To You, Whom I Shouldn't Love - Chapter 42

Riena grasped Cassel’s trembling fist.

“It’s not too late. There’s still plenty of time to create good memories for Noah. So, did you talk with the Marquis?”

“At first, Marquis Loraine insisted on raising both children in the Marquis household as they are now. He said he couldn’t bear to see the children treated as burdens in the Winckler family, but in my opinion, it seems he did that to avoid being caught for neglecting Noah all this time.”

“And then?”

“After a long discussion, we decided to take only Noah for now.”

What kind of conversation did they have for Marquis Loraine to give in? Riena asked about it, but Cassel never answered.

‘Is there some complicated inside story?’

If so, she had no right to interfere that far. Instead of asking more, Riena stood up and reached out her hand to Cassel.

“Then are you taking Noah today? It’s good I had the room prepared yesterday. The children must be waiting. Let’s go back quickly.”

Cassel hesitated for a moment before taking her hand and standing up.

As they walked back to the playroom hand in hand, Riena glanced at Cassel’s profile.

Come to think of it, she realized anew that there was a lot they didn’t know about each other.

They had spent some time together briefly when they were young, but that was all. The time they spent apart was much longer than the time they spent together.

She wanted to fill that 10-year gap.

She wanted to know more about Cassel. She also wanted to tell him more about herself.

And…

‘I don’t want to let go of this hand.’

She kept finding herself becoming more and more greedy.

Even if they didn’t passionately love each other, couldn’t they spend a lifetime together with mutual understanding and care?

Just like the couples in other noble families.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s nothing. Just…”

Riena brushed it off vaguely as they returned to the playroom. But the children weren’t there.

“Where are Noah and Chloe?”

When she asked the maid who was cleaning up the playroom, she heard that both children had returned to their rooms.

“They said to wait in the hall for a moment, and they’ll bring Young Master Noah soon.”

“I see.”

As Riena and Cassel went down to the hall to wait for Noah after hearing this, Chloe, who had changed clothes, came running and hugged Riena.

“Sister! Can’t I go too? I want to go too!”

“Umm.”

Riena smiled awkwardly.

Cassel had wanted to take both Chloe and Aaron to the Winckler Duke’s residence. However, the Marquis strongly opposed, so it was decided that only Noah would go with them, leaving Chloe behind.

That would be better for Chloe too. Chloe must have a great affection for her family and the people in the mansion.

But Chloe seemed quite envious of Noah going with Riena.

Riena comforted the child.

“It’s a bit difficult today, but come visit next time.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You can come anytime.”

“Okay!”

Though disappointed, Chloe withdrew obediently. Riena gently pinched Chloe’s cheek before letting go and looking up the stairs. Noah was coming down with a servant.

Freshly washed and changed, Noah certainly looked different from earlier. However, the luggage the servant was carrying wasn’t much.

Partly because he didn’t have many possessions to begin with, and also because Cassel had said that Winckler would provide everything, so they should only pack what was absolutely necessary.

“Si-sister…”

The child, seemingly dazed by all this, fidgeted with his hands on his body.

“Am I, am I really going with you?”

“Yes.”

“But I…”

Riena smiled as she knelt down to meet the child’s eye level.

“I’m so happy that Noah is coming with us. Aren’t you happy, Noah?”

“I, I am happy! But…”

Noah’s gaze shifted to Cassel standing behind Riena. He seemed scared, probably because Cassel looked intimidating with his stoic demeanor and large build.

“Uncle Cassel is happy that you’re coming too.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Riena gestured towards Cassel.

“Come here and say something.”

Cassel obediently approached her side. Noah asked with a slightly intimidated expression.

“Un-uncle, is it really okay for me to come along?”

“Yes.”

Cassel’s answer was brief, but it was enough to create ripples in the child’s heart.

Noah lowered his head, his ears turning red. Riena suppressed a laugh as she stood up and took the child’s hand.

“Alright then, shall we go?”

“O-okay.”

The three of them boarded the Winckler family carriage.

What lay ahead for Noah now was surely a new life. Riena was truly happy that she could be a part of Noah’s future.

“About Noah.”

Riena stroked the head of Noah, who had fallen asleep with his head on her lap. The child had dozed off as soon as they got in the carriage, probably because the tension had eased.

