“…..”
“If we get caught like this, you’ll die and I’ll die. Even if it’s a nearby place.”
“…..”
“Let’s run away. Let’s hide.”
“…..”
“Can you understand? Why can’t you speak and make me so frustrated? Weren’t you supposed to be able to do anything? Why did you come if you’re going to be like this? You should be stopping the wedding, how can you just lie there like this?”
“…..”
“Listen, I’m going to move you now, please don’t hurt me. Okay?”
“…..”
“Okay?”
It was quite a strange situation, but I sought permission first anyway.
I reluctantly extended my fingers to poke the devil repeatedly, checking for a reaction before moving. I tried my best to grab its disgusting body here and there and somehow carry it on my back. But it was so heavy.
It just wouldn’t go according to my will. Even when we stood side by side, my forehead barely reached the devil’s chin, and its legs even dragged on the ground. Ridiculously, the devil held onto my shoulders to support itself, but my arms and legs trembled under its weight. Eventually, I ended up sitting down, almost crushed under the devil.
I tried to lift it by pushing my arms between its armpits and hugging it. It was completely futile. Huff, huff, I was just dripping with sweat and my throat felt constricted. Having never moved so much before, I was exhausted so quickly, and the devil seemed equally tired.
I wrung out every ounce of strength from my body, even the strength I used to suckle as a child, while desperately searching for other means in my mind. However, I couldn’t think of any other way. It was truly pathetic. Even wrapping it in a blanket and dragging it would have been better.
But at that time, I didn’t think of it. No, not just that. I didn’t know what to do, and my mind was just blank.
I was of a status where I didn’t need to consider new uses for objects, and I was also excessively ignorant. It must have been because my world was so narrow. At most, the 3rd floor of the fortress was the entirety of the space given to me.
Until I was over 12 years old, I thought the maid harvested the food. I once believed that if you dug the ground, knives would come out, and shields would float on distant lakes.
I only knew that the knights overflowing in the fortress wielded swords and killed people, but I didn’t need to know what cooks or blacksmiths did, and no one particularly came forward to tell me.
Shamefully.
“Hey… Devil.”
I called out to the beast.
It was taking in tired breaths as exhausted as I was, with its chin resting on my nape. No, with a body this solid and a temperature this hot… why. Why can’t it do anything… Thinking this inside, I continued speaking.
“What should we do now? Look, I… it’s not going to work. There’s no way. I really don’t have the strength… I don’t know how to hide you anymore… I, I don’t know…”
The devil made a dying sound as if it understood. That sound made my heart feel tight and frustrated, bringing tears to my eyes.
In the fog with no way out, the situation before me was in itself a slowly encroaching despair. How could someone be this useless? I’m so, so incapable of doing anything. Just wishing for a cart, and then wishing for another cart to move this one to that cart, having such useless thoughts.
No strength, no knowledge, just utterly powerless, with no assets other than my barely intact body, just my status and womanhood. A precious woman traded for land and wealth without mind or soul, a womb to produce bloodlines. A life that becomes determined and relegated to a means the moment it’s torn below and emerges from the womb!
Ah, come to think of it, am I not completely half a human! No! What do you mean half? Am I even a third of a person…!
That day, I realized. How meager a person I was. An empty shell that had lived for over 10 years looking only one step ahead, living each day as if it were the end. The bleakness of realizing that I, who had never accomplished anything on my own, tried to handle something that wasn’t even dead, but alive, and of course, it was impossible.
In the end, I burst into tears, tired of life. Everyone is alone in the face of solitude, but this was the first time I had to bear such bitter loneliness all by myself. The sadness that came like a wave completely erased the fear I thought was of being murdered.
What remained was sandy compassion and a monster silently nestled in my arms. The devil’s body, which now looked more like a newborn than scary, I hugged and wailed inexpressible sobs. Once started, the crying that tore at my insides wouldn’t easily stop. The devil resting on my nape was silent like a shadow.
Considerable time passed. I belatedly realized that it was now a time when little of the night remained. I hurriedly wiped my tears and tried to stand up. I judged it would be better to call Griselda even if it meant taking an unpredictable risk.
But the devil held me back. To be precise, it wrapped around my neck. Thinking it might be trying to come along, I tried to soothe it gently.
“This isn’t something I can handle alone. I’m going to call someone else. I’m sorry. I have no other choice.”
After I diligently removed the arm wrapped around my neck, the devil collapsed weakly. The devil desperately grasped my ankle as I stood up, dusting myself off. A sharp pain rose from near my ankle bone. The devil’s fingernails had dug into my skin.
“Let go.”
I moved only my lips, fully feeling the intense energy from below.
“It hurts.”
“…..”
“I’m in pain.”
Only after pleading twice more did the devil’s grip loosen. It slightly released my ankle. Its clear, shiny eyes looked up at me, filled with faint distrust and anxiety. I crouched down by the devil’s head. The reason was that it looked even more helpless than me, and I couldn’t just leave it behind. I stroked its docile forehead and cheeks with sincerity.
