“No? His subtly dismissive tone was so offputting. He pointed out that I’m a latecomer to the academy. Seemed to subtly belittle me for failing the exam three times. He said he passed on the first try. And he said Eldras is better than Horizon. Not funny at all.”

“I see.”

“That’s why I hate these suitors. Our family is a rural baronet, so they look down on us! But our house is quite prestigious in our region!”

“Where is his family from?”

“They’re also baronets from Asland. But Asland is much more developed than Azure where I live. But his house was not a noble family from birth. They were originally merchants. Apparently, they heavily bribed the Brodian count and gained favor? Bought their title with money. A stingy family that somehow felt inferior and subtly picked at our family’s poverty… saying his rich family was better than a nobility with no money on our first meeting… Why do I have to spend time meeting such a person and be insulted like that?”

Hila vented and soon murmured dejectedly.

“That’s why I hate these deliberate meetings. Arranging marriages with similar families, strategic marriages… What’s the point for lower nobles like us? Frankly, strategic marriages are only beneficial to the highest nobles. What’s the point for lower nobles like us unless we meet a better family? We end up just being paired with similar families.”

“So the marriage proposal is broken?”
“Yes, rather than marrying such a bastard, I would abandon the name of Durle.”

“I’m envious.”

“What is?”

“Having the option to refuse a marriage proposal.”

“How about you? Are you married?”

“……No.”

But I almost got sold to an old man.

Of course, it happened that I became engaged to a very young and promising wizard.

“I understand how you feel, though. I almost married a man older than my father.”

“What? Really? No, what kind of… that’s absurd! So did you at least get engaged to that old man?”

“No, luckily I broke off the engagement.”

“I’m really glad! I don’t want to have the kind of marriage where I look at money or conditions. I want to live happily, loving the person I love. What’s the importance of money or status? What’s important is that I’m happy. Right?”

Riley did not respond.

I’ve imagined living happily in love with the person I love many times, but I realized too early how big the gap is between reality and ideal, and how difficult it is.

“I value myself more than love.”

“Huh?”

“It’s important that I live comfortably and luxuriously.”

“Don’t you want to meet someone you love and live being loved? A loveless marriage will be very lonely.”

“I want to live. I want to love and be loved. But I’ve given up.”

“……Why? We’re still young. Why give that up?”

“Because it’s not going to happen.”

“Why without even trying?”

Riley thought of Gibnen.

I can love him, but I cannot be loved by him.

Riley knew very well how difficult mutual love is. How the probability of loving each other is a slim chance.

“Because hoping only makes it painful?”

“…….”

“I always want to be loved, but I don’t want to love.”

Wanting love, but distrusting it.

“It’s the one who loves who loses. The one who loves, not the one who is loved, suffers a loss.”

“……Hmm, is that so?”

Riley nodded and said.

“I will never do something like love.”

This was a kind of vow and a reminder.