As If I've Never Loved (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 9
“This feeling is completely new to me. With Sally and…”
Eloise, who had paused her pen mid-stroke, rested her chin on her hand with a serious expression.
After a brief hesitation, she quickly wrote a second sentence.
“I feel like I’m drifting apart from Sally.”
The past few days had been strangely silent—since that deep night in their shared, darkened bedroom, when their only exchange had been a quiet “Goodnight” before falling asleep.
It seemed they’d never gone so long without speaking since they first began talking—it truly felt unfamiliar.
‘Surely, older sister must have a lot on her mind. After all, an entirely new life lies ahead of her.’
She must be excited, but equally afraid. So perhaps she didn’t feel like talking…
“Sigh.”
Eloise, cutting her thoughts short, exhaled a delicate sigh.
It was a ridiculous excuse from the start. After all, her sister had always been the quiet one.
Since childhood, the precocious Sarah had always listened to Eloise’s chatter with a gentle, ever-present smile.
It had always been Eloise who called out to her sister again and again each night before sleep—it was simply natural.
Thus, the meaning behind their dwindling conversations was painfully clear: Eloise herself was the one avoiding her sister.
Out of fear that her sister might discover her impure desire—to stand by that man’s side instead.
By now, she’d grown rather skilled at feigning an excited expression whenever wedding talk came up at meals, acting as if she herself were thrilled.
It was utterly detestable.
Meanwhile, Sarah remained unchanged. As always, she was quiet and serene.
Even with an abrupt marriage looming, one might expect her to be uneasy—yet her thoughtful expression seemed happier than ever before.
‘Marriage can’t possibly be pure joy. It’s stepping into a completely foreign world.’
So there could only be one reason she appeared so happy: her belief that, with him by her side, she could overcome any hardship.
Each time Eloise dwelled on the fact that such happiness would never come to her, her heart ached as though crushed under immense weight.
It was sorrowful, yet unavoidable. No one else would ever stir such feelings in her—except Ansel Blaine.
Some gossiped that the Bailey daughter had hooked a man far above her station.
But Eloise thought it fortunate that he was not merely out of her sister’s league, but truly exceptional.
If Sarah had become engaged to some unworthy man—even if their mother somehow permitted it—then the duty of a politically advantageous marriage would inevitably fall to Eloise, the second daughter.
Above all, Eloise had no intention of accepting even the most dazzling proposal, one that might impress even Mrs. Poulm.
She knew it was childish, but truly—she had no desire to become anyone’s wife.
Not unless it was him…
Eloise squeezed her eyes shut as if in pain and slammed her diary shut.
‘What on earth am I thinking?’
The strange thing wasn’t the quiet night—it was her own heart.
All Eloise could hope was that Sarah would never discover these feelings, or if she did, would kindly pretend not to know.
[This is the timeline separator]“Ansel, would you like more tea?”
Mrs. Bailey’s gentle voice rang out—soft and refined enough to belong to the lady of a noble house.
“Please relax. Truly, there’s no need for formality anymore—we’re practically family now.”
Ansel’s reply was barely audible, his voice unusually low.
Eloise suddenly found herself amused by the image of her own figure: crouched like a mouse in the kitchen, holding her breath, ears pricked with curiosity.
More precisely—herself standing dumbfounded before the stairs leading down to the cellar, having excused herself to help Mrs. Hurst with the laundry yet never actually descending.
Eloise sank helplessly onto the floor right there and swallowed a sigh.
“How utterly foolish.”
He had returned to the Bailey house not long after his proposal sent Mayberry into an uproar.
As if to prove his passionate love, the handsome suitor began visiting the Bailey residence multiple times a week, starting from his very first call.
Though he claimed to be staying in Longfield all summer, such frequent visits were remarkably unconventional for a man of his status.
He could easily have invited Sarah to stay with him at Fairmont House for the summer—their engagement made it perfectly acceptable—yet he chose instead to come to this old house. The reason was obvious.
‘…Because he knows how uncomfortable she feels in that mansion.’
His visits weren’t grand affairs, even as Sarah’s fiancé.
His sole purpose was a brief conversation with her.
Though today happened to include Mrs. Bailey for tea, normally Ansel would quietly meet only his fiancée before departing.
Though their courtship lacked the usual fervor expected of an engaged couple, Eloise instantly recognized it as yet another act of consideration for her sister.
Of course—Sarah was naturally shy. He willingly matched her pace, even though she would soon be his wife.
And after marriage, they would compose their own rhythm, set only to music meant for the two of them.
Step by step, slow and tender.
How beautiful that dance would be—surely dazzling enough to leave onlookers breathless.
The thought inevitably brought a familiar ache to her chest.
“It must be dreadfully dull compared to the capital. Are you certain you’ll be alright staying here? It’s different from just spending a season and leaving.”
At that moment, Mrs. Bailey spoke—and for the first time, Eloise clearly heard his reply.
It resonated as though he were whispering right beside her—an unusually deep and distinct sound.
