“I rose to become the head merchant, conspired with Johan, and sent you a maid who could be loyal to me.”

“…..”

“In the end, I appeared before you only now, just before the count’s position was about to be passed on.”

“…..”

“That’s too unreasonable, isn’t it.”

Nerea burst into laughter. To think that a story that started in Lesore would extend to Heather, and even to Alejandro’s childhood. Even she thought it was quite a stretch.

“Why would I go so far as to spread rumors that I was dead.”

“…If I were alive, I would always be a target of surveillance for the acting count and his wife.”

Nerea blinked her eyes. When Alejandro’s face became clear again, he was smiling. Words she didn’t want to hear came from the corners of his stiff lips.

“It’s all correct, lady knight.”

“…..”

“I, who pretended to be dead, became the head merchant, and together with my elder brother, sent Heather to you, lady knight.”

“…..”

“Heather was the most perfect among carefully chosen people. She wanted to repay her debt to you, lady knight, and was loyal. There aren’t many maids who know how to handle medicine, above all.”

It was heard that Alejandro swallowed the rest of his words. But even if he had finished, Nerea wouldn’t have heard.

It was overwhelming just to accept what was happening right now. After smacking her parched lips several times, Nerea shook her head. And consciously breathing, she tried to spread her fingers.

With each count of her trembling fingers, what Nerea recalled were the times she had taken away.

Alejandro’s ten years.

Ten years each for Baron and Baroness Jenax, who had to not know whether their son was alive or dead.

Ten years that Johan Jenax had to be separated from his younger brother.

In the end, she had taken forty years from them. No, that’s not right. If you count the time after Alejandro was born, when the baron had to only patrol the borders because of her, she had taken away countless times.

The inside of her throat felt sore as if it had been scraped with something sharp. As if spitting out a blade, Nerea muttered.

“…It’s because of me.”

“How is that because of you, lady knight.”

“If it’s not my fault. Why did you do it.”

Nerea said quietly. Alejandro’s expression became somewhat ambiguous.

“Pardon…?”

“For what on earth did you…”

For a moment, Alejandro’s eyes widened. Looking into the black pupils that were shaking as if to say that wasn’t it, Nerea reached out her hand.

As if it were natural, Alejandro lowered his body and leaned his cheek against that palm.

Complete submission and trust.

She believed in Alejandro, who blinked gently and looked at her as if she were his everything. Nerea bit her lips over and over again. Words that needed to be swallowed kept popping out of her lips.

“You dedicated more than half of your life, those precious times, to me.”

“…..”

“Do you know how I feel seeing you now?”

Alejandro slowly shook his head. Nerea stroked Alejandro’s hair with an infinitely affectionate touch.

Eyes desperate as if seeking salvation.

Poor and foolish Alejandro who was trying to raise her back to the position of count somehow.

Feeling the soft hair passing through her fingers, Nerea slowly muttered.

“Is it that I, who am neither a count nor a knight, have no value at all?”

At that moment, Alejandro swallowed his breath. Against his face turning paler than the white moonlight, Nerea brought out words like sharply broken fragments.

“Is that why you wanted to cling to even a painting recreating my past self that you so desired?”

“Lady knight!”

“Yes. Even now, you call me a knight.”

She tried to be calm, but could no longer remain composed. Alejandro needed to reclaim his life even now. Nerea, barely containing her burst insides, pressed Alejandro.

“So. What was the next step in your brilliant plan?”

Alejandro’s expression was not visible. What did it matter anyway. Now Alejandro was no longer a dependent she needed to take care of.

“Without even asking for my opinion, somehow pulling me up above the surface and.”

He was now a proper head merchant, and the patron of an artist who had stirred up the entire Castarty.

“Then getting disappointed after seeing my unprepared self while looking at what you had prepared?”

And at the same time, driving her to this point.

Suddenly, Nerea couldn’t hold back her laughter.

Although laughter like a scream spread across the night sky, in truth, she felt like she was dying from the pain of her own wounds.

Nerea shouted sharply.

“You saw it all! How I fled from that place!”

Her last shred of self-esteem scattered to pieces.

Her ears were deafened as if someone had dunked her head underwater. Though she had barely survived, floundering, Nerea was still seventeen, submerged in that time.

“You’re right. It must be because I’m a loser that I’m doing this.”

Forcibly opening unhealed wounds, Nerea drove herself.

She had ruined everything.

If only she hadn’t been so greedy. But among countless hypotheticals, there was one reason Nerea could find peace.

