Shiver, shiver shiver.

My teeth kept chattering like a broken nutcracker doll.

I curled up, trembling foolishly.

The cave was somewhat warm thanks to the campfire the boy had built.

But it couldn’t warm the chill that had seeped into my bones while struggling in the river.

‘…I thought I was going to die.’

When the icy river water rushed into my nostrils, I really thought that was the end.

But then that boy grabbed and pulled me out.

Thanks to him dragging me ashore, slapping my cheeks hard, and yelling at me, I was able to regain consciousness.

I glanced furtively at the boy.

He had doll-like features that made me wonder how a person could look like that.

Mother said I was the prettiest in the world, but I guess that wasn’t true.

Thinking of Mother, another tear fell.

“Sniff.”

“Ugh, stop crying.”

The boy glared at me irritably, so I hurriedly closed my mouth.

“Is your mother a concubine too?”

“What?”

When I asked back blankly, the boy raised one eyebrow.

“Wasn’t it the kids whose only pride is that their mothers aren’t concubines who threw you in the river?”

“I don’t know what a concubine is…”

“…Then who threw you in the river?”

Recalling that white face made my whole body tremble.

That mask-like face smirking at me as I fell from the cliff.

I felt like I would never forget this terror no matter how much time passed.

The boy’s unrealistically beautiful face suddenly crumpled.

“You’re shivering again. Damn. I used up all the nearby branches as firewood because of you.”

The boy grumbled, tapping the ground with the flint.

His angelic statue-like beauty turned devilishly fierce as he frowned.

“Go outside and check, all the trees around here will be bare. But what am I supposed to do if you’re still shivering?”

“I’m sorry, sniff…”

“This is driving me crazy.”

The boy roughly messed up his own hair. His fine black hair fluttered wildly.

“I didn’t even intend to save you.”

The boy glared at me and suddenly stood up.

“You arbitrarily made me your savior. But you can’t arbitrarily die on me now.”

The boy approached me with big strides, making threats.

Strangely intimidated, I unconsciously tried to back away, but the boy’s arm suddenly pulled me into an embrace.

“…”

I widened my eyes in surprise.

The boy’s body was bigger than mine. And much warmer than mine.

Held tightly in his arms, I could hear the boy’s voice better. His low voice muttered.

“It’s my first time trying to save someone. And I… hate failing more than death. No matter what it is.”

I must never fail even once. I.

The last words were so soft and low they were barely audible.

The campfire along with human warmth heated and melted my body. I nodded, my lips quivering.

“I, I won’t die.”

“You better not. I’m going through all this trouble.”

His irritated voice made me feel small. I desperately tried not to shiver, but it wasn’t working well.

Still, maybe thanks to the warmth of the fire plus body heat, the cold subsided a lot soon.

I carefully opened my mouth.

“Um, big brother.”

“Who’s your big brother?”

I hung my head low.

Like elder brother Edward, this boy also seemed to dislike being called big brother.

The dictionary said that’s what you call boys older than you, though.

Mustering my courage, I asked the question I’d been too afraid to ask before.

“Can… can you survive if this much blood comes out of your body?”

Imagining the red liquid gushing from Grandfather’s neck, I puffed up my arm. The boy furrowed his brow.

“No. You’d die if that happened.”

At those words, the tears I’d been holding back burst forth.

I knew it.

Even if Grandfather hadn’t died right then, those men would have eventually made it happen.

Why did they do it?

Why did those men make Grandfather bleed? Why did they hurt Grandfather? Why did they take Grandfather and Mother away from me?

I was old enough to know what death meant.

Perhaps, no. I could probably guess that I would never see Grandfather and Mother again.

“Sob, sob…”

Thinking about it made my heart feel crushed and shattered. It felt like it was being finely minced and broken, with even the remaining powder being ground up.

I knew the boy would scold me, but I couldn’t stop. An overwhelming sadness burst from my heart, pouring out through my eyes and mouth.

“Waaah, waaaaah.”

Now I’ll be abandoned by this boy too. I knew it but couldn’t help it.

