This is not to say that I had any tender feelings for Johannes. It simply means that I became aware of a certain fact.
The ‘hostility’ Johannes showed on the day of my wedding was excessively shocking. Hostility. The very hostility that resembled the violent affection my father occasionally displayed. Johannes, Johannes. Why are you like this? I felt as if my skull would shatter.
Having grown up witnessing my mother struggling under my father’s oppression, I could immediately understand Johannes’s attitude from experience, but I didn’t want to understand it. It was inexplicable. Words wouldn’t come out, and I was only confused to the point where my head felt completely empty. So, so now, Johannes, is too…
‘Manly’.
We grew distant after that day. However, I was captivated by Johannes alone. In the pitch-black women’s quarters where not even an ant could be seen, I was on edge about Johannes’s every move, which was equally invisible.
In the end, I came to see Johannes as a man, but it was an inevitable choice for me. Unexplainable wounds capture a person’s soul alive, chewing it up until the moment of explanation. Looking back now, I seem to have been desperate to name the shock that simply wouldn’t go away.
I still don’t know.
Perhaps, by focusing all my nerves on that ‘man’, I became even more aware of our difference in light and darkness. And so, realizing anew that I could never touch Johannes’s back that shone so brightly, I paradoxically came to desire it.
Johannes’s back, seen on a brilliant summer day, more brilliant than that summer itself. How that bare back, forbidden especially to me, made one yearn.
When we thought we were blood siblings, there were too many walls between us. In the end, I can’t have Johannes. In the end, Johannes is a person from the outside world that I simply can’t aspire to.
A person sometimes like rain falling outside the window, sometimes like a gentle breeze. Soft sunlight, kind and clear. But not mine. Beautiful, Johannes… Johannes. At that moment, I closed the window. I had to close it. Ah, ah…!
I want to kill…
I didn’t know the reason for my anger. I just felt like I would die as a hot and disgusting flame rose wildly from deep within my lungs. It exploded in an instant, unbearably intense and violently as if I would go mad right away, but it withered away as quickly as it had begun.
As I poured out all the fire, my vision cleared and the breath that had been held for so long burst out together. After pouring it out, somehow I felt like I might live. Why? What makes you feel like you might live? Although at the time, it was a sensation I couldn’t understand myself.
And before me…
A demon with Johannes’s face appeared and lay down helplessly.
So it was from that very moment. That we gradually stepped into the filthy mire. The irretrievable quagmire of nausea.
The demon that was so threatening at first acted like a mere infant in the middle, and then kept changing every time our eyes met.
The demon exhaled rough breaths through slightly parted lips. With each inhale and exhale, the space heated up a little. It was the strange current I had briefly felt just moments ago.
I was overjoyed, not knowing it was a danger signal. I was intoxicated by an unfamiliar sense of achievement before the meaning of excitement could properly sink in.
Such a docile ‘Johannes’. What I touched was a demon, but it was also Johannes beyond the hot, dry window. Therefore, in reality, I was enjoying our reversed ‘positions’ more than the sensation of touch at that time.
Stupidly.
Not knowing that the air between us had been twisted long ago, I was absorbed in touching Johannes, whom I thought I could freely possess. In the end, the signs I failed to catch overflowed as they were. The demon began to approach me.
It came up slowly, feeling my thighs with its fingertips. Stretching its arms tightly, it grasped my side as if caressing upwards and suddenly embraced my waist.
“Huh?”
Only then did I startle.
Only then did I realize something was going wrong. The demon pulled me back as I hastily tried to withdraw. Thud! I lost my balance at the sudden force and fell towards the demon’s head.
The demon, lying down as it was, embraced my upper body with both arms. A gesture that didn’t miss the moment. It was a violent movement, as if it had never been limp before.
It swept the floor with its long tail and laid me down on the cleared space. It mounted me as if covering my body and embraced me again. It was a strength that felt like it would crush my bones.
“Why… Why are you doing this? You’re heavy!”
I screamed. The demon paid no heed. I tried to struggle this way and that, but I couldn’t move an inch. The demon’s heart was beating. Thump thump, thump thump, the fierce pulsation echoed even in my chest.
Something moist touched near my chest. It was because the demon, who had buried its face in my collarbone, was gently biting with soft lips. The demon’s black hair rustled under my chin.
I, who had been foolish, finally realized that the demon’s breathing was not normal. The lust-filled exhale that my father had breathed to my mother, that my first husband had breathed to me.
The demon was breathing the violent breath that, like all love on this earth, that woman had to painfully endure and I had to stoically bear. Absolutely, I swear.
It was not the direction I wanted.
“Wait! Don’t…”
“Demon.”
Just as I was about to stop him in surprise. The demon whispered in my ear. I thought my heart would stop. It was a voice I had never heard before. I had never heard such a low and rough voice that resonated in my skull. The demon spoke clearly, though fidgeting nervously.
“…I don’t want to marry that person.”
Ah.
“Please… stop this.”
The demon, breathing heavily, slowly rose and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t breathe. I met that gaze almost as if bewitched. ‘Demon. I don’t want to marry that person. Please stop this.’ It repeated the same content. Yes. That’s exactly what I prayed to the broken sarcophagus. Not a word was different.
The demon’s jaw twisted diagonally, and soon its lips overlapped with mine. There was no particular force.
Only the wet sensation of carefully licking and the panting touching my nose was quite impatient. The slightly trembling lips slowly moved to the end of my lips. It traced up my cheek. It acted helpless like a boy about to lose his virginity. A lie.
A lie.
“Is this really, really okay?”
The demon rubbed its nose tip against mine.
“How is this possible?”
The demon kissed my forehead.
“Is there no other way? Hm?”
The demon said, licking my eyelids with difficulty. Panting.
“Please… stop this.”
