When Herdin arrived at the village where Blair lived, it was late at night.

He wasn’t sure how many nights he had spent traveling. But even as his sense of time disappeared, the thought that he must meet Blair became clearer as time passed.

It wasn’t a moment of impetuousness or impulse. He couldn’t end everything with her like this.

With that single thought alone, he had rushed here mindlessly.

It was only when he dismounted his horse at the edge of the village that he realized the fine flurries in front of him were snow.

Herdin arrived in front of the house where Blair was living, treading on the first snow that no one had yet stepped on. Only then did he realize it was too late an hour to be visiting as he looked at the darkened house.

Though thinking he should come back tomorrow since Blair would be asleep, he couldn’t bring himself to turn away.

Blair is in that house.

At the thought of being in the same space as her, he felt like he could finally breathe. As if he hadn’t known how to breathe before.

How long had he been standing there? A familiar silhouette appeared in the second-floor window. It was Blair.

Herdin stared blankly at her, who had appeared before his eyes like a miracle. Blair, whose eyes met his, also blinked her widened eyes, seemingly quite surprised.

The two gazed at each other in the quietly falling snow. For a long while.

Blair was the first to turn away.

As he watched her go back into her room, a pained sigh escaped Herdin’s lips.

He hadn’t thought she would accept him easily. He had thought it would be enough just to see her face once, to see that she was doing well.

But human greed is endless, and once he saw her face, he wanted to approach her. He wanted to embrace her, kiss her, hear that soft-spoken voice. His heart burned.

‘…I suppose she won’t meet me after all.’

Well, an ex-husband showing up unannounced at this hour did seem quite crazy. Especially having traveled a distance that would take days even without stopping to sleep. He thought that if he were her, he wouldn’t meet himself either.

As he was rubbing his face dryly, self-deprecating at his own behavior, just then—

Click—

Breaking the silence of the snowy night, the sound of a door opening rang out, and the front door that had seemed like it would never open, opened.

Blair carefully trod through the accumulated snow as she approached him. Watching her blankly, Herdin hastily tried to stop her, fearing she might fall.

“I’ll come to you.”

In just a few strides, he stepped up to her. Herdin first checked on his wife’s condition after a month apart.

Blair’s belly had grown a bit more, but fortunately, she looked healthy. Thinking of how she had protected and nurtured the child inside her with that delicate body, he felt both proud and pained. Ridiculously so.

As Herdin was preoccupied with checking her condition first, Blair, who had been staring up at him, asked first.

“How long were you planning to stand there like that?”

“I was about to… leave. I was going to come back tomorrow.”

But contrary to his words, snow had piled up considerably on his shoulders.

Blair let out a small sigh and asked.

“Why did you come here? At this hour?”

“Because I wanted to see you.”

“…”

“That’s why I came. At this hour.”

The answer flowed out without a moment’s hesitation.

Herdin, urgently grasping her hand lest he miss this time she had given him, this last chance, opened his mouth.

“…I know you’ve been hurt a lot because of me. I know that no reason can justify the pain I’ve caused you. I know that, but… I can’t be without you.”

“…”

“Because I still love you too much for that.”

The words he had kept in his heart all the way here, no, ever since he regained his past memories.

The words he hadn’t been able to say in the end, lacking the courage to be cowardly.

“Give me one more chance, Blair.”

At the sight of Herdin desperately grasping her hand as if he would die if she shook it off, Blair’s eyes twisted sadly.

He loves her.

Even without hearing those words, the answer was in his eyes. Because in his eyes, which resembled the winter night, only her figure was reflected.

In those eyes, Blair saw her past life.

On the day of the first snow in her past life, she had to face him with emotionless eyes. But now he was looking at her with eyes completely different from then.

“…That’s right. I still remember you from my past life.”

Herdin faltered at Blair’s words.

“Even though I know that behavior wasn’t sincere, the sadness I felt then won’t erase.”

Now the memories of her past life are blurry.

But while the memories have faded, the emotions from that time remain vivid, so much so that just recalling that period is painful enough to bring tears to her eyes.

The saddest and loneliest time in my life.

Even though she now knows his emotions then weren’t sincere, knows it was an act to protect himself… Whenever memories of the past suddenly surface, the wounds she received from him ache anew.

“That’s why I left your side.”

“…”

“Afraid that I might resent you from time to time, afraid that I might come to hate myself for being unable to move forward, bound by past wounds…”

Because the heart doesn’t do as one wishes.