“It’s all in the past anyway.”

“…..”

“Irreversibly,”

“…..”

“Ruined things.”

“That’s right. It’s all things I ruined.”

“That’s not true, Alejandro Jenax. Don’t twist my words.”

“Lady knight, no, young lady, I know well that you’ve been enduring me.”

The taut tension dissolved in an instant. It was Alejandro who let go of the string.

At the end of his self-deprecating words, Alejandro covered his face with his palm.

“Even when I threw tantrums forcibly, you endured it patiently.”

Now Alejandro was a head taller than Nerea. Under his palm, his noble jawline was very strong and his attire was wealthier than anyone else’s.

But why did Alejandro still look to Nerea’s eyes.

“You must have hated seeing me.”

Why did he seem the same as when he was thirteen?

“You must have truly hated even the thought of ‘if only that cursed boy hadn’t used that poison plant’.”

Nerea’s breath caught in her throat. Long fingers parted slowly and Alejandro’s eyes met her gaze.

The faintly smiling eyes gradually died.

What rose over the eyes that had lost their shining heterochromia was terrible self-loathing. It was an emotion she too had once felt every time she looked in the mirror.

A rough voice continued.

“If it weren’t for me, instead of saying you’re nothing, you would have become an excellent count, as you said you could do anything.”

Why hadn’t she seen Alejandro’s face, so obvious at a glance, from the beginning?

“Instead of always saying it’s okay like this, you would have become a respected lord, just as you were when you seized what you wanted.”

There were terrible scars on that child too. Eyes soaked with regret looked at Nerea pitifully. Ah. Nerea swallowed a sigh.

“You would have proudly held that sword in your hand forever.”

His fingers trembled in the air, as if he couldn’t dare to grab her.

“You would have continued to be my guardian knight.”

She realized too late that the words he had been swallowing uncomfortably were pitiful pleas.

Alejandro’s eyelashes trembled. His faltering voice was infinitely fragile.

“Just once, give me a chance to turn things back. I really prepared as if I would die. Lady knight, please don’t hate me…”

Why hadn’t she known?

Her mind went blank.

As much as she was stuck at seventeen,

She didn’t know that child too, Alejandro, was stuck at thirteen, that time. It was when her vision became distant.

What stopped Alejandro from clinging was Johnny’s single word, who had approached without her noticing.

“Alejandro… Stop it. You’ll really regret it.”

An expression of realization appeared on Alejandro’s face, who had been hurriedly exposing his innermost feelings.

Soon after, Nerea couldn’t catch Alejandro, who ran away like a thirteen-year-old child. Johnny bowed his head slightly before following Alejandro.

A while later, on a hill a little away from the cabin.

When the heat cooled, terrible self-loathing enveloped his entire body.

F*ck. After pretending to be composed and all that, to end up pleading so hastily.

Alejandro burst into hollow laughter. The place where pathetic words had passed through felt rough.

There was a sound of grass being stepped on. Footsteps too heavy and hesitant to be his lady knight. After hesitating for a long time, Johnny finally spoke lightly, trying to be casual.

“You really looked like a little kid just now.”

Johnny’s plan to speak as lightly as possible was a failure.

“I know.”

Hearing the unstably giggling voice, Johnny rubbed his forehead for a moment. It was different from the irregular episodes of mania. How deep a hole would he dig this time? After thinking for a moment, Johnny grabbed Alejandro’s shoulder.

“Let’s avoid it for now.”

The eyes staring blankly looked just like a young brother. Johnny shrugged and looked at the single path.

“Whether our future plans turn out or not, it’s not good for it to be known that Count Rosa came to see Count Esteban.”

* * *

Nerea looked at Alejandro’s back. For a moment, she recalled the Alejandro she had left behind in the past. Back then, was that child looking at her like this too?

No.

He said he blamed himself while watching her leave abruptly without saying anything properly.

Her mind was blank. Devastation choked her breath.

Strength drained from her body and Nerea sat down on the spot. And as if out of habit, she massaged her wrist.

The reason her body was damaged to the point where she couldn’t even hold a glass was not because of the war that injured her whole body as known to the world, nor was it Alejandro’s fault.

“So, I see you used the medicinal herbs I sent well. That dependent of yours, that child must have nursed you excellently. I asked him to completely stop your pain with that poison plant.”

It was because of that woman, Helen Tylesbury, whose voice always had poison at the end of its coquettish tone.

“Rather, the one who saved me was…”

That foolish boy.