“…… Uh,”

Aeli slowly blinked her eyes.

Though she was clearly breathing, it felt as if her heart had stopped.

While she had often seen her father jokingly cry when she was young – it was the first time she had ever seen a face like that.

She couldn’t help but be startled.

She tried to say something, but all that came out of her mouth was a pathetically cracked sigh-like sound.

Aeli blankly looked up at her father.

She saw hair that had faded to a much lighter color than she remembered.

[What is this?]

Why was a scene from her childhood coming to mind as she looked at him?

Aeli thought.

There was a book she had read once when she followed Lutis into the study.

[《The Futility of Life as Seen through the Law of Total Pain Quantity.》] […… That’s the title of a book?] [Yeah.] [……]

We’re still young.

Does he really find that interesting to read? She rarely made a distasteful face and asked about the difficult subject matter for a book to be read around the age of ten.

When she was told that it wasn’t read for fun, but that it was good to read whenever possible because more knowledge was better, she could only shake her head.

Still, when a friend read it, she couldn’t help but be curious, so she vaguely remembered sitting next to Lutis and reading it together.

Unbound by the constraints of time and space, it is unpredictable, but it said that every person has a total amount of pain they must endure throughout their lives.

[- What does that mean.] [……] [Are you going to become, what was it. Ah, a scholar? Like teaching the imperial princes at the palace or becoming a professor at the academy.] [……] [So boring……] […… Do you read books with your mouth?]

She had given him some leeway, but when he was still being sharp, it was only natural for a pointed gaze to fly over.

Up until now, Lutis, who knew how to speak gracefully, had even suggested the alternative of telling her to shut up and go out and play if she was bored.

Perhaps his personality of hating frustratingly slow people played a part in Lutis giving up on talking in roundabout ways,

But looking back now, she felt it had a greater effect that it stuck to his mouth as he tried to make her understand his words.

Until then, she wouldn’t have understood if he didn’t speak bluntly.

Anyway, so,

The reason I brought this up is.

[Hmm……] [Why.] [No, it’s just.]

It seems unfair.

That ‘total amount’ is bound to be different for everyone, so it doesn’t necessarily bring the same amount of pain to everyone.

After all, even if the same suffering comes, some may react a little dully while others may be more sensitive to it.

The book was brought in from a country other than the empire, so the subject and content were not easy at all.

Their standard of equality was also so vague that she still couldn’t fully understand it.

However,

“Mom, ma.”

“Yes……”

Even if there is a total amount of suffering to be experienced in life – there was no mention anywhere that it would all be bearable.

If one person could live an uneventful life, barely knowing suffering, then someone else could live a life immersed in pain.

And that can happen to anyone, regardless of status, as long as they are human.

– Like her father who had lost his color in just a few years.

“……”

When you lose your parents, you become an orphan; when you lose your husband, you become a widow; when you lose your wife, you become a widower.

But there is no name for those who have lost a child.

Is it because the pain is too immeasurable?

In the past, it wouldn’t have resonated, but now she knew. She too had a child she loved, so there was no way she couldn’t know.

Aeli placed her hand on top of her mother’s arms that were hugging her tightly, then tightly closed her mouth.

With her remaining arm, she weakly grasped the fingertips of her father who was standing by the bedside and opened her mouth.

She couldn’t muster the courage to face him, so she lowered her head again.

“Dad……”

“……”

Even if there was no reaction or answer, she was satisfied that he acknowledged her.

She thought that would be enough…

Squeeze-.

Grab!

“……!”

Just as she thought he was holding the hand she had lightly grasped, his broad arms bent over and hugged her, startling Aeli and making her eyes go wide.

Slightly stiff, short hair brushed the tip of her nose.

And only then.

“…… Hic-,”

The tears came out.

[Contact the Magic Tower.] [But Your Grace, the Magic Tower is currently……] [Do I look like I’m asking you a favor right now?] [……] [I don’t care if those thugs have locked the door. I don’t care if they’ve declared they won’t use magic on anything bearing the Ratliff name anymore.] [But-] [As long as there is a child carrying Mason’s blood in Ratliff, they can never be the superior. You should know that too.]

Actually, it was scary.