“Don’t worry. Let’s try to survive somehow. After all, if you live, Johannes lives, and I live too. Listen, I’ll be back soon. I won’t leave you alone, okay? Do you understand?”
Though meaningless, I whispered earnestly, hoping it would be reassured. Its rounded pupils flickered and followed my gaze.
It might have been because of that innocent gaze. Or perhaps because of the clumsy touch that had been wiping my wet eyes at some point. Contrary to my initial intention, I found myself caressing the devil for a long time.
At some point, the devil grabbed my wrist as I touched its forehead. Its grip trembled, afraid of hurting the skin it had caught, and finally let go, which I found endearing and pretty. That’s right, good boy. I rubbed its eyebrows and stroked its hair, as one would do with a dog or horse.
Kretzman.
Have you ever owned a large beast?
My father once kept a black leopard. I was so terrified of its sharp fangs that even on the rare days I ventured outside the tower, I didn’t even step on its shadow, but my father cherished it dearly. I saw something like a smile appear on his usually stoic face a few times.
It was an expression I couldn’t understand at all, but regardless, the beast would have been able to roam our training grounds for a long time until its death.
If only it hadn’t bitten Johannes’s arm.
Johannes, who was bitten instead of me, was embarrassed as he bled profusely, and my father, seeing this, was enraged. He picked up a noticeable stone right there and smashed its head himself.
“Didn’t you raise it knowing it was dangerous? How could you kill it like that?”
I clicked my tongue. Johannes seemed to smile a little.
And now I understand my father’s feelings for the black leopard.
That day, that moment when I first faced the devil. I was the small master of the huge devil. It was none other than I who had tamed this terrible half-human, half-beast.
To think that this beast, which I thought would surely kill me, now couldn’t do anything to me and didn’t know what to do with itself. To think that it would look at me so intently, not wanting to let go. No one else but me could share this. I felt extremely proud. So I touched it more.
The devil’s nails.
Those nails it gave up so easily. The line between its index finger and thumb that yielded to whatever grip I used. The veins that stood out on its solid arms, unlike mine. And those solid shoulders. The neck. Its neck where the pulse was hot. The eyelids that slowly closed under my fingertips, the long eyelashes. I touched its cheeks that persistently pressed against my palm.
I touched it, with the face of ‘Johannes’. Yes, it was completely, completely insane.
Ah, to truly confess, it all started with mere jealousy.
It was after I, unable to suppress my curiosity after witnessing my parents’ intimacy, kissed Johannes. My mother, that crazy woman, imposed a strict womb on me and confined me to the women’s quarters, and from that day on, Johannes alone possessed everything he had shared with me.
Johannes was the eldest son of the Valdemar family, the future leader of the great fortress. And as the successor to Duke Gustavus, as the future new father, he began to walk a shining path all by himself, completely excluding me. Although it was predetermined, it was too sudden for my young self to accept.
Even though I initiated it, wasn’t Johannes also an accomplice? Why should I alone be confined like this? I can’t express how jealous and upset I was. And how shocking it was to see my father’s back as he focused only on Johannes, pushing aside me who had been knocked down by the leopard!
I had to seethe in secret from Johannes. It felt like Johannes’s light was slowly crushing me to death.
But even in the midst of my upset and loneliness, I couldn’t help but love Johannes.
I loved him as my special brother. How could I not love him when Johannes was the only one who welcomed me when I barely managed to escape with Griselda’s help?
Johannes, who resembled me like a mirror image, was a mirror reflecting my inferior self, but at the same time, he was a special brother and a refuge. Therefore, I want to make it clear that until then, it was merely intense brotherly love.
It was after my first wedding that I began to see Johannes differently.
When yandere male lead believes she loves him — but she never did
“How dare you!”
“How dare you make me love you, only to cast me aside as nothing more than a friend?!?
“I will never accept that.”
“I will never let you return to him.”
“Even if I have to burn myself to ashes.”
“Even if I must shatter my purity, my dignity, my very soul.”
“I will never let you escape me!”
This was the first novel that introduced me to the matriarchal genre. I’ve read it three times already!
At first, the male lead despised the female lead. Later, he misunderstood that she liked him, so he condescendingly and reluctantly reciprocated her feelings.
Then, he suddenly discovered that she was kind to everyone in the same way, and there was already someone she cherished in her heart, and that person was not him.
The male lead couldn’t believe it, he became angry and crazy. He was determined to capture her body and heart by any means necessary.
Synopsis:
Want to see how a green tea bitch male lead falls in love with the female lead?
Want to see how he flirtatiously pursues the female lead?
Want to see how he gets slapped in the face repeatedly?
The male lead is a green tea bitch, a poisonous lotus, jealous, ruthless, unscrupulous, with a venomous heart, and he’s also a delusional maniac.
The female lead is righteous, positive energy-filled, kind, a holy mother.
Let’s see how two people with extreme personalities come together~
_____
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