In response to Sinclair’s question, Elaina didn’t answer for a moment.
Is it perhaps because you still don’t know your own heart well? Or is it because you don’t want to know? Because you want to forget all those musty memories?
Maybe it’s all of the above, Sinclair thought to himself.
However, the answer that came back was not what he had expected.
“…I’m trying to only look at what’s in front of me now.”
At Elaina’s words, Sinclair could only gaze at her blue eyes without saying a word.
“You won’t abandon me and leave.”
“……”
“You’ll keep all the promises you made to me, right Sinclair?”
“…Yes.”
Sinclair answered in a cracking voice.
This time, for sure.
I mustn’t lose you like I did back then. Even if I have to fall off a cliff while holding your hand reaching out to me. Even if it means dying like that.
Even as he thought that, Sinclair was vaguely realizing.
That in Elaina’s memory, Ren was just a hateful person who had abandoned her and ran away.
So no matter what emotions shook him, he must never reveal his true feelings to her…
“I believe you.”
And Elaina continued.
“That you, at least, will be completely different from all the people I’ve met so far.”
“……”
“So you will never abandon me.”
On Elaina’s face, the youthful face of Elly that had vaguely appeared was screaming like a cry.
I don’t believe you anymore. You were just like all the other people I’ve met. Because you abandoned me just the same!
Sinclair laughed weakly.
I see. This is my punishment. To receive your endless, undeserved trust while living each day in fear of when that trust will break, when I will inevitably lose you.
To have to endure the misery alone forever, unable to tell anyone.
…But it didn’t matter. This was the path Sinclair himself had chosen.
He would continue to be mired in this swamp, but Elaina could breathe the fresh air while trampling on his shoulders. Never again falling into the same despair as before.
…Yes, that was enough.
“You’re right.”
Eventually Sinclair slowly opened his lips.
“So don’t worry about anything.”
“……”
“That’s why I brought you here, after all.”
Elaina tilted her head for a moment at Sinclair’s words, then asked with sparkling blue eyes.
“Since exactly when?”
“What.”
“You said back then. That you’ve liked me since the first moment you saw me. So does that mean you liked me since you came with the marriage proposal?”
Elaina still clearly remembered Sinclair’s ardent confession of love.
…But that doesn’t seem to quite add up. That meeting wasn’t one where we could have had good first impressions of each other.
The good-for-nothing prince who barged in with a marriage proposal, and the crippled illegitimate child of a count family who showed up late and was sure to be snubbed by anyone.
“Or had you seen me before that, Sinclair?”
[Hi. What are you doing here all alone?]Yes, it was from that day.
[I’m Elaina Aswald, by the way. Nice to meet you.]The moment I heard your name, I intuitively knew.
Ah, this little girl is going to shake up my life. And completely on her own terms.
And so I would sway helplessly as you shook me. Like a reed on an autumn day.
“…I saw you a few times.”
“When…?”
“You reading a book in an old bookstore.”
“……”
“You walking the streets alone.”
Sinclair, who went to war as often as he ate meals, would first look for Elaina whenever he returned to Edenbell. He had to make sure she was doing well.
…There were gaps of several years, and sometimes gaps of several months, but each time he saw her, his heart would sink or race wildly. So it wasn’t a lie.
Sinclair had fallen for Elaina anew each time like that, and bid farewell alone every day.
So it was always the first time.
“…How did I look to you?”
No matter how he thought about it, it couldn’t have been a normal appearance. When Elaina, whose thoughts had reached that point, asked in a slightly worried voice, Sinclair kissed her forehead and answered.
“You were pretty.”
“……”
“And beautiful.”
“…Really?”
“Yes. So much that I couldn’t even casually approach you.”
At Sinclair’s words, Elaina laughed softly.
“When did you fall for me then?”
“To be honest, my first impression wasn’t that great.”
If he had to say, it was a story Sinclair had no excuse for either. He thought this at the time. In front of Elaina whom he met again, he could only be the good-for-nothing Sinclair.
Of course, looking back now, he wanted to bite his own tongue several times over.
“I hated how you were always cold, then I was disappointed, then sad… I wanted to hug you so badly. And I realized. Ah, I love this person.”
“…That doesn’t seem to make sense.”
“As if human emotions work like words.”
Elaina said with a chuckle.
“That might be why I like you even more.”
“Why?”
“Because you keep making me not act like myself.”
Sinclair was like a wave.
Rushing in all at once, sweeping me away all at once, and taking me far away all at once.
