She would probably laugh heartily… Now I can never see that child again.

For the first time in my long life, I tasted the bitterness of loss.

It was a taste so dreadful and painful.

“I can’t even breathe, Merem. I sat here, trying to breathe, but even that… doesn’t seem to be going well. It’s a strange thing. What is death…”

I already knew that Charlotte would go to a better place.

Well, going to a place where my desires are fulfilled is better than mourning someone.

However…

“I feel like I’m broken.”

Emotions are out of control.

As what was possible became impossible, I became as fragile as a lost child without a way to go.
Unable to accept myself and at the same time feeling unfamiliar, I didn’t know what to do. It was just that kind of state.

“There has never been a noble mourning so much over the death of a maid.”

Merem, who silently listened to my story until the end, wrapped his arms around my shoulders and spoke solemnly.

“When I was in Quon, maids died like flies every day. Same for knights, maids, and servants.”

“Really?”

“If I attached even a little emotion, I had to watch the one being dragged away by soldiers for months. It was all Cassandre’s command… Those who were forcibly taken away for any reason came back with their heads detached.”

Merem’s tone was calm.

Like someone looking at scars that had long been left behind, he spoke in a low voice.

I probably cried at first. However, I stopped crying at some point, and I became indifferent to death, to the point where I didn’t attach much meaning to someone’s death, no matter who died.

“That’s why… Charlotte would be pleased. Because you cried for her.”

We can’t know the emotions of the deceased Charlotte.

Even if that child is here now, she wouldn’t be visible to my eyes.

So, relying on Merem’s comfort, I earnestly hope that she… received comfort from my tears.

If that’s possible.

“If Charlotte’s soul sees you now, she’ll probably be somewhat pleased. It’s not like we mourn for someone meaningless.”

“Your words are right.”

I chuckled softly and wiped my face.

My skin felt quite rough.

It was time to sleep now.

I needed strength to go see Sukrel, Gabriel, and Therion tomorrow.

I wouldn’t show a weak side in front of the enemy.

It was better to hear that there were no tears or blood.

“If you feel sad, don’t force yourself to stop that sadness, Leo. Here, right here, you don’t need to control your emotions. You’ll have to pretend to be fine once you leave the Imperial Palace anyway.”

Merem, who laid me down, swept my hair.

I faintly raised the corners of my mouth and muttered.

“That’s what humans do.”

“So what? There’s no one to blame here.”

“Well, that’s true.”

What I felt was a more fundamental fear.

Becoming more and more human one by one, gradually losing demonic nature. What if I truly became human someday?

What if I don’t want to go back?

No, what if I can’t go back…

I was already human enough.

“I know what you’re worrying about.”

Although I lay in bed, sleep still eluded me.

It just made my posture a bit more comfortable.

Merem, who caressed my hair, affectionately placed his lips there.

“You have nothing to fear. I was like that. When you’re old and I find you repulsive, stab me then. Wrap your hand with mine, and I’ll take your hand and hold a dagger to pierce my heart, so don’t worry.”

“You…”

How can you say that?

Such words disappeared after lingering at the tip of my tongue.
Joy is the work of demons, and dedication is the work of humans. Merem’s blind devotion might be a concept I would never understand forever.

“So, when you’re human, it’s okay to be sad as a human.”

Moisture filled my eyes with his gentle comfort. However, I didn’t cry out loud or raise my shoulders in anger. Instead, I stared intensely with deep, crimson eyes in profound silence.

‘The sin that harmed what is mine won’t just be let go.’

I will make it clear. If anyone dares to touch what belongs to me, I will make sure to engrave in everyone’s minds how much I can repay.

So, from now on, let no one dare to oppose me, and even the thought of harming what is mine should be inconceivable.

This was my vow for Charlotte and… a demon’s mourning.