Lady Devil - Chapter 42

#42

“Me!”

My crushed insides burst out.

“If I’m a cruel person you can’t trust! Then just let me go. If I’ve been so cruel, heartless, and selfish to you, if you’ve always seen me that way, why can’t you let go and why all this fuss!”

“…”

“What does that make me when you say such things? Why are you acting like you’re the only one carrying all the burdens in the world? While knowing nothing, while knowing nothing, why do you keep talking as if I’m the only bad person? Why do you judge me as you please! Are you the only one suffering? Are you the only one having a hard time?”

Johannes did not offer even a brief rebuttal. He didn’t even pretend to listen.

“Do you know what I’m like now to say such! Such!”

I felt heartbroken to the point of suffocation at his attitude and anger. It seemed Johannes was trying to carry me on his shoulder. As if afraid he might lose me if he let go, he lifted me forcefully while keeping me buried in his arms, causing my entire back to rub against Johannes’s front.

With my back straight and unbending, I jolted my whole body as I was thrown upwards and fell back down. Every time my solar plexus was pressed against Johannes’s arm, groans of “Ugh, ugh” escaped in succession. It was only when Johannes lifted me up with all his might one last time that I could breathe again.

“Ah, really, what do you want me to do…”

Then I cried out, hitting his forearm that was wrapped around my hips and upper thighs rather than my waist.

“How can you say such things, how can you… drive me like this!”

At that moment, I was utterly exhausted in body and mind from the unceasing emotional drain. My vision was tinged red. Johannes’s strength constricting me was heartbreaking. That oppressive force continuing through the night felt as if it had taken physical form and pierced through my lungs.

At some point, I even recalled the night I was left alone with the devil. Its voice. The sensation of something like a ball of fire rubbing against the inside of my thighs while damp. The night that carved into my body just how powerless a being I was.

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