As If I've Never Loved (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 1
Drawn by an irresistible force, I turned back—and there he still stood, rooted to the spot as if nailed in place.
Perhaps it was from the rain. He looked as though he were crying as he gazed at me.
It was a strange feeling—one so vivid that I felt I would never forget this moment for the rest of my life.
Yet even as I turned my body away and hastened my steps, even as the distance between us grew until there was no turning back to him, not once did I hear his voice calling out to me.
If only he had called my name just once more—would everything have turned out differently?
…No, that’s just a pointless thought.
After all, Ansel and I are destined to walk our separate paths. We must.
As though we had never loved each other from the very beginning.
[This is the timeline separator]“Eloise.”
A gentle voice tickled her ear, and jewel-blue eyes fluttered open.
“You must wake up.”
Outside, brilliant early summer was in full bloom. The abundant sunlight spilled through the window beside the bed, casting a slanted glow over Eloise’s drowsy face.
Within that light, her translucent eyelashes slowly blinked.
“…Sister.”
“What’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?”
Sarah’s warm hand softly caressed her younger sister’s cheek. Eloise looked up at her sister with sleep-heavy eyes. Suddenly, the voices of people who had once unanimously declared Sarah the greatest beauty in Mayberry, the eldest daughter of the Bailey family, came rushing back to her.
Eloise loved Sarah more than anyone—not only for her exquisite beauty, but also for her angelically gentle demeanor and kind heart. She also knew, of course, just how dearly Sarah cherished her only younger sister.
Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, Eloise answered in a languid voice.
“No, sister. I had a dream from long ago.”
“A dream from long ago? What kind of dream was it?”
Sarah smiled faintly as she gently helped Eloise sit up.
The reply came somewhat abruptly.
“Sir Ansel appeared.”
“…”
“It was a dream where we were swimming together in the lake. Isn’t that strange?”
A brief silence followed. Though it lasted only a moment, it was long enough for Eloise to realize she had said something unnecessary in her drowsiness.
“…It was just a dream, Elsie. Besides, swimming together in the lake happened over ten years ago.”
Sarah replied in a calm tone and led Eloise’s hand to a chair.
“Now, let me comb your hair. If you go downstairs like this, Mother will surely scold you.”
The girls’ mother was a woman as exacting as any noble matron—especially when it came to her daughters’ comportment.
Mrs. Bailey’s lectures had never ceased since her daughters were little girls, but now that they had grown into proper young ladies of twenty-four and twenty-two, her admonitions had reached their peak.
Since time immemorial, the kingdom’s eligible bachelors had willingly undertaken the trouble of seeking suitable brides. Thus, with rumors already spreading that the Bailey daughters were remarkably beautiful, their mother firmly believed this was precisely the time to pay the utmost attention to their appearance.
Of course, the two daughters willingly accepted their mother’s lectures—they understood well her wish for them to marry well, that is, to a man who was “wealthy,” “well-born,” and “prosperous,” so they might live comfortably.
Above all, the Bailey sisters deeply loved their mother.
“We can’t risk offending Her Majesty the Queen first thing in the morning. Please help me.”
Eloise tugged her sister’s hand resting on her shoulder and rubbed her cheek against it, replying in her characteristically playful tone. Soon, her nightcap was removed, and her rich chestnut hair cascaded down in soft waves.
“I don’t want to get married. Unless I find someone as handsome and kind as you are, sister.”
“Don’t make jokes like that in front of Mother, all right?”
In this season of the softest, most fragrant breeze, the sisters’ gentle laughter filled the room.
“Good morning, Mrs. Hurst.”
Sarah greeted sweetly as she stepped out of the room. The housekeeper, a woman with a plain but kind face, stopped her busy sweeping at the top of the stairs and clasped her hands together with delight.
“Sally! Oh, heavens.”
This enthusiastic reaction was, so to speak, the Bailey household’s usual morning scene.
“I’ve known you for over twenty years, yet I simply can’t help saying that you look more beautiful this morning than ever before. Just look at that swanlike grace and golden-thread hair! If only a good match would appear, everything would be perfect.”
“Suitors are already overflowing.”
Eloise, who had quickly followed Sarah down the stairs, interjected.
“In all of Mayberry—no, in all of Longfield—there’s no one more beautiful than you, sister.”
“…He must be someone who can fully take care of our whole family too. So for now…”
Sarah cut herself off, cheeks flushed, and lowered her eyes. The housekeeper chuckled, shrugging her plump shoulders.
“Of course. Sally won’t rush into marriage—not until someone appears who satisfies Mrs. Bailey. By the way, did you sleep well, Elsie? The mistress is already downstairs.”
