Blair’s eyes were intensely shaken by Herdin’s unexpected confession, but it was only for a moment. Soon, her eyes twisted painfully.

The words she had desperately wanted to hear paradoxically reopened the unhealed wounds of the past.

The words “I love you.”

Words she had heard from him in her past life as well.

In her past life, he had also looked at her with affectionate eyes, embraced her gently, and whispered. That he loved her.

She didn’t know whether that affection, that warmth, those words were all lies or if they were sincere even for a moment.

But even if they were sincere, she knew better than anyone how futile it all was. The undeniable proof was herself.

Her very existence, standing here after traveling back in time.

Of course, she knew that many things had changed in a different direction from the past due to her intervention.

‘But will emotions change too?’

Even after experiencing her past life, even after being hurt again, her feelings for him remained unchanged.

She couldn’t handle the emotions that grew uncontrollably, no matter how much she tried to ignore, deny, and suppress them.

Would you be any different?

Acknowledging my feelings was, sadly, as much about giving up hope and expectations for you.

I didn’t have the confidence to watch you change again. I also didn’t have the courage to trust you again with the hope that this time might be different.

Those expectations had already been broken several times.

And yet, I couldn’t let you go.

If those expectations were broken one more time, I felt I wouldn’t be able to bear it, beyond hating you, to the point of finding myself despicable for being so foolish.

So the answer to his confession was already decided.

From the moment I opened my eyes after returning to the past.

“I’m sorry.”

Blair’s eyes and voice were calm and unwavering as she said this.

That fact drove Herdin mad. Even though it was the expected response, he couldn’t accept it.

“…Do you really love that bastard?”

“Mikhail has nothing to do with this.”

Blair drew a firm line.

Herdin desperately searched for another reason. A reason why she couldn’t love him.

At that moment, he remembered Miela’s face, who had approached him earlier.

And that the reason he had felt uncomfortable with her was because of a story he had once heard from Blair.

“Or is it because of that woman? Because of that future or foresight or whatever it is?”

He still doesn’t believe those words.

The idea of loving another woman over her was nonsense from the start.

But he couldn’t do anything about Blair believing in that future. If he could, he wanted to erase the version of himself from the future she had seen.

“The future you saw could be different.”

“Herdin.”

“I could love you.”

“Don’t try to find reasons in other people. This is about my feelings.”

At those words, Herdin finally faced the fact he didn’t want to admit.

As Blair said, what mattered was not others, but her feelings.

He couldn’t accept the fact that it wasn’t that she couldn’t love him, but that she didn’t love him.

Herdin’s grip on Blair’s arm gradually tightened. He knew he should let go now, but his mouth moved on its own.

“Why can’t it be me?”

“…”

“I’m your husband.”

Herdin’s eyes, searching for a reason why Blair should love him, fell on her swollen belly.

“It’s our child.”

“…”

“Isn’t that reason enough to love me?”

Watching his desperate plea, Blair smiled bitterly.

The more desperately he showed his sincerity, the more the memories of her past life came back like a nightmare. Both the image of him turning away from her and his affectionate demeanor.

Now, she wanted it to end.

“Emotions aren’t necessarily required to get married and start a family.”

The words Herdin had once carelessly uttered to keep Blair by his side came back to pierce his heart. That spot ached.

At the same time, a belated question arose.

Did you also hurt from my words?

No, you don’t love me, so you probably didn’t care.

I hoped my words didn’t hurt you, but in the end, I found myself wishing they had.

As he was having such pointless thoughts, Blair grasped Herdin’s hand that was holding her arm.

Herdin, who had been blankly staring at her calm eyes that held no excitement, embarrassment, or resentment, soon released her arm.

“I’ll go in first.”

Blair turned away after letting go of his hand that she had removed.

As he watched her retreating figure, a bitter laugh escaped Herdin’s lips.

The night breeze that brushed against his hand, now devoid of her warmth, stung.

* * *

Luth, who had been organizing documents and materials until late, finished his shower and left the bathroom.

On his way back to his room, he heard the maids talking. Perhaps because it was a quiet night, their whispered voices seemed unusually loud.

