To Those For Whom Even Regret Is A Luxury - Chapter 1

That day was the day my world shattered.

“Madam.”

The nightmare began from the moment butler Wilhelm approached me with a grim face.

His unusually dark expression today made me tilt my head in confusion.

“What’s the matter?”

“There’s… something you need to check.”

“Check?”

“Yes. …We heard a strange sound coming from the west terrace.”

A strange sound?

Puzzled, I followed the butler.

After guiding me to the west terrace, the butler bowed politely and stepped back. As if telling me to check for myself from now on.

‘What could it be?’

Tilting my head, I slowly opened the door to the room connected to the west terrace.

…And at the same time, I stopped breathing.

“Hic, aahh…”

There, crying pitifully, was my half-sister Elena.

And…

“Shh, shh.”

The one embracing my sister and gently patting her back was my husband, Lucas.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility for everything. For you, and for our child.”

Child.

‘Our’ child?

Each letter of the word felt unfamiliar, as if it had been broken down.

Although five years had passed since our marriage, there were no children between my husband and me.

“My son was born healthy from birth! It must be your problem!”

For that fact alone, I was treated as a useless existence in the marquis family, a foolish woman who couldn’t fulfill her role.

Knowing this well, Lucas, far from comforting me, was disgusted by the very mention of ‘children’.

“What am I, a stud horse? Every day it’s children, children! Damn it, I’m sick of it!”

“…Darling.”

“This is why I hate coming to this damn house! If you had just pleased Mother better from the start, she wouldn’t be harping on about that damn child issue every day!”

Lucas, who had been so tired of those words, now whispered in a honey-sweet voice.

“Only blessings await our child’s future. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Ah, but Lucas!”

Elena collapsed into my husband’s arms.

“To have a child before even getting married. My life is over now, huuuu!”

“There, there, Elena. Listen to me, okay? Let’s overcome this together. Everything will be alright if we’re together. Shh…”

“Lucas…!”

Their lips met.

Shameless, wet sounds echoed explicitly.

My husband’s hand caressing Elena’s slender waist and lifting the hem of her dress.

Elena clinging to him, seemingly familiar with those blatant touches.

Scenes too vivid to be a dream, and too cruel.

“Ah, Lucas…”

“Huu…”

To me, all sounds in the world were raw materials that could be processed into beautiful melodies.

It was my belief that there were no useless or unpleasant sounds in this world.

That was true. Until now.

‘Stop.’

I covered my ears with trembling hands.

For the first time, I was afraid of sound.

Because I couldn’t believe that these wet copulation sounds, these raw moans were coming from my husband and sister.

Clang!

My staggering feet caught on the iron doorframe, making a loud noise.

“Eek! Who’s the− Oh, sister?”

Elena’s reddened eyes widening as they discovered me felt like the climax of a play.

The climax of a cheap one-act drama filled with makjang.

I became a faithful member of that stage, ridiculously staggering backwards.

“…Damn it, Ariana!”

Lucas’s eyes twisted viciously as he turned to look at me.

“The door should have been locked!”

At his fierce scolding, I found myself stupidly fumbling with my lips.

“I thought I heard… a strange sound…”

“Damn it, how long have you been peeking! You’re not a damn mouse, for fuck’s sake!”

Lucas’s appearance, angrily blaming me, wavered unrealistically.

Lucas had been a kind husband.

He was like that when he first approached me, always alone in my room tapping on the piano keys, and was the first to tell me that the music I made was beautiful.

I was so happy with those words that I showed him all the sheet music I had been scribbling until then.

“These are truly beautiful pieces, Ariana. It’s a shame for me to be the only one to hear them. How about presenting them?”

Lucas readily promised to invest in a performance.

My brother Edward, a graduate of the Royal Academy of Arts, arranged my pieces, and my sister Elena took charge of the singing.

The first presentation was modest. Only a few who remembered the old prestige of the Lopez family, once a musical powerhouse, filled the seats with indifferent faces.

However, after all the performances ended, every single one of them gave a standing ovation.

“It’s as if the late Count Lopez has come back to life!”

“These were truly beautiful and original pieces. They say talent skips a generation! Count Edward Lopez has inherited the talent of the late count exactly!”

People praised Edward as if it were only natural.

“People are still too narrow-minded to appreciate a woman’s art, so let’s keep releasing the songs under Edward’s name for now. Is that okay?”

Every day, people praised how beautiful Edward’s compositions were, how angelic Elena’s singing voice was.

My name was nowhere to be found, but it didn’t matter.

I was happy. Because the opera house my husband built was booming with the successive success of the songs.

“Another full house today! Ariana, this is all thanks to you!”

My husband whispered to me every day how happy he had become thanks to the songs I made.

Above all, because the name ‘Lopez, the music noble family’ that my maternal grandfather had cultivated throughout his life was once again on people’s lips.

But the dreamlike days didn’t last long.

