#77

There was no answer. I felt the arms restraining me loosen slightly. Turning around, I saw Henrik’s expression, uncharacteristically a bit dazed.

“Why, you ask? Um…”

Henrik said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, you know. You’re a woman who does that even with her blood brother, so why not with me? If you just close your eyes and do it once, it’ll be good for both of us.”

“…Let go first.”

“……”

“I said let go. You said we’d talk it out. Do you think this is a position where conversation is possible? Don’t show your lack of manners, let go.”

The confused look in Henrik’s eyes gradually faded. Soon, Henrik, who had regained his usual green gaze, stared at me blankly.

That was not a gaze for looking at another person. An emotionless stare, as if he had heard a dog barking in the distance. Or some kind of detachment, observing the situation from a step away from his own body. It was an attitude I was already long familiar with.

“I really don’t like your tone.”

Henrik, who had been staring at me intently, blurted out.

“You say that, but you don’t really intend to do anything to me anyway, do you?”

I retorted a bit irritably. Henrik asked me again.

“What makes you say that?”

“I can tell from how you came in here alone, leaving all those soldiers behind. It couldn’t have been an ordinary thing to enter the forest in the middle of the night, but I guess they took it as the madness of the eldest son who lost his father to a bolt from the blue? Did you intend that? I don’t know your exact intentions, but it worked out well for you anyway.”

“Hmm…”

“And you know, if I were a rapist, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let go of a woman’s mouth when there’s a guardian nearby. Who knows when we might get caught.”

“…God. Rape, you say.”

Henrik let out a low, hollow laugh.

“That’s harsh. What have I done?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You only talked about it, and I wrongly assumed and jabbed at you… I’m sorry, sorry. Actually, I’m not sure which side is dirtier, but I just felt uncomfortable with you touching my waist…”

“……”

The strength completely left Henrik’s arms that were wrapped around me. He muttered softly that he was fine with continuing the conversation like this, then unwrapped his arms from me and ostentatiously set me down, glancing at me.

I tried hard to suppress a sigh of relief. Walking out as calmly as possible, I shook out the hem of my nightgown and straightened my clothes. The fabric that had been clinging to my back made a small tearing sound as it slid down my spine. I barely managed to bite my lip to stop a groan. As I was finally brushing down my forearms to my wrists, Henrik’s voice came over from behind, sounding indifferent.

“I’ve seen you whining while not being able to do anything for ages… Looks like you’re not even scared of me in this situation. What are you relying on to keep provoking me?”

“Why do you even ask? Of course, it’s Johannes. What would be faster, your hands or my scream? Even if I die by your hands, I’ll die only after screaming my lungs out. I’ll scream desperately. Look forward to it.”

“Hmm…”

“And you know, I’m well aware that you’re a rather skilled knight in your own right, but you’re no match for Johannes in practice. Think you could last even 3 rounds? Moreover, do you think Johannes would kill you cleanly? Oh, what to do! I don’t think so…”

After taunting him thoroughly, I finished adjusting my clothes and turned around. Henrik was standing comfortably with his arms crossed as usual, staring at me blankly.

He always gave the impression of an immovable tree, but that day I thought even a mute would have more emotions than him, and I clicked my tongue. After all, even the father he feared so much was dead now. Yes, I suppose ingrained fear is like that.

Henrik stared at me intently and murmured.

“…As expected, you’re a woman with nothing but an arrogant mouth. Not knowing your place, unable to grasp the situation. Now you’re wagging your tongue, trusting in your man. What a vulgar, materialistic person.”

“What do you want me to do? You should have done better when I was powerless with nothing.”

“Why are you talking as if you’ve changed now? You didn’t speak kindly to me back then either.”

“Oh, um, did I? Were you hurt by that too? You should do better…”

Henrik raised both eyebrows, causing his dark brown hair to shake slightly in the forest shadows. The expression that settled on his face was like someone witnessing a performing animal for the first time. His rounded eyelids gradually lowered, and the corners of his mouth curved up into a long smile.

I slowly backed away, keeping my eyes fixed on Henrik’s feet. I didn’t want to look at his seemingly gentle smile any longer, nor did I have the luxury to do so. Moreover, I hoped that Johannes, if he woke up, wouldn’t see my empty spot.

However, Henrik strode over and blocked my way. He stood close, as if cornering me with his whole body. My back lightly touched a tree as I was pushed back by his momentum.

“Let me go.”

I said, frowning.

“No.”

“We have nothing more to discuss.”

“We do.”

“What is it?”

Henrik stared at me for a while, wearing only a thin smile like a mask. At the time I didn’t understand, but it was probably his own form of hesitation. Frustrated by his lack of response, I spoke first, urging him.

“So, what’s the reason you followed me instead of leaving after spending time in the forest? What do you want? The old man died as you wished, didn’t he?”

“Let’s live together.”

Henrik, who had been silent for a long time, opened his mouth casually. My jaw dropped.

“What… with you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why? I like you, I’m telling you.”

“That’s laughable. Truly laughable. How can you say such things after what you’ve done to me? And what? You called me a lewd whore, didn’t you? A filthy woman? You want to live with such a woman?”

“Do you dislike me that much?”

Henrik asked me without giving any real answer. His somewhat disconnected response was not new. I glared at him for a moment before laughing shortly.

“Ha, of course I do.”

