
It had always been this way. Relief lasted only a fleeting moment, while yearning stretched into eternity. Even her own emotions constantly mocked her. Death sounded far better than loneliness.
“Since loving you was the reason for my life, then now…”
Helena slowly stepped toward the surging tide. Her body moved as if pulled by the water itself.
“Eugene… Will you finally read me? That every moment I spent in Evergale was my farewell letter.”
Seawater mixed with sand filled her shoes, drifting seaweed brushed her calves, and cold seeped deep into her bones. The high tide was merciless. Just one more step and she’d be fully submerged.
There was no reason to hesitate, no lingering attachment. This death wasn’t forced upon her—it was her own choice. Perhaps that alone made it bearable. It only felt regretful that she’d foolishly just now found the courage to die.
Helena took her final step.
“Helena!”
At that moment, she heard splashing behind her and a sharp cry. Someone’s urgent shout sounded oddly like her own name.
But nothing would change. It was probably just a hallucination.
Perhaps it was her own farewell, shouted aloud from craving love too presumptuously.
“Will anyone miss me?”
Before she could even grieve further, a fresh wave crashed over her head, pressing her body down and dragging her deeper into the sea.
The light piercing her vision blurred gradually, and her ears grew muffled.
The end was approaching. Even the agony of suffocation felt peaceful. All sensation faded away.
Just as her consciousness began to slip into darkness—
Splash!
“What do you think you’re doing?!”
A furious shout exploded in her ear. Simultaneously, not only her head but her entire upper body was swiftly yanked above the water.
Cold air flooded deep into her lungs, jolting her senses back to life. She thrashed reflexively, gasping—but this time, she didn’t sink again.
Helena reached back, feeling a strong pressure around her waist. Something solid was coiled tightly around her—someone was desperately pulling her through the water.
“Let go… Let go of me…!”
She clawed at the fingers, but her strength was no match. The harder she pushed, the tighter the grip around her waist became.
Soon, the water receded to chest level. Then a large palm pressed against her back, an arm slipped under her knees, and he lifted her up.
Exhausted from the struggle, Helena stopped resisting and went limp.
All she could manage was resting her head against the stranger’s chest and barely drawing breath. She’d swallowed so much water her body felt as heavy as a stone.
She weakly lifted her blurred gaze—drops of water fell continuously onto her face.
Because of the backlight, she couldn’t tell whether they were tears from the man’s eyes or seawater dripping from his hair.
Before she could finish coughing up the water choking her, the man had already waded ashore through the waves.
Only when they reached dry land, beyond the reach of the tide, did he drop to his knees in the sand.
“No, Helen. Don’t lose consciousness! Helena!”
Helena trembled all over like a cornered mouse.
Her drenched body felt unbearably cold—yet his breath, scorching hot, kept enveloping her.
He pressed his lips to her forehead again and again, like brushing through her hair, whispering her name desperately with every breath that burned her skin.
In a voice she’d never heard before, yet as if he’d called her this way countless times. He kept calling her name.
Following that desperate voice, a final thought drifted through Helena’s mind like her last breath.
Why are you crying for me?
Why do you call my name so desperately?
Why won’t you even let me die as I please?
Just who are you—
To hold me as if I were your entire world?
Just then, the clouds parted, and sunlight spotlighted him. Slowly, his features emerged beneath the pale glow.
Helena took him in gently with her eyes.
Silver hair as pure as melted moonlight, lilac-colored eyes warm like spring blossoms.
Though everything about him seemed pure and gentle, his sharp nose and defined jawline gave him an overall rough impression.
A man who belonged more on a battlefield soaked in blood than on a spring meadow.
And that man was weeping now.
Clutching her as if he’d crush her.
“Don’t leave me alone. Stay by my side. Please, please…”
She wanted to say something in reply, but Helena’s effort dissolved into nothing.
