“Ah, I didn’t expect this.”

Choi Yu-han said upon seeing Lee Ju-eun collapse. His words made my blood boil.

It was the first time I felt the urge to kill someone. I tightened my grip on Lee Ju-eun and glared at him.

“…You son of a bitch.”

He gave a cold smile at the curse that slipped through my teeth.

Choi Yu-han sneered at me teasingly.

“Oh my, how scary.”

His tone was clearly mocking. I wanted to punch him right then and there, but I couldn’t. I had to get Lee Ju-eun to the hospital as soon as possible.

I gritted my teeth and warned him.

“We’ll settle this later.”

“Sure, sure. Go ahead.”

His attitude was provocative, but I had no time to care.

My mind was filled with worry for Lee Ju-eun.

I ran like mad with Lee Ju-eun on my back. Honestly, I don’t even remember how I got to the hospital. The image of Lee Ju-eun bleeding kept flashing in my mind, and I was consumed by endless fear.

I thought Lee Ju-eun might die.

Looking back now, it was nonsense. She was badly hurt, but not fatally so. If I had been a little more rational, I would have realized it quickly.

But I couldn’t be calm.

Because by then, I was already…

* * *

For the two days Lee Ju-eun was unconscious, I felt like I was in hell.

It was cruel to realize my feelings just as the person I liked got hurt because of me. The doctor said Lee Ju-eun would wake up soon, but I couldn’t be reassured by any words. My heart was only filled with guilt.

If I had acted just a little differently then, would Lee Ju-eun not have been hurt?

It was a meaningless assumption. What happened had already happened and couldn’t be undone. Knowing this, I usually didn’t dwell on past events.

But this time, regret kept swirling in my mind endlessly.

“Lee Ju-eun woke up.”

So when I heard the news from Sung Ji-chan, the first emotion I felt was ‘anxiety’.

Is she really okay? Is she not in pain anymore?

Is she perhaps resenting me?

Due to the irrational flow of thoughts, I kept hesitating unlike my usual self. That’s why I didn’t go to see Lee Ju-eun right after she woke up. It’s ridiculous, but that’s how it was.

“Um… hello?”

When I finally made up my mind and went to visit Lee Ju-eun in the hospital, I felt my heart drop.

It was the first time I properly faced her after realizing I liked her. Lee Ju-eun was clearly the same as before, but my feelings towards her had completely changed.

I like Lee Ju-eun.

That sentence was finally engraved in my heart with certainty.

It was a really strange feeling. A mix of guilt and excitement, expectation and anxiety – I couldn’t say anything for a while. I just stared blankly at Lee Ju-eun’s face.

What face would you make if I told you I like you?

I didn’t think Lee Ju-eun would have the same feelings for me. Still, I hoped she would be at least a little conscious of me.

That’s how my first love began.

Meanwhile, Lee Ju-eun seemed to instinctively sense that I was different from usual.

I could feel her being awkward while pretending not to be. I had resolved to not show it as much as possible, but did it show inadvertently? I found myself wishing Lee Ju-eun would just figure it out, while at the same time not wanting to burden her.

After such complicated deliberation, all I could manage was a short word.

“…Sorry.”

Lee Ju-eun didn’t seem to understand why I was apologizing. Thinking I was just apologizing for her getting hurt, she said it wasn’t my fault and that it was okay.

“So stop making that weird expression. It doesn’t suit you.”

I wonder what kind of face I was making as I looked at Lee Ju-eun then.

I just hoped it wasn’t too unsightly.

* * *

After realizing my feelings, I couldn’t go back to how things were before.

To be honest, I was confused first. It felt like a stone had been thrown into my daily life, which had just regained peace after the incident with Jin Hae-yul. The stone caused ripples in the calm lake, and I was helplessly swayed by those emotions.

Lee Ju-eun kept coming to mind all day, and even when I was doing fine, the thought of wanting to see her would suddenly pop up. That’s why I couldn’t go to meet Lee Ju-eun even more. I didn’t know what face to make when I saw her.

I met Lee Ju-eun again in the health room.

Like the first, no, the second time we met, Lee Ju-eun appeared in front of me without warning.

That day, I blinked my eyes in a half-asleep state after waking up due to the commotion.

