#88

“Johan.”

“……”

“Just a moment, Jo, han.”

I grabbed Johan’s hair to push his head away, but my strength quickly faded. The loosely woven bandage easily became wet from his breath and saliva.

Ignoring my fingers tangled in his hair, Johan focused on licking and biting me over the damp cloth, finally digging between the bandages as if to unearth my bare skin. I felt the hardened protrusion clearly spilling out through the gap.

At that moment, all I could see was Johan’s heaving shoulder and nape, but somehow I could picture his expression too. Because of the sound of his breathing.

His heavy breathing, familiar during lovemaking. His eyelids probably half-closed, his gaze slightly dazed as he stared at my body.

“Ah… Mmm…”

I ended up letting out a moan. With the bandage not completely unraveled, only exposing the prominent areas, he took me in his mouth and rolled, making my body want to twist involuntarily.

“What should I do… Iinette.”

Johan muttered breathlessly, pulling away his lips as if sucking. At first, I wasn’t sure what he was pondering. He had been lingering around my chest, but now he came back to my eyes, looking at me, while his hand that had been rubbing my hips moved to the front again…

Little by little. Until he dug into the inside of my underwear.

“Uh, unh…”

“Iinette.”

Our lips overlapped again. At some point, his firm and delicate hand had come down to cover the deep part below, gently, slowly, rubbing. Had I been feeling something? With my hot and dizzy head, I could only realize how wet I was when he touched me.

Meanwhile, the kissing didn’t stop. Whenever we parted, Johan never took his eyes off my face. I too, without even thinking of looking away from his eyes examining me, just clung to his arm.

“You’re already wet…”

Johan murmured desperately, licking my lips as I lay unable to move. But in truth, at that moment, I had neither the strength to receive his kiss nor the leisure to return it. I just clung to Johan’s outstretched arm and moaned deliriously.

When I couldn’t receive his deep kiss, Johan lifted his face and began to stare at me as if examining me. Given my position lying sideways before him, it must have been quite good for observation. He brushed my hair back with his free hand.

Perhaps it could be seen as treating an object rather than a person. I liked that. I already knew he unbearably loved my expressions when I moaned, and I too was thrilled to the point of shivering at his expression, clearly losing what composure he had as he watched my reactions.

“Iinette.”

“Uh, yes…”

“Iinette…”

Johan called my name in an impatient voice, as if he himself was being touched. Though I was the one being observed, it was rather Johan who couldn’t stay still. He seemed to want me to praise him. His eyes and gestures all pleaded with me alike.

Without any notable contact on his own body, he seemed to be getting heated just by watching me. His excitement soon transmitted to my skin. The sensation of softly melting as if about to become one. The persistent touch of someone who already knew my body well, finding sensitive spots without needing visual confirmation.

How long had it been since such caresses? Tears that had been welling up for a while finally pooled in my eyes. ‘Hah,’ Johan, who had been watching me, sighed briefly with a shudder. As if it was hard to keep his balance, he buried his forehead deeply in the nape of my neck.

“…You’re so beautiful right now… This shouldn’t be happening…”

Johan’s trembling monologue resonated against my skin around my collarbone. Though his touch caressing me in circles remained constant, it seemed he might pull away at any moment. Suddenly, my heart became urgent. Action came before words. I abruptly removed both hands that had been gripping his forearms and grabbed his wrists.

Surprised by the sudden movement, Johan raised his head to look at me. Our eyes met instantly, and I shook my head vigorously while lowering his grasped wrist further down.

“N-no. Don’t.”

“……”

I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest out loud, only conveying my desperation through my eyes. Johan’s slightly parted lips suddenly closed. He must have swallowed dryly, as his Adam’s apple moved greatly up and down. I squeezed my eyes shut. Not wanting my shameful desire to be discovered, I moved my head slightly towards Johan’s chest. Enduring like that, enduring. Finally, I ended up moving my lips.

“More…”

“……”

“Do more… Just a little more…”

My voice trailed off. I wanted to believe it was because I had lost my senses due to excessive dizziness. While I was just holding Johan’s wrist, unable to move. Suddenly, I felt Johan’s upper body moving away. Somehow my heart sank, and I could no longer stop his hand slowly slipping out of my underwear.

