How happy would the Baron and Baroness be? Growing up so well, I wonder if he has a lover.

Perhaps due to the alcohol, frivolous thoughts kept coming. It was a moment when Nerea’s gaze, which had been shaking her head, fixed on Alejandro’s hands.

It had been bothering her all along. Those hands, full of calluses and scars, even though he said he hadn’t held a sword.

So an unfiltered question came out.

“How have you been living all this time?”

“Living? I’ve been enduring.”

A desperate face came up, and Nerea unconsciously reached out to him. At that moment, a light clap sound was heard.

“But!”

Alejandro smiled brightly, still in the clapping position.

“However I’ve lived, however I’ve endured, that’s something ‘my lady’ doesn’t need to know.”

For a moment, Nerea was at a loss for words. The emotions that had risen sparsely suddenly intertwined, choking her breath, but there was only one thing Nerea could do.

“…How impudent.”

She tried to change the subject, grumbling as if nothing was wrong, but Alejandro stubbornly persisted.

“If there’s one thing I beg you to know…”

“…”

“I… have been waiting only for the knight to come.”

“…”

“That I’m still waiting, that’s all. Hoping that you’ll remember the promise with this servant.”

Promise.

The calm voice pierced her lungs. Nerea held back her rapidly rising breath and said,

“…You’re wasting your life on a worthless promise.”

“I’ve lived all this time leaning on that worthless promise.”

“…”

“It’s not a waste, that one word has been the foundation of my life.”

Then what’s left for you if I’m taken out of the equation?

An intense sensation surged up like a backflow. Nerea’s lips quivered, but she remained silent.

She couldn’t bring herself to ask.

Because even if she did, she couldn’t go back. Nerea couldn’t give Alejandro what he wanted. She had already failed and clearly saw the results.

So.

Nerea stretched leisurely, pretending to be relaxed. Perhaps because she hadn’t properly stretched while Alejandro was around, her shoulder blade felt a bit tight.

“I like how things are now. It’s a very satisfying life.”

Alejandro’s eyebrows slightly raised at the sudden change of subject. Nerea smiled a little at him. Then she took a deep breath.

“Actually, I never wanted to become a knight. Cutting someone, killing someone. The territorial disputes under the name of beliefs, none of it was glorious.”

“…”

“In fact, Alejandro, don’t you think so too? I’m grateful that you pleasantly talked about your experiences in the war, but you were forcibly dragged along because of me and suffered as a servant.”

“…”

“So.”

Her mouth felt dry as if filled with sand grains. Nerea’s gaze alternated between blurring and clearing.

“…Stop wasting your precious time.”

“I thought you were only good at cutting people with words. Looks like you have a talent for tearing hearts apart too.”

At those words, when Nerea raised her head again, Alejandro was smiling.

“Does talking like that make you feel a bit better?”

Just the corners of his mouth.

Alejandro burst into a cynical laugh. The black pupils in his fiercely upturned eyes were unusually deep.

“Go on. Keep acting like a loser.”

“What, you…”

“It’s not like it’ll do anything more than hurt my heart.”

Nerea exhaled shortly, as if in disbelief. This little… No, this once little one.

“You’re lying without even batting an eye.”

“Lying? I know because I’ve seen it all.”

“What do you know?”

“The knight was more distressed about what you couldn’t protect.”

Nerea gritted her teeth. The transparently rising emotion was so painful that Alejandro inwardly clicked his tongue.

Why do you keep lying? You who can’t even lie properly.

Every time the knight went out, she would be gone from the camp for days, always returning with a haggard face. And she had nightmares. Tossing and turning, unable to sleep for days on end, the knight learned to drink. And almost…

Alejandro shook his head, looking at the alcohol with sharp eyes.

After ‘that incident’, I recommended baths and rest every day, but to drink again…

His voice became more gruff as his mouth turned bitter.

“My heart was already torn to pieces ten years ago. And you’re right, knight. You said that a bone once broken heals like steel and doesn’t break again.”

“…”

“Breaking and healing, breaking and healing again.”

His knight slowly raised her head. How long had he waited for this moment when those dazed water-colored eyes slowly focused on him?

He felt dizzy with the dizzying feeling. Alejandro grinned.