Lee Ju-eun was standing in front of me, looking at me.

“…What, is this a dream?”

I said that because by then, Lee Ju-eun had already appeared in my dreams countless times.

The dreams were diverse. Sometimes events that happened in reality would replay in dreams, and sometimes they were content that could only be dreams. Occasionally, I would have dreams that I could never speak of out loud. The protagonist of all those dreams was Lee Ju-eun.

I stared intently at Lee Ju-eun’s face, which somehow felt like I was seeing it after a long time.

There were many things I wanted to ask, many things I wanted to say, but more than that, I just wanted to see her. It seems I wanted to see Lee Ju-eun much more than I thought.

Being bewildered by her sudden appearance came next.

“What is it this time?”

Whether it was to hide my excessive joy or to not show my confusion, my voice came out grumpy.

Lee Ju-eun seemed to find this behavior similar to my usual self and visibly looked relieved. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad about this. Anyway, I thought it was fortunate for now.

After exchanging greetings, Lee Ju-eun explained what had happened to her.

“A rumor spread that I’m ranked 0th in the world. So strangers keep following me around.”

“Why are they following you?”

“To fight.”

The incidents Lee Ju-eun brought were always extraordinary, but this one was even more absurd.

Naturally, the kidnapping incident from not long ago came to mind. At the same time, I felt anxious. I was worried that this misunderstanding might cause Lee Ju-eun to get hurt again. Unaware of my feelings, Lee Ju-eun spoke nonchalantly.

“Smile a bit. Don’t always look like that.”

I was dumbfounded.

“Aren’t you worried at all?”

Lee Ju-eun pretended to think for a moment, then smiled brightly.

“If anything happens, you’ll protect me, right?”

That face looked so damn pretty that I was at a loss for words for a moment.

Judging by her expression, Lee Ju-eun probably said it without any thought, but at that moment, I made a vow.

That I would protect Lee Ju-eun no matter what happened from now on.

That I would never let Lee Ju-eun get hurt again.

* * *

Afterwards, I volunteered to be Lee Ju-eun’s bodyguard and stuck close to her.

As we spent time together, I managed to control my expressions somewhat. Also, how much distance I should keep with Lee Ju-eun.

“Well, you two do well together.”

…Though it seems it was all transparent to Sung Ji-chan’s eyes.

Anyway, when I treated Lee Ju-eun like before, she quickly returned to normal as if there had never been any awkwardness. I thought it was truly fortunate.

There might come a time when I want to confess these feelings, but it wasn’t yet.

I didn’t want to forcibly push these emotions that even I couldn’t handle properly and burden her. And I wasn’t ready to handle the distance that might grow between us if things went wrong.

When did I become such a coward? I had never cared about other people’s feelings in my life. But now, I was focusing all my attention on Lee Ju-eun’s every move.

Half of me worried about her discovering my feelings, and half of me wished she would just figure it all out. These contradictory emotions always provoked me.

Suddenly, I thought I might blurt out a confession someday without even realizing it.

“Hey… are you participating in anything for the sports festival?”

One day, Lee Ju-eun asked me.

I wasn’t particularly interested in the sports festival, so of course, I had no plans to do anything. But Lee Ju-eun’s next words made me change my mind.

“Well, being good at sports is cool, right? I’m not though.”

“Cool?”

“Probably cool…?”

Judging by her expression, it seemed she just blurted out something random because she had nothing else to say as we were walking.

“Right. Since it’s cool, you should participate in something too.”

But I couldn’t help but react to those words.

Even though I knew it was foolish, I just wanted to look cool in Lee Ju-eun’s eyes. I thought it might not be bad to participate in the sports festival just once. It was something I would never have considered before. Lee Ju-eun probably had no idea that her casual remark would make me feel this way.

“See you later.”

I didn’t show any reaction in front of Lee Ju-eun and just said goodbye. But by then, a plan had already formed in my mind to some extent.

I just want you to see me.

Even if you don’t feel the same way, I want you to think about me just once more.

Suddenly, my actions felt so childish. Like a kid making a fuss to get the attention of someone they like.

Can’t be helped. It’s not that different in reality, is it?

A feeling close to half-resignation came over me. But at the same time, a certain expectation began to sprout inside.

And finally, the day of the sports festival dawned.