All My Firsts Are You (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 14
Haah… this is exhausting…
I lay down on the desk, my cheek pressed against its surface. The murmuring inside the broadcast station’s meeting room seemed to have quieted down a little. Amid that fading background noise, I found myself once again recalling Jun’s expression from that day.
‘In return, just this once, don’t run away. If you feel even a little sorry about those memories.’
How am I supposed to avoid you after you say something like that right to my face? I already know perfectly well that even the words “I’m sorry” would crumble far too easily the moment I stand before you. That’s exactly why I haven’t even dared to say them yet.
He asked me to work on the script together—as if that were even a real choice. Telling me not to run away if I felt even slightly guilty about those memories. How is that even my choice? It’s yours. How can I possibly… after you say that with such a look of contempt in your eyes?
“Lee Ha Ru, if your face is stuck to the desk and you can’t get up, I’ll help you.”
At Jung Eun’s words, my gaze, which had momentarily lifted upward, quietly sank back down again.
“No, it’s fine. Just… give me a moment.”
“A moment for what? For us to treat you like someone whose face is permanently glued to a desk?”
“…It’s just that it keeps coming back to me.”
“What does?”
“…”
“No, who?”
She was clearly pretending not to know something she already understood perfectly well. I turned my head away, lying on the opposite side from Jung Eun.
“Lying there like that will only drain your energy even more. Just get up, tackle your work with some spirit, and carry on. Since we’re doing this script together anyway, why not seize this chance to make something really beautiful? It’ll look fresh on screen—just think like that, okay? Why dwell on it so much?”
Jung Eun already knew quite well how hard it was for me to just brush it all off like that. That’s precisely why she said what she did—fully aware I wouldn’t take her words easily. It was a seemingly careless yet compassionate attempt to lighten my heart, just a little.
Without turning back, I gave a small nod against the desk. But no sooner had I made that tiny gesture than the scenes from that day flooded my mind once again—scenes I’d already replayed over and over many times.
Your cold words that pushed me away. The sharpness in your eyes between those words. Even the harsh tone with which you demanded I finally see through your feigned sincerity.
Yet the living room of that house—still bearing traces of me—contradicted that harsh version of you. The beige sofa right by the entrance, where I used to fall asleep in the sunlight during my stay at your place. Even the words you’d spoken to me upon seeing me notice that sofa.
‘Huh? That beige sofa…?’
‘I couldn’t quite bring myself to throw it away.’
‘…’
‘Go ahead and sit. Ah—your favorite sofa, right? Then I’ll move over there. We’ll only see each other for a month or two at most anyway. No reason to refuse.’
‘No, it’s fine. I’m comfortable there too. Let’s just talk from here.’
‘Alright, then.’
And so, back then, I walked toward where Jun was sitting, forcing myself to stay calm—even as I pitied myself for reading indifference into what should’ve been an obvious reaction from him.
But as I reached to pull out the chair opposite Jun, my eyes caught a familiar object sitting on the dining table.
A tiny wooden doll of a little girl wearing a colorful jeogori, holding one rubber shoe in her left hand—exactly the doll I’d given him as a gift when I first started homestaying in this house. It still proudly occupied the center of the dining table.
In that instant, Jun’s large hand suddenly covered the doll completely and pushed it all the way to the far edge of the table.
‘Aren’t you going to sit?’
I stared at you blankly for a moment—your face perfectly composed, as if nothing had just happened.
Was it really meaningless? Or was I just desperate to find some hidden meaning in it…?
Even while wearing that expression of outright hatred toward me—could you really just leave untouched both the sofa I loved and the doll I’d given you, as if those feelings had nothing to do with them at all? After all, these were things from over nine years ago.
“Lee Ha Ru, you lucky charm!”
The meeting room door suddenly burst open, and in the space where the gray door had been, a man now stood—PD Kang In Soo, the producer in charge of our program.
Though his boisterous personality seemed better suited to shows like “Eating Battle TV” or “World’s Greatest Drinker,” for some reason he’d decided to take on the emotionally charged program “Where Is Your First Love?”
Still, true to his bold nature, he’d diligently listened to the writers’ opinions from the very planning stage and efficiently supported us to keep things moving swiftly. So honestly, PD Kang’s arrival itself wasn’t unpleasant.
But right now, he was charging toward me with quick steps, wearing an expression as if he absolutely couldn’t contain his affection for me. Startled, I tried to sit up and stand, but missed my timing. I was just barely managing to press myself against the back of my chair, timidly trying to create some distance from PD Kang, when—
“PD Kang, your seat is over here.”
Hyun Su stepped in to block PD Kang’s path. A sheepish smile spread across PD Kang’s face, now halted in his tracks.
“Oh, right, right! I’ll sit down soon—that’s not the issue now. Lee Ha Ru, you’re the luckiest of all our team’s lucky charms!”
“PD, didn’t you used to say every single one of us on the team was a lucky charm? Why suddenly ‘the luckiest of all’? Wow… that makes me feel a bit left out.”
Even as he gave Hyun Su a hearty laugh, the deep smile on PD Kang’s face refused to fade.
Jung Eun, who’d seen this scene often enough not to be surprised, calmly asked,
“PD, what exactly happened? You seem unusually cheerful.”
At Jung Eun’s question, PD Kang’s eyes lit up as if she’d perfectly set him up for his big reveal.
“Our Ha Ru writer’s first love is Director Matsu—Kim Jun, the Korean-Japanese film director. Lately, his fame’s been spreading worldwide, crossing borders and stretching far and wide!”