His voice, soaked with tears that never seemed to dry, grew fainter and fainter. Defying his anguish, her eyes slowly closed. She was so exhausted.
“Helena, please…!”
Hearing the man’s final plea, Helena silently prayed.
May my breath cease here and now—forever.
[This is the timeline separator]That night we parted, the last greeting I whispered:
⌜You have to find me.⌟
Thirteen years had passed since then.
It had been a mere whisper, a promise lasting only a moment—words long faded by now.
Yet no matter how much blood and slaughter stained the years that followed, Helena’s presence only grew clearer in his mind. Far from fading, she became sharper.
He wasn’t sure if his feelings for her remained, but he had to see her again. He had to find her, no matter how.
Until then, this unquenchable thirst within him would never subside. So Ian clung desperately to that single promise and came blindly to Ptooah’s shore.
Never imagining he’d witness the very scene he’d dreaded most.
“Helena! Helen!”
Her red hair spreading through the blue water sent a chill down his spine. It was as if the ocean itself was turning to blood. She was slipping away, beyond his reach.
Ian clenched his teeth so hard they ground together. Crushing guilt overwhelmed him.
Did I come too late? Is that why you chose this?
After everything I endured to get here, driven solely by the vow to protect you—
“I can’t lose you too.”
Without hesitation, Ian plunged into the sea. Cutting through the turbulent waves, he dragged himself ashore and—against all odds—saved her.
He adjusted her slackening body in his arms, called her name, made her expel the water. But Helena grew ever stiller.
She seemed to refuse waking on her own. Ian’s insides burned black with despair. His mind went blank.
He held her as tightly as he could and whispered frantically into her ear. Again and again, he kissed her water-soaked forehead, begging.
And then—as if to betray all his waiting—Helena closed her eyes.
Male lead is a clingy little husband
One-line summary: The male lead is initially an arrogant, noble, love-deprived brat, later a cute, clingy, scheming little jealous one.
Introduction:
One day, Lu Yuner’s soul transmigrates into a female-dominant world. She enters the Imperial Academy and takes up the position of a doctoral instructor, teaching classes and grading schoolwork.
One day, she encounters the young prince Su Qingwan secretly skipping class from the male academy.
As a result, Su Qingwan is punished.
From then on, Su Qingwan sees Lu Yuner as a “thorn in his side”.
But before long, this “thorn” becomes the person he cherishes most, and he goes to great lengths to win Lu Yuner’s affection.
Mini scene 1:
One day, the sun is high in the sky but Su Qingwan still hasn’t gotten up for class.
Servant Xiaoyuan: “Young prince, it’s time for class. You’ll be late otherwise.”
Su Qingwan says arrogantly: “I’m not going. I am the esteemed prince, my status is so noble, why should I suffer this hardship? Besides, isn’t learning all this just to please women? Hmph, they’re not worthy!”
Mini scene 2:
After Su Qingwan falls for someone, he completely changes. He no longer skips class and diligently learns how to be a good husband and father. But he discovers that Sister Yuner is always surrounded by admirers.
Drunk and overcome with jealousy one day, he clings to Lu Yuner, crying beautifully like a pear blossom in the rain.
Su Qingwan: “Qingwan likes Sister Yuner.”
Lu Yuner: “Young prince, you’re drunk.”
Su Qingwan: “Qingwan isn’t drunk. Qingwan likes Sister Yuner, likes you so much, likes you to bits…” Before he can finish, Lu Yuner’s eyes flash with emotion and she leans in closer.
[Reading Guide]
1. The female lead is gentle, gracious, humble and polite but not weak. The male lead is initially an arrogant, noble, love-deprived brat, later a cute, clingy, scheming little jealous one.
2. 1v1, a bit torturous in the beginning but definitely sweet later on.
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Who cares? 😒 That mf deserves a lot of pain 😒😒😡😡
EXACTLY! She’s with someone else …now you aint shit
Me too 😒 she should have kicked his balls and cut them 🤔