So when I wanted to give up everything, I realized belatedly seeing the hope that Alejandro had sprouted. That I didn’t want to give up, but wanted to protect.

If I became a count, I wanted to change things for sure. I thought maybe everyone living in that torn-up space could laugh together.

Nevertheless.

Her wish crumbled at the victory banquet, and the hope she had barely gathered harmed Baron Jenax.

Still, she lowly picked up the sword. After running away to live alone, she thought of rising using Heather’s antidote as nourishment.

Where was she really planning to go after getting up?

What was I thinking when I grabbed the sword again, and dared to hold such brilliant expectations?

Nerea thought as she turned around and left Alejandro’s room. Her mind was clear even though her vision was blurry.

I was indeed a loser. So it was right to live like this from now on.

Quietly, as if dead, so that no one would find me.

After entering the room, Nerea turned off the night light. When the spreading light disappeared, her room was pitch black like the inside of a beast’s maw. Only when she couldn’t see anything did Nerea open the wardrobe.

The fabric that rustled as she touched it felt much softer than before. And deep inside was her cold sword.

It was right to lock it away before her hope harmed someone again.

Nerea bit her lip and closed the wardrobe door. With the intention of never opening it again, she blocked the wardrobe with bundles of newspapers, then sat leaning against the door furthest from the wardrobe.

Her back was cold but her bottom was soft. The rug Alejandro had brought was protecting Nerea even in this situation.

After running her fingertips over the soft texture, Nerea slowly buried her face in her knees.

She covered her face with her arms to prevent even the slightest sound from escaping, while desolate moonlight poured over her rounded back.

A night when no one was watching over her.

Nerea digested countless things.

Not knowing that someone was behind that back she thought was entirely alone.

.

.

.

After the sound of quietly leaving the room faded, Alejandro opened his eyes.

Eyes darker than darkness sank deeply as they faced the ceiling. The creaking sound gradually went up to the top of the stairs and disappeared with the sound of a door closing.

Fortunately, it seemed she didn’t bump into anything on the way up.

Only then did Alejandro slowly rise. And he went up the stairs, suppressing any sign of his presence. Beyond the poorly soundproofed door, he could hear the sound of held breath.

Alejandro rubbed his face.

That intermittent breathing was the Knight’s only way of suppressing her tears. Every time that breath smaller than a sigh broke off, it felt like his heart would die from the tingling pain.

Even though he knew the Knight was beyond this door that he only had to open, he couldn’t open it.

Because if he made his presence known, the Knight would be robbed even of those silent tears.

Just like when he first interfered with the Knight’s tears.

It was on a day twelve years ago when the Knight’s insomnia persisted. The Knight, who said sleep came easily if you touched her forehead, really fell asleep, and not long after, she cried with groaning and sobbing sounds.

It was the first time he had seen the Knight cry. His heart pounded irregularly at those sorrowful tears, as if he had done something wrong. Alejandro got scared and woke the Knight up.

“Knight. It seemed like you were having a nightmare.”
“…You couldn’t sleep because of me. Alejandro.”

Her first words with a pale face were Alejandro, her worry for him. He was still young then and stupidly smiled.

“It’s okay. I often have nightmares too. I’ll wake you up every time.”

The Knight, who smiled faintly, drank alcohol from the next day. She came in dead drunk and pretended to be okay, cackling with laughter.

As if she wouldn’t give him a chance to worry.

He regretted that day so much.

Alejandro clenched his fist. So what he had to do now was to exist as if he didn’t exist.

It felt like someone was gripping his heart in their palm, about to burst it. He thought he was fully prepared, but he was still terribly powerless.

Meanwhile, silent tears pooled over the silence.

Each sigh was so painful that Alejandro could barely breathe.

When sunlight shone through the window, Nerea made a decision.

Alejandro was indeed someone who needed to be sent away. Wanting to do anything for him was a separate matter, and drawing an appropriate line would be good for everyone.

But.

“By the way, Alejandro, I like beef stew for dinner. Chicken is too lean, and duck is good roasted. But today’s mood is for stew.”

“I know. On days like this, you always said your mouth felt dry and looked for soup.”

“Indeed.”

Seeing that docile smiling face, Nerea’s heart sank.

How many days had it been since she made her resolution that she was acting like usual again?

