#82

“Well, Sven and I… Oh, Sven is my younger brother, I’ll tell him to greet you today. He’s not here right now. Since all he knows is how to bow and interpret, I attached him to the knight as an attendant to run errands. It’s been a few days already. That guy needs to make money too. I wonder if he’ll get kicked by a horseshoe while loitering near the feed trough without any discernment. Ah, anyway.”

“……”

“We’re desperate to eat each other alive. Even though it’s just the two of us. Actually, the only days we don’t fight are when that good-for-nothing is away like today, so there’s never a peaceful day in this cramped inn….”

The girl went on at length with a story I hadn’t particularly asked for. I listened to her voice with one ear and let it go out the other. However, I couldn’t stop my boiling blood from gradually cooling down.

It wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t too worried, and it was okay enough. As for the disgusted looks at seeing something dirty, I could just ignore them. I had already prepared myself for this much even before marriage.

At that time, I was rather worried about Johannes. Since he had more than I did, it was never easy to completely erase the guilt of holding him back. When he chose me, what he would lose was so great that I couldn’t be confident at all whether I alone could fill that void.

But on the other hand, I believed in him. After all, it was none other than Johannes who came all this way to find me after receiving an unidentified letter. Moreover, on the day I bid him farewell, wasn’t it he himself who held onto such a cruel person as myself and thoroughly blocked my way?

Are you going to run away from me again? Really?

Yes.

You even wanted an apology from me. I recalled Johannes’ persistent sadness and anger as he embraced me in that desperate forest, finally extracting a promise that he would never leave again.

He certainly loves me. After cutting off all the side branches, I stuffed the one remaining large stem between my constantly shaking ribs. And I feel the same way. I drove in the wedges tightly to leave no gaps. So, we’re okay.

We’re okay.

“…Anyway, that’s the situation, so don’t worry too much and just lie down.”

The girl, who had finished her long story while I was lost in thought, said as she raised both arms to my bedside.

“No matter how much the young lady waits eagerly, he’s bound to be quite late anyway. Unless it’s a small donkey or riding horse, there’s no warhorse-grade horse in the stable that could pull even a black carriage. He’ll also have to find clothes befitting your status.”

“Rough, isn’t it?” asked the girl, tucking her sideburns inside her forearm and brushing my sleeve with her palm. I shifted my gaze following her hand.

The nightgown I was wearing was indeed incredibly rough, as the girl said. In fact, I couldn’t even guess the name of the fabric it was made of. “It doesn’t suit the young lady,” the girl added with a shy smile.

“Since he already visited this village yesterday, I think he might go directly to the castle to meet the lord today. But that’s quite far.”

“Castle….”

As I absentmindedly repeated the girl’s words with my bored lips, I was suddenly startled. Without realizing it, I raised my upper body, almost jumping up from the bed. Castle, did she say castle?

“Could it be Indridason?”

“Wow, young lady!”

The girl, surprised by my momentum, leaned back sharply and let out a startled cry. Supporting herself with one arm, she waved her free hand.

“Oh my. No, it’s not Indridason. It would take two days to get there. It might look close on the map, but there’s a forest at the border, you see. Even if you try to go around, it takes quite a while. The roads are so rough in this remote area that if you rush, the knight’s back might not survive…. Ah! I’m sorry.”

The girl, who had been explaining enthusiastically, suddenly blushed and apologized to me for whatever she had imagined. I frowned, feeling bewildered. I couldn’t quite understand her words.

“You said castle. If not Indridason, then where…?”

“Of course, you’d be going to Pessoa Castle.”

“Pessoa.”

“Yes, Pessoa.”

“……”

“You really don’t know anything after being brought here unconscious. This is the outskirts of Pessoa territory, young lady.”

“…Ah.”

Finally grasping the situation, I closed my mouth. Come to think of it, if this place had been Indridason’s territory as I had arbitrarily assumed, Johannes wouldn’t have left me alone to go about his business. Because Indridason’s soldiers could barge in at any time.

It seemed that during that night when I lost consciousness, Johannes had crossed the border through the forest. It must have been a treacherous path without any light. And carrying me, who was no different from a bundle of luggage.

I became confused, suddenly unable to gauge the extent of his abilities. And then I remembered what Johannes had casually said to me. He told me it took him three days. Just three days from Fort Gustavus to Indridason Castle.

I quietly swallowed my breath. At the time of our reunion, I was too flustered to realize it, but in fact, it was something utterly unbelievable. Three days, he said.

I don’t know if you’re aware, but it took me exactly one month and sixteen days to set foot in Indridason Castle after boarding the carriage Henrik had prepared right after I held my ceremony at Fort Gustavus. That was the distance.

It was a distance long enough for me to celebrate my twenty-first birthday in a rattling carriage, being born in early October, and for Henrik, who had to converse with me throughout the journey, to harbor feelings I don’t even want to call affection.