“Really? Honestly, you’ve got to give Mom credit—she never sleeps in.”
Eloise bounded down the stairs like a squirrel that had just found an acorn. Behind her, Sarah and Mrs. Hurst’s laughter rang out.
On the first floor, a fresh wild rose sat at the center of a beautiful dining table placed before a large window. Since Mayberry transformed into a grand rose garden each early summer, households competed to decorate their tables with roses at this time of year.
Mrs. Bailey, dressed in an elegant green silk gown, sat lost in thought with a teacup before her. The scrape of a chair being pulled out broke her reverie.
“Mother, good morning. Where’s Father?”
Mrs. Bailey carefully smoothed the side of her daughter’s hair as she sat beside her. The chestnut braid, tousled from racing down the stairs, was quickly neatened.
“Is there ever a morning without your father? He must have gone far again—he’ll probably slink in late tonight. Sarah, come sit quickly. Let’s say grace before the meal.”
As always, the mistress quietly recited a prayer for her family’s health and peace. Sarah, her summer-blue eyes open, spoke softly.
“I hope he brings good news this time.”
“Oh, my dear! You said it. I just hope he hasn’t been swindled again—we’ve no fortune left to lose.”
Mrs. Bailey sighed heavily, pausing mid-tap on her boiled egg with a silver spoon.
“He’d be better off staying home instead of wandering off to who-knows-where.”
“Mother…”
Eloise started to reply but quickly chewed and swallowed the piece of potato she’d been fiddling with in her mouth—improper table manners inevitably invited a scolding.
“You just dislike it when Father is away from home so often, don’t you?”
“Do you think you can speak so carelessly? If only your father hadn’t fallen for that scam, we’d be living in comfort!”
Mrs. Bailey added grumpily,
“To barely keep up appearances—that’s all we manage now. What a foolish man.”
Catherine Fairbain, now Mrs. Bailey, had been the daughter of a baronet—not technically nobility, yet counted among noble circles. Naturally, she could have married a nobleman and lived as a distinguished lady, and she had once harbored such ambitions…
“But you love Father.”
“…”
…Only to have let love blind her, marrying a commoner instead.
In truth, things had started smoothly. After all, her husband was a self-made businessman, and with two beautiful daughters who shared his very eyes, she had been perfectly happy.
That is, until he lost every last penny of their fortune.
Thankfully, they had purchased an estate just before he was swindled. Though small, the income from its rent was all that kept them from having to work themselves.
But that was all. Their life now consisted merely of not having to toil miserably—and of keeping one housekeeper, one chef, and one coachman. Moreover, due to the kingdom’s law that estates and manors belonged to the family name, the Baileys’ heir—having no sons—was a distant male relative.
In other words, the family’s future rested entirely on the daughters’ marriages.
Yet, unfortunately, a household barely scraping by could hardly afford dowries.
This was a serious problem. Unless one came from a truly noble house, the only bait to catch a fine husband in the marriage market was a large dowry. That was precisely why Mr. Bailey, despite losing his fortune to fraud, frantically sought new opportunities without a moment’s despair.
“You’ve always said you never regretted marrying Father.”
“Of course not,” Mrs. Bailey replied without hesitation as Eloise murmured, cracking her egg. “You two are my treasures.”
“…Don’t worry so much, Mother.”
Sarah quietly lifted her water glass to her lips and spoke in a voice gentle as a fragile breeze, yet strangely resolute.
“I’ll work harder to find a good husband.”
“Oh, my good girl.”
Just as Mrs. Bailey expected, Mr. Bailey didn’t return home until long after sunset—and predictably, with no notable gains.
The affectionate reunion between father and daughters, and the mistress’s loving scolding, passed as usual over dinner.
Night inevitably returned, and the sisters, dressed in white chemises, lay in their second-floor bedroom where moonlight always seeped through.
Yet even after her sister gave her a tender kiss and returned to her own bed on the opposite side, Eloise remained wide awake for a long while.
‘Today was surely no different from any other.’
Yes—the only difference had been that dream.
“Sister, are you awake?”
She whispered in a hushed voice, but no reply came. Eloise shifted restlessly and muttered,
“You know… that dream I mentioned this morning? It was nothing, really. I just babbled in my sleep.”
“…Hmm, I’ve already forgotten.”
Surprised by the unexpected answer, Eloise’s eyes blinked blankly in the darkness. But soon, even breathing sounded, so she closed her eyes again—it must have been sleep-talking.
“Sally, I actually knew.”
This time, no response came at all. Eloise let out a faint sigh.
‘That you liked Sir Ansel. Maybe you still do.’
