There Is No Paradise Where I Ran Away To - Chapter 44

It had already been four days since departing from Rodinia. Outside the window with the curtains open, dark clouds were gradually gathering, and soon a few raindrops hit the glass. Before long, the sound of pouring rain filled the carriage like a lullaby.

Charlotte, exhausted from leaving home and passing through unfamiliar places, began to doze off, unable to resist the drowsy sound of rain. Vivian was in the same predicament, caught in the grip of sleepiness.

Even though she had become accustomed to the blatant stares for days, it was still bothersome, making it difficult to leave her heavy eyelids alone. If she fell asleep like this, she would have to endure Edwin’s gaze in a defenseless state.

Whenever that thought occurred, she would shake her head vigorously to ward off the overwhelming drowsiness.

Vivian offered her shoulder to Charlotte, who was straining her neck by repeatedly dropping her head. Once the small head found stability, Charlotte fell into a deep sleep.

The baby-like breathing sounds of Charlotte were comforting because they broke the illusion of being left alone with him in this narrow, humid space.

Vivian glanced at Edwin.

His firm eyes, devoid of any drowsiness, were fixed intently on her. Not particularly wanting to strike up a conversation, Vivian lowered her head and picked at the skin protruding from the side of her nails. When her fingers became smooth, she meaninglessly rubbed her fingertips while enduring the rain.

“I heard you asked Royce about me.”

Vivian suddenly raised her head. She didn’t expect him to initiate a conversation either, but he broke the expectation and attempted to talk.

Although she had never told Royce it was a secret, nor did she expect him to keep it confidential and not relay the message, she felt an inexplicable sense of betrayal. Of course, she wasn’t close to Royce, but the emotion of having empathized with Royce’s past created this feeling of betrayal.

“Yes…”

“Why were you curious about that?”

“Pardon?”

“I’m asking why you were curious enough to ask Royce about why I’m not married.”

Vivian chewed on her lips, thinking about what answer to give. She wanted to be honest, but Charlotte’s presence beside her was a concern. After glancing at the deeply sleeping Charlotte, she lowered her voice considerably.

“…I was just curious. With your looks, status, and wealth, everything being perfect, I thought the ladies of Newway must have been quite anxious about you delaying marriage.”

I should have left out the part about looks.

She regretted it, but the words had already been spoken.

“Status, wealth, and perfect? Even looks?”

She thought if she maintained a firm expression, he wouldn’t pick up on it specifically, but he playfully rearranged the order of her words. Although she felt embarrassed, she didn’t show it.

Because at that moment, it was only a matter of time before she would fall into Edwin’s palm.

“However, you’re not to the taste of the Prestons. The ladies of Preston tend to avoid gentlemen with cold impressions, no matter how handsome they are.”

Edwin’s mouth corners deepened. The thought that she should have left out the ‘handsome’ part as well occurred to her after seeing his smile. Even then, Vivian, not showing any reaction, prepared herself to counter any of his teasing.

“Then why isn’t Miss Eveline married?”

Perhaps tired of teasing, he countered with a question. He seemed to know well the points that would perplex Vivian.

“…Well, my family’s standing in Preston wasn’t very good, and most of the suitors were blatantly after my inheritance, so I kept putting it off and ended up not getting married.”

She omitted many details because she knew from the start that his question wasn’t about Mayer.

“When I came to Newway, I intended to get married right away, but that wasn’t easy either. So I regret it.”

She was certain that if Edwin had a loving wife and beloved children, he would have changed the direction of his revenge. He wouldn’t feel desire for her, of all people, and he wouldn’t have to spend that long time with great hatred and vengeance.

And she, too, would not have to face Edwin like this if she had a husband.

Or not. The thought that it might be fortunate not to have a loving husband or beloved children occurred to her right after reading his expression.

“Do you think your situation would have been quite different if you had a husband?”

“…”

“No. If you had a husband, I would have killed him first. I would separate you from the children of that man you love so dearly. And then, like this. We would be sitting face to face just like now.”

“You speak of killing so easily.”

Vivian frowned and raised her defenses. The two could not feel tired despite engaging in a tug-of-war at every moment.

“That’s how it becomes when you live long on the border between life and death.”

“Not everyone will be like you, Duke, even if that’s the case.”

“You sound exactly like someone else.”

“Who on earth are you talking about?”

“There is someone. A tailor in the village who’s scheduled to die soon with a hole in his forehead, so Miss Eveline doesn’t need to know.”

“Right now…!”

Vivian’s whole body trembled with anger. Her voice was about to rise as well, but she had to swallow it to catch Charlotte, who was slipping from her shoulder.

On the contrary, Edwin let out a chuckle, coldly pulling up the corners of his mouth.

He enjoyed Vivian’s pain with the coldest and most chilling face. When reminded of the simple fact that she could not escape from him in any situation, she expelled the anger from her body with a breath filled with rage.

“…Please answer me too, Duke. Why haven’t you taken a duchess?”

She redirected the focus of the conversation back to Edwin’s story, but he remained silent, only with a smile on his lips. His submerged blue eyes just quietly gazed at Vivian in the rain.

The rattling carriage and the soft sound of rain. It reminded her of that cold spring day when her throat felt constricted, but the lighter air now didn’t push Vivian’s heart into fear like it did then.

Perhaps the weight and warmth felt on her shoulder, and the intimate breathing sounds, diluted the thick atmosphere inside the carriage.