“No!”
I shook my head. No, this is not right. Even if you are a demon, you’ve possessed my brother now! You’re telling me to do such a thing with you! I couldn’t bear to look anymore. I tightly closed my eyes, which had become wet at some point.
I put my hands together and pushed against the demon’s chest, trying to push it away somehow. I tried my best to separate from it. It was futile. When I ran out of strength, I looked at the demon’s face, intending to plead if necessary. I shouldn’t have looked.
I should never have looked at that face.
There were Johannes’s eyes, Johannes’s nose, and Johannes’s lips. It wore an expression that seemed more anxious than me, who was being assaulted. Yet it seemed unable to control its excitement.
The bloodshot eyes that couldn’t be hidden despite being wet with fearful moisture, the furrowed brow as if the moment was painful, and the gap of the breath dropping intermittently onto my lips with desperation were fervent.
I saw gentle eyes like young Johannes’s, with desperate excitement in them. Ah, that face wanted me. It wanted me literally desperately and earnestly. Would Johannes make such a face when sleeping with a woman? Would an excited Johannes have this expression?
I confess.
That day, for the first time, I clearly realized and admitted the nature of my feelings. Ah, my filthy grave. Perhaps I would have lived my whole life turning a blind eye to it.
Yes. At first, it was just a grave left abandoned without even a tombstone because I didn’t know its name. I would have spent my life just circling around the unnamed grave, saying I was in pain, I hated it.
But the carelessly summoned demon erected a tombstone on that filthy grave and scratched in a vulgar name that defied human ethics. Look! This is none other than your grave.
It is your feelings towards your brother! He pushed me roughly into the soil.
Therefore, it wasn’t that I refused the relationship with the demon. The demon. It was horrifying that I had to intimately connect with that thing that was neither human nor anything else, but the feeling I belatedly realized, the face of the demon that looked like Johannes, was even more horrifying.
I don’t know since when. The demon seemed to have undone its lower garments. It pushed its body in while observing my complexion.
Slowly. Slowly. But without stopping. Pressing the soft flesh inside with its firm tip. The sensation was vivid every time the demon rubbed against me.
“I…”
The demon’s groan fell on my lips.
“Don’t want… to marry that person…”
Every word seemed like some kind of spell. It was like an evil sorcery eating into my brainstem. Insane tears crawled down the corners of my eyes. Soon, ‘Johannes’s’ face suddenly bent down.
“Ugh, ugh…”
A long sigh.
It was Johannes’s breath. The one person who was special to me. The breath of the one person who was kind regardless of my status and gender. ‘Johannes’ was pouring into my ear a sigh that seemed sufficiently weary and unable to endure any longer, as if he had been holding back for a lifetime. Its excitement felt indescribably good. Ah, please!
If only ‘you’ would want me. If only you would desire me! I prayed inwardly for a wish I could never utter aloud.
I convinced myself with my shattered reason. Yes. This is not Johannes. This is a demon. It’s just an ancient tool that came to grant my wish. Yes. Everything is equivalent exchange. It’s just the price for my wish! It’s laughable.
It’s an incredible thing. I vehemently refused the demon because it looked like Johannes, but paradoxically, I was able to accept it because it looked like Johannes.
Yes, I had no other choice left anyway.
My Arch-enemy Sealed My Memory and Said That He is My Husband
This is an incredibly captivating story that you absolutely shouldn’t miss! I’ll give a brief introduction here, and below you’ll find a detailed synopsis of the plot.
The female lead is a fierce and powerful demon king. The male lead is a once-in-a-millennium celestial lord, admired by the entire cultivation world.
They are equally matched, legendary rivals who have battled for centuries.
In the final duel, the female lead is gravely injured. The male lead saves her, seals her memories, and hides her true identity. He tells her that he is her fiancé. His entire life has been flawless—except for the one thing he never expected, never controlled, and never wanted to control: falling for his greatest enemy. She is his inner demon, his obsession.
When the female lead regains her memories, she is furious at his deception.
She makes his life a living hell.
And somehow, the male lead—possibly a total masochist—doesn’t mind at all. In fact, he’s happy she’s paying attention to him.
Yep, we’re back to my favorite trope: male lead suffering. If you love this kind of story, jump into the pit with me now!!!
Intro
Dong Xia lost her memory.
Her handsome and extremely powerful fiancé Li Qing comforted her: “It’s okay if you can’t remember. I’ll always be with you.”
Everyone thought Dong Xia’s ancestors must have burned incense to get such a perfect fiancé. He was the number one person in the immortal realm, yet he remained chaste and only loved her.
…
The day before marrying her fiancé, Dong Xia finally remembered everything.
She wasn’t suffering from memory loss at all.
Her arch-enemy had made her fake her death, destroyed her cultivation, replaced her memories, and pretended to be her deeply in love fiancé.
No wonder he said, “It’s okay if you can’t remember”!
Dong Xia laughed coldly as she pulled out her long knife: Li Qing, prepare to die 🙂
*
Li Qing, as the supreme being of the immortal realm, was the people’s shining beacon.
The only unknown stain in his life was his affection for Dong Xia, the ruler of the demon realm.
In the final battle of the war between immortals and demons, the sky collapsed and the earth shattered. The ruler of the demon realm was finally slain under the sword of the supreme being of the immortal realm, and everyone in the immortal realm applauded.
The cultivation world lost a ruler of the demon realm.
And in the back mountain of Li Qing’s cave dwelling, he secretly hid away a fiancée.
Notes:
1. The female lead is white on the outside, black on the inside, and the queen of flattery; the male lead repeatedly tests the edge of darkness, a VIP guest at the crematorium.
2. Fantasy cultivation world setting.
[Touch the gear icon in the bottom right corner of the screen to move to the next chapter if you want.]