“Oh, yeah. That’s right.”
Since this was already common knowledge, Jung Eun’s lukewarm reaction—nowhere near matching PD Kang’s excitement—was only natural.
“He just agreed to direct our program! You know me—I’ve always had a knack for this kind of thing, plus I’m fast on my feet, right?”
I wondered what kind of news required such a long-winded setup.
That Jun was a far more remarkable director than I’d realized—that his global reputation had grown to the point where he was receiving offers not just from Japan but even from Hollywood—that was something I already knew well enough.
I also knew that his decision to take on directing our team’s project video came at great personal cost—he’d carved out precious time from his packed schedule by giving up something I wasn’t even aware of.
“The video we’re making about Ha Ru’s first love—the one Director Kim Jun’s agreed to direct—it might actually become a film. Is this what they mean by the rising star of cinema, the power of Kim Jun?”
“Wait—what? A film?”
I’d been slumped over my desk in a daze, but at this I suddenly shot upright, drawing everyone’s attention to me.
“That’s exactly it! I’ve met a few production company CEOs recently, and every single one immediately insisted on taking it. They kept asking how on earth Kim Jun’s next project ended up in our hands! Anyway, I’ve already contacted Director Kim urgently and submitted the script—though it’s still under forty pages—for investment review. But it looks like it’ll be approved without much trouble. Some companies are even offering upfront deposits already—case closed!”
Until now, PD Kang hadn’t even mentioned showing me the script, let alone discussed investment reviews. Yet today he nonchalantly dropped this thunderbolt of news as casually as if he were reporting the electricity bill.
“Haah… a film, huh? One celebrity director joins, and suddenly the whole thing blows up.”
Though Jung Eun cynically twirled her pen between her fingers, I could still sense the pleasant thrill in her voice—this was a rare, invaluable opportunity in this industry, something money couldn’t buy.
But we’d originally planned this as a one-hour broadcast special—not a film. Things had blown up way beyond comfortable.
Jun must already know all about this, of course. At some point, he’d become the central pillar of this project. So he must’ve already given his full approval. Kim Jun… what exactly are you thinking…?
“Anyway, the schedule’s extremely tight. Director Kim set a condition right from the start that all filming must wrap up by July. Details are still uncertain, but it’ll likely first air as a special on our NJ TV drama platform, and if things go smoothly, it could see a theatrical release right away. We’ll decide based on how things develop.”
Suddenly, PD Kang’s gaze locked onto me.
“No wonder I see Lee Ha Ru as the ultimate lucky charm! You landed yourself a first love of incredible quality. I’ve always felt this—you’ve got great instincts, Ha Ru, real taste. Even back then, I could tell: that guy’s got potential. Clearly the kind of person who’d boost my career nine years down the line. Haha—just kidding, just kidding!”
That joke wasn’t funny at all.
Back when Jung Eun and I first pitched the “Where Is Your First Love?” project, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that my own story would be chosen for the premiere episode.
When I’d taken that winding mountain road back to the Japanese house where I’d once homestayed, I never expected Jun would still be maintaining it.
That Jun would become the video director, that I’d end up going there in person to meet him, that we’d finally… close the chapter on our long first love—
I truly never dreamed I’d resolve myself to go that far.
And above all else, I never imagined you’d doubt even my sincerity—hidden within the memories of the days when we were together…
“Oh, right—Ha Ru, Director Kim must’ve arrived in Korea today. You’ve already heard from him, right? So you’ll start script work right away?”
“…What?”
“Director Kim is incredibly busy, so he’s definitely packed his Korean schedule tight. But I assume you two already discussed it beforehand and sorted out your schedules well in advance.”
This was completely new to me. Did that mean Jun was already in Korea?
Since PD Kang was staring right at me, I tried to keep my expression neutral, though I was genuinely flustered inside.
Schedule coordination? There was no way I could’ve coordinated schedules with him—I hadn’t even known he was coming to Korea.
Yet somehow, PD Kang kept repeating “Lee Ha Ru, lucky charm” over and over, leaving me utterly unsure what expression I should wear.
At that moment, I picked up my phone—not out of any real hope that Jun might’ve contacted me, but more from a hollow, defeated curiosity.
Where exactly do I rank in your jam-packed schedule? Did I even factor into your considerations at all? With that emptiness in my heart, I absentmindedly swiped open my screen.
And there it was—the topmost email in my inbox.
[To: Lee Ha Ru]It was from Jun.
Male lead is a Love-Obsessed Merman
When he discovers she has gone, he risks everything to pursue her on land, enduring agonizing pain to transform his tail into human legs…
One-line summary: Male lead chases female lead. The male lead’s love is a bit sick, an invincible love brain.
Synopsis
During a voyage at sea, Jiang Yang accidentally captures a merman.
Servant: I heard that mermen are fierce and brutal.
Jiang Yang looks at the merman obediently rubbing her palm like a puppy: “You call this fierce and brutal?”
Servant: I heard that mermen have no human nature.
Jiang Yang looks at the merman with wet puppy eyes, obsessively calling her ‘A Yang’ like a childish infant: “You call this having no human nature?”
With great difficulty, she releases the merman back into the sea and returns to shore.
Who would have thought that in less than half a month, the merman, who should have been freely wandering in the South China Sea, would shed his scales, endure the pain of losing his tail, transform into human legs, and come ashore to find her?
He kneels at her feet, rubbing her palm, with merman tears rolling down: “A Yang, don’t abandon me.”
_____
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