How could I throw it away?

Trying hard not to let the tears welling up in my eyes fall, I placed a new box beside me. I took out photos related to him from the photo album and put them in the box.

‘Elder brother, let’s take a picture. Okay?’

‘Do you want to take a picture that badly?’

‘Do you know we don’t have a single picture together since we started dating?’

Behind the photo of young Ba Ha and young Lee Han, there was a picture of Ba Ha excitedly kissing his cheek, saying it was their first photo as a couple.

As the memories with him overflowed more and more, the tears I had been holding back finally fell.

“Hic……”

Ba Ha looked at the numerous items of his filling the house and recalled memories.

Those memories peeked out slightly as if waiting for her gaze, and after reminiscing, they scattered around, waiting to be put into boxes.

‘Ba Ha, do you really have to watch this now? It’s a bit embarrassing…’

‘What’s embarrassing! It’s your first work as the main character. Elder brother, I’m so happy right now. Really.’

The TV where she always watched Lee Han’s works.

The sofa where they sat leaning against each other while looking at that TV.

When she turned her eyes away not wanting to remember, there were other memories there. Everywhere she looked was full of him, and she couldn’t find a place without his traces.

From the clothes he left behind to his shoes. She thought she had packed most things related to him, but there was still so much.

‘Ta-da!’

‘Oh, elder brother, what’s this?’

‘A necklace! I got my first payment today. I love you, Ba Ha.’

Ba Ha stared at the necklace for a long time. It was a gift he bought when he received his first payment.

The necklace he bought spending all the money he had for the first time.

The necklace he shyly gave, saying he wanted to give a meaningful gift.

The necklace that shone when she opened the small box was still vivid in Ba Ha’s memory.

“Sniff……”

She had been happy.

She still remembers Lee Han’s trembling as he approached to put on the necklace. Ba Ha cried for a long time in his arms after receiving that necklace that day, and she cried for a long time even at this moment of putting the necklace he gave into the box.

Now she wants to return that trembling to him.

“Hic…… Why is this so hard?”

There were still many things to organize, but she was already exhausted.

It was difficult.

She thought there were no more tears left to cry, but her tireless tear glands kept tormenting Ba Ha. Even lifting her head or opening her eyes wide didn’t help to stop the tears that kept flowing again.

“St… Stop crying. Please.”

It was just for a moment.

Despite her desperate murmur, the tears dried up only to well up again soon after.

“I can’t… I can’t throw it away…… Hic.”

She clutched the box and cried endlessly. This time of letting go of his memories, as if saying a final farewell, was too painful. It was an expected pain, but it felt like a part of her heart was torn off, and it hurt to think that if the times they spent together disappeared, even the memories of being with him would vanish.

Now those times will fade and become dim too.

“Hello.”

Unable to throw away the memories that seemed impossible to discard, Ba Ha picked up her phone. It felt like she could return this moment but couldn’t throw it away. It seemed she couldn’t throw away this moment with her own hands because it was precious time for young Ba Ha.

If she had to discard even that with her own hands, it would be too cruel for Ba Ha.

He was everything to her.

No matter what moment she recalled, Lee Han was naturally by her side. Because he had been her world even before they started dating.

− Ba Ha?

“Yes. It’s me, elder brother Dae Sik.”

− Have you been well? What’s the matter?

Surprised by the sudden call, Dae Sik first asked Ba Ha a formal greeting. Ba Ha’s lips quivered at his question. How should she say it? How could she speak without crying?

“Elder brother, it’s that… His things are still at our house.”

This was the best method for Ba Ha.

If she met him even briefly to hand over his belongings, it could be bad for both of them. She didn’t know where photos might be taken, or where Cha Hi Ra might pop up, so Ba Ha called Dae Sik, whom she could trust.

Now she didn’t want to see him in any way.

Someday, when this memory, this emotion fades even a little, then she wants to see his face with a smile.

With that smile of meeting an old friend.

− Is it important?

“It’s a bit hard for me to throw it away with my own hands…”

− Ah….. I understand what you mean.

“Please. It’s hard for me to contact elder brother Han…”

A sigh from Dae Sik was heard over the phone. Ba Ha closed her eyes tightly at the sound of his sigh and bit her lower lip to hold back the tears that were welling up again.