When she realized that she had only closed and opened her eyes, but she alone was in the same place while the world had already moved on.

When she realized that the family she thought was only harmonious had fallen apart horribly.

When she acknowledged that Lutis was absent, the child was being neglected, and it wouldn’t be strange for a death notice to arrive at any time since he was in a war zone.

When he returned safely and showered her with harsh words while ignoring the child.

[When mom and dad comes, I wanted to do rots of fings.] [……] [But… I can’t do it light now, so I wote it down so I don’t folget instead,]

Nevertheless, when the child expressed with her whole body that she still loved them.

“Hic, waaah……”

It was all terrifying.

Why, out of so many people, did this have to happen to her?

It was a life that could have been happy without problems, but it all fell apart because of her alone.

When she saw Lutis and Adi gradually finding their place, happiness would bubble up, but soon anxiety would sink her heart with a thud.

Because she didn’t even know why she died or how she came back to life, it wouldn’t be strange if she disappeared again.

Knowing that, when she couldn’t give up the everyday life she was enjoying now, it made her feel so miserable she thought she would go crazy.

Even if it was unfair and upsetting, she couldn’t openly show it in front of the child or Lutis.

‘Already- They’re already having such a hard time because of me……’

How could she complain to them?

She couldn’t ignore the fact that Lutis still puts his finger under her nose every night to check.

Or that the child confirms where she goes by connecting her magic, even if thinly, whenever she briefly leaves.

And it must be no different for her parents who must have had a hard time because of her.

“Wah, waah- Mom, mommy……!”

“…… It must have been so hard. For such a young child, all alone,”

“I- I really didn’t want to die……! Big brother cu- cursed at me as soon as he saw me and tried to kill me! And blood- there was blood, waaah……”

“……”

“Da- Daddy… Hic……”

“……”

Waaah. Aeli hugged her parents who were embracing her and cried her heart out for a long time.

She knew it was disgraceful to act this way as a grown adult with a child of her own.

But no matter how much time passed, becoming a child in front of her parents was something she really couldn’t help.

[This is the timeline separator]

“Ah, I’m fuww……”

“……”

“My tummy huwts……”

“That’s because you gorged after skipping meals. I’ll call the doctor later.”

“But that’s my fault-”

It’s not. Lutis, who easily inferred the cut-off words, glanced down at the child walking while patting her stomach with his other hand, holding his hand.

After discovering Aeli collapsed together at the bottom of the cliff and hurriedly heading to the Mason estate.

Unlike the child who opened her eyes that evening, Aeli had yet to regain consciousness.

He could have caught her if he wanted to.

But when he saw her face smiling while meeting his eyes after firmly pushing his hand away, his body wouldn’t move as if nailed in place.

‘So……’

Once again, he helplessly lost a precious person right before his eyes.

It was close to a miracle that she was alive after falling from such a height, but he couldn’t be happy about it.

In a way, this whole situation was entirely his fault.

[Baby, shall we go eat with grandma? Aren’t you hungry?] […… I’m not hungry.] [Still,] [……]

Right after waking up first until the next morning.

The child seemed strangely fine. Not only was her physical condition unharmed except for slightly dirty clothes, but her attitude was like that too.

Saying that the mole helped so it’s okay – she made incomprehensible remarks and assured that Aeli would wake up if they waited.

But when she showed no signs of opening her eyes even after a few days passed, she finally cried out.

Saying she doesn’t need meals or snacks until Aeli wakes up, she won’t do anything.

During those few days, Aeli’s identity that she had been hiding was revealed, and the Count, who seemed to be trying to confirm something, locked himself in the study before hurriedly heading to the capital.

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t a very long time, but Lutis couldn’t shake the feeling that his world had stopped since that day.

“……”

It happened due to his complacent response.

The child, who had been holding out for days drinking only water, fell on the intact floor after getting out of bed, and he thought he should no longer indulge her stubbornness and force her to eat, so he ordered a meal.

Fortunately, she ate well, perhaps because she was hungry when the food was placed in front of her.

However……

How long will this wait with no end in sight last this time?

Lutis moved his steps with a devastated heart.

“…… Urgh.”

“……?”

Just as he was about to open the bedroom door, the child quickly shook her head and tugged at his pant leg.