At the firm refusal, Alejandro pouted sullenly.

Knowing that childish expression was meant to put Nerea at ease, Nerea smiled faintly and gently stroked Alejandro’s cheek.

“There’s one thing I’m worried about.”

At the softly whispered voice, Alejandro raised his gaze blankly.

“The nonsense I spoke when I took that medicine in the carriage.”

After taking that ‘dazed medicine’ on the way to Alpern, Alejandro had asked Nerea what ‘lunar eclipse’ meant when she woke up.

Suddenly, what lunar eclipse? When Nerea asked what he meant, Alejandro only replied with a confused face, “Just now, sir asked what a lunar eclipse was.”

I know what it means when the moon is perfectly covered by shadow, so why would I have asked that? My mind was clearly lucid. It seems I had rambled nonsense while thinking of father and Helen for a moment.

Though Alejandro’s worried expression was pitiful, Nerea had nothing she could say about her own nonsense. Instead, a very small worry arose.

“What if I… speak nonsense again in front of Helen and…?”

Father.

The softly hesitant syllables pierced Alejandro’s ears. Alejandro swallowed his bitter feelings and smiled brightly.

While saying she really hates him, sir still unconsciously called the acting count ‘father’.

Could it be that memories from very early childhood were still holding onto sir, as she said?

Surely even Alejandro’s father said that before the previous count passed away, Gabe Esteban was a busy but good father.

“I’ll hold a rock up there and knock you out.”

Knock knock−.

“Count. I’ve brought the adjusted amount as you said.”

It was Heather. In the small bottle she carefully held was a much smaller amount of clear medicine than what was taken the other day.

Nerea received the medicine and answered Alejandro.

“Alright. Make sure to watch carefully, and if I speak nonsense, please knock me out.”

“…”

“Other than that, just watch over me.”

“…”

“I still have things I want to ask those people, and things I want to hear.”

As she finished speaking, Nerea poured the medicine into her mouth. Then she swallowed the medicine she held while lying in bed.

The effects of the medicine quickly began to spread. Not an ounce of strength remained in her body. A strange sensation like her muscles were slowly melting away enveloped her entire body.

“You need to keep breathing. If you want to regain consciousness in two hours.”

Heather’s voice softly faded away. While consciously breathing, the sound of the door closing was heard.

Soon, a muffled voice as if underwater was heard. It was Alejandro.

“May I ask what it is you want to ask?”

What I want to ask, huh. With her lip muscles relaxed, Nerea kept mulling over words she couldn’t answer Alejandro.

In truth, there was much she wanted to ask.

Why did he have to torment the innocent people of Valere and tarnish her name, why did Helen torment her so and why did father abandon her like that, why did he love Brianna, who wasn’t even his real daughter, so much more than her, couldn’t he have given even half that love to her.

The questions she had always suppressed while blaming herself unraveled like tangled threads. But Nerea knew. That among them, there was one thing she wanted to ask most.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

As cliché as it was, what she wanted to ask was commonplace. The arrow of the question should have been aimed at father.

Because memories of wanting to receive gifts as a child remained as precious as love.

Father was clearly affectionate once. Until Helen and Brianna came when she was almost five.

Nerea tried to recall the faces of Helen and father. Unlike Helen who came to mind immediately, strangely father’s face was blurry. Surely father had been beside Helen.

At some point, father who had been beside Helen quietly slipped behind her.

Unlike the beginning when he was only slightly obscured, as time passed he became more and more hidden behind Helen. And when the two overlapped perfectly.

Ah.

Nerea exhaled a shaky breath.

That’s what a lunar eclipse was like. Like the darkest neglect when the moon is perfectly covered by shadow.

Father’s face that had slowly retreated behind Helen and finally been completely obscured ten years ago. Nerea tried to recall father in that darkness.

But every time she tried to find father’s face, time reversed further into the past.

When was the last time she had seen father’s face, who didn’t even look at her directly at the victory banquet, when coming for the triumphant return ceremony, or even on the day she left for Alpern.

Her eyelids drooped hazily. In the darkness like a distant horizon, Nerea suddenly recalled father’s face.

“The departure ceremony is the day after tomorrow, so prepare.”

That was when she was fifteen. The day she was finally allowed to attend the dinner table after five months.

***

It was at the dinner table, in front of armor and a sword no less, that she heard father’s voice directly for the first time in a long while, instead of always relaying messages from behind Helen.

Armor and a sword, for her who had been disciplined for swinging a wooden sword they hadn’t even bought her.