“So, it’ll be faster for you to stop acting like a loser than for me to give up.”

“…”

“Because you’ll never know, knight.”

“What else don’t I know?”

“That the hardest day for me was from the moment that light of yours went out.”

Light.

Nerea swallowed dry. Meanwhile, Alejandro drooped his eyebrows as if disappointed.

“And what do you mean by force? Both now and then, I volunteered for the servant position.”

“Don’t lie.”

“It’s true. I really, really wanted to see you, knight.”

His pitch-black eyes, polished like well-cleaned jewels, curved languidly.

“Of course, I didn’t expect you to call me a burst bread at first sight.”

Alejandro smiled broadly, sticking out his red tongue, and lightly touched his hand to Nerea’s fingertips.

Surprised by the sudden warmth, Nerea looked at her hand and saw that the wine glass she had been holding was tilted as if about to spill.

Reflexively, Nerea handed the wine to Alejandro, who grinned and drank it.

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

After emptying the glass in one go, Alejandro politely handed the glass back to Nerea.

“I’ve received a drink. Next time, teach me how to toast.”

After Alejandro left, Nerea recalled a memory that had been hidden away.

“You know, knight, your drinking habit is really weird, right?”

The fresh scent coming from Alejandro who was supporting her, saying she smelled of alcohol.

The peach-colored cheeks that showed signs of being raised with love. That day when their shadows stretched long and swayed.

“It’s because I wasn’t taught properly. So I’ll teach you well. With really good alcohol.”

The image of Alejandro grumbling but then smiling broadly and holding out his finger came back vividly.

“With really delicious alcohol! You promised, knight!”

Even that voice full of excitement.

But as her eyes began to close drowsily, that excited voice gradually turned into crying.

“Please take me with you. You promised. To keep me as your servant for life.”

That sorrowful cry heard through the pouring rain. Nerea couldn’t comfort him.

The nightmare was kind. While pressing down on Nerea so she couldn’t move a finger, it gently reminded her.

That it’s better not to harbor vain hopes.

When her eyes flew open, the world was like a blurry darkness.

Nerea blinked several times. Only after tears fell to her temples did Nerea face her room illuminated by the bedside lamp.

The anxiously pounding heartbeat was as loud as if it were ringing in her ears. Nerea hurriedly got up from her seat.

Amidst the dim darkness coming through the window, Nerea went down the stairs. Her body, not yet fully awake, stumbled and hit the stairwell, but she didn’t feel the pain.

The sorrowful cry kept echoing in her ears. Unable to distinguish whether this was a dream or reality.

Nerea had only one destination.

Alejandro’s room.

And when she opened the door, Alejandro was there.

In the quiet room, the moment she looked at the bed, her held breath turned into relief. Nerea slowly approached the bed. The chilly moonlight came in through the window, illuminating Alejandro.

Under the tousled hair darker than the night sky, Alejandro was sleeping with a peaceful face. With each regular breath, his long eyelashes trembled slightly.

She hadn’t noticed because he was always looking at her, but even Alejandro’s eyelashes were beautiful. Looking at his long, slanted eyes, Nerea clenched her fist.

The emotions welling up split into many, but only faint breaths escaped through her lips.

Not even the slightest cough should disturb this child’s peaceful sleep. In front of this scene, like a sacred painting, Nerea stood blankly, losing track of time.

What broke the silence was Alejandro’s tossing.

As the thin blanket that had covered up to his chest rolled down, Alejandro gave a dry cough.

It might be a bit cold since it’s still April. Nerea unconsciously reached out to fix the blanket but stopped.

Under the bright moonlight, her shadow fell over Alejandro, who had been without a single shade. Nerea held her breath.

It was her who cast a shadow on this peace.

Then, as now.

Over Alejandro’s slight cough, she recalled his painful coughs from the past. Young Alejandro, who couldn’t call a doctor even when burning with fever. Those thin cheeks became vivid.

At the same time, blood-red memories surged back. As the blurry figures drew closer, Nerea covered her mouth with her palm.

Baron and Baroness Jenax, and Johan and the retainers.

The countless faces she couldn’t protect.

“The knight was more distressed about what you couldn’t protect.”

Alejandro was right.

On the nights at the border, under the incessant cries beneath the blazing flames every night, she was in agony.