Because that would be unfair to both you and me.

Herdin was dumbfounded by Blair’s words, tinged with calm sorrow.

Her wounds were too deep for him to fully understand, no matter how hard he tried. At that fact, the wrist he had torn up in a mess a few days ago began to hurt. Even though not even a scar remained.

But he would be fine even if that phantom pain lasted forever. Better than losing her like this.

“You don’t have to believe me right away. I won’t ask for forgiveness either. Just… just let me be by your side.”

“…”

“Can’t you let me stay beside you, hating and resenting me when you suddenly remember, like that?”

The cold winter wind brushed between the two.

Blair stared up at him, who was clinging to her as if pleading.

His handsome face was still the same, but he had grown thinner in her absence, his facial features sharper. His usually neat hair was now wet with snow and disheveled.

Looking at him like this, Blair let out a small sigh. Her frozen breath scattered in the cold wind.

“…Come in for now.”

Herdin followed Blair into her space. The house was quiet with everyone asleep.

Just the fact that she was filling it made this unfamiliar space seem lovable. Around that time, Blair, who had gone to the kitchen, asked.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Just a glass of water is fine.”

“I don’t like offering just water to a guest.”

Guest.

The word she had said without any particular meaning struck Herdin bitterly.

“…Then whatever you often drink.”

What Blair often drank was hot cocoa.

“You don’t like sweet things.”

“I feel like having some today.”

After looking at him for a moment, Blair finally began preparing cocoa as he had requested.

The moment she opened the cupboard door, Herdin, who had somehow come up behind her, took out the small box containing cocoa powder instead.

“I’m sorry. Making you entertain a guest late at night when you must be tired.”

He said this while looking around the kitchen. He seemed to be trying to prepare the drink himself. Blair stopped him.

“Guests should just wait.”

At those words, Herdin stopped looking around and stood quietly beside her. But he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

She was right in front of him.

Within a distance where he could see her, hear her, touch her. Talking to him, occasionally meeting his gaze. Just like now.

Blair, who had looked up to face Herdin, drew a line for him as he stepped closer.

“I haven’t decided to accept you yet. It’s late, so let’s talk again tomorrow.”

At that, Herdin smiled bitterly.

He knew.

His wife wasn’t cruel enough to turn away someone who had come to find her on this cold winter night.

He also knew that even letting him into the house now was because of that nature. She would have done the same if it had been Luth or someone else who came.

So her kindness was not forgiveness.

Nevertheless, Herdin was grateful in this moment that she had given him a place by her side.

“Alright, let’s talk again tomorrow.”

Blair stared at him for a while as he obediently agreed to everything she said, then added as she handed him the cocoa made with warmed milk.

“But don’t wait in the snow.”

* * *

“Herdin.”

The next day, Herdin opened his eyes to Blair’s voice calling him.

“Are you alright?”

As he met his wife’s worried eyes, he instinctively realized that his condition was not good.

His whole body felt hot and heavy. It seemed he had a fever.

Perhaps it was an inevitable result of riding on horseback for days without proper sleep, exposed to the winter wind.

He hadn’t been sick since childhood, but of all times, now.

His wife’s delicate hand touched his forehead. Her hand, which usually felt cool, felt even colder today.

“You have a high fever right now.”

At that moment, the thought that he should push her away from him belatedly occurred to his feverish, dizzy mind.

Pregnant women can’t even take medicine if they catch a cold.

Pathetic bastard, he had rushed here again putting only his feelings first, nearly endangering her.

“I’ll call a doctor.”

As Blair, who had been examining him with worried eyes, turned to leave the room, Herdin grabbed her hand.

Herdin moved his parched lips and barely managed to speak.

“…I’ll leave soon, so don’t call anyone.”

He raised his heavy body and put on his outer clothes.

Leaving with that burning body?

Unable to believe his actions, Blair, who had been standing dazed, grabbed his arm.

“You’re leaving? Where? In this condition?”

“I’ll rest a bit and come back. I’ll be fine soon, so let’s talk again then. You might catch my cold—”

Just as Herdin was gently trying to remove his hand from her grasp, Blair grabbed his hand again and threatened.

“If you leave now, know that you won’t be allowed back in this house ever again.”

“Blair.”

Blair finally made him sit back down on the bed and left the room.

But when she returned to the guest room, he was already gone.