Just as I thought I wanted to drown in my tears and die here.

Pat, pat.

Awkward hands patted my back.

The rhythm was so clumsy that I hiccuped in the middle of crying.

“Hic…?”

“This is a secret.”

Still awkwardly patting my back, the boy muttered.

“I cried too when my mother died.”

“…”

“So you can cry for one day too. But only for one day. Crybabies can’t get revenge.”

Revenge?

I blinked my tear-filled eyes slowly.

I understood what he meant. But I couldn’t grasp it immediately.

Me… getting payback? Against that white face?

Just imagining it made my whole body go stiff.

“H-how could I…”

“Beating them with a sword is the easiest way… but.”

The boy looked at my forearm and frowned.

“If that’s not possible, we’ll have to find another way. You must be… good at something.”

Hearing that, something reflexively came to mind and I nodded slightly.

“I’m good at singing.”

It was what Mother and Grandfather used to tell me every day.

The boy looked at me with deeply furrowed brows.

“What’s that? Do you mean you have the ability to burst eardrums with sound waves?”

“Huh? N-no…”

“Then what. Why are you talking about singing here?”

I hung my head low. I realized I’d given a really stupid answer.

I couldn’t use a sword well like the boy, nor could I swim well.

I was small and not warm enough, needing to receive warmth from others.

How could someone as useless as me get revenge?

“Cheer up.”

The boy sighed lowly and said after checking my expression.

“You’ll have your own way.”

“But I don’t even know how to burst eardrums with sound waves…”

“There will be other ways. Use your imagination.”

At his gruff voice, I stared blankly at the boy.

It was strange. There wasn’t a hint of kindness in his voice, just bluntness…

Yet why did I feel comforted?

The boy said he would return to the Empire.

He said he would get revenge on “those bastards whose only lifelong badge of honor is that their mothers aren’t concubines.”

The word ‘revenge’ sounded ridiculous coming from my mouth, but it sounded very plausible when the boy said it.

“Even as a bastard, if I achieve merits that no one can criticize, I can become the heir with the Senate’s approval. I’ll take the title.”

“Title?”

“Never mind. Just let it go.”

The boy was three years older than me, but he knew a lot of words even for that.

At those times, he seemed to shine like an adult, no, even more than an adult.

According to the boy, the Empire was a distance that would take a full five days of walking from here.

It would normally take three days, but if I really had ‘assassins’ after me, we’d have to take a hidden route, so it would take that long.

I didn’t know what ‘assassins’ meant, but I figured it referred to terrifying beings like the white face.

We walked through forest paths during the day, and slept in suitable caves at night.

It wasn’t until the third day that I realized something was odd.

“Don’t you sleep, big brother?”

“Who’s going to keep watch if we both sleep?”

The boy replied curtly, as if I’d said something foolish.

I was shocked, as if I’d been hit on the head.

“Th-then you didn’t sleep yesterday or the day before either?”

I hurriedly got up from my spot.

There was a lesson Grandfather had repeatedly instilled in me. Don’t be a shameless person, at least.

“…I won’t sleep. If I fall asleep, you’ll get annoyed and leave me behind, right?”

I remembered falling asleep not long after saying that on the first day.

My face turning bright red, I walked towards the cave entrance.

“I’ll keep watch tonight.”

“Sigh… stop being troublesome and just go inside. …I can’t sleep anyway.”

The last words were faint as if talking to himself, but I managed to hear them.

Can’t sleep well… I’d recently heard such a term from Mother’s doctor.

“Is it insomnia?”

The boy glanced at me with a rather surprised look, then shrugged.

“I don’t know about that. I just never slept well.”

“Since when?”

“Well. Maybe since my mother died.”

An answer casually tossed out as if it were nothing.

But I could notice. The very faint trembling at the end of his voice, and his red eyes gazing into the distant void.

It was evidence that talking about his mother’s death made the boy sad.

He probably wasn’t acknowledging it himself, though.

I hesitated, then carefully spoke up.

“Um, if you can’t fall asleep… should I sing you a lullaby?”