I wanted to deny that I was crying to him, but my eyes were already filled with tears, making the scene blurry.

Feeling that lying would be useless, I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and said, “I-I got something in my eye.”

Ascan didn’t respond at all. Without saying anything, he approached me in the blink of an eye and handed me a handkerchief.

Unable to help it, I accepted the handkerchief from Ascan and wiped away the relentless tears.

‘I must be crazy; this is really embarrassing.’

Suppressing overwhelming emotions, I forced myself to lift my head casually. My eyes might be red now, but I didn’t want my current feelings to be exposed.

—I don’t care about the past events that I can’t remember.

I recalled what Ascan had said before. Ascan was standing in front of me, but we couldn’t share any memories.

I didn’t want to bring up old stories unnecessarily, as I remembered his words from before.

Ascan gazed at me with a complicated expression. Naturally, he seemed to be unable to comprehend the sudden crying situation.

To ease the awkward atmosphere caused by me, I opened my mouth first.

“Why didn’t you have dinner?”

“…I just didn’t have the appetite.”

“Still, you should eat. You don’t always eat because it tastes good; sometimes, you eat just to live.”

Ascan, who had disappeared for a while, mechanically put food in his mouth. The memories of that time came to my mind, making my words falter.

I shook the handkerchief that Ascan had given me and said briefly, “I’ll wash this and bring it back.”

As I was about to leave in a hurry, Ascan’s voice, which I hadn’t expected, stopped me.

“Shall we have a cup of herbal tea together?”

Honestly, I didn’t expect Ascan to make such a suggestion first.

I looked at him with a surprised expression and after a moment of contemplation, nodded slightly.

Ascan, holding the tea set, sat in the center of the study. Soon, I approached him from the opposite side.

While Ascan poured herbal tea, he asked in a soft voice, “Do you like herbal tea?”

The emotions I had barely settled down at the seemingly trivial question started to stir again.

I really liked herbal tea. That’s why Ascan had brewed it for me every day ten years ago.

The memories of that time were still vivid for me, but Ascan’s blank expression while asking such a question made me feel sad once again.

Ascan really couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t help but realize it again.

“…Yes, I like it. I used to enjoy it a lot.”

Ascan glanced at me for a moment.

There was something in his gaze that seemed to be directed towards the part where I said I liked it.

With an indescribable expression, Ascan spoke in a low voice.
“I like it too, so I enjoy drinking it. But seeing you bringing tea like this, it seems like it was at the butler’s request.”

“Yes, while returning from dinner, I met Bishop….”

Swish, Ascan handed me a teacup filled with herbal tea.

I hadn’t drunk herbal tea even once in the ten years since he disappeared. Receiving herbal tea from him again was moving.

I bit my tender lip to prevent myself from showing any emotions, not wanting to shed tears.

Holding the warm teacup, I took a sip, thinking it might look awkward. However, as the herbal aroma spread in my mouth and the taste of the tea hit me, I could no longer suppress the emotions welling up deep in my chest.

“……Ugh.”

I choked back a sob, and tears flowed.

With the teacup in my hand, I lowered my head. I didn’t want to show this side of me, but tears seemed to fall endlessly.

No, no, no…

Repeatedly telling myself this internally, it was too late.

I recalled the time I had wandered searching for Ascan. I kept thinking that maybe even the amnesiac Ascan missed me while drinking herbal tea, making my heart ache.

I should have found you sooner…

No, ten years ago, I shouldn’t have left you alone like that…

Long-held regrets surged like a flood.

In a subdued voice, Ascan, who was watching me cry silently, said, “Brelof Yeongae.”

I bit my lip, suppressing the sobs, and looked at Ascan with teary eyes.

Ascan appeared to be greatly bewildered unexpectedly. His stiff expression seemed to convey that he didn’t know what to do.

“Did I make a mistake?”

“No, no.”

“Then why…?”

“Sorry. Actually, it reminded me of the past.”

Ascan disliked recalling memories he couldn’t remember, but now that it had come to this, I couldn’t hide it anymore.

As expected, Ascan’s pupils sank at my words.

I thought he would get up and leave the study, leaving me behind. However, unexpectedly, he brought a blanket from behind and covered my shoulders. Thanks to that, I felt an unexpected warmth.

When I looked up with a puzzled expression, he said in a low voice, “I’ve never comforted anyone before, so I don’t know what to do. If crying because you’re sad is what you need, cry as much as you want. I’ll be here if you need me.”

As the dam of emotions I had built up in my chest collapsed, a sorrowful feeling erupted.

I cried loudly, covering my eyes with both hands like a child.