I couldn’t deny it.

His status, not to mention the legitimacy, was good.

“So, Leo. I can’t help but think this way.”

“…….”

“You’re distancing yourself because you might fall in love with me. Did you go through all this to find someone to replace me? Am I wrong?”

I always knew he could delve into the core like this. However, after he promised to explain the reason after leaving the ship, I thought it would quietly pass.

“If you’re planning to replace me with some useless brat… Leo, it’s better to stop now.”

His slow voice made me uneasy. The thin tension constricted my breath.

Unable to breathe, I unconsciously swallowed dry saliva.

The pain in my throat was so severe that it felt like it would tear apart.

“I won’t give up. Even if you try to send me somewhere, it’s useless.”

“Even if it’s for your own good?”

“What’s good for me is for me to decide.”

He cut in with a soft tone.

But…

“What if my love is the cause of your death?”

Yeah, this must be dizziness. The words I had bitten down on slipped out, exposing the hidden phrase.

It was all due to the heat filling this confined space; the lack of oxygen made it difficult.

‘Ah, I shouldn’t have said that.’

I regretted it as soon as I uttered it. It was already like I had raised my hand to predict what his response would be.

“I’ve always had death by my side since I was very young. You know that.”

“I don’t wish for your death.”

“Don’t misunderstand. I won’t just die for you even if my life is necessary.”

This was a slightly different response from what I expected.

With a calm voice flowing out, I raised my head. Merem was looking straight at me.

“I don’t know, but there must be a reason why the gods sent you a dagger and me together.”

“…Right.”

“If the gods wanted you to love me and kill me… why resist the will of the gods like that?”

“Well… because I don’t want to. I don’t want to move as someone wishes. That’s all.”

It wasn’t a wrong statement since it was one of the reasons. Whether to choose a shortcut or not should be a decision I made for myself.

If it wasn’t my judgment, even if it was the fastest path, I wouldn’t take it; I would go around.

Because that’s who I am.

“So, did you try to find someone else?”

“That’s right.”

“And without saying anything, you alone loved someone, and then tried to snatch their life away.”

Merem’s tone wasn’t accusatory. It just seemed like he was pondering something.

Eventually, Merem asked me a question.

“Do you think that would indeed be love?”

“That’s….”

My sisters had told me clearly from the beginning. It had to be a passionate love with a rational meaning.
Soon, Merem asked me a question.

“Do you think that would indeed be love?”

“Well….”

My sisters have been telling me clearly from the beginning. I should engage in a rational, intellectual meaning of love.

That probably refers to intense love that can be most easily defined as Eros.

This is exactly what Merem is showing me now.

‘However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be Eros-like love.’

In other words, there just needs to be a physical relationship.

If I had to pursue an Eros-like love that involved falling deeply for the other person, becoming obsessed, possessive, and desiring exclusivity, my sisters would have mentioned it from the start.

However, they only mentioned ‘rational meaning.’

They didn’t say anything about the heaviness of the heart.

Of course, in that sense, Derek Norit wasn’t suitable.

If it were Derek, he would dedicate everything, be it his body or his life, but Eros wasn’t involved in that.

What Derek sends to me is Agape love.

Unconditional devotion, like blind and unwavering commitment without expecting anything in return.

Derek Norit served me like he was serving a god.

And as for Shail…

‘Right now, I should consider it as Philia.’

Philia means friendship.

It can be referred to as a mental bond or intimacy rather than a physical relationship, and compared to Eros or Agape, it felt fresher.

If asked whether I could divide a relationship that started with friendship and an Eros-like love, there was only one answer.

“I’ll have to try.”

“No. There’s no one but me, Leo.”

Merem, who nodded slightly, clearly cut it off.

“No matter how well you try, you can only have Ludic love with the Grand Duke.”

Ludus refers to playful love.

It could involve a physical relationship, but it’s endlessly light and enjoyable, where there are no obligations, responsibilities, or rights to share pain together.

In a way, it seemed like keeping a distance, and in another way, it felt like a joke rather than love.

Ironically, it was the concept of love that I aimed for with Shail.

‘Am I that simple?’

Could I be seen through so easily?

Merem, who had been observing me, grabbed my hand and slapped my cheek. I felt the yearning to get closer to him but couldn’t.

“Human beings will die anyway. Don’t be afraid to make me die.”

“I don’t want to kill you with my own hands.”