Of course, riding alone on horseback would be faster than the sluggish carriage, but even if one rode without a moment’s rest, it would certainly not come close to the miracle of three days. But three days, he said? It was difficult to grasp the circumstances.

Ah, perhaps maybe….

Suddenly, I wondered if he had transformed on that day when he said he received the letter. Despite not having eaten anything, I felt indigestion. My chest quickly became tight.

I had witnessed Johannes transform or be in the process of transforming a total of three times. Each time, I acutely felt with my own eyes and ears the pain that Johannes had to endure alone. Especially on that recent night, wasn’t it a sight so agonizing that even the name ‘devil’ seemed less terrifying in comparison?

I… why on earth did I summon such a thing.

The self-reproach was almost habitual. However, at that moment, Johannes’ voice echoed like tinnitus, bitterly and miserably confessing that he had been this way from the beginning.

Yes, we still had many unresolved issues. I hadn’t explained to him the reason for our separation, and I didn’t know the identity of the letter he said he had received. And Johannes hadn’t explained his condition.

Ah, Johannes, Johannes. How on earth did you end up like that?

There were so many things I wanted to ask him, so many stories we couldn’t unfold due to unfavorable circumstances, if only I could grab him and sit him down in front of me.

“Young lady?”

At some point, the girl called out to me. Perhaps I had been lost in my own thoughts for too long, as the girl’s puzzled gaze was fixed on my cheek. I vaguely met her gaze and then gathered myself and lay back down on the bed. After all, there was nothing I could do right now, nothing that could be resolved. Everything would have to wait until Johannes returned.

I took a breath, as if sighing. Then, tossing and turning to find a comfortable position, I asked the girl:

“By the way… Your family seems to be from another region. Your younger brother interprets, and you’ve been speaking the common language all along.”

“No. We’re natives of the South.”

The girl answered while neatly arranging the blanket covering my back.

“My parents can only communicate simple things in the common language. So my brother Sven or I deal with travelers from far away. There’s no language I can’t speak. In an inn, language is money. Well, how’s my accent? Pretty good, right?”

The girl’s expression, seemingly proud inside, was quite lovely. While I was wondering why I felt a bit envious without knowing the exact reason, the girl stood up, brushing off her seat.

A light dust rose low, following the hem of her skirt. The girl, who had turned her back to me saying she would prepare breakfast now that I was awake, suddenly turned to look at me. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but soon straightened her posture and said to me:

“Oh, I’m sorry my greeting was so late, young lady. I’m the eldest daughter of this house. You can just call me Alyona. I’ve been taking care of you during the daytime when the knight is away. I even washed your body, sticking to you like a leech.”

“I vaguely knew. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. It didn’t even feel like work. By the way….”

The girl, Alyona, trailed off as if embarrassed, lowering her eyelids. The gesture of scratching her earlobe seemed clumsy yet considerably shy. And then, I saw her cheeks, unusually pale for a commoner, perhaps from working indoors, gradually turning a soft peach color. After hesitating for a while, fidgeting and crossing her feet, Alyona seemed to make up her mind and blurted out to me:

“It’s Johannes, isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

I raised my head halfway in surprise at the unexpected name that came from Alyona’s lips.

“The knight’s name. Earlier too, and even when you were sleeping, you called that name a few times, and each time, the knight would come over as if he had heard it like a ghost.”

“Come over?”

“Oh, you didn’t know. The room right next door is the knight’s private room.”

Though it’s the only private room we have. The girl briefly added information I hadn’t asked for, then stood there for a moment, rolling her eyes. I replied shortly, “Is that so?” As I had nothing more to say, I just stared blankly at Alyona. The redness that had been lingering on the girl’s cheeks was now spreading down to her neck.

“W-well… It’s nice.”

“Hm?”

“The name, I mean.”

Alyona, who had turned almost her entire upper body as red as a fully ripe fruit, fumbled even more than before and finally left the room with that strange compliment. Before I could stop her, the door opened and closed loudly with a bang due to the girl’s careless touch.

And just like that, I was suddenly left alone. An awkward, embarrassing, and serene silence.

Why did she act like that? I muttered to myself as I lay back down. The back of the girl, who had scurried away curled up like a tiny mouse, was quite impressive. I briefly recalled the conversation I had with Alyona. Then I closed my eyes.

The inner room was quiet. It felt almost desolate, with not even the slightest noise coming in except for the chirping of an unknown bird. The unfamiliar morning dragged on very slowly with nothing to do. Nothing happened. Even Alyona, who seemed like she would return soon, didn’t open the door again, doing who knows what where. A safe and boring tranquility.

The autumn sunlight quietly entering the room gradually added warmth. Lying face down under it, I stretched one arm out and let it dangle beneath the bed. Slowly, like an insensitive pendulum, as I swung my arm, the texture of the wooden floor grazed the tips of my nails. Applying a little force with my fingers to scratch, it made a grating sound that was irritating to the ear but not boring.

I missed Johannes.