Wouldn’t that be okay? Jacob is far away, not looking in this direction. Can’t we have a brief greeting, a brief conversation about how things have been?

Summoning courage to approach, I happened to meet Ariana’s gaze as she turned this way. The clear blue eyes trembled and wavered before abruptly contorting.

Ariana stopped abruptly, staring blankly at me.

The fear on her daughter’s face paralyzed her ankles.

‘Ah, I see.’

Only then did I admit.

‘That child is not my daughter but the daughter of Rachel and Jacob Bronte.’

It was natural, obvious.
During a time I can’t even remember, the only time I embraced my father, I don’t have positive feelings. To Ariana, I’m just a stranger.

I could only repeat the words I wanted to say while standing at a distance.

‘Ariana, whenever your fear or the need for help subsides, or anytime you need help, come find me. I’ll always be waiting here.’

Always waiting.

Listening to the sounds dispersing like a dream, Ariana was pulled out onto the road. I thought another swift movement would begin, but a powerful pain was felt in my abdomen.

Flash [Dash]

When I opened my eyes, I saw a strange ceiling.

‘What was that just now?’

It was too vivid to be a dream. However, it was strange to call it reality. Ariana felt like she had become someone else, looking at herself with emotions she had never felt.

The first time at the royal party, 18-year-old Ariana Alfred Chekahtess.

‘Surely, I… did I enter the body of the stepbrother? No, it can’t be. How could such a thing happen? That’s already in the past, and it hasn’t happened yet. Moreover, the soul entering the stepbrother’s body. That kind of thing…’

It seemed impossible to say it couldn’t happen, but the current existence of Ariana was an impossible existence. A being that died once, turned back time, and revived.

If you say that an impossible existence had an impossible experience, it might make sense, but it was still hard to believe.

‘Did the stepbrother have such thoughts when he saw me then?’

When Ariana and the stepbrother made eye contact, he frowned. It seemed like he saw something impure, and he had an uncomfortable expression, making it impossible for Ariana to talk to him.

‘But…’

Ariana remembered Russell, whom she met in Dongryeong.

Russell had an expressionless face, but when he was awkward or confused, he would frown. Even though Theodore always lightly slapped Russell’s arm and said,

Then, Russell would always awkwardly smile and say,

If that was the case?

Not because Ariana found him impure and uncomfortable, but because she was just embarrassed, was that why he made that expression? In reality, did he want to meet and talk with Ariana?

‘No.’

Ariana pulled the blanket over her face.

‘No, don’t think of it comfortably, Ariana. You just had the dream you wanted. Entering the stepbrother’s body, feeling his emotions, sharing his thoughts. It doesn’t make sense. Such a thing doesn’t exist. There is no one in this world who loves you. Even though you’ve suffered so much, you still haven’t given up on that hope?’

It felt like she would burst into tears.
During the trial, when I lost and once again fell into Rachel’s clutches, or when I felt the pain of a knife stabbing my abdomen, tears that I didn’t shed seemed to burst forth.

To be used without knowing and die being used, and yet, to again seek affection, the pathetic self was disliked and pitiful. It was desperate and pitiful.

Knowing that there were no good things like that, I still felt melancholic about dreaming foolish dreams and expecting them to come true.

I didn’t like it. If I could carve out a heart that felt such emotions, I wanted to do that.

I wanted to live as an existence unloved by anyone, without anyone loving me. It was comfortable that way. I didn’t have to be cautious. I didn’t have to long for or plead for anything.

So, I wanted to live without receiving love or giving love. In this life, I wanted to walk on this harsh and desolate land, like a wasteland. That way, I wouldn’t hold onto the fleeting hope that an oasis might exist somewhere.

Suddenly, sensing movement, I lowered the blanket and saw a sight I hadn’t seen before.

Russell was sleeping with his head on the bed.

‘Is this also a dream?’

While staring fixedly at Russell’s disheveled navy-blue hair and the thick arms supporting his cheek, I reached out. It wasn’t intentional, but my fingertips brushed against Russell’s hair.

Just a slight touch on the fringe, but Russell raised his head at once.

Seeing Russell looking at Ariana, he widened his eyes and soon frowned. Like when he first saw her at the party, or when he visited the Chase Castle for the first time and met her.

“Ariana, you’re awake!”

I almost burst into tears at the desperate yet joyful voice. For some reason, I could guess why Russell’s large hand, which was heading towards Ariana’s head, stopped abruptly.

‘Because I hate it. Because I’m scared.’

The hesitant hand went down. Russell smiled at Ariana. As always, it was an awkward smile that seemed a bit angry.

“It’s a relief that you woke up, Ariana. Where… are you hurt anywhere?”

It hurt. But can I honestly say it?

If Ariana said she was in pain, Rachel would get angry, saying that she was useless and causing a fuss. She would get annoyed, saying that Ariana should take care of her health herself.

So, Ariana stopped saying that she was in pain even when she was.

Always have to be okay, because a good child must always be okay.

If she shows that she’s in pain, her mother gets angry because she doesn’t like it. Her husband throws a tantrum. Her mother-in-law scolds her to get out.

So, as always, Ariana smiled and answered.

“Yes, Mother. I’m okay. Thank you for worrying about me.”