“Would Miss Eveline do it?”

Another question, inconsistent with the previous one, mixed with the sound of rain. With eyes still bearing traces of anger, she expressed her confusion.

“Do what?”

“Become the Duchess of Baitness.”

Clearly, his blue eyes were serious, and his complexion showed the flawless demeanor of the Duke of Baitness. It was an expression not much different from when he made a sincere-seeming joke about there being nothing to eat because she was too skinny.

“Your joke is going too far.”

Vivian, biting the inside of her cheek, drew a firm line. Compared to falling for the joke about putting her on the dining table, this kind of joke was trivial. If he thought she would fall for it again, that was a considerable misconception and arrogance.

“You have no thoughts about it?”

“Asking someone you’re going to kill to become your duchess, while saying you’ll keep your promise, don’t you think it’s too much of a joke?”

“Well. I’m not sure.”

“Then I suppose you would threaten to kill even your beloved wife without hesitation. If that’s what the position of duchess entails, no lady from any country would want to become the Duchess of Baitness.”

Vivian admonished sternly, but Edwin let out a soft and light laugh. His lack of seriousness at times like this provoked Vivian.

What aspect of this man did Mr. Sheffer highly regard?

But looking back, on the day he first came to the mansion, she too had highly praised him as someone with much to learn from. Thinking that there must be many people who were deceived by his mask, just as Mr. Sheffer and herself were fooled, she found herself sympathizing with those unnamed individuals.

“Then you…”

The parted lips closed again. He stopped speaking, uncharacteristically. The more curious Vivian became, she stared into his eyes waiting, but he never satisfied her curiosity.

Their conversation stopped because for the first time, he turned his gaze from Vivian’s eyes to look out the window. She regained her freedom from his gaze.

Since Edwin was looking out the window, she couldn’t see the same scenery. Vivian looked at Edwin, who was quietly gazing out the window.

That was the only place she could look.

***

The shepherd boy watching over the sheep threw a pebble towards the slender tree trunk while chewing on grass. He concentrated on trying to hit the middle one among the three trees clustered together.

The sheep didn’t wander far and busily filled their stomachs. The shepherd, bored of hitting trees, looked towards Rotermond Castle visible beside the hill, letting out a tedious sigh.

Soon, the lord of the domain would return.

Rotermond, experiencing unexpected prosperity, was due to repay the consideration and generosity shown by the lord and his mother. The tenants, without being told, were all bringing various foods and precious fruits to Rotermond Castle as tributes.

The boy decided to head back with the sheep. As his family had also decided to send two sheep to Rotermond, the shepherd led the sheep towards the castle. Although he thought the crowd might have thinned out since it was a bit late, his assumption proved wrong.

The line was still long, so the boy waited impatiently, spitting saliva. When it was finally his turn, he presented two sheep. While the scribe was recording the name and items, the lord’s mother, Baroness Baitness, conveyed her gratitude.

She was a middle-aged woman with an attractively calm impression. Her benevolent smile suggested a lifetime of giving, and her heavenly disposition seemed incapable of harboring any ill intentions.

The shepherd couldn’t take his eyes off Baroness Baitness and eventually got caught by the scribe, receiving a smack on the head.

“That’s enough, leave him be.”

The baroness restrained the scribe. She stroked the boy’s hit head and smiled kindly.

“Little one, make sure to tell your mother thank you when you get home.”

The shepherd boy, face reddened, turned around and ran away at full speed. Yet, the baroness showed no sign of bewilderment and returned to her seat, gently pulling up the corners of her mouth.

“Children these days are so fearless. I really feel my age whenever I sense how the world is changing.”

Susanna murmured bitterly while waving to the departing boy.

“Do you know what makes my heart race even more at times like this?”

Donelly knew Susanna’s worries. What thoughts she had while looking at that young shepherd. He didn’t answer because he knew Susanna’s question was a soliloquy.

“The worry that I might die without seeing a grandchild?”

When the shepherd had completely disappeared, Susanna’s deep sigh scattered.

“Donelly, hasn’t there been another letter from Humphrey? Thanks to the shocking news he delivered, I feel like I’m sitting on pins and needles every day, but there’s no news at all. I can’t trust Abernethy, who’s in cahoots with Eddy, so what am I supposed to rely on?”

“It won’t be like that, madam. The master is a shrewd person, he won’t keep anyone by his side who might tarnish his reputation.”

“If I didn’t know men, I would agree with your words, but I know men too well. Men sometimes make wrong choices. My husband was a smart person too, but didn’t he leave without even receiving his wife’s farewell due to a wrong choice?”

The wrinkles around Susanna’s eyes deepened. Although the people in front of the castle, still crowded, praised Susanna and bowed their heads, while receiving their greetings, Susanna’s mind was elsewhere.

“Why on earth Eveline of all people? Donelly, what do you think? Why Eveline among all those many mistakes?”

The lamentation had now changed its nature to become worry.

“When I meet Humphrey in Perington soon, I’ll definitely have a word with him.”

The worry once again transformed into shallow anger.

“He thinks he can bring in a duchess? And that person being Eveline? Ha! Humphrey really… I’ll give him a good scolding.”

Having made up her mind, Susanna exhaled roughly while pressing her troubled chest. The tenants, unaware, were excited at every small movement of Susanna, and she responded to their cheers by waving her hand.