− Alright. Can you leave the belongings in front of your house? I’ll come pick them up. Thanks for contacting me.

“No. I’m the one who’s thankful. Really, thank you. Elder brother.”

− Take care.

“Yes. You too, elder brother.”

I want to become a memory, not a flutter.

Even if she hands over everything related to him, he will probably remain in Ba Ha’s mind for a long time. Maybe he will live in Ba Ha’s mind for a lifetime, but she wants to recall him as a childhood memory rather than a flutter when she thinks of him.

She wanted to smile faintly rather than shed tears when recalling him. Because it’s harder the more she tries to forget, now she wants to leave it to time.

She wants to bury him slowly in her mind, not her heart, and find a new flutter.

“Goodbye.”

‘Let’s go to work together, Tae Un.’

It was peaceful.

The commute to work with Tae Un was peaceful. Tae Un driving with a pleasant smile looking only ahead, Ba Ha looking out the window with the same smile, feeling good because of his smile, and even the sound of soft music flowing in the car.

Not one thing was not peaceful.

“Am I a little less uncomfortable for you now?”

“Pardon……?”

While stopped at a red light, Tae Un looked intently at Ba Ha and asked. Ba Ha avoided his eyes, turning her gaze away from his piercing look, but she wanted to tell him.

“You’re not uncomfortable.”

After Ba Ha’s answer, only the sound of music filled the car again. Tae Un, whose thoughts were unknown, focused only on driving without making any sound.

Before they knew it, they were almost at the company, and Tae Un stopped the car briefly at the usual place and looked at her.

“Thank you for telling me I’m not uncomfortable.”

“That day…… I was really sorry.”

“It’s nothing to be sorry about. Don’t be sorry.”

“Thank you. I’ll get going.”

Don’t be greedy.

Someday, there will come a day when they get out of the car together. For her sake, who just managed to say she’s not uncomfortable and will slightly open the door, he won’t be impatient and will wait.

Tae Un murmured softly while watching Ba Ha’s back until she disappeared from view in the car.

“I like you very much. Han Ba Ha.”

“Senior!”

The office where Ba Ha arrived after parting with Tae Un was somehow noisy. As soon as Doo Na saw Ba Ha, she called out to her with a shout.

“Doo Na, aren’t you greeting me too enthusiastically? Did you miss me all night or something?”

Ba Ha joked, looking at Doo Na who seemed somehow excited but also a bit out of it.

“That’s not… Ah! Right. First, drink this. I bought one for you too, senior.”

Doo Na handed over an iced Americano and approached Ba Ha even closer, her eyes sparkling even at Ba Ha’s silly joke.

“Senior! Senior!”

“What! What!”

“You know what……!”

“What is it? Why are you acting like this? Come to think of it, the office seems a bit chaotic?”

The office was noisy with people sitting closest to each other whispering and gossiping.

Ba Ha, who had just arrived at work and knew nothing, asked Doo Na.

“The vice chairman……! I think he’s dating someone in the company!”

“Ack……! What are you saying?”

Ba Ha choked on her coffee as she was taking a sip at Doo Na’s words. As the corners of her mouth gradually trembled and convulsed, she asked back, putting strength into her quivering lips.

“It’s a scoop. A scoop! I saw it with my own eyes this morning!”

Doo Na, excited, started chattering to Ba Ha.

“……What? What did you see?”

“A woman getting out of the vice chairman’s car! I saw it clearly with my own eyes!”

Ba Ha’s face hardened instantly, and cold sweat began to form on every pore of her face as if all her sweat glands had opened at once.

“But why is that office romance… She could have just gotten out, right?”

“Ha…… Senior, you’re too naive. Listen carefully. Why would he drop her off at a place that’s neither too far nor too close to the company? There’s nothing around there?”

“……”

“Ha…… No wonder my legs were itching to go that way today.”

“Haha….. There’s nothing around, but Doo Na, you saw well. I see.”

Ba Ha slightly avoided Doo Na’s eyes and quenched her parched throat with coffee. As Doo Na looked at Ba Ha with a smug expression as if she had made a big discovery, why did that smile look so wicked? Ba Ha quietly asked Doo Na.

“So? Who was it? Did you… see?”