So it makes me unable to think of anything else. Completely different from how Elaina had lived her life since her leg was ruined.
But if you weren’t this kind of person, I would have lost you forever, right? Without ever easily revealing a piece of my heart.
“Anyway… that’s how it is.”
Elaina’s cheeks nestled in his arms were now flushed red. Finding that lovely and heartbreaking at the same time, Sinclair hugged her tightly once more and kissed her deeply.
Soon, hot breath brushed past their lips and tickled Elaina’s white, slender neck. The hand around her waist tightened, and by the time he came to his senses, Sinclair was already on top of her body.
“……”
Sinclair stared endlessly down at Elaina’s blue eyes looking up at him. Those beautiful eyes that only yearned for him and were filled with love only for him.
It was as if time had stopped.
Unabashedly, he wanted to hold her.
He wanted to leave marks all over her pale, thin body. As if to say she was his now. As if he wanted to tell the whole world that no one else could desire her.
“…We should sleep now.”
“What?”
“If we stay like this, I might cause an incident.”
“……”
“Even for me, I’m not brazen enough to embrace someone still recovering.”
Biting his lip slightly, Sinclair obediently got off of Elaina. Then he lay down next to her again, and Elaina slowly reached out her arm.
“This time I’ll give you an arm pillow.”
Come here.
At Elaina’s hand patting the spot next to her, Sinclair hesitated for a moment before very carefully resting his head on her arm.
Elaina’s embrace was still warm, kind, and gentle.
“Let’s sleep like this tonight, Sinclair.”
Elaina whispered softly.
“I think it’s okay for you to be a little more brazen, but…”
“You shouldn’t say things you can’t take responsibility for.”
“…Huh?”
“Knowing how I’ll embrace you.”
He had no desire to hurt her, but he felt like he wouldn’t be able to control himself once he started. So clearly, his greed would make things difficult for Elaina.
Perhaps he wouldn’t let go of her even as she fell asleep exhausted all night. Very desperately, as if he were someone who had wandered the desert for decades and finally faced an oasis.
“You have no idea how much I might break you, unable to restrain my own body.”
“……”
“Knowing nothing.”
“But Sinclair, I’m sturdier than you think.”
Elaina said with a chuckle.
“So I won’t break easily. No matter how you embrace me.”
“……”
“But I can’t turn my husband into a brazen man, so I won’t say any more.”
This time Sinclair chuckled.
“Good night, Sinclair.”
Elaina’s voice, sweet like a ripe fruit, rang in his ears like a dream.
“And I love you today too. I forgot to say it.”
Instead of answering, Sinclair burrowed deeper and deeper into her embrace that was less than half his size.
As if believing that by doing so, he could erase the anxiety that kept welling up.
…But some anxieties wouldn’t go away no matter what. There were times one had to reveal their rotten, putrid, foul-smelling insides to the other person in order to get rid of that anxiety.
And there were relationships that could only move forward by doing so.
Just as a tall sand castle could completely collapse with a single wave, sometimes thickly built trust could start with a small crack and shatter.
Building it was difficult, but breaking it was easier than anything.
Trust between each other, love between each other, and heartache between each other as well.
…But unfortunately, the Sinclair of this time did not yet know that fact.
Even though he should have known.
When yandere male lead believes she loves him — but she never did
“How dare you!”
“How dare you make me love you, only to cast me aside as nothing more than a friend?!?
“I will never accept that.”
“I will never let you return to him.”
“Even if I have to burn myself to ashes.”
“Even if I must shatter my purity, my dignity, my very soul.”
“I will never let you escape me!”
This was the first novel that introduced me to the matriarchal genre. I’ve read it three times already!
At first, the male lead despised the female lead. Later, he misunderstood that she liked him, so he condescendingly and reluctantly reciprocated her feelings.
Then, he suddenly discovered that she was kind to everyone in the same way, and there was already someone she cherished in her heart, and that person was not him.
The male lead couldn’t believe it, he became angry and crazy. He was determined to capture her body and heart by any means necessary.
Synopsis:
Want to see how a green tea bitch male lead falls in love with the female lead?
Want to see how he flirtatiously pursues the female lead?
Want to see how he gets slapped in the face repeatedly?
The male lead is a green tea bitch, a poisonous lotus, jealous, ruthless, unscrupulous, with a venomous heart, and he’s also a delusional maniac.
The female lead is righteous, positive energy-filled, kind, a holy mother.
Let’s see how two people with extreme personalities come together~
_____
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