“You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of living in this house.”
“Oh, Ansel…”
Mrs. Bailey sighed. Eloise felt the same, though she made no sound.
Sarah said nothing, but Eloise could clearly picture her expression without even looking.
Sally, her pearl-like face flushed rose-red, smiling shyly.
How sweetly must Ansel’s eyes shine as they looked upon her?
They truly were a pair so perfectly matched it brought tears to one’s eyes.
This, then, was what love looked like when it shattered the barriers of status—convincing to anyone who saw them.
Eloise had never wished to eavesdrop on the conversations between Sarah and Ansel in the empty study. She didn’t need to—she already knew.
She knew their words would be softer and sweeter than any fine poem or song.
It was better not to witness them together at all.
More precisely, seeing Ansel alone was far more dangerous than watching the lovely couple. Facing him was deeply harmful to Eloise.
Whenever she looked upon him—the man grown perfectly into his ideal self—her heart would inevitably stir.
Memories of his childhood and unspoken words tangled painfully in her mind.
Thus, she simply couldn’t greet him with composure.
Having loved him for so long, and now seeing him become her beloved sister’s fiancé—if she claimed to feel nothing, it would be a lie. So she could only leave it to time.
After the wedding, she would eventually accept it all. Though Sarah’s absence would feel unbearably lonely at first, life would move on.
So she had to endure, no matter how painful.
‘Even if it’s this childish, as long as I can avoid him.’
After all, less than three months remained until her sister’s wedding—just a single season.
Having gathered her thoughts, Eloise abruptly stood up. Her steps toward the cellar carried an air of grim determination.
“Mrs. Hurst!”
It was not long after that she realized life rarely unfolded exactly as one planned.
[This is the timeline separator]Days both precarious and peaceful continued. As time flowed steadily—though slowly—the summer gradually ripened.
On that bright summer day, Eloise happened to be the only one on the first floor.
Mr. Bailey had traveled far for his duties as head of the household, while Mrs. Bailey and the eldest daughter had gone to town to collect ordered fabrics.
Mrs. Hurst, exhausted after a battle with the ducks, was taking an afternoon nap, and Eloise sat idly pressing the keys of an old piano.
“It’s sad, my love. You’re being so unfair.”
Her singing, layered over the piano, was subtly flat.
It even lagged half a beat behind the music. It was practically a mess—but Eloise didn’t care.
After all, no one was listening, and this was merely a way to pass the time.
“You left me so proudly…”
But the music soon stopped—the sudden sound of hoofbeats interrupting her.
As her fingers stilled on the keys, a knock came at the door.
Eloise felt every hair on her body stand on end.
Naturally, the memory of that certain dawn—slowly fading—returned with vivid clarity.
‘Of all times, when I’m alone…’
She felt a faint dampness in her palms but tried to remain calm.
He had just visited yesterday—it might not even be him at the door now.
It could be one of her mother’s guests, someone from Fairmont House, or perhaps…
But when the unknown visitor knocked again, Eloise’s hopes collapsed helplessly.
In truth, she had always recognized him by his precise footsteps and knock—she’d only been denying it desperately.
“…Yes.”
By the time she reached the door, Eloise could already smell his scent.
Amidst the warm summer air, his fresh fragrance stood out vividly.
Cool, slightly bitter bergamot—and the soft hint of herbs… Now, she couldn’t even tell if it was real or imagined.
Her trembling hands carefully unlatched the lock. After an eternity of a moment, the door opened, and his familiar scent grew stronger. Eloise’s vision blurred.
“An…”
The man’s body fragrance—haunting even in her dreams since that dawn—drained all strength from her limbs.
She managed to stay standing on both feet—though foolishly wobbling—but couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
He stood close enough to reach out and caress her cheek. There was no way she could feign indifference…
Sheltered in the shadow cast by his shoulders, Eloise kept her eyes fixed on his pitch-black shoes, unable to lift her head.
Pathetically, even the man’s toes were beautiful.
Then, a dreamily distant baritone sounded above her.
“Eloise.”
Turns Out He’s Been Secretly in Love with Me
One-line summary: He acts like he doesn’t like her but is actually playing hard to get.
Synopsis:
Xu Muzhou like her. He has liked her for a very long time, and through repeated schemes, he finally closed the distance with her.
But this is still far from enough.
He wants to be the one who stands out among her many suitors, to fight for her attention, and to make her take the initiative to pursue him.
_____
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Chapter Comments (1)
Inline Comments (53)
Archibald’s face, when she looked down at him, was faintly flushed for some reas
He likes her! I had my dubts, but not now.
Let’s see how the story develops.
“And I’d prefer it if we didn’t see each other after the wedding.”
What a fucking asshole Ansel is!! 😬🤣 How could Eloise have feelings for him?
Since childhood, Bianca had never hesitated to openly declare what she wanted.
That’s ok… But she’s soooo annoying and desperate 😒🤨
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Where is the 100 and 101 chapters 💔💔💔😭😭😭 why it is not here