“……”

“I have many people I hate, but now that your old man is gone too, you’re definitely the worst among all the bastards. Congratulations.”

“With that way of speaking. What are you trying to do?”

“What?”

I startled and pressed myself against the tree. Reflexively, I raised both hands to stop Henrik’s upper body as he took another step closer. Unintentionally, my back was stimulated again and the pain rose once more, and in an instant, the atrocity Henrik committed in the banquet hall last spring flashed through my mind. At that moment, anger beyond mere annoyance began to be directed at him.

“If you’re trying to threaten me again…”

“I’m not.”

Henrik shook his head lightly.

“If I let you go, you’ll leave with Johannes. I’m fine with that.”

“If you’re fine with it, then let me go.”

“But you two are siblings.”

“……”

“I don’t know what your plan is, but no matter what, there’s no way out, and it seems you’ve forgotten that, so I’m asking. What are you going to do ‘from now on’?”

“…Why do you need to know…”

“Don’t go through unnecessary hardship.”

I didn’t have time to answer. Henrik, uncharacteristically quickly, cut off my voice and continued speaking rapidly.

“Live by my side. I won’t treat you carelessly like before.”

“What are you…”

“I’ll embrace you and protect you like no one else.”

“You…”

“I’m saying I’ll cherish you more than anyone else.”

For a moment, I couldn’t say anything. A hot sigh mixed with incredulous anger escaped through my lips. My back, beaten by the old man’s belt, was now beyond pain, to the point where all the flesh around it felt numb. My entire face was burning.

“What… what are you saying…”

I glared at Henrik’s philtrum, which had somehow come close enough for his breath to reach me, and muttered softly.

“You cherish me… How could you cherish anyone? Is pushing someone who could have lived perfectly fine if left alone into a desperate situation what you call cherishing? How dare you say such things to me. My God… You must be out of your mind if you think you’re on par with Johannes. You seem like a lunatic. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through because of you…”

“How is that bastard any different from me?”

Henrik cut through my increasingly loud voice. He looked genuinely perplexed. Just how inhuman could he be? Seeing him tilt his head like an animal that couldn’t understand human speech, I felt at a loss for words.

Then suddenly, he grabbed my wrist.

It wasn’t a particularly strong grip, but it wasn’t one I could easily shake off with my own strength. Henrik’s gaze slowly fell near my immobile lips.

“Giovinetta.”

The empty, blank-faced lunatic muttered my name as if talking to himself.

“…I know. I’m not unaware that you blame me. Yes, I was wrong a hundred times over. But you see, in my view, that bastard and I are on the same level. You know. Johannes kept you without you knowing anything. Or did he abandon you? I don’t know the details, but anyway, he did things to you that he shouldn’t have, and even caught you when you had barely escaped and endured terrible things, and made you beg him for forgiveness. Isn’t that the height of hypocrisy?”

“……”

“Come on, answer me.”

“……”

“How is such a guy any different from me?”

Henrik’s face was expressionless. He, who knew nothing, was only laying out half-truths, but I couldn’t completely deny that half. Helplessly, my breathing began to quicken bit by bit. The past, the loneliness that had lasted for nearly 8 years, was heavily pressing on my chest. So in a way, that moment might have been the first crossroads that appeared before me.

The first choice given to me after the tower collapsed.

I slowly raised my wrist, pushing away Henrik’s arm as he looked down at me in silence. And I met his green gaze.

***

“Johannes.”

“……”

“Are you still asleep?”

When I returned to Johannes after watching Henrik’s back as he left the forest. He was deeply asleep, looking no different from when I had left. With his forehead slightly tilted against the tree, and the leg I had sat on still stretched out. Well, in a way, he could be described as a person who remains neat and tidy even in sleep. I removed the coat that had been covering his body and sat astride his thigh as before, cupping his cheeks with both hands.

“I’m back. Wake up, Johannes.”

Johannes’s eyelids, which had been motionless despite my shaking, trembled slightly. When I kissed the corner of his eye, his arm, which had been sprawled on the ground, flailed a bit before rising to find my waist.

Naturally, as if it was a waist he should be holding, without any hesitation. He pulled me into his arms, adjusting his position here and there to find a comfortable posture, still with his eyes closed.

“Johannes. Open your eyes. Look at me. Okay?”

It seemed Johannes wouldn’t wake up. I looked up, pressed close under his chin. Johannes’s neckline filled my entire view, making it impossible to see his face. Finally, I straightened my upper body, struggling in his embrace. Watching anxiously as Johannes, his eyelids seemingly very heavy, finally began to blink with effort.

“You said you came…”

He asked me, barely managing to focus.

“…Where did you go?”

Still unable to completely overcome his drowsiness, Johannes collapsed halfway after those words. He stretched his neck to rest on my shoulder. One arm, still not free from sleepiness, wrapped around my waist and firmly embraced me up to my shoulder blade. Johannes seemed about to fall back asleep in this position, restraining me.

“No.”

I wrapped my arms around his back in return.

“I was here. I was here, constantly, all along.”

I closed my eyes tightly and felt Johannes’s pulse slowly rising beneath my chest and palms. My heart was beating wildly on its own. I think I had thoughts like this at that time. What have you done to me?

I don’t care. I just want you to be alive. I just want you to love me like this. Your affection, I don’t want anything more than that. So hold me, Johannes. Don’t let me go.

“Don’t lie…”

Johannes whispered lowly, as if in a dream, as he held me.