Lady Devil - Chapter 86

#86

…….

5 years ago.

Or was it 10 years ago? No. It must have been much longer ago than that.

In fact, I’m not sure how far back I should go to account for my mistakes. Perhaps from the moment I was born as a blank monster, unfortunately grew up seeing you, and that itself was a sin. Most recently, it would be the night a few days ago.

I shouldn’t have come to you in that state. I shouldn’t have soaked you, who was already in pain, and let you sleep while wet. Even the fact that you’ve been feverish and near death for the past few days is my fault.

Don’t pretend you don’t know now. You must have known for a long time. How could you not? Yes, you’re the one who has been treating me like I don’t exist all along. But I wonder if you know this too.

You’ve changed something lately.

Especially when I hurt you greatly, when I think it’s all over, you hold onto me like a lie. No? Look, Isolde. Just today, you asked the very person who hurt you to put you to sleep, and you nestled against me so nonchalantly, didn’t you? How on earth, what kind of feelings must one have to…

…….

No, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I wasn’t going to ask you. I already know the reason. I understand that you must be desperate because you can’t even have a normal daily life without me in your position. I get it.

You may not believe this, but I’m okay.

I’m saying I don’t mind if you don’t give me your heart, since I don’t deserve your sincerity anyway. But… but Isolde. Even so, I don’t know how to explain this anxious, morbid feeling.

When will I be able to forget your back turning away from me? Even though you were never mine to begin with.

You only hold onto me in desperate moments. Because you need me, you desperately ignore the fear you feel while being afraid of me. You try to see only my good points while ignoring the parts that trouble you.

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