Luth, who was about to pass by without much thought, approached them after noticing their serious expressions.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh, Lord Luth. Well… It seems the madam is coughing occasionally, perhaps due to the changing season, but she told us not to light the fireplace. If she catches a cold like this, she won’t be able to take medicine and it’ll be hard for her.”

“Ah…”

Luth finally realized why the maids were talking so seriously.

The fact that Blair had a fear of fire was known only to Lina, Melly, and Mason among the servants in the duke’s residence.

Because the duchess’s weakness would soon become Herdin’s weakness.

From their perspective, who didn’t know this fact, it was natural to worry about Blair falling seriously ill, and whether they might be blamed for it.

“Has His Grace not retired to the bedroom yet?”

“No, not yet.”

Given the time, Herdin would usually have been in the bedroom by now.

‘But he always slept in the bedroom every time.’

Even right after finding and bringing Blair back from Nerha, although their relationship didn’t seem particularly good, they always slept together.

‘We’ve dealt with urgent matters roughly before coming to Nerha, so there shouldn’t be any work that needs to be reviewed so urgently late into the night.’

Luth, who was puzzled by this, decided to reassure the maids for now.

“I’ll speak to the duke, so for now, follow the madam’s instructions.”

“Understood.”

After parting with the maids, Luth came to Herdin’s office. He knocked and waited, but there was no answer from inside.

‘Is he not in the office?’

Thinking this, Luth remembered hearing that Herdin had returned from the banquet about an hour ago and tilted his head in confusion.

It didn’t seem likely that Herdin would be anywhere other than his office or bedroom at this hour.

After waiting a bit longer, Luth carefully opened the door to the office. At the same time, the strong scent of cigar smoke invaded his lungs.

“Cough…”

Reflexively coughing, he entered the office to see a familiar silhouette in the dark room illuminated by moonlight.

Herdin was smoking a cigar in that darkness. The office was filled with smoke, suggesting he had been smoking for quite some time.

Luth, who was about to nag as usual, closed his mouth upon meeting Herdin’s eyes. His eyes, calmly sunken in the darkness, were chilling.

As Luth hesitated to speak, Herdin broke the silence first.

“What is it?”

“Ah, it’s nothing much… I was wondering if you hadn’t gone to bed yet. It seems the madam has some cold symptoms, but they say she’s not allowing the fireplace to be lit.”

Hearing this, Herdin chuckled. But it was only for a moment. Soon, the smile disappeared from his face as if it had never been there.

His eyes, devoid of the smile, were still chilling, but at the same time, they looked somewhat lonely.

“Then… sleep well.”

Thinking this was not an issue he could interfere with, Luth quietly left the office.

Roughly running his hand through his bangs, Herdin took a final drag of his cigar and put it out as if exhaling a sigh. Then, as if cleansing his palate, he emptied the glass of whisky and got up to head to the bedroom.

The room, asleep with its owner, was quiet.

Herdin put logs into the fireplace and skillfully lit them with his lighter. The room, which had been filled with a cool chill, was quickly warmed by the heat from the fireplace.

Staring quietly at the burning embers, Herdin let out a bitter laugh.

It was amusing to see Blair, who pushed him away saying she disliked him, still having to depend on him.

But what was more amusing was his own figure, playing the role of kindling for a woman who said she disliked him.

His meaningless laughter stopped when he heard a small cough from the bedroom.

As he approached the bed, he saw Blair sleeping soundly. With her belly grown quite large, she couldn’t sleep straight, so she was sleeping on her side, hugging a pillow.

He sat down in the chair next to her and quietly watched her sleeping figure, then carefully brushed away the hair that slightly covered her face. Blair’s sleeping face, now free from coughing, looked extremely peaceful.

Even though he resented her for saying she disliked him no matter what, seeing that face made his heart race again.

He wanted to see her, hold her, kiss her.

The fact that he shouldn’t expect any emotion from that warmth suddenly felt terribly cruel.

“…Blair.”

Herdin’s hand, about to grab Blair’s, stopped just short. Unable to touch her.

“Please, love me.”

His low voice, sounding like a bitter laugh or a cry, scattered into the darkness of the quiet night.