There Is No Paradise Where I Ran Away To (14 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 21
Edwin looked down at his palm. The lingering sensation had diluted, worn away, and was gradually turning numb.
Though, to begin with, there had never been any reason for it to exist at all.
The feeling of grasping Vivian’s body had vanished like that. Her body—undeniably not that of a woman to him—could never stir desire within him. Yet despite knowing this fact from the very beginning, he’d wanted to confirm it: whether he felt even the slightest trace of lust toward Vivian Ebelline, as Theo Evans had claimed.
He had confirmed it—and become certain.
He felt no damn urge whatsoever toward Vivian Ebelline.
To him, Vivian Ebelline was not someone drawn by trivial passions, but merely the embodiment of a vow tied to vengeance. She existed solely to serve as the full stop at the end of his long, arduous journey—at the proper time, in the most perfect moment.
To Edwin Beitnes, Vivian Ebelline’s existence amounted to nothing more than that.
Thus, the instant he’d held her body, the sight of her emerald-green dress fluttering as she slipped away, and even her large, round, ashen eyes gazing up at him beneath his touch—all of it faded lightly, like mist.
Edwin headed to his study and opened Gilbert Totton’s “Principles of Land Economics,” which he’d brought from the library. As he immersed himself in the printed words, the western sky gradually filled, layer by layer, with a unique hue somewhere between black and blue.
He didn’t even notice that the servants had lit lamps to ward off the encroaching darkness. Only a faint memory remained—of Abernathy, the butler, interrupting his reading to ask if he’d like dinner.
Tonight must have been rather peaceful.
Swallowing a ridiculous thought about someone, he let out an involuntary chuckle.
Edwin closed the book and rubbed his weary temples. He asked a servant to bring the whiskey Baron Zimmermann had gifted him as a present, then opened the window. A slightly humid, heavy breeze quickly filled the room.
Near the cloudless, pitch-black horizon, the full moon poked its head above the earth. That moon was destined to rise high into the sky, casting a transparent glow over the world—and tonight was a night when he wished to drown himself in things as trivial as Vivian.
Remembering a suitable place to indulge this desire, he rang the bell to summon a servant. He ordered them to bring the remaining whiskey and Gilbert Totton’s book to the lakeside behind the mansion, then turned back toward the full moon, now higher in the sky than before.
Its flawless light bore an uncanny resemblance to the sun.
***
Beneath the flickering candlelight, Vivian scowled as if unable to bear it any longer while writing her letter. She readjusted her grip on the pen but couldn’t think of anything more to add. In frustration, she punched her tightly clenched fist lightly against her chest.
Why am I suffering like this?
Tracing the cause backward, the knot in her chest had begun forming yesterday and steadily grown larger ever since. Though being grabbed by the Duke and humiliated by Charlotte had left bitter wounds, she couldn’t afford to dwell on them.
She needed to reach death soon—to gain freedom from this cruel fate.
She had to fulfill the price promised to Sayer fourteen years ago and lift the dark cloud hanging over the name Ebelline.
Therefore, she had no time to despair over something as insignificant as having her flesh grabbed—or over false accusations of humiliation.
That was precisely why she’d appeared at lunch today and stuffed her mouth with food openly and deliberately—to fatten herself up as much as that savage, cruel Duke desired. She chewed and swallowed without pause.
Unfortunately, as she forced food into her mouth, her appetite unexpectedly returned. The more she put in her mouth despite her aversion, the more the flavors awakened her hunger. And the more that happened, the clearer the lump inside her became.
Placing a hand on her chest, Vivian took a deliberate deep breath and continued the rest of her letter.
“And Father—if you’re considering returning home prematurely because of me, please don’t.
Thanks to the help of the villagers, I’ve married a wonderful man. He’s a wealthy man from Thornhuck, a coastal town in the west, and I plan to move there. He’s such a kind man, and every day I feel truly happy…”
A lie. A blatant lie.
The letter, filled with elaborate falsehoods, had become a mirror reflecting her pitiful self. The knot inside her chest roared silently, and heat boiled within her to the point that breathing grew difficult.
Unable to finish the letter, Vivian stood up and walked to the wide-open window. She’d hoped the cool breeze might ease her symptoms—but contrary to her expectations, the heavy, warm wind only deepened her gloom.
Late at night, the sky lit by the full moon was extraordinarily bright. It shone so brilliantly, like a second sun, that one couldn’t tell whether it was day or night.