But sister…
I like him too.
Could you really marry someone else—just for the sake of our family? I…
“Sister, what should I do?”
Over Sarah’s soft, steady breathing, the faint chirping of summer insects drifted in.
The day I first met him—it was exactly this season.
When male lead is the homewrecker
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
I’ve read the novel below twice already. Girls, I’m highly recommending it to you!
The female lead? Not a good person.
The second male lead? Not a good person.
The male lead? Willingly plays the third party, breaking up the female and second male lead’s relationship despite all the warnings from his friends—so yeah, he’s definitely not a good person either.
Basically, nobody in this novel is simple-minded or without scheming.
The female lead starts off as the male lead’s secretary, but don’t worry—later on, she takes over the company while the male lead steps back to support her. He won’t steal her spotlight, overshadow her, or dull her shine.
I love novels where men are out here snatching wigs, tearing each other down, and going to war just to win the female lead’s affection. And this is exactly that kind of novel. Most of Hai Dai Ran’s works have this dynamic. You’ll see the male characters’ emotions being pushed to the absolute extreme.
There’s even a scene where the second male lead exposes the male lead online for being a homewrecker. The brotherhood immediately gangs up on him, dragging him through the mud. I find it compelling —it completely flips reality on its head, where usually, women are the ones fighting over a man and getting torn apart by the sisterhood.
For me, female leads in the novels I read should only struggle in their careers, not in love. But if the brainless romantics in the story are all men? I have zero complaints.
I’ve pretty much read all of Hai Dai Ran’s novels and even translated all of them—her works are just my thing. I’ll slowly upload everything here. One day, when my website is official, I hope I can invite her to join as one of the star authors.
Here’s the story synopsis:
One-line summary: She is his lifelong obsession, to the point where he was willing to be a third wheel, scorned by society, just to wedge his way into her relationship with her fiancé.
Cold-hearted and indifferent female lead + Scheming and subservient CEO male lead
Intro 1:
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
With blood trickling from his clenched fist, Rong Xiu gazed at the woman before him, his eyes clouded with anguish. Hidden in the wardrobe, he had witnessed Fan Xia – the woman he desperately loved – in an intimate embrace with her fiancé. Yet his heart still yearned for her, defying all reason.
Fan Xia, the elegant and composed assistant, carried something mysterious in her eyes whenever she looked at her fiancé, Wen Lan Sheng. Strange occurrences began to surface – secret meetings with the young Gu Jin Yi, an unexplained withdrawal of 5,000 yuan… Then suddenly, her fiancé’s sister, Wen Jing, violently attacked her.
In this matriarchal society, Rong Xiu had risen to become the chairman of a powerful healthcare conglomerate, breaking through gender prejudices. But for the first time, he willingly stepped into the shadows as the other man, disregarding his friends’ warnings to become her secret lover.
Because he had discovered the truth – Fan Xia wasn’t the pure angel everyone believed her to be. And perhaps, he was the only one capable of helping her execute her mysterious plan…
Intro 2:
Rong Xiu’s biggest regret in life was missing out on Fan Xia.
He secretly loved Fan Xia for 7 years.
Watched her go public with her boyfriend.
Watched her kiss her boyfriend at their wedding.
Until that man blissfully nestled in Fan Xia’s arms, obtaining everything he could only dream of.
The crazy jealousy stripped away his hidden secret love, layer by layer, burning like wildfire.
Fan Xia, how can I have you!
【Reading and Trigger Warning Guide】
1. Female dominant, male submissive, male pregnancy
2. Male lead schemes his way to the top, male competition
_____
Please help me, I want to bring you the best possible things.
If you find any chapter or novel with poor translation and editing quality, let me know by commenting directly under that novel or chapter. I will retranslate it as soon as possible.
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MANGA DISCUSSION
1 Comment
Chapter Comments (3)
“Ducks could never pair with swans” girl…. you’re a swan too. and as much as i know, men loves girl like eloise who is bright and cute
Remains me to novel little women. Eloise who is a free person and a sister who only purpose was marriage
Where is the 100 and 101 chapters 💔💔💔😭😭😭 why it is not here
Inline Comments (54)
“He kindly included greetings for you, too.”
I hope it’s not just a misunderstanding or i’ll be pissed 😒🤣
Archibald’s face, when she looked down at him, was faintly flushed for some reas
He likes her! I had my dubts, but not now.
Let’s see how the story develops.“And I’d prefer it if we didn’t see each other after the wedding.”
What a fucking asshole Ansel is!! 😬🤣 How could Eloise have feelings for him?
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Blairwoods
Both sisters like the same man? I thought her hair was blonde but chestnut?