I couldn’t deny it.

After all, his status was good and his reasoning was sound.

“So Leo. This is why I can’t help but think this way.”

“……”

“That you’re distancing yourself from me, afraid you might fall in love with me. That you even went this far to find someone to replace me. Am I wrong?”

I always knew he would dig into the core like this someday.

But I thought he would quietly let it go since I said I’d explain after we got off this ship.

“If you’re going to put that pale bastard in my place… Leo. You’d better stop now.”

His languid voice makes me dizzy. A precarious tension choked my breath.

Unable to breathe, I unconsciously swallowed dry saliva.

The pain was severe, as if my throat would tear from dryness.

“I won’t give up. It’s useless to try to send me away somewhere.”

“Even if it’s for your own good?”

“What’s good for me is for me to decide.”

He cut it off sharply in a soft tone.

But…

“What if my love means your death?”

Yes, this is due to dizziness. My tightly sealed lips part and the one word I’ve been hiding all along finally bares its bones.

It was all because I was gasping for air, lacking oxygen in this narrow space filled with heat.

‘Ah. I shouldn’t have said that.’

As soon as I blurted it out, I regretted it. I could already clearly anticipate what his answer would be next.

“Death has always been by my side since I was very young. You know that.”

“I don’t want your death.”

“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying I’ll die for you right away even if you need my life.”

This is a bit different from the expected answer.

At the calmly flowing voice, I suddenly raised my head. Mereum was looking straight at me.

“I’m not sure, but there must be a reason the gods sent you the dagger along with me.”

“…Yes.”

“If the revelation was to love me and kill me… why are you trying so hard to go against the divine will?”

“Well… because I don’t want to. I don’t want to move as someone else wishes. That’s all.”

It’s not wrong since it’s one of the reasons.

Whether to choose the shortcut or not should be my own decision.

If it’s not something I’ve judged and chosen myself, I’ll go around it even if it’s the fastest path.

That’s who I am.

“So you tried to find someone else?”

“That’s right.”

“And you were going to love someone alone without telling, and then take their life.”

Mereum’s tone wasn’t accusatory.

It just seemed like he was mulling something over.

Eventually, Mereum asked me a question.

“Do you think that can really become love?”

“That’s…”

My sisters told me clearly from the beginning. That I should love in a rational sense.

That probably means the intense love that can be most easily defined as Eros.

This very thing that Mereum is showing me now.

‘But it doesn’t necessarily have to be erotic love.’

In short, just having a physical relationship is enough.

If it had to be erotic love where you fall deeply for the other person, become obsessed, possess, and eventually want to monopolize them, they would have said so from the start.

But my sisters only said ‘in a rational sense’.

They didn’t say the weight of the heart had to be heavy either.

Of course, in that sense, Derek Noert wasn’t suitable for the conditions.

Derek would give me his body or life, but there’s no Eros dwelling in it.

What Derek sends me is Agape love.

Unconditional devotion, like blind faith without expecting anything in return.

Derek Noert served me like serving a god.

And as for Shailo…

‘For now, it should be considered Philia.’

Philia means friendship.

It could be called more of a mental bond or closeness rather than a physical relationship, but it felt fresher compared to Eros or Agape.

If you ask if I can share erotic love with someone who started as a friend like that, there’s only one answer.

“I’ll have to try.”

“No. There’s only me, Leo.”

Mereum shook his head slightly and cut it off clearly.

“No matter how hard you try, you and the Grand Duke can only have Ludus love.”

Ludus means playful love.

A relationship where you might have physical relations, but it’s infinitely light and just fun.

You share good times together but don’t tell each other about the bad. There’s no obligation, responsibility, or right to bear pain together.

In a way, it’s keeping distance, and in another way, it seemed more like play than love.

Coincidentally, it’s exactly the concept of love I aimed for with Shailo.

‘Am I that simple?’

To be seen through so easily?