Drawing a line with Alejandro, who had entered her daily life like a flood in that short time, was a very difficult task. She clearly thought she would only say one word a day, but before she knew it, Alejandro was smiling brightly in front of her.

It was the same now.

“Knight. Eat this first while it’s being prepared.”

Cherries, green grapes, and even figs.

Alejandro, who brought the fruit, sat in front of Nerea and peeled potatoes. In a situation where it was awkward to even get up, Nerea looked around unnecessarily.

“Heather hasn’t been seen all day.”

“Heather went out saying she was going to see flowers, remember?”

Ah, right. Heather, who had more time to use since Alejandro came, freely went out to gather herbs.

Since Nerea told her to keep the antidote a secret from Alejandro, Heather always said she was going to see ‘flowers’ when she went to get herbs, as if excited to have a secret.

“What about Johnny?”

“Johnny said he’d come tomorrow because of merchant guild business.”

“Then……”

There was nothing more to say. Nerea lowered her head and ate the fruit. As the bursting juice of the fruit filled her dry mouth.

“Knight.”

Alejandro’s voice was low. His handsome face smiled faintly as he looked at Nerea.

Suddenly, Nerea recalled the fluttering eyelashes from a few nights ago.

The black eyes that Nerea had wanted to see beneath those lashes kept captivating her gaze as if ensnaring her.

“Why don’t you ask about Alejandro?”

“…Huh?”

A mischievous play glimmered over the pitch-black eyes.

“Aren’t you curious about me?”

“You’re right in front of me, so what’s there to be curious about.”

As she responded indifferently, Alejandro laughed lowly as if his Adam’s apple was vibrating.

“Then I’ll keep staying in front of you, so don’t even dream of pushing me away.”

For a moment, she was caught off guard. Nerea swallowed as she met his languidly curved eyes.

“…If I push you away.”

“I’ll cry boo-hoo.”

Crying. As Nerea’s face hardened at the thought of that sorrowful crying, Alejandro quickly added.

“I might even roll on the floor while crying.”

The tension broke in an instant. For words said with such a serious face, it was quite cute, and Nerea smiled without realizing it. Alejandro put on a stern expression.

“You shouldn’t be so relieved. You know best how loudly I can cry well.”

“That’s true.”

Nerea slightly raised the corner of her mouth.

Besides the crying on the day she left, Alejandro really cried well. The sound of his crying was loud enough to shake the tent like thunder.

Nerea had even seriously looked into Alejandro’s Adam’s apple once.

“What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just wondering if there’s thunder in there.”

Twelve-year-old Alejandro, realizing he was being teased, really cried as loudly as if thunder was rumbling. But when Nerea laughed while poking those soaking wet chubby cheeks, he soon laughed along.

The memory of that time melted softly. That child who used to cry so well stopped crying at some point, and in the end, cried painfully. Nerea’s lips trembled. Just as she was about to open her mouth, thinking she should draw the line again.

“So. I’ll cry really loudly.”

Alejandro was faster.

His voice was lower than before, somehow sunken. The black eyes she looked at were sorrowful.

“Knight… don’t hold it in.”

Thump-. A fierce wave fell over Nerea’s heart.

He must have known. As words she couldn’t dare to ask were trapped in her mouth, Alejandro smiled.

“I’m bad like you said, Knight, so I can only hear my own crying.”

Pretending not to know anything. Even that there was a desperate plea buried at the end.

And instead of answering, Nerea ate the fruit. Alejandro didn’t say anything more either. The fruit she swallowed as if stuffing it down was sweet, and the beef stew was delicious.

From that day on, Nerea really tried hard to avoid Alejandro.

Nerea didn’t know exactly where this wavering came from.

Whether it was because of the hope Alejandro had shown, or the embarrassment from knowing Alejandro knew about her crying. Or if it was neither, the relief that she wasn’t alone.

She felt like she couldn’t face Alejandro until she distinguished that. So she stood up as soon as the meal was over.

“Knight, today’s bread was really,”

“It was delicious. I ate well.”

Though she felt his gaze stabbing her back continuously, she didn’t look back. If she avoided him like this, naturally the wavering would disappear too.

…Even if Alejandro said he was leaving because of this, it couldn’t be helped.