Above all, a departure ceremony?

“You seem to have forgotten that I haven’t even received my knighthood. The reason you continue to maintain your position as acting count is because I don’t have my knighthood.”

She wanted to speak as calmly as possible, but her voice trembled slightly. Father furrowed his brow.

Helen let out a clear laugh from across the table. Now officially married to father and the acting countess, she wore a dress so expensive even a duchess would struggle to afford it.

“You shouldn’t speak that way, Nerea. Your father has been refusing your knighthood all this time to protect you, even against His Majesty the Emperor’s insistence.”

It was a rumor well-known in Castarty.

A very touching story of how Acting Count Esteban pleaded with the Emperor who wanted to send Nerea to war, delaying her knighthood ceremony because he cherished his first daughter so dearly.

Though they knew she couldn’t inherit the count title without knighthood, the nobles enjoyed talking about Gabe’s paternal love more than Nerea’s inability to succeed as countess.

Nerea looked at Helen. Helen, who always made a visibly uncomfortable face whenever Nerea joined the table, looked especially happy today.

“But we knew you were feeling upset all this time. So your father finally made a request to His Majesty? To give you your knighthood.”

“Oh my. Father!”

Brianna let out an exaggerated exclamation. Brianna, who was said to be preparing for her debutante two years from now, clapped her hands elegantly, fluttering her intricate lace sleeves.

Father, Helen, and Brianna looked at Nerea, acting as if in a well-rehearsed play.

Feeling like she was caught in the middle of a spider’s web, she looked at the happy family.

Father, Helen, and Brianna.

“How wonderful, Nerea. Now you’re Countess Esteban. The Shield of Castarty, congratulations!”

Brianna said in a voice that sounded delighted to death. Her blue eyes glinted eerily, stained with mockery.

Then for a moment, Brianna looked at Helen with an adoring face.

“Mother, how happy must Nerea be? I’ll never receive a title in my life. What must it feel like to receive a title?”

At that moment, Helen’s smiling brow contorted.

And the next day.

The ordinary silver-gray armor was suddenly painted black and placed in front of Nerea’s door again.

It was black armor with a shine so glossy it would stand out more than anyone even under the darkest night.

Seeing that armor that looked like she would die as soon as she wore it and went out, Nerea immediately went to find father’s room. But father didn’t open the door as if he hadn’t heard all the knocking sounds.

Even though he was clearly inside.

Nerea tried to recall father’s face over that thick door. The face she had surely seen began to blur.

It was darkness again.

***

Tap, tap−. She felt an unpleasant hand hitting her cheek. The buzzing noise like a hummingbird’s wings gradually grew louder and closer.

“Darling! Gabe. Nerea has woken up!”

Pink lips floated in the air. Soon, eerily smiling blue eyes met Nerea’s gaze.

It was Helen. The face resembling Brianna’s lifted Nerea’s arm and let it drop. The arm with no sense of touch flopped limply like a doll’s arm.

Seemingly satisfied with that sight, Helen pinched Nerea’s earlobe hard enough to crush it and said,

“Nerea. It’s been so long. Have you been well? You haven’t changed at all. How can you look exactly the same now as you did ten years ago?”

At the friendly voice as if talking to an old acquaintance, Nerea blinked. Then at some point, she realized someone was standing behind Helen.

When she met the eyes looking at her indifferently.

Nerea let out a breath she herself didn’t understand the meaning of.

So that’s what he looked like.

Father.

Nerea couldn’t take her eyes off father.

Father, who had always seemed calm and distant, was staring straight at her. As she met those indifferent eyes whose thoughts she couldn’t guess, Helen said,

“Can you sit up?”

Unlike her gentle words, Helen’s touch was rough. As she was forcibly pulled up by the shoulders to sit against the headboard, a dry cough burst out.

It was an unplanned action, but Helen seemed relieved and laughed brightly.

“Don’t you need time for a farewell with your daughter?”

“…”

“Say whatever you want to say. I’ll have my turn later, so I’ll step out for now.”

After Helen left, the room was silent. It was filled with an uncomfortable atmosphere as if stuffed with balloons about to burst. Wanting to open a window–

“It’s been a long time. I heard you left the summer villa, but I didn’t know you were in such a shabby place. Have you been well?”

Father was the first to break the silence.

As it sounded like greetings to someone you were really meeting after a long time, Nerea blinked for a moment before nodding slightly.

Tsk, the sound of clicking a tongue was heard.

“Have you lost your speech as well?”