Mereum, who had been watching me, took my hand and pressed it to his cheek. I could clearly feel his yearning to be closer to me, but he couldn’t.

“Humans die anyway. Don’t be afraid of letting me die.”

“I don’t want to kill you with my own hands.”

“That’s an excuse, Leo. If you get tired of seeing me grow old while living, you can kill me then. And return to where you originally belonged. I’ll die satisfied.”

Ah, how can you be like this?

At first glance it sounded stubborn, but in fact he was making excuses for me.

Excuses for me to love him.

“Instead, focus only on me while I’m alive. Tell me everything about you. Let me enter you so I can know you better.”

Mereum’s large hand slowly stroked up my smooth lower abdomen.

Goosebumps rise all over and my toes curl.

Realizing my heart had become the same color as his, I asked myself if there was any reason to refuse this.

‘He says he’ll die for me. He’s telling me to just adore him fully, and stab him when I get tired of looking at him.’

There’s no need to think about it. In front of this rational decision, I just had to nod my head.

But why.

Why can’t I move.

“I won’t resist, so kill me when you want to…”

“I’d rather die by your hand than be abandoned.”

“…It seems I’ve tamed you too well.”

A few words barely tumbled out.

Mereum chuckled and lightly kissed my forehead.

“So you have to take responsibility.”

“After you willingly put your leash in my hand?”

“If you don’t like it, try to kill me. I won’t die until the very end.”

It’s an outrageous statement.

Saying I won’t be able to kill him no matter what I do sparked an unnecessary fighting spirit.

“It’s fine if we live like that our whole lives. If it means I can have you.”

He intertwined his fingers with mine.

Then he pressed his lips to my fingers and rubbed them slightly.

While looking straight at me.

I read thirst in his eyes.

“Compare as much as you want, if you desire.”

“Compare?”

“Yes. You want to become Emperor anyway, don’t you? That’s why you can’t give up the position of Empress even though you don’t love the Emperor at all.”

Chu.

Mereum trapped me in his arms and kissed my temple this time.

“The support of the Northern Grand Duke will be a great power. It would be a waste not to use that influence while he’s interested in you now.”

“Mmh.”

He whispered softly and bit my earlobe.

As if saying he’s no longer a boy but a man.

Every movement was so seductive. My lower abdomen grew warm on its own.

“Meet him, go on dates. But have as many dates with me too. You’ll eventually realize it’s me.”

Have I… ever been this overwhelmed in my life?

I can say with certainty that I haven’t.

Feeling like I was being swallowed whole, I bit my lips and tried to escape by grabbing the doorknob.

Let’s get out of here first, then think again.

“…?”

But for some reason, the door wouldn’t open.

No matter how much I rattled it, only the doorknob turned without unlocking.

Of course, I hadn’t locked it.

“Looks like someone locked it from the outside.”

Mereum said nonchalantly and leaned against the door diagonally.

At his very leisurely attitude, I raised an eyebrow.

“You can open it, can’t you? Open it.”

“I don’t want to. You’ll run away if I do, Leo.”

I can’t deny that, but!

“I have claustrophobia…”

“I know you don’t.”

“My legs are starting to hurt…”

“Want me to hold you? I can hold you for hours.”

Seeing that Mereum had no intention of moving at all, I had no choice but to use magic.

Crack.

The fragile doorknob broke. But Mereum, who had somehow moved behind me, pressed his hand against the door to prevent it from opening.

Unfortunately, since it was a structure that had to be pulled inward to open, there was no way I could win against him holding it with my strength.

“I don’t mind being one of your two lovers. Such things were common in Quan.”

The breath on my nape stimulates me.

As if he had decided not to hold back anymore, Mereum showed no hesitation in seducing me.

“If I’m clumsy, I’ll learn. I’ll try to satisfy you. Then maybe someday you’ll come to love me.”

“……”

“So… make me your lover.”

I’m at least worth that much, aren’t I?

Mereum whispered lowly and buried his lips in my nape.

It was irresistible.