Cassel, who had been looking out the window, turned his head to look at Riena.

“He resembles you, Duke.”

“…Do you mean me?”

He seemed unwilling to acknowledge it.

‘Of course, Noah and the Duke don’t look alike physically.’

If anything, Noah took after his biological father, Asher.

But Riena saw in Noah the image of Cass from when he was young.

“I’m not talking about appearance, but personality.”

Cassel still seemed not to understand. Riena laughed softly.

“You have a look that says you can’t accept it.”

“Honestly… yes, that’s right.”

“Of course, people who have only seen the Duke as you are now wouldn’t agree with me. But anyone who knew the cowardly Cass from childhood would agree. I’m sure your late father would think so too?”

“So that nickname…”

“Well, what does it matter? It’s not like I made up a nickname that didn’t exist.”

Riena smiled faintly and fell into thought.

‘Cowardly Cass was about Noah’s age too.’

She knew almost nothing about how Cassel had lived in the Duke’s residence before meeting her. She also didn’t know much about his life after he left the Dyke territory and returned to the Duke’s domain.

Although Cassel had told her a little about his past earlier, it wasn’t enough.

He spoke as if he were talking about someone else’s story, but Riena saw the pain hidden within.

How much tempering must the fragile child who used to whimper at the slightest wound have gone through to become this solid?

The process must have been far from as easy as his explanation.

You must have had a hard time too.

Riena felt sympathy for Cassel as she watched him looking out the window.

‘Come to think of it, it’s definitely strange.’

She recalled the dream she had put aside until just now.

In the dream she had last night, Noah Loraine had died after being abused. In a way, it was an accidental death, but it was a tragedy that wouldn’t have happened if there hadn’t been abuse.

When she woke up in the morning and reflected on the dream, she thought it was just a nonsense dream. It was just a dream unrelated to reality, and even the content of the dream didn’t make sense.

Who would have thought that a noble child, especially his birth mother, would be abusing him?

Her mind was in turmoil.

The dreams she had been having since her father’s death were strangely matching up with reality.

She met Cassel, whom she had been seeing continuously in her dreams, and Noah’s abuse was real too.

The mention of Johannes’ name in the dream also felt unsettling somehow.

‘But it can’t be called a premonitory dream. The content of the dream is completely different from reality.’

Instead of begging her to leave with him, Cassel appeared confidently and proposed to her.

Because of that, Riena was able to reject the proposals from Baron Berna and Johannes.

Moreover, Noah was alive, not dead.

But it was still bothering her somewhere in her heart to dismiss the dream as just a dream…

‘I can’t even confide in anyone about this worry.’

Who would believe her if she said that content connecting to reality kept appearing in her dreams? They would only answer that it was a nonsense dream.

Then why was she having such dreams?

“I’m sorry for showing you an unsightly side. It won’t happen again in the future.”

Riena, lost in thought, raised her head at the voice coming from across her.

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t want to show you this side of me, so I tried to come alone.”

“What do you mean by ‘this side’?”

Riena truly couldn’t understand what Cassel was talking about, rather than trying to argue.

Cassel explained in a troubled voice.

“I wanted to show only my good side to you, My Lady.”

“Good side?”

Riena now seemed to understand why Cassel was reacting this way.

She hadn’t realized it well until now, but he seemed to have some sort of obsession with being perfect in front of Riena.

Riena laughed softly.

“If we’re talking about that, I’ve already shown you so many of my unsightly sides, haven’t I? Even though I didn’t say anything, do you know how embarrassed I was?”

“It’s not something to be embarrassed about. Rather, the people who treated you that way should realize that it’s their own shame.”

“The same goes for you, Duke.”

Cassel’s eyes widened as he stared at Riena. Riena spoke with all her sincerity.

“People can make mistakes and show their unsightly sides. I told you earlier, didn’t I? My family wasn’t particularly ideal either. But they weren’t a wrong family either. They’re just one of many forms of family, and the same goes for your family, Duke.”

“…”

“Actually, I don’t think today’s events were unsightly, but if I had to say so, that’s what I mean. So you don’t need to be like that.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“And I think it would be better if you could relax a bit more and treat me comfortably.”