That white light served as a guide through endless darkness for some—but for others, it planted deep within their hearts the pain of loneliness.
That radiant moonlight would never reach me. And perhaps it never would, not for all eternity.
Her consciousness drifted away once more. Overwhelmed by the hazy sensation of her spirit detaching from her body, Vivian collapsed onto the floor. Crouching down in near-mad desperation, she pounded her chest repeatedly.
Harder. Hard enough to bruise. Hard enough to break her ribs. Just like that.
It was around the moment when the absurd thought struck her—that she’d rather die by her own hand than at the Duke’s—that Edwin’s gentle, pale-blue eyes unexpectedly surfaced in her mind, surprisingly opening a path to liberation.
“Lanua… the lake.”
When she’d moved to Newway, she’d stumbled upon Lanua Lake by accident while wandering a side path in an attempt to memorize the roads around the estate. The lake’s mysterious hue had instantly enchanted her, and upon returning home, she’d told her father about her discovery.
Thanks to her father, who indulged her outrageous request to receive the lake as her birthday present, no one else was allowed near it—making the lake entirely Vivian’s own.
Thus, now that ownership had changed, surely no one else even knew the lake existed.
Convinced of this, Vivian didn’t hesitate. Pushing off from the windowsill, she quickly gathered a shawl and a towel and left her room.
The mansion at this late hour was utterly silent, as if not even a mouse stirred. She slipped out through the back door connected to the kitchen. Walking along the dark path, she occasionally glanced back. After confirming no one followed, she walked a long while before confidently stepping into the thick greenery.
How long had she walked? Noticing the underbrush thinning, Vivian quickened her pace, and soon the moonlight grew clearer.
The cool, rustling sound of water carried through the air to her ears. The shadows receded, revealing the lake shimmering under the moonlight. Her mind, barely clinging to consciousness at the edge of awareness, sank helplessly into the realm of unconsciousness.
In this moment—beneath the moonlight, cradled by the tranquil ripples of water and the dense trees that silenced all worldly noise—she felt as though she were a princess of the realm.
A lie.
Her world, once filled only with acrid, ashen smoke, was suddenly brimming with beauty: white light, blue water, green trees, red berries. This place was a fairy tale, reality, and a dream all at once.
She could no longer tell which life was real and which was false.
Standing at the dock, the sharp, fishy scent of the lake water became distinct. The voice of the lake grew clearer too. Looking down at her reflection on the water’s surface, a slight breeze rippled across it. Crouching down, Vivian reached her hand beneath the dock and stirred the water.
The lake water was as cold as Edwin’s icy eyes. Startled by the sudden memory of those pale-blue eyes, she quickly looked around.
All was quiet—profoundly still.
Relieved, Vivian neatly placed her towel and shawl beside her. Then, without hesitation, she began undressing.
There was no rational judgment in any of these choices—she simply surrendered her entire body to unconscious impulse.
She folded her nightgown carefully and sat at the edge of the dock, lowering both feet into the water. At the soft splashing sound, every hair on her body stood on end.
The biting cold, dizzying her mind, brought that man to her thoughts once again.
Leaning forward, Vivian scooped lake water with one hand and slowly doused her calves, thighs, stomach, and chest. Once she’d grown somewhat accustomed to the chill, she gently eased her body into the lake.
She stubbornly submerged herself deeper and deeper—until her neck, no, until even the very top of her head disappeared beneath the surface—and remained there until the cold subsided. And just as her breath reached her throat…
“Pah!”
She burst out of the water, gasping heavily. Her foggy mind cleared, and the searing heat of the knot in her chest cooled. Feeling slightly relieved, Vivian, her cheeks regaining some color, plunged her head beneath the surface once more.
This time, she swam freely. Using the full moon’s reflection as a landmark, she circled around it, occasionally surfacing to splash about playfully.
Yet at times, Vivian would simply gaze quietly at the full moon—that brilliant orb shining like the sun, blurring the line between day and night.
It felt as though that sun were speaking to her, unreal as it seemed. Leaning in to listen closely, she realized it wasn’t words—it was a song. That sun hummed a quiet, solitary melody into the night. Its gentle, tender notes softly and warmly caressed Vivian’s head.
“A lie…”
Her throat tightened with the sudden surge of tears. The sticky knot in her chest writhed, crawling up her windpipe.