“We need more songs! Ariana, why does that inspiration of yours come so infrequently?”

My husband, lamenting my slow work pace, brought in more composers.

And then they started churning out songs similar to mine like a factory. They were songs that were too similar to the originals, like mere replicas, but people were unanimously enthusiastic about them.

Was it around that time?

When my husband’s return time got later and later, and his eyes started to show annoyance when looking at me.

“Why am I late, you ask? A man can be late sometimes when he’s doing business!”

“The singers at our opera house have a sweet charm when they flirt… How can you be so stiff even when your husband comes home? How can sisters be so different, tsk.”

“Your compositions are unnecessarily experimental. Is it because you’ve never formally studied composition? It really shows when your learning is shallow. Tsk.”

I thought if I wrote more beautiful songs, more sellable codes, my husband might hold me tenderly again.

It was true that I had never formally learned composition, so I studied more and worked harder. Staying up every night, cutting down on sleep.

And during that time, you…

‘Were you fooling around with my younger sister?’

This must be a dream.

I squeezed my eyes shut. If it was a dream, I had to wake up.

As I staggered out of the room, I heard shouting from inside.

“Where do you think you’re going! Come back here right now!”

“Lucas, stop! I’ll follow her. Sister, sister!”

Elena, who had chased me out to the dim corridor, finally grabbed my shoulder.

“Sister, listen to me. You’re misunderstanding right now!”

Misunderstanding?

They say when you’re too shocked, your mind goes blank.

As I turned to Elena in a daze, she quickly continued.

“There’s absolutely nothing like that between me and brother-in-law… Okay, I’ll be honest. It was just one night’s mistake!”

“…A mistake, you say?”

“We both had too much to drink that night. I thought we shouldn’t do this and pushed him away several times, but he kept saying it felt so much better than with you…!”

Miserable excuses poured out of my younger sister’s mouth.

“I should have rejected him somehow, I’m really sorry. I’ll even pretend to die if you tell me to! Sister, but I, I…”

Elena’s doe-like eyes filled with tears.

“I… I got pregnant with brother-in-law’s child from that one night…”

Screech, screech screech.

It felt like thousands of mad violinists were playing their bows in my head.

I gasped softly at the terrible sense of unreality. Surely this must all be just a nightmare.

There’s no way a reality where my younger sister and husband betray me at the same time could be real.

At that moment, Elena grabbed my hand.

“Sister. Please, please save me.”

Elena drooped her eyebrows pitifully.

Just like when she secretly wore mother’s heirloom necklace to go out and lost it. Just like when she spilled wine on the sheet music I had been working on for months.

And with that face…

“Won’t you pretend that the child in my belly is yours?”

She finally delivered the decisive blow that would break me.

“…What did you say?”

“I, I can’t raise this child. I’m the flower of the opera at the peak of my career right now, right? What flower has a child attached! If something happens to me, it’s over for me, for our whole family. You know that!”

The flower of the opera at the peak of her career.

Elena’s words were true. Elena was currently the most popular singer in the country.

The daily papers compared her voice to that of sirens luring sailors. Men were enthusiastic about her beautiful voice and angelic figure, bringing bouquets and jewels every day.

‘But, Elena.’

It was I who spent countless nights creating songs so that your voice could bloom most beautifully.

“Besides, this isn’t a bad deal for you either! Sister, you’ve been suffering for years because you don’t have a child with brother-in-law, right? You can take my child. Then the Fedegrin family will have an heir, and you won’t have to live under scrutiny for being barren anymore, right?”

Elena sobbed pitifully like a rain-soaked puppy.

As if twisting that pretty face into a pitiful expression meant that nothing was unforgivable.

I thought blankly with my creaking mind.

‘You want me to raise a child you had through an affair with my husband?’

It was an absurd request.

A thoroughly selfish request that only considered Elena’s own well-being.

There was only one reason Elena could make such a brazen request.

“…Since when, Elena.”

I mumbled blankly.

“Since when did I become not family, but a fool in your eyes.”

I had worried that she was immature and willful, but Elena was family to me.

‘But you weren’t.’

In your eyes, I was just… an idiot, a fool, a simpleton.

Just someone who could be easily swayed with a few words, a sucker.

“Sister… What are you saying? I explained everything, didn’t I? It was just one night’s mistake!”

“…Enough, Elena.”

I shook my head. My whole body trembled with excessive sense of betrayal.

I felt like I would crumble without a trace if anyone touched me even slightly right now.

“I know you’re very confused and hurt. I’m really sorry too, I’ll atone for this my whole life! But you’re not really going to refuse my request, are you? My life is at stake here! If I go down, you’ll also− Sister! Where are you going, sister!”

I turned around and walked quickly down the dark corridor.

I wanted to vomit the nausea rising to my throat somewhere.

“Ariana! You were home?”

But someone else suddenly appeared and blocked my way again.