Thus Began Your Regret - Chapter 31

Am I being foolish?

As soon as her husband left, Louisa collapsed onto a nearby resting stool.

She felt like such a fool.

It hurt so much, yet why did she keep hoping and falling apart repeatedly?

She felt like crying.

But she had to hold it in. This was still outside, and her husband and Curtis would be back soon.

Suddenly, she was reminded of the protagonist from a famous play.

One who vows to forget an unrequited love, yet ultimately unable to do so, ends their own life.

She felt just like that character now. Despite resolving to give up, she found herself repeating the cycle of hope and disappointment.

How could she escape these feelings? When would she be able to remain unaffected by the wounds he inflicted?

“What should I do, Mother……”

She desperately needed family who could embrace her. Louisa longed for her mother at this moment.

In the end, the picnic concluded in an awkward atmosphere, neither here nor there.

The two men who returned just past lunchtime didn’t seem to have much appetite, and the same was true for Louisa.

Louisa, who had been struggling to force down a sandwich, finally ended her meal without even finishing one.

Edward, not keen on eating more, tidied up at that point, and the two ended their outing having barely touched half of the packed lunch they had brought.

The one who greeted the returning couple was Mrs. Johnson.

She listened attentively to the conversation between the master and mistress.

On the surface, both seemed to be exchanging words without any apparent issues.

They encouraged each other, saying it had been tiring, and exchanged brief pleasantries about going upstairs to rest.

But Mrs. Johnson sensed a subtle awkwardness between them. Just as she was tilting her head in puzzlement,

“Here. We ate well, Agatha.”

Louisa held out the basket, saying they had eaten well.

As she took the basket from her mistress, she realized why she had felt that way.

The picnic basket, which should have been emptied joyfully, was still heavy. They hadn’t taken that much to begin with, yet so much food remained, indicating the picnic itself hadn’t been very successful.

This couldn’t continue. They needed another opportunity.

Mrs. Johnson called out to the two as they were ascending the stairs to the second floor.

“Master. Madam.”

The two, who had been climbing the stairs silently, turned around simultaneously.

“You said you were going to the opera house tomorrow, right? I’ve prepared your outfits for the outing.”

“Ah……”

Belatedly remembering tomorrow’s engagement, Louisa looked up at Edward.

Tell him the appointment is canceled.

Louisa met her husband’s eyes, hoping this wish would be conveyed.

She was too exhausted.

She didn’t want to invest any more emotions in trying something with her husband. She wanted to rest, distancing herself from everything related to him, though she wasn’t sure for how long.

But Edward’s response was different from her wish.

“We’re tired now, so let’s talk about it again before bed. I’ll confirm then.”

“Yes. Understood.”

Hearing their conversation, Louisa lowered her gaze to the floor.

Seeing her lifeless reaction, even Edward’s carefully maintained poker face crumbled.

He recalled the dawn of that rainy day.

A memory that still haunted him like a nightmare, one he would never forget.

It was exactly the same expression he had seen that day.

A face so pitiful, as if it might scatter into thin air at any moment, as if it could vanish from this place at any time.

The two climbed the stairs in silence.

Edward, who arrived first at his room on the second-floor corridor, turned around before opening the door.

His wife was passing by, moving past the study. Her usually slow gait seemed particularly lacking in energy.

Step by step. As his wife moved further away, Edward was struck with indecision.

Should he call out to her? Or not?

He feared what answer might come if he spoke, yet letting her go like this made him anxious, that expression of hers lingering in his mind.

With just a few steps left until his wife’s door, Edward, who had been moving his lips silently several times, finally called out to her audibly.

“……Louisa.”

His call halted Louisa’s footsteps.

Waiting for her to turn around, Edward finally spoke first when she remained motionless.

“If you’re not feeling well…… tell me.”

No sign of emotion could be detected from Louisa’s back. She stood still for a moment before walking again without a word. It was only just before entering her room that she finally spoke.

“Alright. Rest well.”

Click.

Leaving only that brief reply, Louisa closed the door and went in.

Standing alone in the corridor, staring blankly at her door, Edward opened his own room’s door.

Thinking he would try to improve her mood again when they met for dinner in a few hours.

But that evening.

Louisa didn’t come to the dinner table, saying she wasn’t feeling well, and in the end, Edward didn’t see his wife again that day.