Her breath grew quicker, warmth rose to her eyes—and soon, the festering mass inside her chest erupted from her mouth along with her tears.
***
Beneath the tall trees encircling the lake, the lamp, book, and whiskey the Baron had brought—left there by a servant—were tonight’s trivial companions.
Had Vivian Ebelline not appeared, clad in pure-white nightgowns and emerging through the darkness, those objects would have been the night’s sole protagonists.
Unable to bring herself to look toward the lit lamp, Vivian instead walked to the dock where a rotting rowboat was moored. Curious about what she’d do next, Edwin quietly extinguished the lamp.
Vivian dipped her hand into the lake water—then quickly pulled it back, startled. As if sensing someone’s gaze, she glanced around.
Finding nothing, Vivian relaxed and began undressing, gladly setting down the shawl and towel she’d brought and removing her nightgown.
Beneath the full moon, her pale-white skin—half-covered by her limp golden hair—was dazzling.
Once reduced to skin and bone, her figure had now regained a hint of flesh. The earlier judgment that she lacked any semblance of a proper lady was now clearly mistaken.
From her shoulders and chest down to her noticeably narrow waist, followed by an ambiguously soft lower abdomen, then the hips that accentuated that slender waist even further, down to her slim thighs and calves, and finally her ankles—so delicate they could be encircled with a single hand—each part drew the eye in turn.
The beasts at the auction house had surely never seen Ebelline in this state—so why had they been so desperate to claim her?
While pondering this, Vivian suddenly leaped from the dock into the lake. After swimming and diving for a while, she abruptly vanished completely beneath the surface. When she failed to reappear for a long time, he grew uneasy—worried she might be sitting on the lakebed.
Could she have drowned?
That wouldn’t do. She couldn’t die like that. It went against their promise.
Just as he reached the limits of his patience and started to rise, Vivian burst to the surface in one swift motion, gasping for air.
Tsking with his tongue, he reached for the book resting on his thigh—but it had already slipped to the ground. Glancing at the closed book, he recalled he hadn’t marked his place with a bookmark and let out an irritated sigh.
Then he lifted his head—drawn by the sound of weeping from the lake. Sobbing loudly, Vivian rubbed her eyes fiercely with both hands, but the tears kept streaming, and her cries kept spilling out uncontrollably like a child’s.
There was no refined, elegant noblewoman here—only a child, raw and unguarded, brimming with unfiltered emotions: sulking, jealous, throwing tantrums.
Perhaps even Theo Evans had never seen Vivian like this. Maybe she’d never cried this way even in front of her own parents.
Thus, the strange thrill he felt wasn’t an unusual emotion at all.
Something only I can see. Something permitted only to me.
The weeping echoing around him filled Edwin with joy—as if he truly possessed everything about that woman.
My Step-brother Is Obsessed With Me (Female-dominant)
A gentle female protagonist vs pitiful in the early stage, and a sick male protagonist in the later stage
Cheng Songer transmigrated into the body of a vicious cannon fodder female supporting character with the same name as her in a female-dominant novel.
In the original story, the cannon fodder female supporting character was inhumane, committing domestic violence, gambling excessively, being lustful, and even wanting to sell her stepbrother to a brothel for money.
As luck would have it, she just happened to transmigrate at this time.
Seeing Cheng Qingzhi biting his lip, enduring the tears in his eyes, looking pitiful, her heart softened.
She stuffed the money back into the Madam’s hand and reached out to him.
“Brother, come home with me.”
Most Commented This Week
The Villain Has Gone Mad For Me (Completed Main Story)
I’m The Lowest-Ranking Daughter Of A Martial Arts Villain (2 Chapters Left to Complete)
I Became the Assassin Family’s Foster Daughter (Completed Main Story)
The Duke Only Needs My Child (Completed Main Story)
Men of the Harem (137 Chapters Left to Complete)
At the End of Ruin, There You Are (56 Chapters Left to Complete)
She’s a Villainess but her Husband is Handsome (Completed Main Story)
People Aren’t Meant to Be Fixed! (4 Chapters Left to Complete)
Summer Must Die (16 Chapters Left to Complete)
My Discarded Fiancé Returned (Completed Main Story)
I Received The First Time Of My Extraordinary Superior (9 Chapters Left to Complete)
Regret With All Your Might (Completed Main Story)