To You, Whom I Shouldn't Love - Chapter 22

Some time passed like that. Cassel suddenly asked.

“Young Lady, are you happy now?”

“Happy?”

“Yes.”

It was a somewhat sudden question, but Riena, who found it hard to endure the silence, pondered seriously.

“Well, I wonder.”

She carefully chose her words.

“To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m happy. As you know, so much has happened in the past two months.”

Riena’s expression, who had been trying to smile, darkened.

“I could bear the fact that my father, whom I thought would always be by my side, passed away like that. Of course, it was so painful at the time that I felt like I was going to die, but I endured that time and I’m alive like this now.”

What was even harder to bear was the betrayal of the family she trusted.

“But my mother…… I knew she didn’t love me, but I never thought she would sell me out like that.”

Her stepmother didn’t give her much affection.

There were times when she resented her for that, but as she got a little older, she came to understand her stepmother too.

After all, her stepmother didn’t marry her father out of love either.

It was the same for her father. He loved his deceased first wife, Riena’s biological mother, more than his own life and could never forget her.

Their marriage was made solely because of their mutual interests.

Count Dyke needed a lady of the house to take care of the family and Riena, and the Countess needed a place to stay with her daughter.

To such Countess Dyke, Riena must have been just an eyesore.

While Bianca couldn’t inherit the Dyke surname and had to live cautiously, it might have been unpleasant for Riena to receive the love of the entire mansion.

Still, after living together for over 10 years, she dared to think that they had developed a familial bond.

Even if she didn’t think of her as a daughter, she thought there was at least a minimum level of affection as a housemate living together.

But as soon as her father died, she tried to sell Riena out like that.

Not only that, but her stepmother might have even been involved in her father’s death.

“Until a few days ago, I thought I was the most unhappy person in the world. It was also the first time I thought that I was so weak and useless.”

“……”

“So if you ask me if I’m happy now, I don’t know. I’m still confused. But if I had to choose between happiness and unhappiness, I think I’m happy. Because I see a way forward, and I’ve also met an old friend.”

Riena looked at Cassel’s raven-black hair and asked rather impulsively.

“What about you, Your Grace?”

“……”

“Are you happy, Your Grace?”

“I……”

Cassel swallowed dryly and answered.

“I am happier than ever before.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Riena chuckled.

“I was worried that you might be having a hard time because of me. No matter how I think about it, this marriage is advantageous for me. You don’t have to keep our childhood promise or my father’s request……”

Cassel interlocked his fingers with Riena’s as he looked at her faint smile. Then he carefully kissed the back of her hand.

It was lingering for a greeting, and refreshing for an expression of affection. His blue eyes looking at her were also filled with warm emotions.

It was a completely different gaze from the man who looked at her with desperate eyes in her dream.

Riena’s heart started beating a little faster even though it must have been just a greeting with no special emotion.

“I am already……”

Cassel murmured as he brought Riena’s palm to his cheek.

“Happy enough.”

What exactly made him happy?

Because he could meet his old friend again? Or because he could fulfill the will of his respected mentor?

If not that, was he so happy just being with Riena?

She wanted to ask. If his emotions were not involved in this marriage at all. If he had any special feelings for her.

But she didn’t ask. Riena just closed her eyes and looked at Cassel, who was feeling her warmth.

Cassel personally escorted Riena to her room.

As soon as she entered the mansion, Riena returned the shoes to Cassel and put on the slippers she had been wearing before going out.

She also tried to return the coat, but he refused, so she couldn’t.

Only after arriving in front of the room did Riena take off the coat.

“Now that we’re here, I’ll return the coat. Thanks to you, Your Grace, I was able to come all the way here warmly. Thank you.”

Fortunately, this time Cassel did not refuse.

“Although we met suddenly, today’s conversation was really fun. It felt like I was back in my childhood days for the first time in a long time.”

“I feel the same way.”

“I think it would be nice to talk about old times like this from time to time. Oh, let’s meet with Raoul later and talk together. I’m sure Raoul will be glad to see you too, Your Grace. I think he’s still in the Berna estate, but he’ll be back to the capital soon.”

“Raoul Berna…… you say.”

At that moment, Riena felt that Cassel’s mood was somehow not good.

“Do you not want to meet him? But I remember the three of us playing together quite often when we were young.”

Raoul, who had a good personality and a caring nature, had readily mingled with Cassel.

“It’s not like that. If Baron Berna returns, I’ll think about it.”

“That’s…… yes, I understand.”

It wasn’t a very positive response.

‘Did they fight without me knowing?’

While Riena was trying to guess the reason in her own way, Cassel kissed the back of her hand again and said goodbye.

“It will be hard for you to adapt to the changed sleeping arrangements, but please make yourself at home. If anything happens, call Amy at any time. Or, if you feel reluctant to call the servants, you can call me.”

“Your…… Grace?”

“Yes. I tend to go to bed late, so I think I’ll be able to come whenever you call, Young Lady.”

“You’re very considerate.”

But there would be no occasion to call Cassel. When they were young, they used to sleep in the same bed, but now they were not children anymore.

“Then, I hope you have good dreams too, Your Grace.”

Riena entered the room, changed into her nightgown from the closet without calling Amy, and lay down on the bed.

Just in case, she pricked up her ears, but she couldn’t feel Cassel’s presence outside the room.

‘Come to think of it, he’s very different from before. I wonder what happened.’

Riena lay in bed and tried to recall her childhood memories. Maybe it was because she was thinking about Cassel before going to bed.

After falling asleep again, she dreamed of the time she spent with Cassel 10 years ago.

10 years ago, Count Dyke, who had been away from the estate for 2 weeks saying he was going to see a friend, returned with a child.

The child named Cassel was all black from head to toe. His hair was black and the clothes he was wearing were black.

At least his deep blue eyes were the only color the child had.

As Riena stared at Cassel’s clothes, Count Dyke answered her question.

Riena knew very well what the word ‘passed away’ meant.

The nanny used to use that word when talking about her mother.

Death.

This child’s mother died not long ago.

Just like our mother.

In fact, Riena didn’t know exactly what ‘death’ was.

Her mother died before she was even a year old, and she had no memory of her in the first place, so she couldn’t feel a sense of loss.

However, just the fact that they had the same experience of losing their mothers made her feel a sense of kinship with this child.

Count Dyke left Cassel with the maid for a moment and had a conversation with Riena alone.

Count Dyke, who had been thinking for a moment, said carefully.

He carefully chose his words for young Riena.

At that time, Riena was only 10 years old. The emotion of ‘jealousy’ was a difficult concept for a young child of 10.

However, after thinking for a while, Riena thought she knew roughly what emotions Cassel felt.

It was too weak to call it ‘jealousy’, but Riena also often felt envious of Bianca.

When Bianca would run to the Countess without hesitation, calling out “Mom!” and hug her.

When the Countess’s face, which was always stiff and chilly to her, would melt warmly like the spring sun to Bianca.

When Bianca would bury her face in the Countess’s arms and laugh without a care in the world.

Riena was very envious of Bianca, who received an abundance of her mother’s love that she had never received.

Perhaps it was the same for Cassel. Maybe Cassel’s mom and dad would smile brightly at his brother, but not at him.

She felt a sense of kinship once again.