Sinclair, having confirmed that Elaina had regained consciousness, first summoned the physician.

The physician, who had hurried over breathlessly, examined her condition several times in detail. Then, with a sigh of great relief, he said:

‘There seems to be no need for great concern now.’

Of course, that did not mean she could resume her life as before.

Just like when Sinclair had been attacked by a lion before, the physician gave endless instructions. She must take her medicine and get plenty of rest for the time being.

That way, she would recover quickly, and he wouldn’t have to be dragged to the imperial palace like a dog in this manner, he added.

And Elaina smiled slightly at the physician’s words. Even with her pale face.

“……”

Lying on the bed, Elaina quietly closed and opened her eyes. Then she slowly looked around.

The bedroom in the imperial palace, now so very familiar.

Always somehow looking lonely and dismal.

Once, she had thought it reflected his heart. That wasn’t exactly different now.

…… Only one thing had changed.

She hoped that her breath and scent would always linger in this empty and weary bedroom, like a ruin. She hoped that the memories they had shared together would fill that space like air.

So that Sinclair would not feel the slightest bit lonely.

Elaina thought to herself.

“……Elaina.”

Soon, along with the voice calling her name, the sound of the bedroom door being carefully opened was heard.

Turning her head, she saw Sinclair gazing at her, his eyes still filled with worry.

“How are you… feeling?”

“I’m still a bit weak… but I’m okay. The pain is much better too.”

Despite her assurances, Sinclair’s face showed no sign of brightening. He still had a face heavily shadowed as he took slow steps.

Then he gently sat down beside Elaina, who was lying on the bed.

…… Sinclair looked terribly haggard.

Even though she was the one who had collapsed from the poison, he seemed to be in no less pain. No, perhaps he was the one who had suffered far more.

“I think you need to rest a bit, Sinclair.”

“Yes, just wait a moment. I’ll prepare some warm water for you. The medicine will make your mouth taste bitter……”

As soon as he finished speaking, Elaina hastily grabbed Sinclair, who was about to get up from his seat.

“No, I wasn’t talking about myself. I was talking about you.”

Only then did Sinclair turn to look at Elaina again.

“I heard. That you even turned away Judith and Anna and nursed me all by yourself.”

“……”

“It must not have been easy. Thank you so much. But now that I’ve come to my senses…… rest.”

But there was no answer.

Instead, Sinclair, who had somehow come close, slowly reached out and stroked Elaina’s cheek, which was still slightly pale, and slowly moved his lips.

“I was in hell for 3 days.”

“……”

“I felt like I wanted to die.”

Elaina had been unconscious for a full 3 days.

And for all those 3 days, Sinclair had been in hell, just as he had said.

He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t drink, he couldn’t eat. He couldn’t think of anything but Elaina.

Sinclair stayed by Elaina’s side like a dog guarding its master. Holding her small, white hand tightly. As if believing that she would open her eyes at any moment.

All the while, Sinclair collapsed thousands, tens of thousands of times.

“Actually, even now, it feels like a dream.”

Sinclair’s voice cracked slightly.

“…… So when I fall asleep, I feel like you’ll be lying there again. Still unconscious.”

Elaina looked at Sinclair without saying a word.

“It was a time when I realized how pathetic and useless I am. There was nothing I could do.”

Even with Elaina in front of him, gasping for breath, her face pale and trembling slightly, there was nothing he could do for her.

It was the first time in his life that he had felt such a sense of defeat.

Also, the thought that he would rather die……

“Elaina, whenever I thought that you might… be in danger……”

Sinclair couldn’t even finish his sentence. He bit his lip and lowered his head.

How many times had he whispered in her ear? Elaina’s name.

And how many times……

“I had a dream.”

“…… A dream?”

At Elaina’s sudden words, Sinclair finally raised his head and looked at her.

“A dream of being endlessly lonely and desolate in that attic.”

“……”

“A dream from before I met you.”

I trembled and suffered alone like that. Without your gaze, your voice, your touch, which have now become so unfamiliar.

Elaina thought.

“I wanted to die then. I had lost everything and was just wandering aimlessly.”

It was the time when she had lost her mother, lost Ren, and lost her leg. So she had begun to lose even the light.

“I was shivering alone like that……”

Elaina continued with a faint smile.

“Someone called out to me.”

Sinclair’s golden eyes flickered briefly.

“It was you.”

If it hadn’t been for you, I would still be trapped in that dream. I might never have woken up.

“And I thought. I have to go back.”

“……”

“I thought, now I have a place to return to.”

Sinclair’s eyes, filled with her, were shining brilliantly in the moonlight pouring through the curtains.

Yes, those eyes had kept telling her, bringing her back to reality. With a sob that she must come back……

Sinclair’s fingertips, which were holding Elaina’s hand, trembled slightly.

There were days when he had thought such thoughts.

The thought of wanting to be a place of rest for that small, homeless girl. Saving her from that terrible slum.

Even though he himself was just as homeless and in a slum-like situation…… he had dared to dream such a dream.

“You’re the one who saved me.”

“……”

“So don’t say such things. It hurts my heart too much.”

No.

Don’t listen to her words anymore.

For a moment, it was as if he could hear his own voice in his heart. A voice trapped in the midst of a selfish vine that had sprouted without his knowledge and grown so madly day by day that it could not be broken.

If he went a little further from here, he wouldn’t even be able to ponder the petty and hypocritical thought that he would have to let her go. He would never be able to let go of Elaina. He would try not to let anyone take her away.

…… He would try to keep her by his side, no matter what. Even if it meant deceiving Elaina.

But it was strange. Sinclair didn’t move at all. No, perhaps he couldn’t move.

Because in Elaina’s blue eyes, which were looking at him kindly, an emotion that he had never felt before was revealing itself so clearly.

Even though he thought it was cowardly, he couldn’t help it.

Because now Sinclair knew that the name of the emotion he had built up and accumulated throughout his life was not guilt, but something else.

Because he couldn’t pretend not to know.

“……”

Elaina looked at Sinclair for a while without saying anything.

His face, bathed in moonlight, was beautiful as always, and as always, it made her heart ache for no reason.

“You asked me. Why it was my wish to drink the poison instead of you.”

She had thought as she watched Sinclair crumble silently.

Should she say that she didn’t want to see him suffer because of her like last time, should she say that she thought she had to do at least this much for him, or should she say that she did it because she no longer wanted him to get hurt in any way?

If she were to combine those reasons into one, she didn’t know what to say.

Spending countless sleepless nights, Elaina had thought about it over and over again.

What emotion was this inexplicable sadness she felt every time she met those golden eyes looking at her?

What emotion was the reason why she sometimes felt that she couldn’t bear herself when she received his gaze?

What was the origin of the emotion that made her heart sink whenever she saw his face with a short, scoffing laugh?

No, perhaps it was better not to know, even in the future.

If she put a name to that emotion that kept shaking her, it seemed that nothing could be undone. She thought it would be too irresponsible of her to do such a thing when she couldn’t do anything for Sinclair.

But……

The moonlight was too bright today.

So bright……

That even her own heart, which she had tried so hard to hide and suppress, was laid bare.

So now she had no choice but to know.

What the name of this emotion was.

What words those reasons for drinking the poison in his stead would be if put together.

“Sinclair……”

Finally, Elaina slowly reached out. Then, stroking his angular cheek with a desperate touch, she continued in a low voice.

“I love you.”

“……”

“That has always been… my entire reason.”