In the depths of dawn.

Louisa, who had been in a light sleep, finally woke up completely due to nausea.

“Urgh.”

Rising from the bed, she covered her mouth and lowered her head.

The continuous churning in her stomach seemed to be from the sandwich she had forced down earlier in the day.

She exhaled shallow breaths. Just thinking about lying down again made her stomach feel heavy. But she didn’t want to spend the night in such a gloomy mood.

After taking several deep breaths, her stomach seemed to settle a bit, so she leaned back to try and sleep again.

However, even that slight movement made her feel like the contents of her stomach were rising to her throat again. Louisa quickly covered her mouth and lowered her head.

“Urgh, huff……”

It seemed she would need to stay up for a while. Trying to sleep now would only waste energy unnecessarily.

She stumbled to her feet. For now, she thought she should try to calm her stomach by breathing some cool air outside.

She put on thick-cushioned indoor slippers and draped a shawl over her nightgown.

Just a 30-minute walk and then back.

With just that thought, Louisa opened her room door.

The moment she opened the door, she saw another door opening.

Past the study.

It was Edward’s bedroom.

Click.

Edward, who had closed his door and turned around, raised his head and only then noticed her, his eyes widening.

With clear surprise on his face, Edward called out to her in a puzzled voice.

“……Louisa?”

Louisa thought the situation was quite ironic.

All she wanted was to feel comfortable, yet why was it so difficult to achieve?

Closing the door and going back in now would only make her uncomfortable, both physically and mentally.

She spoke as if nothing was amiss.

“It’s late, can’t you sleep?”

“Ah…… well, that’s right.”

Edward silently agreed with her words.

Sleep had not come easily tonight.

He couldn’t forget the last face of his wife he had seen on the stairs. How lifeless and emotionless it had looked. Just seeing it had made him feel suddenly afraid.

He was certain that if he fell asleep like this, the memory of that rainy day would repeat itself in his dreams.

So he had stayed awake all night. Then, concerned about his wife from earlier in the day, he had intended to just check on her once before going back, which led to this encounter.

Just then, Louisa covered her mouth and retched as nausea rose.

“Urgh.”

“Louisa.”

Alarmed by his wife’s worrying state, Edward called out to her. He quickly approached her side and asked.

“Are you alright? You seem unwell.”

Louisa’s complexion was worse than when he had seen her earlier in the day.

She didn’t want to deal with her husband on top of feeling physically ill. She tried to suppress the rising nausea as she spoke.

“I’m fine. If I just get some fresh air, I’ll be……. urgh.”

But her body didn’t comply with that wish.

Edward thought he had made the right decision to stay up all night at this moment. He might not have known his wife was sick alone otherwise.

Come to think of it, he had noticed her picking at her food unusually during lunch today. He had thought then that it would probably upset her stomach.

His wife had always struggled when something was bothering her; if she ate, it would often make her quite ill. At such times, she would have to focus solely on settling her stomach, unable to eat properly for anywhere from a day to several days.

He lowered his head to her eye level to check her condition and said,

“Why don’t you drink some mineral water if you need it? I’ll bring it for you.”

But Louisa shook her head with difficulty, her right hand still covering her mouth.

“Then… shall I warm up the bed for you?”

Louisa liked having a large leather pouch filled with heated water placed in her bed.

However, Louisa shook her head at that suggestion too.

The head shake seemed to induce more dizziness, causing her to retch again and bend over.

“Urgh……”

Edward looked at his wife with worried eyes and said,

“It might be better to just open the window in your room for fresh air. I’ll bring some heated mineral water, so go back inside.”

Her husband insisted again, and Louisa intended to refuse his words.

However, it seemed that for Edward, this was not a suggestion but a statement.

He went downstairs first without even waiting for her response.

Silently watching his retreating figure, Louisa reluctantly gave up on her walk around the mansion and returned to her room.

‘He said he’d heat up water and went down, surely Ed isn’t planning to boil the water himself?’

It seemed so, given that there were no sounds of other people.

‘He dislikes such menial tasks……”

He was a man who was sensitive even about the things she did. He would be even less inclined to do it himself.

As she was thinking about her husband, she suddenly muttered,

“Ah, how can I be so foolish?”

She laughed self-deprecatingly at herself for thinking about her husband yet again.