I opened my eyes hesitantly. Johan’s abdomen, straight as he knelt by the bed, came into view first. As I slightly raised my wet eyelids, I saw Johan’s face, his head slightly bowed, staring at me. Shadows fell on his eyes where the light fell askew. I met his gaze that seemed to be looking at me, yet somehow also seemed out of focus.

And then. Johan began to undo the fastening of the overcoat he had been wearing until then.

The garments he had been wearing fell to the floor one by one with a thud. With his arms crossed in the center, gripping the hem of the last remaining top, he lifted it off with the same blank gaze. His movements, slower than usual, seemed to be telling me to look at him.

Had there been some change in his mindset? This attitude, which I had never seen before, was very unfamiliar to me. And although it was a naked body I had seen often and was familiar with, I somehow lost myself at the sight of his firm and taut upper body being revealed, unlike mine. I watched his actions, forgetting even to breathe.

Finally, after even taking off the boots he had been wearing, he sat still like an obedient beast waiting for orders, staring at me. Meanwhile, his slowly heaving chest and flushed complexion looked very impatient.

‘Won’t you call me once more…?’ I think he whispered to me. I don’t remember clearly.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. I felt something like a hot wave rising from my lower abdomen. I wanted to touch him even with my body that was difficult to move. In the end, I unconsciously let out my voice.

“Come here. Hold me… Johan.”

It was a completely impulsive request, not processed by reason at all. Johan, half-naked, slowly rose from his place at last. He put both arms under my body, which had been lying on its side until then, and lifted me up. Rustle, rustle, until he undressed me and laid me straight on the bed, I didn’t move a finger. I surrendered my body to his hands, feeling like a puppet.

“Are you very dizzy?”

He asked, taking one of my thighs and hooking it over his waist as he lay down lengthwise on one side of the bed. Although his face was calmer than ever, emotions washed away as if by water, his tone was a bit different. It was hard to put into words. Quiet, still gentle, but somewhere… somewhere…

As if clinging.

“Yes.”

I answered briefly, almost as if in a dream. When I put my arm around his neck, which was close enough for our noses to touch, he took my arm and lowered it back down, saying,

“Don’t cling, just lie down. You… just stay still.”

I obediently folded my hands in front of my chest. Johan, supporting his upper body on his elbow, pulled my hips a bit more towards his waist, and slid in between my thighs. The movement wasn’t big. It seemed like he was trying to wet himself by rubbing against my already damp skin.

Johan whispered, stroking my side up and down.

“Don’t tense up, Iinette. I won’t make it hard for you.”

“H-how… Ah.”

Before I could finish my response, he slowly pushed into me. Checking if it hurt, if it was difficult, Johan entered really slowly, constantly observing my expressions and reactions. If I tensed up at times, Johan let out short moans. Relax… Iinette.

And what followed after complete union was more like caressing than thrusting.

From what I could tell, it seemed he had no intention of climaxing. He just pushed himself into my body and moved shallowly, rubbing sensitive areas.

My back didn’t even chafe, and the internal movement was even sweet, which startled me. At this rate, it seemed only I would feel good. Since we had never done it this way before, I suddenly felt afraid, as if I was doing something wrong.

When I worriedly asked what he was trying to do, the answer came back that he was fine. I’ll take care of it. Johan whispered that and smiled a little. Only after seeing that smile could I finally feel at ease.

In fact, it was just a faint smile with only the corners of his eyes slightly creasing awkwardly, but I liked it better that way. I guess he’s feeling something too. Come to think of it, I had a strange thought while gasping for breath that I wouldn’t like it if Johan was too composed either.

I liked his touch gently kneading my waist and hips, as if trying to relax me who had become tense. The occasional kisses landing on my temples, or the gesture of brushing back my disheveled hair. And his unwavering gaze and breathing, unlike his actions towards me.

Ah, to tell the truth, I just liked that it was Johan.

My eyes closed involuntarily. Finally relaxed, I sprawled like a fetus before Johan’s embrace. As if I were alone on that bed. Because Johan moved so carefully, I barely shook, helplessly immersed in the situation given to me, just exhaling deeply.

Even the painful and lazy nerves throughout my body seemed to respond only to the sweet contact stimulating me. My consciousness, already hazy, faded away and I was merely a skein of sensations.

That day’s climax came slowly, like seawater simmering and surging.